


They Were up to No Good

by Mischief_is_Managed1



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Asian Dorcas, Bisexual Remus Lupin, Black Marlene, Cute, Eating Disorders, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay Sirius Black, Hogwarts, Indian James Potter, James potter did in fact strut but we love him for it, LGBTQ Characters, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Moony Wormtail Padfoot and Prongs, Mutual Pining, Panic Attacks, Peter Pettigrew is a Marauder, Pining, Remus Lupin is an anxious bean, Sharing a Bed, Sirius Black Needs a Hug, The Marauder's Map, abusive orion and walpurga, btw trigger warnings are in the notes before each chapter so make sure to check those!, dorlene, jily, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 17:46:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 81,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25380346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mischief_is_Managed1/pseuds/Mischief_is_Managed1
Summary: This is a Marauders Era Fanifiction that follows the Marauders during all their school years at Hogwarts and includes cute but veeeeerrryyyy slow burn Wolfstar and Jily :))**WEEKLY UPDATES**
Relationships: Alice Longbottom/Frank Longbottom, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Narcissa Black Malfoy/Marlene McKinnon, Remus Lupin/Gideon Prewett, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 47
Kudos: 96





	1. Prologue: How to Protect your loved ones from Lycanthropy

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, everyone, this is my slow-burn attempt at Wolfstar :)) I can also be found on Wattpad under the same name and on Instagram again under the same name haha. 
> 
> Wattpad: They Were up to no Good @Mischief_is_Mananged  
> Instagram: @mischief_is_managed1
> 
> :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hey yall this is my first fic ever so yeah i hope you like it, feel free to leave advice, or suggestions or anything <3

Remus should have listened to his mother.

  
It was nine pm when the small boy was still sitting outside in the cool breeze. The sky was a dark purple color, and Remus could see puffs of smoke in the air whenever he exhaled. Sitting on the porch, Remus could hear the light rustling that often came from the woods near his house, the wind blowing through tree leaves and making calming hissing sounds. From inside the house Remus could still hear his parents bustling around, both of which were night owls rather than early birds. Hope would be working on a new painting, or potion right now and John would be sitting on the sofa in the living room quietly reading or working on his werewolf studies.

  
“Remus?” Remus heard his mothers voice from inside the house.

He didn’t answer. Although it was much too late for a five year old boy like him to still be awake, Remus didn’t want to go to bed. He liked the uncertainty of the night. He liked not being able to see what was in front of him. He liked not knowing. A quiet rustling sound came from the edge of the woods again. Though this time it didn’t sound like trees. Remus narrowed his eyes and inched forward in his seat squinting into the night.

  
“Remus?” His mother repeated from inside.

This time Remus was too concentrated to answer. He knew something was there...luring in the dark. And he didn’t want to scare it away. Or maybe he just didn’t want it to hear him. Grabbing a flashlight from the windowsill Remus got up on his bare feet and tiptoed away from the door of the house, towards the woods.

  
“Hello?” He finally called. Darkness answered.

  
Remus stepped forward. “Hello?”

  
His feet left the wood and his toes could now feel the damp, cold grass brush against them.

  
“Remus?” He heard his mother call again from inside, starting to sound more worried. He really ought to be in bed…

  
“Hell-?”

  
“Hello.”

  
Remus gasped and jumped around, beaming his flashlight in all directions trying to hear where the voice had come from, but he couldn’t see anything but shadows and darkness. Remus continued forward.

  
“Who...who are you?” He whispered. “Where are you?”

  
“Well, i’m right here.” The deep voice that had spoken before answered. It was rough and dangerous. Remus stepped back and felt his back bump into something. Not something--someone. Remus jumped back immediately, and fell to the ground tripping over his pajama leg. Remus yelped as his head hit something hard, a rock probably though he couldn’t tell. Stars danced across his eyes, and he blinked several times trying to focus. When the white spots finally faded away, it took Remus a while to notice, since right above him, along with the stars a full white orb hung in the sky.

  
“Remus!” Remus heard his mother calling.

  
“The moon is full tonight.” The deep voice said softly, and someone lowered themself down next to Remus. Remus was too frightened to move. “Do you know what that means?”

  
Remus shook his head.

  
“REMUS.” Suddenly the door, at the porch flew open and Hope came storming outside. “Remus I told you not to come out here--! What are you--?” Hope stopped in her tracks, and through the darkness Remus could see her eyes widen.

  
“Who are you?” His mother said stiffly, her hands clung to the railing of the porch.

  
“Is everything alri-” Lyall came hurrying outside but stopped short when he saw his wife. His eyes moved over to Remus who was still sitting on the ground. And the person sitting next to him.

  
“Fenrir.” Lyall whispered. He pushed his glasses up, and Remus could see, even from a distance that his hands were shaking. “What are you doing out here?”

  
“Thought I might pay you a little visit.” The person next to Remus growled. “It may be my last time allowed outside in a while you see...some bloke had this rubbish idea for a...what was it again? Oh yes, a werewolf restriction act.”

  
Lyall stepped backward, and then forward again.

  
“None of this was…” His voice trembled when he spoke. “It wasn’t a punishment....I….You shouldn’t be out tonight.”

  
Hope didn’t say anything, only looked up at the sky, where the full moon watched them dangerously.

  
“Please…” She finally muttered quietly. “Please…”

  
Fenrir smiled, showing off rows and rows of sharp, yellow teeth.

  
“Fenrir, you have to go now. I understand you aren’t--aren’t completely...happy with this arrangement but--”

  
“Happy?” Fenrir barked. Hope flinched violently. “Don’t worry, Lupin. I’ll be happy enough when I leave tonight.

  
“Fenrir, I-”

  
Suddenly the man next to Remus shuddered violently, his arms and legs starting to spasm.

  
“Remus..” Hope whispered as if she had to force the word out. “Remus. REMUS.” Hope cried, desperately. “Remus come here!” Her voice was hoarse with pain. But Remus was too shocked to move. Fenrir was now not only convulsing strangely but he was starting to sprout patched of uneven fur all over his body. He through his head back and laughed a maniacal, loud, laugh that was so deep in his throat it transitioned seamlessly into a loud howl. The howl of a wolf.

  
“REMUS!” Hope screeched, running forward. “REMUS, RUN!”

She tried to launch herself towards him but Lyall held her back, his face white with fear. Remus finally broke from his trance, and got up from the ground, crawling back as quickly as he could, tripping and stumbling trying to distance himself from the creature that now stood in front of him.

  
“REMUS!” His mother yelled breaking free from her husband and sprinting towards him. Yet before she could reach him Remus felt a large force slam into him mid air and force him to the ground. Before anything could happen Remus felt multiple small blades sink into his shoulder. He screamed in pain, and fell to the ground.

  
“NO!” Hope wailed, “DON’T KILL HIM! DON’T- TAKE ME!”

  
The wolf stepped back from the little boy, and Remus could see blood dripping from the beasts mouth, a bit of Remus’s pajama sleeve still stuck in between his teeth. The last thing Remus saw before he blacked out was, his father falling to his knees gripping the paper he had been working on before coming outside, which Remus only noticed now. The boy didn’t know it then, but the words which looked so blurry and unimportant from far away were so simple yet so painful up close:  
Chapter 13: How to Protect your loved ones from Lycanthropy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey everyone! my plan is to make a looong slow burn wolfstar and jily fic so if there is a year or certain event you would like to skip to make sure to check the chapter titles up above! anyway thank you for checking out my fic and remember to leave kudos and comments if you enjoy it! xoxo


	2. Summer 1971

Remus Lupin had been certain that this day would never come.

It was July 31, the air was hot and stuffy and the sun glared down on him like a blanket of heat on his skin. He had been sitting on the ground outside of his house in the shade of a tree while reading. Sharp blades of grass tickled his feet and a soft breeze danced through the air cooling him down momentarily. Remus lay his hand down on the rough page of the book and rubbed his thumb and forefinger together with the corner of the page between them. He had done this ever since he could remember. The feeling of his fingers against the paper always calmed him down and made him feel relaxed and at ease. In fact, he was so concentrated on his reading that he didn’t notice a sleek black owl glide past him and dropping something on the doorstep of his house.

It was only an hour later when he finally set down his book and returned inside that he noticed the letter at all. It was made of thick, yellow parchment with his name, Remus John Lupin written in a dark, green, calligraphy. His heart skipped a beat. Remus picked it up feebly, closed the door behind him, and set down the envelope on the kitchen. Hope Lupin, Remus's mother, was sitting at the table a mug of tea set in front of her, staring down at the parchment, while Lyall Lupin, Remus's father, turned around from where he was washing the dishes and sat down next to his wife. Neither one of them said anything.  
“Is that…?” Remus asked quietly his voice dry and raspy. His mother reached forward and picked up the letter, tilting it so that both adults could see it and Remus couldn't. He wondered if she was doing that on purpose. Slowly Hope Lupin took her thumb and tore open the envelope. Out of it fell three separate pieces of paper. Remus desperately wanted to reach out, grab them, and read them but instead, he just sat down silently, setting his book down on the table in front of him and leaning forward subconsciously. If this really was what he thought it was...why weren’t his parents happier? Hope unfolded the first letter and Remus could see from the way her caramel-colored eyes moved that she was reading. After a moment she paused and tilted her head to look at her husband, Lyall.

“Do they know?” Hope asked uncertainly, her eyes still trained on her husband.

“Yes." Lyall answered wearily, pushing up his glasses, "Dumbledore knows. At least I thought...he should…”

“Then why? Why would they send us this?”

Instead of answering Lyall reached out and picked up the other two pieces of parchment. His eyes widening as he sat down slowly next to his wife. Wordlessly he tilted his hand sideways so that she could read the letter. After a minute they both exchanged a look. Lyall opened his mouth as if he was about to say something but before he could, Hope beat him to it.

“How could they-? How could they even suggest this?! How would they possibly be able to ensure that no one gets hurt?!”

With a shock, Remus realized she sounded angry. Though he couldn’t really understand why.

“Hope...they explained it in the letter. Remus would be...safe. Safer than he is here.” Lyall, pushed up his glasses once again, with a quick flick of his fingers. Remus recognized this as a sort of nervous tick his father exhibited. 

Hope stared at him like he had just said the most ridiculous thing in the world.

“Remus,” She said quietly, her eyes trained on her husband. “Why don’t you go to your room and read a little bit?” Only it didn’t really sound like a question. Suddenly Remus didn’t want to leave at all. He wanted to hear what they were saying. He wanted to know what was going on.

“Is that my Hogwarts letter?” He asked suddenly.

“Remus.” This time it was Lyall who spoke. “Not now, ok?”

Remus stared at them for a moment longer desperately trying to come up with something to say that will make them let him stay. But then he gave up and got up from his seat glumly, picking up his book. Lyall patted him on the head as he passed. Right as his foot touched the first step of the staircase he could hear the kitchen door close.

Remus was always a boy that did as he was told. He never felt the need to rebel or cause mischief but at that moment he felt a sudden urge of disobedience and instead of continuing up the stairs to his room he paused, set down his book, and sat on the step trying to listen to what his parents were saying. 

“Look I understand you’re nervous-” Lyall’s voice started.

“Nervous?!” Hope’s voice shrieked.

“Yes, nervous. But the fact is that we can’t keep homeschooling Remus forever. He has to go to Hogwarts. I mean look at him! All he does is read and write all day. He loves learning new things to the extent where I can’t even teach him anything anymore because he knows as much as I do! Are we really going to take away his only chance at a somewhat normal life because of…” His voice faltered. There was silence for a moment. Then Lyall said in a much quieter voice...so quiet that Remus had to strain to hear it, “Hogwarts was the best time of my life. Those years were full of...adventure, friends, and learning. I wouldn’t want to deny that of even my worst enemy, much less my son.”

“I know…” Hope sighed, and then there was a long pause in which Remus felt an odd tingling in his chest. He wanted to go to Hogwarts like nothing he’d ever wanted before. But deep down he knew he didn’t deserve it. Didn’t deserve these adventures his father talked about. Didn’t deserve to learn more than he already knew. And most of all he did NOT deserve friends. Not that anyone would ever want to be his friend.

Remus was quiet for an eleven-year-old. He was observant, intelligent, soft-spoken and while adults often called him mature for his age, other children he met just called him boring and weird. He couldn’t blame them. If he were normal he wouldn’t want to play with him either. After a few seconds Remus picked up his book and climbed up the stairs to his room. Laying down in his bed he stared up at the ceiling where he and his mother had attached muggle glow-in-the-dark stars.

Looking up into the stars he felt himself relax once more. One time after a particularly bad full moon he had woken up crying and in pain his mind filling with panic as he realized he was conscious. His mum had been sitting next to his bed when he woke up but all he could think about was that the full moon wasn’t over yet and that there might be a chance that any moment the wolf would attack his mother and that it would be his fault. The only thing that could calm him down was when his father came into the room and opened the window letting Remus peak out into the night sky where he could see the stars like sprinkles of light in the dark. The next day his mother came home with the glow-in-the-dark stickers and he had sat on his bed watching as she attached them to his ceiling. “There,” she had said sitting down on the bed next to him. “Now you’ll never have to be in the dark again. The stars will always be there to remind you of who you are.” Remus smiled at the memory but he still felt a cold tugging sensation in the pit of his stomach. I don’t even want to go to Hogwarts, he tried to convince himself. It’s probably boring. Besides, I like being here. I like my parents and my room and my house...

“Remus?” Remus looked up and he saw his parents walking up the stairs towards his room. He sat up and watched them apprehensively.

“Your father and I have been talking about the letter from Hogwarts. We think...well you know how fond your father was of the place…” Hope started to say. This is it, Remus thought. Now they’re going to tell me I can’t go. That it’s too much of a risk.

“And well we thought...we thought we should give it a try."

“What?” Remus blurted, suddenly looking up at his parents. His mother was smiling nervously and his father looked very pleased with himself.

“I can go?! To Hogwarts?” Remus exclaimed not believing his ears.

His parents nodded and smiled.

“But what about...the...wolf?” Remus asked quietly staring down at his hands. The air from the room seemed to suddenly go cold. His father took Remus’s small scarred hands in his own and said softly, “Nothing should ever stand in the way of your happiness, Remus. Nothing. Not even Lycanthropy.” Remus felt his face grow warm.

“What about...the other students?”

Hope pursed her lips, and Lyalls eyes flicked down to the ground for a second.

“The other students will be safe. And so will you. No one will know about your condition except for Dumbledore and your house leader.”

“Professor Flitwick?” Remus asked quietly. He knew Flitwick was the Ravenclaw house leader as he had heard his father talk about him before. He seemed nice enough. Lyall smiled.

“Flitwick is a kind man. But we don’t know what house you’ll be in yet, so don’t worry about that. Your mother and I will be proud of you no matter what.” Remus smiled weakly at that.

“Even if I fail in every class?”

His mother laughed loudly throwing her head back, her brown eyes sparkling. “You couldn’t even if you tried!” She said fondly, ruffling his hair. Remus allowed himself another small smile.

"We'll always be proud of you, Remus."

_ _ _ _

“You _better_ make us proud Sirius.”

Walburga Black always had a way of saying things that could have been comforting under other circumstances but turned out not comforting at all. Sirius had always hated this peculiar habit that his mother seemed to use so relentlessly. But then again he hated most things about his mother.

“Sirius Orion Black are you listening to me?” Sirius cringed at the use of his full name, bowing his head and avoiding his mother's cold steel gaze.

“Yes, yes, make you proud. Represent the Ancient and Most Noble House Of Black, I got it.”

The dark-haired boy had a hint of annoyance in his voice. He usually wasn’t very keen on listening but since his Hogwarts letter had arrived this morning he certainly had better things to do today than listen to his mother’s awful speeches about honor.

Ever since he was a little boy and he had gotten his first signs of magic he hadn't used it in the same way that the others in his family had. While Bellatrix, and Narcissa, his cousins, had used magic to kill insects, and hex each other, he loved to sit in a corner with his younger brother, trying to make him laugh. Turning dust into snow (the Black children weren't allowed outside when it snowed because they weren't allowed get their clothes wet), drawing patterns in the air, and pull pranks on his cousins. His entire family knew that Sirius was different. He had always known that himself. He knew that his parents hated the fact that their precious heir wasn’t at all what they wanted him to be. Sirius bit his lip. He didn't care. He didn't want to be like his family anyway. Why should he? A small part of him wished that he could just be like the rest of his family. Just a little bit. Just enough to get him by without him having to concentrate every minute of every day to say the right words and do the right movements and pretend he was someone he wasn't. Even when he pretended it just wasn't good enough. It never was. Sirius thought about his letter longingly.   
He wanted to start school and get out of this awful house his parents called home. Grimmauld Place 12 had never been his home. He had felt more at home during the weekend visits to his uncle Alphard’s small cottage, with his brother Regulus, and the one cousin he could actually stand, Andromeda, than he was certain he would ever do here. He wanted to get on with the preparations for his first year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. He wanted to pack his clothes, and his books and wand. He wanted to run away and never come back. He wanted to be his own person and not the _Heir_. He wanted to for once act like himself. But then again he's been pretending for so long, Sirius wasn't even sure who he really was underneath it all. September 1st couldn’t come fast enough.

“Sirius I want you to listen very carefully now.” His Mother's voice interrupted his thoughts once again, ripping him back into present time. He turned his head away from the letter that was lying on the table in front of him and tried to focus on the words coming out of his mother's mouth. Just a few more weeks, he thought to himself.

“You will _not_ make Slytherin a laughing stock to the rest of the school. Once you get sorted you will _sit_ with your cousins and you will be _silent_ and you _follow_ their lead. We can't have you going around diminishing the true honor of Slytherin.” Sirius tried to keep in a sigh. _Slytherin_. Generations of Blacks had been in Salazar's house and there was no surprise in the fact that his parents expected him to join his ancestors. But he always felt uncomfortable when anyone mentioned the sorting to him. Slytherin had just never seemed as inviting to him as it seemed to be to the rest of his family.

“You will not dishonor the Black family name in any way shape or form, and you _will_ be a model student. We have put up with your questionable behavior for long enough but it is time for you to _grow_ up. Is that understood?”

“Yes, Mother,” Sirius replied. It was barely above a whisper, but he couldn’t bring himself to be any more enthusiastic about his mother’s words.

She paused staring at him with her cold, foggy eyes. Sirius felt his throat close up and let his eyes flicker to the ground. 

"Look at me when I'm talking to you!" His mother snapped. He winced then forced himself to look up into her eyes. She shook her head, her lips in a thin line. 

"You are excused." 

He nodded gratefully, got up, and grabbed the letter from the table, practically ran up the stairs to his room where he closed the door and flung himself onto his bed. He swallowed, still feeling the tight knot in his throat. He didn’t want to be a Slytherin. He didn't know what he wanted to be. But not a Slytherin. He didn’t want to be a Heir either. He didn’t want to live in this house with these people and their horrible beliefs. And most of all he didn’t want to be a Black. But somehow he knew that he would never get away from any of this. Not really. He would always have to return to this place after a year at Hogwarts. He would always have to face his parents and his cousins and aunts and uncles. He would no doubt be sorted into Slytherin, and he would always be a Black at heart. Whether he liked it or not. He couldn’t hold the scream of frustration any longer. Shoving his face into his pillow he screamed until his voice cracked and his throat felt raw, leaving him feeling kind of pleased at the lingering pain he felt in his neck. He prayed that his parents wouldn't come in, and his hands felt clammy and cold. After a moment of laying on his bed his face in his pillow, he turned around and faced the ceiling. Hogwarts. One the cold, white, bare canvas of his ceiling he tried to imagine his new home and all of the opportunities that awaited him. He closed his eyes, and tried to calm down. He would be ok. He would be ok. 

“Sirius?” Regulus entered Sirius's room, without knocking, as per usual. With his 10 years of age, he was just a year younger than Sirius, but he seemed so much smaller in Sirius’s mind. Although they both looked very similar Sirius had always had the darker hair and the lighter eyes while his brother was still a lot shorter, and his hair in a more brownish color rather than black. Stepping into the room, Regulus made his way over to Sirius's bed and sat down next to his older brother. His pale face seemed even whiter than usual and he looked scared and sad. Sirius knew what was coming before, Regulus even opened his mouth. 

“Sirius, are you going to leave me?”

Immediately Sirius felt bad. Of all the things at home, his younger brother was the only thing he would miss. He wished he could just take Regulus with him to Hogwarts yet he knew that wasn't possible. Besides Regulus would follow him there only a year later. And then they could be together all the time without having to deal with their parents. But instead of saying this Sirius just said, “Don’t be silly Reg, I’ll be going to school in September, but I promise to visit every holiday, so you won’t even have the chance to miss me.”

He grinned at his little brother, his voice becoming a soft, reassuring whisper.

His brother didn't grin back at him though. “Please don’t do anything that’ll upset Mother or Father. Just do as they ask, and everything will be so much easier for all of us.”

Sirius felt dumbstruck. Regulus didn’t even wait for a reply. Instead, he got upp and started walking to the door. "I don't want you to get in trouble."

"And I, you," Sirius said quickly.

Regulus gave him a sad smile and closed the door leaving his brother alone with his thoughts.

_ _ _ _

“Oh thank Merlin you’re not a squib!”

Mrs. Pettigrew cried in relief. The morning sun streamed through the window and illuminated the dust that slowly drifted in flowy movements in the air. Peter could see that his mother's hand that was holding the Hogwarts letter was trembling violently, disrupting the magical flow of the particles of dust. “Oh, I can’t believe it! Oh, thank Merlin!” His mother's voice was trembling almost as much as her hand.

Peter could feel his face heat in embarrassment and shame, as he avoided his mother's eyes.

“ _Mum_!” Enid, Peter’s older sister, scolded their mother. “You’re being very rude! Of _course_ , we knew Peter isn’t a squib.” She put her hand on his shoulder reassuringly. “We always believed in you.”

“Thanks, Enid.” He said as they watched their mother run out of the room to floo all of their relatives. Peter knew that Enid had always had a knack to protect her brother. She was probably his favorite person in the whole world. Although she was smart and pretty and had many friends she never made Peter feel stupid, like so many other people did. Often when they went outside or when she hung out with her friends she would let him stand beside her and listen to what she was saying. He didn't want to admit it but he liked hiding behind her strong presence. Her accomplishments. It made him feel like he was somewhat worthy too.

“She’s just excited,” Enid continued, sitting down at the kitchen table. Like always, she could sense Peter’s rotting mood.

“She wasn’t this excited when you got your letter.” He grumbled sitting down too.

“Oh come on, Peter. That was four years ago, you can’t possibly remember.” Peter glared at his sister and raised his eyebrows. (He would've raised only one for dramatic effect but he couldn't actually do that.)

"I may be an idiot but at least that’s one thing I’ll always remember.” Enid just rolled her eyes and got up from the chair as if she couldn’t believe they were having this conversation again. “You are NOT an idiot Peter Pettigrew." He felt his face heat again as she focused her green eyes on him. "Don’t let anyone ever convince you that you are."

Enid got up and started walking towards the stairs. He could tell she wasn't really in the mood to console him, but he couldn't blame her since his low self-esteem practically needed consoling every few minutes. Once she reached the stairs she paused and offhandedly said, “Get ready and meet me outside in ten minutes. And floo James. I'll take you two to Diagon Alley to celebrate.” And before Peter could answer she was already at the top of the stairs, her long blonde hair swinging out of view.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright here we gooo


	3. Going to Hogwarts (year 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING  
> -slight child abuse starting and ending at * so if you want to skip it just look out for those :)

When Lily Evans woke up on the first of September her sister was not there. 

Lily rolled to the side in her bed and squinted around her bedroom, her eyes still trying to adjust to the harsh morning light that was streaming in through the windows. Usually when she woke up the first thing she would see was her sister, Petunia, in the bed next to her, but these past few weeks had been different. From the room next door, the bathroom, Lily could hear someone getting ready. She sat up in her bed, just in time to see her sister open the door to the bathroom and hurry past her, to the door of the bedroom and downstairs to the kitchen. 

"Tuney-" She started but her sister was already out the room. Lily sat there for another moment not sure what to do with herself. This was ok. She told herself. It was just a phase. And besides, even if it wasn't, she was going to get friends at her new school. They would all be like her, and the would understand her and she wouldn't be alone. And then she would come home and her sister would tell her how she was wrong, and how they should be best friends again. Lily got up and followed, Petunia down the stairs, where they're mom was standing in the kitchen making pancakes. 

"Good morning girls." Her father greeted them from where he sat at the kitchen table drinking coffee and reading a newspaper. Her mother came over to the table setting down plates of fruits and chocolate syrups. 

"Wow, mum," Lily said as she sat down at her usual spot at the table. "You really poured your heart and soul into this breakfast." She laughed and looked up at Petunia, who looked away stonefaced. 

"A special breakfast for my special girls." Her mother answered, obliviously. 

"Thanks, mother." Petunia said helping herself to some food. Lily did the same, though she started to feel less and less of an appetite. 

"Are you excited for your first day of school today?" Mr Evans asked, peering through his glasses at his newspaper. 

"Yeah Lily," Petunia said coldy, " _are you?_ " 

Lily set down her knife and fork, and swallowed a lump in her throat. Mrs. Evans sat down next to Petunia, once again oblivious. 

"Oh, I bet she is." Their mother said excitedly. "Aren't you Lily? Now don't forget to write us letters to let us know how you're doing. We wouldn't want Petunia to be lonely while you're gone."

Petunia didn't say anything, only rolled her eyes slightly. 

"yeah, I...I will." Lily said trying to smile. 

"Now! Eat up girls we don't want to be late for our first day of school." Mrs. Evans said, smiling. 

Forty-five minutes later Petenia moaned from the backseat of their car, "We're going to be late for school!" 

"We'll be just fine, Petunia." Mrs. Evans said, parking the car in an empty parking spot in front of Cokeworth Junior, the public middle school of their town. Petunia let out a frustrated noise then, flung open the car door, jumped out, grabbed her school bag and slammed the door shut, running towards the school where only one or two other students were still standing outside. 

"Bye-bye, Tuney! Come say bye to your sister! She'll miss you!" 

Petunia didn't even turn around. "Good for her." She said. 

And then she was gone. 

Lily turned and looked outside of the window feeling tears well up in her eyes. She was ok. This was ok. Petunia would forgive her sooner or later. Lily wished she could give her sister some of her magic. Just a little! And then she wouldn't be so angry at Lily all the time. And then they could go to Hogwarts together... 

"Come on, let's take you to the train. Don't worry about your sister, Lily-bear. Which platform did you say it was again?"

"9 3/4." Lily muttered. 

If only she could take her sister with her. 

_ _ _ _ 

Eleven-year-old Sirius Black opened his eyes on the morning of September first and was immediately greeted by the not so comforting sight of both of his parents entering his room. He jumped up in his bed, his body immediately entering fight or flight mode, and watched as his mother strode into the room banging her first on the wall and hissing like the snake she was.

"Get up! We have to leave or you'll miss the train! Merlin forbid I have to deal with this _disappointment_ for another year."

"Oh, I'm only a disappointment today. That's good." Sirius muttered pushing off his blanket and started to climb out of bed. _What a beautiful way to start the day._

"What was that?" Walpurga, Sirius's mother snapped. 

"Nothing. Can you at least leave so that I can change?" He complained while starting to make his way to his dresser.

* "Don't speak to your mother that way!" Orion Black, Sirius's father, grumbled slapping the back of Sirius's head. Sparks flew in front of his eyes and he stumbled for a moment even though he had already braced himself for the hit.

"Don't worry pops, I was speaking to both of you," Sirius mumbled under his breath before he could stop himself.

"What was that?" Orion growled, stepping closer to his son.

"Nothing, sir," Sirius whispered focusing his eyes on the ground instantly regretting even opening his mouth in the first place.

"You really are the most _useless_ heir I've ever seen!" His mother screeched stalking out of the room, and disappearing down the corridor. "Kreacher!"

For a moment standing there, Sirius felt a hollow emptiness inside of him. The kind that he always felt while he was around his parents. He pushed that feeling down.

"Stop standing there like a prat and give Kreacher your bags!" 

"Yes, father."

 _* I'm going to Hogwarts,_ He reminded himself, _I'm leaving this place._ Mustering up the last of his hope Sirius started getting dressed. Carelessly, he tossed his pajamas back into the drawer without folding them, knowing it would get him into trouble at some point. Sirius let his mind wander back to Hogwarts. He couldn't remember another instance where he was so enthusiastic about the upcoming day. About the upcoming year even. The last few weeks had been full of planning and packing and shopping and most of all daydreaming. He had put his last few belongings (a muggle fairytale book he had found on the market in the village, and a framed photo of him and Regulus) into his trunk the previous night.

"Oi, Kreacher!" Sirius yelled. A small house elf hobbled into his room, staring at him loathsomely. 

"Yes, _master_?" He groaned, staring at him in disgust. 

"Hey! Same to you, you useless prick."

Kreacher frowned nastily.

"Just take my bags downstairs you lazy sod." 

Kreacher bowed, somewhat sarcastically, grabbed Sirius's trunk, and started dragging it down the stairs muttering to himself, as he often did. 

_Only a few more hours_ , Sirius told himself, _and then you're gone for a whole school year._

 _If only I could be gone for longer_...Sirius thought as he slowly dragged his feet to the door to meet his family down at breakfast.

_ _ _ _

There were very few occasions in which Remus had seen this many people in one place. This was one of those occasions. Even though it was a Wednesday, Kings Cross station seemed to be buzzing with electricity and excitement. Everywhere he looked Remus could see people hurrying about the place. If the young werewolf paid close attention he could notice some other children with trolleys who seemed to share his excitement. Maybe he wasn't so different after all? That feeling only lasted for a split second though as he thought about how in only a few hours time he would be sitting in the great hall at Hogwarts. He felt a flip in his stomach and for a terrifying moment, he thought the wolf was making him feel so anxious but then he realized that the moon wasn't for another four days. Taking a deep breath he hurried after his parents along the rails until they were standing in front of a brick wall between platforms 9 and 10.

"Is this the one?" Hope asked her husband after a second of hesitation.

"Sure is," Lyall answered staring at the wall longingly no doubt thinking about all the times he had run through it eagerly awaiting to see his friends. Remus felt sick thinking about how he would never share this feeling with his father. Never feel the excitement you must get knowing that someone on the other side of these bricks, couldn't wait to see you. His mother took his hand and gave him an encouraging look and before he knew what was happening his feet were moving and he was no longer standing in front of a brick wall. Instead, a grand red locomotive stood in front of him. Everything felt a lot more real now. Remus realised his hands were sweaty and white, and he was holding on to his mother's hand for dear life. There was no turning back now. He was going to be stuck in a castle with people he didn't know, in a place he didn't know, doing things he didn't know how to do. And worst of all the full moon was in four days. _Four days._ Suddenly Remus was sure that this wasn't a good idea at all.

"Mum I- I can't do this! I shouldn't do this! Someone will end up hurt. I don't belong here!" Panic was swelling in his throat.

"Nonsense _fy macht i_ , you belong here just as much as everyone else. You'll fit in just fine I'm sure. Look at that little boy over there."

She pointed at a boy with messy black hair and glasses. "He seems like a nice boy. And that girl over there looks just as nervous as you!"

Remus turned to where she was pointing and saw a girl with long dark curly hair that glinted in a strange brown and black color, standing next to three taller boys. Two of them were crouching beside her patting her back awkwardly while the other just stood with his arms crossed looking like he wanted to be anywhere but there. Her hands were shaking almost as much as Remus's and her face looked glossy with sweat. "Oh come on, Marlene! Don't worry it'll be really fun." One of the guys patting her back was saying. Remus realized with a pinch of disgust that the only reason he could hear what they were saying was because of his werewolf senses. _Stop Eavesdropping on people!_ He told himself harshly, feeling embarrassed.

"Don't worry so much _Cariad_." Hope continued, mistaking his expression for doubt. Either way, it still made him feel better. Remus liked it when his mother spoke welsh to him. It made him feel a little calmer. But only a little.

"Come on, we'll find you a place to sit." His father said putting his arm on Remus's back and leading him into the train. The scent of metal was strong and the air was thick and humid. While he walked through the train corridor Remus tried to keep his gaze on the floor not wanting to accidentally endure eye contact with someone, the thought of having to talk to someone or even look them in the eye made him feel sick. Together they found an empty compartment and his father set down the trunk on the floor by Remus's feet, though he offered to lift it up on the overhead storage spaces. Remus just shook his head and rested his feet on it making sure that he was using the least amount of space possible, and still had easy access to it, incase he needed anything. After a moment of silence, his father leaned in for a hug, and patted his head awkwardly. But before Remus could start crying he pushed his father out of the compartment. Lyall laughed, "Alright, alright, I'll leave."

And Remus cracked a small smile.

"Don't forget what I said, Remus. You deserve to be happy."

Remus looked away quickly, feeling uncomfortable. "Ok, dad." 

When the young boy saw his parents standing next to all of the other parents waving away he couldn't help but notice a stern-looking woman that wasn't waving or crying like all of the other mothers were. She had glossy black hair pulled back in a stern bun and wore a long black dress along with fancy dress robes even though it was the summer. He wondered whose mother it was and how awful it must feel to have such a cold, stern mother that didn't seem to care at all. His vision focused on his parents again and he was hit with a wave of emotion. He would certainly miss them. But he knew that it would be much better for them if he went away. His thoughts were abruptly interrupted by the boy with the messy hair and glasses from before.

"Can we sit here? Everywhere else is full." He asked, his black bushy eyebrows raised above the rim of his glasses and his lips in a smile. Remus couldn't help but notice how confident and clear his voice was. He was wearing brand new robes paired with a clean white button-up shirt and round glasses, which made Remus immediately feel conscious of his cheap muggle clothes. The boys eyes were a sparkly hazel color and he had a cocky, bold grin on his face. Behind him, a pudgy boy with thin blond hair was eying Remus curiously. His robes seemed to be a bit older, though not nearly as old as Remus's which were rolled up in his trunk.

"Oh um yes of course." Remus replied quickly when he realized he had been staring. He took a deep breath. "I mean sure," 

"Cheers mate! I'm James Potter and this is Peter Pettigrew." The dark-haired boy said pushing up his glasses and sitting down opposite Remus.

"Oh, yes. Remus Lupin." Remus replied feeling awkward. He glanced away. 

"Nice to meet you, Remus." Peter sat down next to James and the two of them started, or continued rather, a conversation about some sort of wizard game.

"My father reckons I might be the best quidditch player Hogwarts has ever seen." James boasted leaning backward as if he had no troubles in the world.

Peter nodded solemnly. "Probably...I wish I were any good at Quidditch. I'm rubbish."

"Nonsense Pete! What about you Lupin? Ever played?"

Suddenly there was a loud shriek from outside the compartment. All three boys jumped in their seats.

" _Sirius Black_ , Aunty Walburga said we HAVE to sit together!" This was undoubtedly the voice of a young girl, her speech sounding like nails on a chalkboard.

"Frankly _Cissy_ , I couldn't care less about anything my mother has _ever_ said. I'll find somewhere else to sit, thank you very much." This voice was that of a boy. Remus could immediately tell he was from a rich family, his aristocratic and confident voice giving it away.

"Come on let him sit where he wants," another girl's voice said, sounding tired.

"Oh shut up Andy!" The shrill girl yelled.

James and Peter shared a look, but Remus just shrank closer into the corner of the compartment, very glad that he had chosen to sit furthest away from the door. Suddenly the door slid open and a boy with short black curls poked his head into the compartment grinning wickedly and leaning against the doorframe. He was handsome. Very much so even. 

"Oi lads, any room in here?" He asked, in a bored manner as if he wasn't even embarrassed that the whole train had just overheard his conversation. 

The three boys stared at him for a second before Remus said quietly, "Um, it sounds kind of like someone is waiting for you but I don't know...maybe they're...not...I mean..." His voice trailed off as he spoke and he instantly regretted saying anything at all. His face burning he looked down at his feet trying to act casual.

But rather than commenting on Remus, James, the boy with the messy hair, invited the other boy in.

"Yeah sure, mate. I'm James Potter, this right here is Peter Pettigrew and here we have Remus Lupin." Peter mumbled something that sounded like a hello and waved his hand slightly.

The new boy slid the compartment closed dramatically and leaned against the door, an attractive smile playing at his lips. "Sirius Black, _pleasure_ to meet you."

"Black, eh?" James asked raising his eyebrows. Sirius narrowed his grey eyes and tilted his head slightly upwards, the corner of his mouth twitching.

" _Potter_? I've heard all about you. Mother says you lot are some sort of filthy blood traitors."

"Sure, sure." James waved his hands around vaguely. "But something tells me you might some sort of a traitor too." He deadpanned. There was a slight pause. "That's gotta count for something, eh? Take a seat, mate!" A grin spread across Sirius' face as he slid down next to Remus. Remus shifted. 

"I'm so sorry..." The door which was still open occupied yet another now. "Could I sit here?" 

A girl with short-cropped dark red hair stood in the entrance of the doorway. Her eyes were red from crying, and she looked pale and lost. 

"Go ahead," James said waving his arm. She smiled gratefully and sat down next to Sirius. Staring past him and Remus and outside of the window, where Remus could see a woman with dark red hair and a man with brown hair standing and waving. The girl sniffled a little. 

"Er...Are you alright?" James asked wearily. 

"Yes, yes I'm fine." The girl said, but as soon as she did she started crying even more. 

"Ok.." James said quietly. 

"I'm James by the way."

"Lily." She said.

"I'm Sirius."

"Me too," Lily frowned.

"No...My name is Sirius." Sirius explained.

"Oh." Lily smiled a little. 

"Oh, uh Remus," Remus said avoiding her eyes. These were way more people than he had expected to show up in his compartment. Nervously, he started to clench and unclench his hands hoping he didn't look too much like a lunatic. 

"Peter." Peter waved.

"Nice to-" They heard someone else walking past their compartment. The girl, Lily jumped up. "Sev!" She stepped over Remus's trunk kicking it slightly ("I'm so sorry!") and hurried to the door. "You can come sit in here, look!" 

A boy, with long dirty black hair, stepped into the compartment looking down at the others apprehensively. 

"Have you been crying again?" The boy, Sev, asked ignoring all the other people in the compartment. The girl's face turned red. 

"I don't want to talk to _you_ about that." 

" _Why not_?" He sounded tired.

"Tuney h – hates me. Because of that letter from Dumbledore."

"So _what_?" Sev looked away as if he couldn't care less about anything this girl Tuney thought. 

The girl with the red hair threw him a look of deep dislike and he shrunk back a little. 

" _So_ she’s my sister!"

"She’s only a –" He caught himself quickly; Lily, too busy trying to wipe her eyes without being noticed, did not hear him.

"But we’re going!" he said. ‘This is it! We’re finally off to Hogwarts! You don't have to worry about her anymore."

She nodded, mopping her eyes, and in spite of herself, she gave him a half-smile.

"You’d better be in Slytherin," said Sev, encouraged that she had brightened a little. "Then we can always be together."

" _Slytherin_?"

James, who had shown no interest at all in their conversation until that point, looked around at the word grinning in kind of a mean way.

"Who on earth _wants_ to be in Slytherin? I think I’d leave, wouldn’t you?" James asked Sirius lounging on the seats opposite him. Sirius did not smile, he just kind of shrugged. 

"Well, my whole family have been in Slytherin," he shrugged, "I am a Black after all. 

" _Blimey_ ," said James, "I almost forgot. And I thought you seemed all right!"

Sirius grinned.

" _Maybe_ I’ll break the tradition. Where are you heading, if you’ve got the choice?’

James lifted an invisible sword and swooshed it around in the air making Peter laugh. 

" 'Gryffindor, where dwell the brave at heart!' Like my dad." 

Sev made a small, disparaging noise, and looked away. James turned on him, and he wasn't grinning anymore.

"Got a problem with that?"

" _No,_ " said Sev, though his slight sneer said otherwise. ‘If you’d rather be _brawny_ than brainy –’

‘Where’re you hoping to go, seeing as you’re neither?’ interjected Sirius.

James roared with laughter. Lily sat up, rather flushed, and looked from James to Sirius in dislike.

"Come on, Severus, let’s find another compartment."

"Oooooohh …"

James and Sirius imitated her lofty voice; James tried to trip Snape as he passed.

The compartment door slid shut once more and Sirius made a gagging sound. 

"What a git!" James said. 

"Even more reason not to be in Slytherin," Sirius muttered. 

"You can say that again."

Remus slid back in his seat uncomfortably. 


	4. The Sorting (year 1)

The train ride had passed by very quickly.

Even though it had taken around eight hours to get to Hogwarts James had enjoyed every moment of it. Mostly he and Sirius Black had talked about Quidditch Players and had exchanged chocolate frog cards while Peter sat beside them nodding along and every once in a while and squeaking in approval. James, who had known Peter ever since he could remember knew that this was normal behavior for the boy, especially around Black who James immediately sensed intimidated Peter. 

Remus Lupin had been the quietest though. He had been sitting in the corner of the compartment wedged in as tightly as he could almost as if he had been trying to melt into the walls. Mostly he had been reading from a large leather-bound book but when it had gotten too dark inside the compartment to see the words clearly he had stuffed it into his trunk and leaned his head on the window to look outside. James couldn't remember him saying anything throughout the whole ride other than introducing himself at the beginning, and since the boy was so pale almost green, skinny, and sickly looking James decided it was best to just let him sit in silence. 

Now that James was standing in front of the great hall at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry though, he found that he couldn't say anything himself. Next to him, Sirius Black was trying to get Lupin and the red-haired girl that they had met before to talk to him. Neither of which seeming very excited about it. 

" _So_ what house are you hoping to get in?" He asked swinging his arm around the small boy. Remus coughed uncomfortably and lightly pushed Sirius's arm away.

"Um...I don't really know yet...maybe Ravenclaw...or I don't know...I mean my father was in Ravenclaw...it seems cool I guess."

Sirius raised his eyebrows and laughed. " _Cool_? Ravenclaw? Wow, well you do you I _guess_. How about you, Evans? You better not say Ravenclaw too. Or that Slytherin crap your bloke was talking about before."

The girl flipped her red hair and crossed her arms. " _Well_ , _Black_ , I _personally_ think that _every_ house has admirable traits. All I can hope for is not to be stuck in the same one as _yours_."

Sirius laughed openly, his grey eyes glinting almost maniacally. "Alright fair enough. That sure makes two of us."

James heard a small snicker and when he looked over he could see Remus softly laughing and shaking his head slightly. The red-haired girl--Evans or...Lily?--took Remus's hand and pulled him away from Sirius. "Come on, Remus. I'll properly introduce you to Sev. Look he's right over there."

And with that, she pulled him to the front of the group and out of view. James looked after them puzzledly. They were a weird pair of people those two.

"I don't' care where I go as long as that Evans girl isn't there. Imagine being in the same house as hers for _seven_ years." 

A hush fell over the students. 

In front of them there suddenly stood a small cat perched on the ground at their feet looking up at them with a disapproving facial expression.

"Why does that cat already look angry at us?" Sirius muttered.

"Maybe it can tell that- Waaa? Wow! Cool!" Right as James had started talking the cat had grown larger and larger finally taking shape into a grown stern-looking woman. Everyone gasped and stepped back, some people even tripping on their robes. The woman wore a long emerald green robes, with her dark brown hair tied in an elgent knott on the top of her head, and half-moon spectacles perched on the tip of her nose, which she peered over to examine the new students.

"Wow! Cool, Ma'am!" Peter squeaked. She gave him a small smile.

"Welcome to Hogwarts First Years! I am Professor McGonagall the Deputy Headmistress, Professor of Transfiguration, and the head of Gryffindor House. In a few moments, you will join the other students in the great hall. Once I call your name you will sit down on the stool in the front of the room and a hat will be placed on your head. This is the sorting hat and it will determine what house you will be living in for the next seven years. This house and the people within it will become your family and your home. But you will be expected to treat every house with respect. Is that understood?"

There was a slight mumble of yes's before McGonagall continued. "The sorting will begin now. Follow me."

With that Professor McGonagall turned around swiftly, the enormous doors standing behind her swinging open. For the next minute, all James seemed to hear was a collective gasp from the first years, and all he could see was the neverending ceiling melting into the night sky. Stars twinkling in and out of focus, some far away but some so close James was convinced he would be able to touch them if he jumped high enough. All around him first years were staring up pointing our constellations and enjoying the cool breeze that entered the room from above.

"Is there no ceiling?" A blonde girl asked in alarm staring up at the sky so much that she trampled onto James's heel. 

Along with the stars, candles were floating in and out of view lighting up the room in a cheerful warmth. The three boys sped up trying to look over the heads of the crowd of first years in front of them frantically trying to see every single detail the great hall offered. James and Sirius both only being of average height could barely see the hat from where they were standing but Peter being one of the shortest new students there had to jump up and down in order to be able to barely see the top of the hat.

"Wicked," James whispered under his breath running his hand through his hair as he watched the sorting hat. Beside him, Sirius and Peter were in awe too.

At the front of the room, Professor McGonagall opened a long scroll of parchment and cleared her throat.

At the front of the great hall, the sorting hat sang his song, and finally, after what seemed like ages, the sorting was beginning. 

"Akins, Fatima!" She called in a loud and clear voice. A petite blonde girl (not the one that had tripped on James's foot, this one was a lot smaller) made her way over to the stool. Her cheeks were rosy and James could see her hands clenched in tiny fists. McGonagall placed the hat carefully on top of the girl's head. The hall fell silent.

Then after a few seconds, "Ravenclaw!"

Fatima jumped up beaming. She ran over to the Ravenclaw table where the older students smiled and patted her back welcomingly.

As James redirected his attention to the front he could see Remus staring at the Ravenclaw table his expression unreadable.

"Bennet, Adrian!" The sorting hat had barely touched the top of his head before shouting, "Slytherin!"

And then, "Black, Sirius!"

Immediately all the energy seemed to be sucked from the room. James clapped his new friend on the back lightly and then watched as Sirius walked up to the front of the room his head held high and his face expressionless. James looked over at the Slytherin table where all the students were leaning forward in their seats. Then when he looked back to the front of the room he could see the hat was already on Sirius's head. James held his breath nervously.

For a solid minute, everyone sat in stillness and then suddenly, "GRYFFINDOR!"

There was a loud gasp and then for a moment, everyone sat in shocked silence. Sirius sat frozen in his seat, a look of terror on his face. James though grinned, his heart hammering in his chest.

"YES SIRIUS! You did it!" He yelled pumping his fist in the air feeling a hot firey glee for his newfound friend. After that, a wave of noise followed. Sirius's faces melted into a more comfortable look, and he smiled a relieved smile. All the Gryffindors jumped up when Sirius got to their table, ruffling his hair and high-fiving him.

After a few more minutes, "Evans, Lily!" Was called and James watched the red-haired girl walk up to the stool and sit down. Before the hat dropped over her eyes James could see bright green eyes and long thick lashes, on a freckled face. A small smile playing on her lips despite having acted so annoyed at Sirius only minutes ago. James shook his head, dumbfounded by her. _Girls_ , he thought to himself. 

"Gryffindor!" The hat yelled startling James. Lily jumped up excitedly running over to the Gryffindor table where she sat down next to a second year boy.

Over at the front of the group where Lily had been standing James could Severus, the boy with black hair watch Lily with a sour expression. James immediately felt uneasy.

"Floyd, Benjamin!" Ravenclaw.

"Fischer, Maria!" Huffelpuff.

"Goyle, Jack!" Slytherin.

"McKinnon, Marleen!" Gryffindor.

"Meadows, Dorcas!" The blonde asian girl from earlier smiled at James as she passed him on her way up to the stool. Mere seconds later, "Gryffindor!" was called. 

"Odell, Aiden!" Ravenclaw.

And then, "Lupin, Remus!"

James perked up, standing up on his toes to get a better look. Peter did the same. Sure enough, a few meters away from them a small, pale, Remus Lupin walked up to the front of the room. Jame could feel Remus's nervous energy from all the way where he was sitting. As the hat got set on Remus's head there was about a twenty-second pause of silence before the hat yelled, "Gryffindor!"

James almost had to laugh at the sight of Lupin's face which was white with shock. Before getting off of the stool though Remus looked to his left where McGonagall was standing and said something to her quietly that James couldn't hear because of the cheering. She shook her head, muttered something back, and pushed him towards the Gryffindor table where he sat down between Lily and Sirius.

"I really thought he'd be in Ravenclaw," Peter said, "with all the reading and what."

James just shrugged. "Gryffindors can _read_ , Pete."

It wasn't long before "Pettigrew, Peter!" was sorted into Gryffindor, much to his relief (though it took even longer than Sirius's sorting.)

And then finally the moment came. "Potter, James!" James practically ran up to the sorting hat grinning widely. The hat barely even touched the messy black hair on the top of his head before he could hear its voice, " _Well aren't you an easy one? Definitely brave and courageous and- oh yes! There it is! Fiercely loyal. Well, then_ \- GRYFFINDOR!"

This whole conversation had of course only been heard by James and had only lasted a few split seconds.

Smirking to himself James made his way to Gryffindor table, sitting down beside Peter who was clapping enthusiastically.

"Look, Potter!" Sirius chuckled loudly, "Evans and I did make it into the same house!" He put an arm around her and she pushed it off. " _Yippy_!"

Lily who was sitting two seats away glared at him crossing her arms and huffing. James ran his hand through his hair and grinned sheepishly, "Yeah she looks real happy about it." 

After a while, "Snape, Severus!" Got called and the boy with the long black hair sat down on the stool. The hat didn't take a long time with Snape before shouting, "Slytherin!"

Lily stood up clapping and cheering. Her face was pink, her eyes were shining and she was beaming. "Yes, Sev!" She yelled cupping her hands around her mouth. Grinning she sat down again turning her attention towards Remus who sitting in between her and Sirius. James looked over to where 'Sev' or Snape was slouching towards the table at the other end of the hall.

Raising his eyebrows at Lily, James sneered, "You might as well give up whatever relationship you had with _that_ bloke now that he's in Slytherin." Lily and Remus turned their heads towards him, and suddenly James regretted what he'd said.

" _Excuse me_?" Lily raised her eyebrows questioningly.

James shrugged trying to act nonchalant. "Look, all I'm saying is that it'll be hard to maintain friends outside of Gryffindor. Besides if he's in _Slytherin_ he can't be that good of a friend anyway."

Lily stared daggers at him, "Well, I wouldn't expect _you_ to understand anything about _friendship_ , Potter."

She got up from her chair abruptly and turned her head towards Lupin and the second year who was sitting on her other side, "It was nice meeting you, _Remus_. _Frank_. It's nice to know there are at least _some_ pleasant Gryffindors."

She nodded at the two boys and then moved to the other side of the table where she sat down with the two other Gryffindor first years. Next to James, Sirius burst out laughing hysterically.

"Well isn't she just a delight! Can't wait to be _BFF's_ with her."

Remus just shook his head.

"What?" James asked irritably ignoring Sirius and turning towards Lupin. "I didn't say anything wrong."

This time the shy boy did answer even if it was very quiet, "Potter, you insulted her only friend and shamed another Hogwarts house just because you wanted to get her attention." James stared at Lupin in disbelief and then looked down at his plate.

"I did _not_! I don't _care_ about getting her attention."

Remus's eyes honey brown eyes glinted mysteriously. "Alright, Potter."

Before James could say anything Peter, who was staring at Remus, with wide eyes exclaimed, "Oh my god, Lupin are you like one of those guys on muggle TV? You know one of those ones that can read minds?!"

Remus gave a small chuckle his eyes looking down on his plate, "Of course not, Pettigrew."

Sirius laughed and clapped Remus on the back, "I like this one! _Loony_ he is! Loony Lupin." Remus scrunched his eyebrows together in distaste.

"Please don't call me that."

"Whatever, _Loony_." James joined in smiling, his fight with Lily Evans already forgotten.

Suddenly a hush fell over the great hall as yet another figure got up in front of the students. He had a long white beard, half-moon spectacles, and was wearing long, slightly comical purple robes.

"That's Dumbledore!" Someone whispered in awe. 

"Good evening, everyone, and welcome to Hogwarts! I am Headmaster Dumbledore. Before we begin with our feast I would like to go over a few rules with you. Mr. Filch has kindly asked me to remind you that the forbidden forest _is_ off-limits to students and that each common room should only be visited by the inhabitants of that house." His eyes twinkled, "One more thing. During the summer a new tree has been planted outside of the castle. It is very rare and very dangerous. If one were to go near that tree it would easily be able to break every single bone in your body. It might even kill you." A stunned hush fell over the hall, (" _What_? That is such a health hazard!" Lily Evans muttered, "why on earth-?") "The Whomping Willow should be avoided by all students and faculty at all times....Now then. You have waited long enough. Let the feast begin!"

Dumbledore waved his arms and the tables began to fill with all kinds of food. Suddenly the plates that had been empty a few seconds ago were now filled with potatoes, chickens, peas, carrots, steaks, porks, and many bowls of different sauces. Slowly the smells of different kinds of foods wafted into the air making James's stomach rumble unpleasantly.

Peter, James, and Sirius immediately began to fill their plates with food, stacking layers, and layers of different kinds of meats and veggies on top of each other. Remus, on the other hand, seemed overwhelmed by all the different choices of food and after a moment of hesitation reached for a bowl of mixed veggies carefully spooning some onto his plate.

"Vats phat?" Peter asked through a mouthful of food. Sirius and James looked up from their food. Remus looked confounded.

"Um...pardon?"

Peter gulped loudly before saying, "What's that?"

Remus looked around. "Um, what's... _what_?"

Peter stared at him like it was obvious. "What are those scars on your hands?"

Remus looked down at his hand that was holding a fork and dropped it quickly. Red-faced, he shoved his hand into his pocket and stammered, "Oh _those_! I don't really...I mean those aren't actually like _scars_ scars...they're just...you know...like...."

James knitted his eyebrows together apprehensively. "Like...scars?" 

"No...I mean yeah.."

"Like, what then?" Sirius asked.

Remus's eyes were wide. "It doesn't really matter. I've had them for a long time..."

The three boys blinked at him. "Um...ok," Peter said going back to his food. Sirius wasn't so easily pleased though.

"How'd you get them?" He asked disbelievingly.

"The-the scars you mean? I just...I was in an...accident. When I was younger." Remus looked down at his lap clearly not wanting to talk about whatever accident he meant.

Sirius looked like he was going to say something else but before he could, a hand appeared on Remus's shoulder. Remus jumped in his seat and turned around. "Mr. Lupin would you please come with me? The headmaster would like a word." It was Professor McGonagall the witch from the sorting. Remus nodded slightly got up and followed her out of the great hall his hands still firmly in his pockets. The three boys watched them leave in confusion. "I wonder why he has to talk to Dumbledore already," Peter said in admiration.

"Yeah and what did he say to McGonagall during the sorting..." James murmured.

"Well, he couldn't have possibly done anything _yet_! We were with him the entire time!" Sirius protested.

"Well either way Dumbledore _already_ asked to talk to him." James supplied. "There's something mysterious about that kid." 


	5. The Beginning (year 1)

As Professor McGonagall led him down the halls of Hogwarts Remus let his eyes wander around the walls of the castle. The entire castle was so much more than Remus had ever dreamed to expect from his future. He wasn’t stupid. He knew that Hogwarts wasn’t going to be the same for him as it would be for the boys he had met on the train. He would have to keep his huge secret from everyone. He would have to miss classes and schoolwork. He was absolutely not the same. But as he was walking the long way up to the Headmasters office he let go of all of those thoughts and gave himself a second to enjoy. To enjoy the beautiful view onto the lake that he could catch a glimpse of any time they would pass a window. To enjoy the distant sounds of laughter and conversation coming from the great hall. To enjoy the smell of the delicious feast. A distant voice reminded him of the awkward conversation he had left behind. Had he made it too obvious? Did they already think he was weird? Before he could spiral any further Professor McGonagall came to a halt in front of what Remus assumed to be Dumbledore's office. 

“Go on, Mr Lupin. I will be back in a few minutes.”

“Oh...ok.” Remus wasn’t sure how he felt about being left alone with Dumbledore. He didn’t necessarily _not_ trust the man but he didn’t really feel comfortable all alone with him either. Professor McGonagall softened a little at the sight of his face and suggested that she come in with him. 

“No, no it’s ok. Sorry,” Remus felt his face heat and before either one of them could say anything else he entered Dumbledore's office. 

Entering the headmaster's office was like entering a new realm. The light was a lot brighter than it had been in the hallway and the room was a lot bigger and definitely a lot more packed than he had imagined. 

“Ah Mr. Lupin, It’s nice to finally meet you.” Dumbledore smiled warmly as he saw the door to his office open and Remus walk in, stumbling a little as he observed Dumbledores office curiously, focusing his eyes on the telescopes, globes, books, and drawers filled with strange instruments none of which Remus could recognize. Sitting down on the chair opposite the headmaster Remus tore his gaze away from the room and back onto the person in front of him. 

“It’s nice to meet you too, Sir. I wanted to say...I mean I wanted to thank you...For you know...thank you for letting me be here. At...uh...at Hogwarts, of course. Not that...not that we're anywhere else....Uhh...” Remus took a deep breath and focused his attention down on the ground, "I'm just gonna stop talking now." 

Dumbledore smiled kindly as he watched Remus trip over his words. The young boys face still flushing furiously. 

“Well I couldn’t possibly miss out on such a young and intelligent student now could I?” Dumbledore said, the blue eyes behind his glasses twinkling. 

Remus continued to blush and looked at a grand map that hung on the wall to his left. “I just...I mean...I know it’s probably not...easy because of who I...because I am a…”

Professor Dumbledore continued to smile, “My dear Remus Lupin, I knew your father for eight years while he was at this school and he was one of the most intelligent people I have ever met. I only ever met your mother once, but I could tell that she was stunningly creative and kind. Knowing your family I know that you, Remus, are perfect the way you are and just because you happen to have a difficult condition it does not mean that you don’t deserve the rights everyone else has. Nothing you can do can make the wolf go away, Remus. But nothing it can do can make you go away either.” 

With that Dumbledore leaned back smiling, satisfied at the confused look on Remus’s face. 

“Sherbet Lemon?” He asked holding up a small basket filled with sweets in a bright yellow wrapper. 

“Oh...um, no thanks. I mean ok. If you want me to. Thanks.” 

Taking one timidly Remus unwrapped it and popped it into his mouth, before he could say anything stupid again, and watched the headmaster unwrap three pieces all at once. 

“Now, onto more serious matters Mr. Lupin.” Dumbledore started, keeping his tone light, “I am aware, and I assume you are too, that the full moon will be taking place in four days.

Remus nodded trying to keep his expression neutral. 

“I know this must be a frightening new experience for you but I am happy to inform you that everything is completely safe. During the full moons, you will be accompanied to an abandoned shack, where you will stay during your transformations. No one will be able to enter the shack other than you, Madam Pomfrey and I myself. Madam Pomfrey will explain everything in further detail on the day of the full moon. You shall meet her in the hospital wing at sundown on the fifth of September. Do you have any questions?”

Remus shook his head numbly. There was a slight pause in which Dumbledore waited for Remus to say something. 

“Alright then. Professor McGonagall will escort you back to Gryffindor tower, and if you have any questions don’t hesitate to ask her or me.” 

Remus nodded and got up taking that as his queue to leave. 

“Oh, and Remus. Enjoy your time here.” 

“Yes, Professor,” Remus muttered and opened the door, exiting Dumbledore's office. 

On his way to the Gryffindor tower, Remus could hear the sound of students laughing and could feel the vibrations of their feet trampling on the ground. A part of him longed to be there with them laughing and talking but another part knew that even though he was at Hogwarts now he would never truly be able to be happy. 

“Here we are.” Professor McGonagall declared a few minutes later coming to a stop in front of a round door with the portrait of a fat lady decorating. The woman looked them up and down her face expression bored, “Password?” She drawled.

“Gabberstone” Professor McGonagall answered curtly and the door swung open permitting them to enter the common room. 

Hearing the door swing shut behind him and feeling a soft breeze of wind as it did Remus stared in awe at the common room. On the right side a fire crackled in a fireplace, illuminating the couches that surrounded it, facing the orange flames. On the walls hung paintings that covered the old but extremely detailed red tapestry. The ground was littered in different rugs and all around the room clusters of chairs and sofas stood together facing each other as if they were all having secret conversations. Along with the comfortable couches, there were also a few desks and wooden chairs which Remus guessed were for completing homework. 

“Alright, Mr. Lupin. This is the Gryffindor Common room. To your right are the girls’ dormitories,” Professor McGonagall pointed to a narrow staircase to his right, “and to your left are the boys’ dormitories.” This time she pointed to the left, which looked symmetrical to the first staircase. “You are not permitted to enter the girls’ dormitories at any time. Breakfast begins at 8:00 am in the great hall tomorrow morning. I suggest you try to get a good night’s sleep.” 

Remus nodded wearily and watched McGonagall leave the room. 

Slowly he walked through the empty common room to the left where a few stairs led up into a small sort of hallway with more stairs spiraling straight upwards. Dreading what was about to happen Remus plodded towards the door that was marked with his and three other boys' names. The door opened with a slight creak and Remus entered the room. The dormitory was just as cozy as the common room had been. It had four bunks all in somewhat of a semicircle outlining the room. The one closest to the door was occupied by Peter Pettigrew, the short, pudgy blonde Remus had met on the train and sat across from during supper. He was sitting on the bed with his legs crossed and his hands playing with something he was holding. On Peters right side there was a window with bright red curtains blocking any natural light from coming into the room. Next to the window sat James Potter on the second bed. He seemed to be unpacking two trunks. His and Peters. And finally next to James lay Sirius Black on his bed staring up at the ceiling. The last bed that was next to Sirius was unoccupied so Remus guessed it was probably meant for him. In between Sirius and Remus’s bed, there was another window with the same red curtains covering it. All four beds had the headboard pushed against a wall, with small bedside tables on either side. Each bed also had the same white bedsheets and red blankets. On the other side of the room across from James’s bed was a door that presumably lead to the bathroom. 

“Hey, Lupin!” James called turning around from where he was folding some clothes and seeing Remus by the door. “Come in good sir.” 

“Oh uh. Er, ok?” Remus started awkwardly making his way to the empty bed, trying to keep his head down low. 

“We left you the bunk next to Black but if you wanna switch with someone we can-?”

“Oh no, it’s fine. Thanks.” Remus assured them quickly, sitting down on his bed.

“Yeah, you say that _now_ ,” James laughed, “but if there's anything I found out in my one long day of knowing him it’s that Black is a piece of work.” 

“Oh shut up!” Sirius said, throwing his pillow at James who just caught it, and laughed. 

“So what‘ve you been up to, Lupin?” Sirius asked sitting up and staring at him expectantly like a puppy awaiting a treat. 

“Um...nothing?” 

“Nothing? I find _that_ hard to believe. Weren’t you JUST talking to Dumbledore?” James scoffed. 

“Well, yeah. I guess.” Remus answered rubbing the back of his head. 

“Well, _what’d you do?_ ” Sirius asked excitedly. 

“Yeah,” Peter squeaked scooching to the edge of his bed as if to be closer to Remus, “are you some sort of _evil mastermind?_ ” 

“No! Of course not.” 

“So you didn’t do anything?” James asked disbelievingly. 

“Nothing,” Remus assured them shrugging.

“Well then why did you have to talk to Dumbledore on the first day?” Sirius asked crossing his arms. Remus took a deep breath. He had practiced this sentence many times in front of the mirror at home. _Where do you go every month, Remus? Why do you disappear all the time, Remus? Why are you always so tired and sick, Remus?_

“I...my mom. She’s sick and...I was just discussing the visiting Schedule with Dumbledore. You know, like when I’ll be able to see her and stuff.” Remus focuses his eyes down at the ground not wanting to see the other guys’ reactions to his fake confession. He didn’t want to see them feel bad for him when all he was telling them was a lie. 

There was silence for a second before James said, “I’m really sorry, Lupin. I didn’t know...”

“It’s ok,” Remus said quickly, feeling his face go red. 

“At least you’ll be able to visit her, eh?” James asked in a lighter tone. 

“Yeah sure,” Remus said. 

There was another silence before Sirius said, “well I hope she gets better...” 

“Me too!” Peter squawked giving Remus a big smile. Remus smiled back a little bit. 

“Is she a witch?” Sirius asked suddenly.

“Not that it matters!” James interrupted quickly. Sirius gave him a pointed look as if saying _obviously it doesn’t._

Remus hesitated but then shook his head. “No, she’s a muggle. My dad’s a wizard though.” 

Sirius nodded thoughtfully. 

“Hey, I’m like that too!” Peter yelled excitedly, “except that my _mom_ is a witch and my _dad_ was a muggle!” 

Remus smiled slightly before realizing what Peter had said, “was?” 

James and Sirius turned towards Peter to watch his reaction. But he didn’t seem to mind. 

“Yeah. He died when I was eight. Cancer.” 

“I’m sorry.” Remus supplied. 

“‘‘tis fine. I don’t really...I wasn't super close to him.” 

“What’s Cancer?” Sirius asked, looking confused. 

“Oh right,” Remus started, “it’s a muggle disease. People don’t always die from it but....there isn’t an actual cure yet.” 

“Oh.” Sirius knit his eyebrows together. 

“Why not?” James asked looking alarmed. 

“What do you mean why not?” Remus looked at him. 

“Well, why don’t they have a cure yet? That’s weird.” 

“I mean...sure I guess....but without magic, it’s difficult finding a cure.” 

"It must be hard being a muggle..." James said thoughtfully as if he's never even considered it before, and as if now that he had he couldn't fully wrap his mind around it. 

This time Sirius answered, “Yeah but still. It’s just a muggle disease. There are much worse diseases in the wizarding world.”

“Yep.” Remus sighed to himself resting his head in his hands. They’re certainly were...subconsciously his eyes drifted to the window where a small crack through the curtains allowed him to see into the night sky. Stars. He still had four days. Four days weren’t nearly as much time as he wished he had though. 

“Ugh yeah! Have you heard of spattergroit? The one with the weird boils on your skin?” James cried looking horrified, “My dad once had a friend who suffered from that. It was awful.” 

Sirius gagged, and Remus felt himself almost laughing at the sight of the two of them. It was certainly hard to believe that James and Sirius had only met each other a few hours ago when Remus often felt like they could read each other's minds. 

James sighed loudly, “well lads, I’m knackered. Off to bed, I say, eh?” Petter yawned in agreement and Sirius nodded. 

“There ya go,” James said as he opened one of the trunks he was unpacking and threw Peter a pair of pajamas. 

“Is that Peters trunk?” Remus asked before he could stop himself. 

“Yup. I’m unpacking it because I know that If I leave that up to him it'll never get done. Eleven years of friendship with this lad will make that clear.” 

Peter shrugged, “well you’re not wrong.” 

“ _Yeah_ , I never _am_.“ 

Sirius coughed loudly. 

“Shut it, Black!” James returned Sirius’s pillow by flinging it back at him expect this time it hit the boy straight across the face as his reflexes definitely were not as strong as James’s. 

“I didn’t say anything!”

“You and I both know that means nothing!” 

Smiling once again Remus closed the drapes around his four-poster bed, slipped on his pajamas and laid down listening to the two black haired boys from the train bicker while he closed his eyes and thought about how lucky he was to have met these three boys. 

_ _ _ _ 

Other than Lily there were only two other Gryffindor first-year girls. 

Marlene McKinnon and Dorcas Meadows. 

One nice thing that came from this was that the dorm had been made to hold four people so it was roomy and big and had an extra bed which they used to dump all their belongings on. Another pleasant thing was that in the morning they didn’t have to wait a very long time to use the shower because even if you were the last to use it there were only two other people before you.

One thing that wasn’t so nice though was that Lily not only missed Severus a lot but also felt that she couldn’t really imagine herself becoming very close friends with either of the two Gryffindor girls. 

They were both very kind but neither really seemed like the type of person Lily would choose to spend time with. 

Marlene was a half-blood like Severus. Her father was a wizard and her mother was a muggle. Along with her parents she apparently also had three older brothers who had all gone to Hogwarts before her. On the first night in the dorm room together Marlene had shown Lily and Dorcas pictures of her brothers. The resemblance was uncanny and slightly scary as if someone had just copied and pasted the same features on her and every single one of her brothers. She and all three of her brothers all had the same rich chocolate brown skin and shiny, thick, black hair that bounced past her shoulders in beautiful curls, that Lily was instantly jealous of. Marlene obviously valued humor. She spoke loudly, joked around a lot, and had a wide grin that she did not use sparingly. Dorcas on the other hand was a lot quieter but also seemed very sweet. While she often told jokes too, they were less obvious and a little more on the witty side. She had straight blonde hair that was cropped short and dark brown eyes.  
“Swedish.” She explained once she realized the two other girls were staring. “My mum is Swedish my dad is Vietnamese. That explains this,” she pointed at her blonde hair. Lily could feel her face go red as she stumbled through some lame apologies. Marlene just smiled confidently eyeing Dorcas with her eyes sparkling. Unlike Marlene and Lily, Dorcas didn’t have any siblings whatsoever. She did live very close to her cousins though, whom, according to her, she spent a lot of time with. One thing that Marlene and Dorcas did share in common though was that they were both very giggly, excited, and somewhat annoying in Lily’s mind. 

On the morning of September second Lily woke up early to make sure she was first in the shower, which the other two didn't seem to mind. By the time all three girls had showered and dressed it was time to get to breakfast. On their way down they bumped into Frank the second year boy from the day before who was walking with a short second-year girl, with long dirty blonde almost caramel colored hair. They seemed to have met in the common room and waited for each other specifically so they could walk down to breakfast together. The thought made Lily happy but it also made her feel a twinge of sadness as it reminded her of how she would’ve loved to be able to have breakfast with Severus instead of having to sit at the Gryffindor table. 

“Hey, Frank.” Lily greeted, smiling, ignoring her thoughts of Severus. 

“Oh hey, Lily. This is my friend, Alice.” 

“Hey,” The caramel colored hair girl said, shaking Lily’s hand while they walked. “How was your first night here?”

“It was good, thanks. I’m really excited for classes to start!” 

Alice smiled, “really? What classes are you looking forward to most?” 

“I honestly don’t know. Maybe charms? They all sound really interesting. I just hope I’ll do ok.” 

“Of course! Why wouldn’t you?” 

“Well...I _am_ a Muggleborn after all.” Lily said, feeling her face go warm.

Alice rolled her eyes, “whatever. That doesn’t matter at all. Most first-years have no idea what they’re doing, even if they come from long bloodlines of wizards and witches.” Lily could feel herself relax a little bit. 

“You’ll do great!” 

As they arrived in the great hall, Lily stumbled for a moment not knowing where to sit.

“Wanna sit with Frank and me?” Alice asked, moving to sit down at the table. 

“Sure,” Lily said gratefully, deciding that she liked Alice. 

Alice sat down next to Frank and Lily sat down opposite them next to a small brown-haired boy. 

“Oh hey, Remus,” Lily said, realizing who it was. The boy turned his head and gave her a small smile. 

“Hey, Lily. Hey Frank, and…?” 

“Alice.” Alice reached over and shook his hand almost causing a Franks glass of pumpkin juice to fall over. 

She laughed and leaned back again. 

“How are you? Are you all excited for classes to start?” 

Alice and Frank laughed, “not really.” 

Frank said, “the only thing I’m really good at is Herbology.”

“Yeah,” Alice agreed. “If I could just hang out at Hogwarts forever without having to go to classes that would be great.” 

“How come?” Remus asked knitting his eyebrows together as if not wanting to learn was a foreign concept to him. Lily laughed at that. 

Alice just shrugged, “I dunno. I just don’t like the actual _school_ aspects of school. They’re boring and really difficult. Besides I’m not really good at anything.”

“What are you talking about?” Frank cried setting down his fork as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing, “you’re _amazing_ at defense against the dark arts!” 

“Well I’m _just_ as good as _you_ are and I don’t see you praising _yourself_.” Alice retorted grabbing a piece of toast. 

_“You’re better than me!”_

“No, I’m not.” 

“Yes, you are! You really are!” 

“Alright, Longbottom whatever you say,” Alice said smiling at her food while now smearing some strawberry jam on the piece of toast. Lily couldn’t help but laugh at how pleased Alice looked with herself. 

Frank huffed and grabbed some toast for himself too. The way they interacted reminded her a little bit of how her parents acted around each other. 

“Are you two...together?” She asked politely now also spreading some jam on her own toast. 

There was a quick moment of silence in which the pair blinked at each as if waiting for the other person to answer first before Alice said, “ _Oh_ , _no_! No, we’re just friends.” 

Frank turned away from Alice his face red, “ _Yeah_ , yeah of course. Yeah, we’re just friends.” 

“Oh! Sorry.” Lily said sheepishly, sensing that the mood at the table had suddenly changed completely. 

“Oh yeah, no problem. No problem.” Frank assured her. 

“Yes!” Alice agreed, “I mean it’s an easy mistake to make since we’re so close...But haha yeah. I mean imagine _us_ dating! Now that would be….-” 

She faltered for a moment before Frank finished her sentence, “-Crazy! That would be so crazy.” He said. 

“Yes! _Mhm_.” Alice nodded, quickly stuffing the rest of her toast in her mouth. 

Lily turned to her right where Remus was sitting and raised her eyebrows at him. 

Remus looked like a disappointed parent, shaking his head, solemnly, and suddenly Lily had to try really hard to keep herself from laughing, feeling her face grow warm with the difficulty. For a moment she completely forgot about Severus and didn't even notice when a particular black-haired boy at the opposite end of the great hall waved at her... 


	6. Friends and Family (year 1)

On his first morning at Hogwarts Peter, did in fact wake up late.

He didn’t quite blame himself as Sirius had also woken up late. Who he did blame though was actually none other than James Potter himself, who had awoken two hours before either of the other two boys, had taken a shower, gone on a walk, unpacked the rest of his _and_ Peters clothes _and_ gotten dressed without ever thinking of waking up the others. By the time James _did_ wake up the other two boys (by playing loud music and jumping around on their beds obnoxiously), there were only fifteen minutes of breakfast left before classes would start. This didn’t seem to faze James at all though, as he was humming to himself joyfully on their way down to breakfast. Sirius who, Peter quickly realized was _not_ a morning person at all was grumbling to himself the whole way down to the great hall, rubbing his eyes and messing with his hair, which miraculously looked really good despite not having been groomed at all. Peter, who obviously did not possess the same gift Sirius had when it came to looking good without even trying, was still attempting to tie his tie by the time the three of them stumbled into the great hall. Immediately Peter spotted Remus, their fourth roommate sitting next to Lily Evans and two second years, so he, James and Sirius, made their way over to the table and slid into the seats next to the others. 

“Remus my boy!” James laughed sitting down opposite Remus who looked up from his toast. 

“Oh hey, James.” Remus smiled at the other boy weakly. 

Sirius who seemed to have finally woken up enough to register what was going on reached for a cup of coffee (James slapped his hand away from it but he drank it anyway), “Hey, why did you leave so early?” 

“Oh, I just...I don’t know I woke up early and I didn’t want to disturb you guys.” Remus explained bashfully. “I told James I was leaving. He was already awake.” 

“James, you too? When _was_ this? Three o’clock in the morning?!” Sirius cried exasperatedly.

Lily rolled her eyes and leaned away to continue a conversation with the two-second years. 

James rolled his eyes too, “ _No_ , it was _six_ am. Look, what can I say? I’m a morning person.” He shrugged.

“Ugh.” Sirius pretended to gag and James laughed. 

“ _Two_ morning people in _one_ dorm? I don’t think I’ll be able to survive the year.” Sirius groaned. 

“Oh no, I’m usually not a morning person.” Remus assured them, “I was just excited, that’s all.” 

“Well, what about you Peter? Don’t tell me you’re a morning person.” Sirius turned towards Peter who just shrugged. 

“I don’t know. I’m not really a morning person but I don’t really mind them I guess.” 

“Whatever,” Sirius let out an exasperated sigh. “Disappointments. All of you.” Peter and Remus instantly blushed but James just laughed and ruffled his friend’s hair playfully. 

“Oh no…” Sirius suddenly turned pale as he stared off into the distance. “Speaking of disappointment…” 

With a swoosh, hundreds of owls flooded the great hall swooping in from above and dropping parcels, packages, newspapers, and letters on to the laps of the students. 

“Delivery owls,” James said matter of factly. Then he laughed again, “What? Are you afraid of owls, Black?”

Sirius, his eyes still fixed in the distance didn’t laugh though, “No. I’m afraid of _what_ the owl is delivering.” 

Looking up Peter could see a Sleek Black owl with large grey eyes drop a blood-red envelope onto the breakfast table in front of Sirius, who looked positively green, but was obviously trying to hide his discomfort. 

“ _Oh…_ ” James set down his fork and looked at his friend with sympathy. 

“What?” Peter asked, “What is that?” 

Remus looked confused too but he didn’t say anything. 

At that moment the two second years and Lily Evans looked over too. 

“Aw Black. You better open that, it’s only worse if you wait.” The boy said, frowning in sympathy. 

“Frank? _What_ gets wor-?” Lily started but before she could finish, Sirius ripped open the envelope. 

“SIRIUS ORION BLACK!” The hall went dead silent as the shriek of Walpurga Black echoed throughout the room. Peter could see that at the Slytherin table, Narcissa Black was smirking to herself, while a few seats away from her, her sister, Andy, was biting her lip and scrunching her eyebrows in displeasure as if she knew what was happening and didn’t like it in the slightest. “HOW DARE YOU!? NEVER IN MY _LIFE_ COULD I HAVE _IMAGINED_ THE _DISGRACE_ AND THE _DISHONOR_ THAT YOU HAVE BROUGHT ON THIS FAMILY AND YOURSELF! GENERATIONS OF BLACKS HAVE BEEN SORTED INTO HOUSE OF SALAZAR SLYTHERIN AND NOW _MY_ ELDEST SON, THE _HEIR,_ HAS BEEN SORTED INTO THE HOUSE OF _MUDBLOODS_ AND _BLOOD TRAITORS_! AS IF YOU WEREN'T DISAPPOINTING ENOUGH AS IT WAS! YOUR FATHER WILL HAVE A DISCUSSION WITH DUMBLEDORE! THIS WILL _NOT_ BE THE LAST YOU HEAR OF THIS CONVERSATION!” 

Peter jumped in his seat as the envelope dissolved into a puff of smoke and fell onto the table as a pile of steaming, grey, ashes. The great hall was dead silent, everyone's attention focused on Sirius, who just sighed deeply, picked up his knife and fork, and started cutting up some pancakes that he carelessly scooped into his mouth as if he couldn't notice hundreds of pairs of eyes on him. 

“These are pretty good.” He commented lightly, through a full mouth. All at once, the hall seemed to erupt back to its usual noise level having lost interest in the Black family drama. Stunned, Peter sat and watched his newly found friend in amazement. Next to him, he saw Remus observe Sirius in awe. His amber eyes, that seemed even more orange now than they had the day before, were wide and sparkling, his eyebrows were raised and his lips were in a small impressed smile as if Sirius Black was the single most fascinating thing he’s ever seen. 

“That was pretty horrible, Black. I’m sorry you had to go through that.” The second year girl was the first person to speak. The boy next to her nodded, as they watched Sirius like he was a ticking bomb about to explode. 

“It was fine, Alice,” Sirius answered as he continued eating, though Peter could see that the fork he was holding was trembling slightly. Suddenly two more letters were dropped on the table and Peter and James leaned forward immediately recognizing the handwriting from their mothers.

“Hey look!” Peter said excitedly as he picked up his and opened it, “my mum sent me this to congratul-- _ow”_

Peter felt a sharp kick in his leg and he looked up to see James glaring at him, shaking his head slightly and slipping his own letter in his pocket under the table. Confused Peter followed his lead and slowly started to put away his letter when he realized Sirius was watching him. 

“It’s ok, Peter. You can read the letter from your mum; I won’t mind.” 

Before Peter could answer James interrupted. 

“Nah mate, it’s not important. We’ll read them later.” 

Sirius shrugged nonchalantly but Peter could see a small smile on the other boy’s face and a glint of gratitude in his eyes as he nodded at James. The two-second years, Alice and Frank, had long gone back to their conversations but Lily and Remus were watching the exchange in silence. 

A few moments later a girl with black, curly, hair walked over to their seats handing out sheets of paper to everyone. 

“What’s this, Marlene?” Lily asked as the other girl handed one to her. 

“The first year Gryffindor time tables,” Marlene answered, handing one to Remus and then moving on to James, Sirius and Peter. James flipped his over in his hand and studied it for a moment before moaning and muttering “noo” under his breath. 

“What?” Peter asked, flipping over his own one too.

“First thing’s _potions_ with _Slytherin_.” He explained grimacing. 

Sirius groaned, “Oh _brilliant_. Just brilliant.” 

“Potions doesn’t sound so bad.” Said Marlene who was still standing behind them.

“Yeah, it’s not the _potions_ I’m concerned about. It’s the Slytherins.” Sirius answered, turning around to face her. Marlene just shrugged. 

“Well either way we’re all going to be late if we don’t leave soon. I’ll see you lot there then?” 

“Yeah,” James said getting up and watching her leave before turning to the other two, “she’s probably right,” 

Peter and Sirius followed suit and slowly the first years made their way downstairs to the potions classroom. 

_ _ _ _

While Lily and Remus made their way to the potions classroom Lily thought about Sev. She couldn't wait until she could see him in class and they could finally talk. _Properly_ talk, like they did during the summer. So that she could finally have that little bit of home again. While she did like Remus he was really quiet and every conversation she had with him was draining and uncomfortably one sided. 

“Lily!” She heard from behind. Lily spun around in her chair to see Severus walk into the classroom, undoubtedly having spotted her red hair among the sea of students. 

“Sev!” She yelled jumping up from her chair and running over to meet him and throwing her arms around him. He smiled but cleared his throat a little, softly pushing her away. She didn’t mind too much but she couldn’t help but notice his glance shift to the other Slytherins and how back at home he never minded how much she hugged him. 

Severus had been her best friend since she could remember. Neither of them really had any other friends since Lily was a little bit of an outsider at her muggle school and Severus had been homeschooled since he was a small child. Lily couldn't keep the grin off of her face, as she felt relief cloud her head. 

“I’m so happy to see you again!” She said as they walked back to the front of the classroom to her seat where she patted the desk to her left and he sat down. 

“Yeah me too.” He said quietly, looking around nervously. Remus, who was on Lily’s right, leaned in closer awkwardly and smiled, “Uh, hey, Sev....um Severus.”

Sev looked over and nodded slightly but didn’t say anything, obviously still angry about the incident on the train. Lily smiled at Remus apologetically.

“Hello, first years! I am professor Slughorn." A somewhat overweight man strolled into the room beaming at all of the students. 

Lily immediately sat up straighter. 

"Are we excited about our first potions lesson?”

A few kids mumbled yes awkwardly. 

“Fabulous!” He cried smiling broadly. “Today we will be brewing a cure for boils! Everybody please open your copy of “Book of Potions” By Zygmunt Budge and turn to page 6.” 

A few minutes later the class sorted into groups of three. Lily, Severus, and Remus scooted their desks together and opened their books flipping to page 6. 

“Alright,” Lily said looking down at the page, “Remus, can you get the Dried nettles, snake fangs, and horned slugs? And Severus you can get the Pungous Onions, Flobberworm Mucus and I’ll get the Ginger root, and Shrake spines.” 

Once they had all returned with their ingredients Severus immediately got to work chopping up roots and crushing onions, while Remus hovered around silently watching. 

“So how are you?” Lily asked her friend excitedly as she started stirring the potion in the cauldron which was turning bright orange. 

“Fine,” Severus answered. 

“Are you excited to be in Slytherin? Is it as good as you hoped?”

“It’s fine.” 

She stopped for a moment and looked up at his face. 

“ _Ok_...well Gryffindor is _fine_ too. I mean I’m sad you’re not there but,” she looked to her right and saw Remus tapping his hands together as he waited awkwardly, “I have Remus which is...nice.”

Severus looked up from his roots and stared at Remus again (he waved stiffly), his black eyes shining in distaste. 

“Who are the people in _your_ dorm?” Lily asked, “Are they nice?”

Severus set down his knife and stared at her, “Lily, did you _ask_ the hat to put you in Gryffindor?” He asked suddenly. 

“What?” She frowned, staring at him in surprise. “The _sorting_ hat? No! Of course not. That’s not even possible.” 

“Really? Because you sound awfully excited to be in a house full of useless idiots.” He waved his hand in Remus's direction. 

Lily could feel her face go red. 

“Hey, Lupin,” Severus said waving his hand in front of Remus’s face, who looked taken aback. “ _What_? Have you really _never_ made a potion before? Do you _really_ need someone to tell you what to do? Don't you know how to read instructions?” 

Remus didn’t have time to say anything before Severus thrust a spoon into his hand and pushed the Flobberworm mucus towards him. 

“Sev calm down!” Lily shrieked. “Stop being so mean to Remus and _stop_ being so angry at me! It’s not my fault we’re in different houses! You _know_ I wanted to be with you. Honestly, I don’t understand all this fuss about the schoolhouses. Who cares where some dumb old hat puts us!?” 

Severus went silent and Remus watched them, quietly measuring the amount of Flobberworm mucus he was supposed to add to the potion. 

“Hey…” James Potter walked over to their table, “Peter accidentally dropped out Flobberwarm mucus on the ground, and I saw that you guys had some left over...could I…?” 

Lily turned around and saw James standing behind her his hand in his black hair and his glasses crooked. Remus looked between him and Lily and silently handed James the jar of mucus, who accepted it slowly his eyebrows raised. 

“Is...everything ok?” 

“Go away Potter,” Lily said. 

“ _Is_ everything ok?” James persisted. 

“They’re just having a little bit of an argument,” Remus muttered quietly. 

"No we're not," Lily said.

“Shut it, _Lupy_ ,” Severus growled fiercely turning towards Remus. 

“Hey!” James stepped forward. “Don’t tell him to shut it, you git.”

“Go away, Potter! Everything was fine until you showed up!” Lily said raising her voice slightly but not enough to draw attention to their scene. 

“Sure, everything is fine except for the fact that he’s an insulting prat.” James protested pointing at Severus. 

“What’s going on over here?” Professor Slughorn came blundering over to their table frowning slightly. 

“ _Nothing_.” Lily said immediately, “James just needed to borrow some of our ingredients.” 

James paused then nodded and Severus after a moment of hesitation nodded too. 

“Well in that case…” Professor Slughorn said backing away, though he didn’t look too sure of himself. 

_ _ _ _

After class, while everyone was packing up their things to leave Severus stopped Lily on her way out. Remus paused by the door awkwardly and Lily flicked her hand in a small motion and mouthed, _it’s ok you can go._ Remus nodded and left the room, leaving Lily and Severus in the empty potions room by themselves. 

“I’m really sorry Lily.” Severus started. 

“I can’t believe you would think-!” 

“I know...I _am_ sorry.”

“I don’t even LIKE Gryffindor!”

“Wait what? You don’t?” 

Lily thought she could detect a little bit of hope in Severus’s voice, and she turned towards him exasperated. “OF COURSE I DON’T SEVERUS YOU’RE MY BEST FRIEND AND I WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH YOU!” 

“Oh.” 

“You _idiot_!” 

“...Sorry?”

Lily shook her head disbelievingly and gave a small laugh. “ _Well_ , are you still mad at me?” 

“No! Of course not.” 

“ _Good_. Because I’m going to be late for charms.”

Lily picked up her books, “See you around Severus.” 

"Ok..." Severus stood there dumbstruck, smiling to himself. Maybe he wouldn't lose her. Not yet.  
  
  



	7. Dear Regulus (year 1)

The first day of classes went just as horribly as Sirius had expected.

His late wake-up call was followed by hallways full of stares and whispers. At breakfast, the eldest black received a Howler from his furious mother, which wasn’t at all helpful to the whole stares and whispers thing. Classes were uneventful, to say the least, and except for some sideway glances and pitying looks from teachers and students alike nothing happened. His friends tried his best to let him forget about breakfast. Even the stern and serious Remus who didn't talk or do much shot somewhat dirty looks at anyone who stared at him while walking to classes and now to the great hall for dinner. The gesture was small but it made Sirius feel warm inside. It made him feel safe. No one back home would’ve done anything of the sort for him. And although he hadn't been there for a very long time and hadn't known any of the other students for long either, this place felt more like home than his own home ever had. When he was with the other boys he felt like he could be himself. The Sirius Black that he wanted to be and not the one his parents wanted him to be. But when he saw the big doors that led to the great hall and caught a glimpse of his cousin Bellatrix he stopped in his tracks. She was staring at the doors in a fixed glare, here black eyes glinted in a dangerous light and Sirius could see her black fingernails dig into the wood of the table. On her other side, Narcissa sat next to her. She was talking a rushed whisper and her eyes were pointed at the Gryffindor table as if she was waiting for someone to appear. He couldn’t go in there. He couldn’t talk to his cousins. Enough stress for one day.

“Oi, I think I’m gonna pass on dinner tonight,” He blurted.

James and Peter looked at him with mirroring looks of concern on their faces.

“Um, are you sure?” Peter surprised everyone, including himself by speaking first.

“Yeah, I’m just tired that’s all.”

“Oh okay. Do you want one of us to come with you?” James asked, already turning around in midstep.

“Nah, thanks, Potter.”

"Do you want us to bring you food?" Peter squeaked.

Sirius had to smile at that, "No thanks, Pettigrew."

And with that Sirius turned around and started to walk up the stairs to the Gryffindor common room. Seeing his cousins in the great hall had been the final straw for him. It made him think about his family and his brother. Regulus.

Did Regulus believe the same thing his parents did? Did he think that Sirius was a traitor? That he was a freak? What was Regulus doing right now? Only the thought of little innocent Reggie hating him made Sirius’ eyes water. Blinking furiously, he ran up the last few steps to the dorm, grabbed a spare piece of parchment, a quill, and some ink, and made his way to the astronomy tower. Ever since Andromeda’s first year at Hogwarts, she had told Sirius about the Astronomy Tower. She had said it was her favorite place in the castle. Maybe that was why Sirius decided to go up there, maybe it was because he knew Regulus loved to climb on the roof and watch the starlit sky. Either way, Sirius found himself in the Tower. He slumped against the wall and let his tears flow.

The sky was a bright blue that night. Millions of little stars blinked in and out of focus, or maybe that was just the tears that blurred Sirius's vision. In the distance, he could recognize a small orb hanging in the sky. The moon. It was almost full though not quite there yet. Staring at it resting there peacefully Sirius imagined his brother, sitting in his own room, staring at the same moon as well. As if they were both looking at the same thing, _thinking_ , the same thing. Sirius wiped at his face and turned around to lean against the wall. His hand shaking slightly he began to write.

_Dear Regulus, How are you?_

_How is everything at home? I’m aware that I must have caused quite a mess at home. I’m sorry if I caused you any trouble. I miss you terribly Reggie. Everyone here is really nice though. I met a boy named James. I think you would really like him. He's funny and kind like you, and he's confident. I hope you can meet him one day._

_I'm really excited to see you at Christmas. I can tell you all about Hogwarts. I hope that you're not too alone without me. I hope that Mother and father are treating you alright. I know that you see that what they are doing is wrong. I see it in your eyes when they preach about keeping the bloodline pure and how much they hate Muggles. I see that deep down you don’t agree. When you come to Hogwarts next year I know you won’t be like the rest. You’ll join me and we’ll both finally not be alone anymore. Because you are like me. You are, aren’t you? I need you to be. I think you’ll like Hogwarts. It’s like a castle in one of Uncle Alphards many stories_

His hand shook violently and he let go of his quill. He couldn’t continue writing. He breathed out slowly. 

"I can't send this..." He whispered to himself. For a moment he thought about crumpling up the paper and throwing it out of the window. Watch it plummet to the ground and float away as if it never existed in the first place. Bit he couldn't do that. He needed it...he needed something. And this was his something. Something to keep to remind himself of his brother. Of his life at home. Even when sometimes it was painful to remind himself of that. He also knew that Regulus would never be allowed to see this letter. He couldn’t do that to his brother. It still hurt though.

A few hours later he finally started to head back to the dorm. He was exhausted and sure that his dormmates were already asleep. When he entered the dorm, the room was silent with only the sounds of Peter snore erupting from his bed every few seconds. Sirius tiptoed through the room and headed for the bathroom, relieved that none of his friends were awake to see his tear-stained face. He looked in the mirror and sighed. After a few minutes, he quickly brushed his teeth and changed into his pajamas. When he pulled back the curtain on his bed he saw something on his pillow. After carefully picking it up he saw that it was a chocolate frog. Under it was a note. “Thought this might make you feel better. -R” Regulus? How could Regulus have possibly sent him this? How could he have known that he was thinking about him? Was he here right now?- “Sirius?” He heard a timid whisper. It was Remus. Remus Lupin. Spelled with an R. Immediately he felt his heart fall in his chest. Of course, it was Remus. Regulus couldn't have sent him anything.

“Is everything alright?” Sirius straightened his back a little and cleared his throat.

“Yeah, yeah I'm fine.” He was quick to answer. Maybe a little bit too quick. Ignoring his halfhearted attempt at pretending to be alright, Remus pulled aside the other curtain to his bed and walked over to Sirius's bed leaping on to it lightly, sitting on his shins, in the corner of his bed. Something about the action reminded Sirius of some sort of animal. Like some sort of a wild cat or dog.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Remus asked. His eyes seemed to glow in the darkness. 

“Not really, no. You..you wouldn’t understand.”

Remus laughed a little and Sirius could detect a smidge of bitterness in the boy's voice. “Oh trust me I think I’d understand more than you think. Being stared at? I’ve had my fair share of that back home. " He repositioned himself on Sirius's bed now sitting with his legs crossed. "I live in a mostly muggle town, you see? And with my whole situation with...my mum. News got around quickly and…” Remus trailed off, and once again he surprised Sirius. Maybe he wasn’t so alone after all?

“I...I hadn’t thought about that.”

Remus snorted at this as if to say, of course, you didn’t. It was quiet for a few moments.

“Well, I suppose my whole family hating me hit me a little bit harder than I had anticipated.” Sirius finally admitted sitting down on his bed next to Remus. Remus didn’t say anything; he just looked at Sirus with his glowing amber eyes. And even without words, Sirius felt safe. He averted his eyes and mumbled something about needing to sleep. Remus' expression changed, and he started to get up. Suddenly Sirius felt a thud in his chest. Before he could lose his courage he whispered, “Stay?” 

Remus, turned around quickly as if he was hoping Sirius would say that. He gave Sirius a small smile and Sirius could see that his cheeks were a little bit pink. Sirius patted the spot on the bed next to him.

“Regulus, my brother, would always stay with me after a fight with my parents.” The dark-haired boy explained.

“Do you miss him? I wish I had a brother...” Remus seemed genuinely curious so Sirius started telling him all about his little brother. He told Remus about the boring family gatherings that Regulus always made a little more bearable. He told Remus about the fear that had risen in him before dinner. He laughed at first but then he cried and cried and then he laughed at how much he was crying and after what seemed like hours both boys were asleep in Sirius’ bed.

_ _ _ _

Remus immediately felt something was wrong.

Maybe it was his heightened senses so close to the full moon or maybe it was just the excitement he felt from the third day of classes but when he woke up that morning laying in bed feeling the fresh morning air on his skin something felt different. Opening his eyes slowly Remus rolled around in bed and came face to face with Sirius Black. 

“Oh my-!” Jumping up he clamped a hand over his mouth. The boy in question was still very much asleep though.

Sirius’s eyes were closed, his lips were slightly parted and his hair gleamed in the tiny amount of sunlight that had entered the bed through their thick curtains. After a split second of sheer panic, Remus remembered what had happened the night before. He remembered his discussion with Sirius about his parents, his brother, and his cousins. The responsibility, the disappointment, and the pain. Remus also remembered sitting at the breakfast listening to the howler, thinking about how Sirius Black must be the bravest boy on earth and then sitting in bed next to the same boy, now with wet tears on his face. Something about that comparison made Remus feel numb. How even the bravest most confident looking person can be broken on the inside. 

Quietly as not to wake Sirius, Remus got up from the bed, opened the drapes, and crawled over to his own bed, opening the drawer in which he had hidden his muggle watch. 6:54 am. 

For a few minutes, Remus just lay there but soon exhaustion took over and he managed to fall asleep once again.

When Remus woke up for the second time, he immediately realized he was alone in the room. Opening his drapes he looked around to make sure he was right, (he was) and then quickly changed into his school robes realizing that if he wanted to make it to breakfast on time he had to hurry up. _So Remus,_ a small voice in his head said, they left without you. Three days in the dorm and they already can't stand to be around you. Just wait until they find out you're a-

"Shut up." He said aloud. They probably just didn’t want to wake him. It’s not that they don’t like being around him, right? He got ready much faster than the previous morning and was on his way to the great hall in a quiet mood, feeling angry but also a little sad. 

In the great hall, he saw his dorm mates at the Gryffindor table laughing. Peter was ripping his bread into pieces and throwing them at the others, James was laughing and trying to catch the bread in his mouth and Sirius was holding out his hands trying to protect himself from the airborne food. 

No one seemed to notice that he wasn’t there. Even Sirius looked happy and was laughing at the look of James's face as he caught some bead in his mouth. The doubt Remus felt building up earlier this morning was dismissed when Peter caught his eye and waved at him. He seemed genuinely happy to see Remus.

He shook himself a little before he waved back and walked over to his house table. 

“You guys left.” He said quietly instead of a good morning, trying to sound like it wasn't a big deal.

“Oh but you looked sooo peaceful Remy, we just couldn’t bring ourselves to wake you,” James answered grinning up at him. 

Remus smiled nervously. “What did you call me?” 

“Remy?” James looked at him, imitating a puppy. “What? you don’t like it?” He asked innocently.

Remus just shook his head and sat down next to Peter. Subtly as if it was a quiet soundtrack to a movie, Remus could feel his friends' heartbeats like vibrations in the air, he could hear the sound of their blood rushing through their veins. Rubbing his sweaty hands on his trousers, Remus then began to pile bacon on his plate, earning a surprised look from both James and Peter. 

“What? Breakfast is the most important meal of the day...” He muttered bashfully. The others laughed. He smiled weakly though he knew the real reason he was so hungry wasn't because it was an 'important meal' but because the full moon was getting closer and Remus could feel it in the way he could hear Peter's stomach next to him and James's breathing in front of him.

When he looked over to Sirius, he noticed that the other boy was looking anywhere but him. His plate, the ceiling, James, Peter, even Lily Evans. Throughout the remaining breakfast, Remus tried making eye contact with Sirius but the black-haired boy didn’t look in his direction.

Not once. 


	8. Full Moon (year 1)

The following morning Remus woke up late.

Although he wasn't actually late to breakfast James was now accustomed to Remus waking up at around the same time as the him so when he didn't James tip toed over to his bed. 

"Remus," he poked the smaller boy, "Remus." 

“Stop...I’m awake.” Remus mumbled.

“Lad...are you ok?” James asked in a concerned voice, “You look a bit...peaky.”

“What? No! I mean yeah i’m ok I don’t...look peaky.” Remus opened his eyes with great difficulty. Curse the moon and its dumb cycles. “See look! I’m just tired that’s all.”

“Yes but you’re always tired, usually you just pretend not to be.”

“Sorry I guess.”

  
“It’s fine...Maybe we should go to the hospital wing.”

  
“No!” Suddenly Remus felt wide awake. He knew it was stupid but he wasn’t ready to see the hospital wing. He knew for the next few years of his life that place would always be a reminder to him about what he is and he didn’t want to experience that shame yet. Not when it was so early in the morning.  
James looked at him in surprise.

  
“What’s going on?” A drowsy voice from behind them asked. Peter was standing at his bed rubbing his eyes.

  
“Nothing.” Remus said, “Go back to bed.”

"Well do you want to go to breakfast then?" James asked. 

Remus felt sick at the thought of food. "No." He said truthfully. 

"Do you....do you want to come on a walk with me?" 

Remus laughed, "that what you do in the mornings? You go on walks?" 

James looked taken aback, "Walks are great! The wake you up...and boost your immune system...and..." 

"Yeah, yeah let's go." Remus finally decided. 

Remus got up and closed his eyes rubbing his forehead with his hand. He did feel ill. He had a headache and his head felt warm and heavy. The only difference was that he actually knew _why_ he felt this way. The next few minutes were a blur as Remus changed his clothes and left the dorm. It took about five minutes for Remus to realize that they were going in the wrong direction to go outside and it took him about one more minute to realize where James was leading him to instead.

  
“Wait no! I told you I'm not ill! I don’t want to go to the hospital wing.”

  
“Why not?” James said as he continued walking.

  
“Because...Because I don’t want to.”

  
“That’s a stupid reason. You’re obviously ill.”

  
“Fine! Let’s go to the hospital wing and Madam Pomfrey can tell you herself that I’m not ill.”

  
“Great.” Said, James.

  
When they finally did arrive at the hospital wing a few seconds passed in which Remus thought, or maybe hoped that Madam Pomfrey wasn’t there yet, but before he could voice this outloud a short woman wearing an apron came bustling around the corner.  
“What are you two doing here?” She asked. “Are you hurt?”

  
“No,” Remus said.

  
“Yes,” James said. “He’s ill.”

  
Madam Pomfrey raised her eyebrows, “What’s your name, dear?”

  
Remus swallowed and averted his eyes to the ground. “Remus Lupin.”

  
“Remus Lupin...oH-” Madam Pomfrey's eyes widened. “....Well Mr. Lupin I’m sure you’re just tired, it’s pretty early in the morning after all.”

  
James stared at her, “He’s definitely ill. Don’t you see how pale he is? He looks like he’s about to pass out.”

  
“And since when do you know more about someone's health than me, Mr.-?”

  
“Potter, Madam. And since he’s my friend I can tell something is wrong.”

  
Remus felt his heart skip a beat. Friend. James thought of him as a friend! James Potter, the confident, funny, happy James Potter thought of him Remus Lupin as a friend! He was so surprised he almost didn’t realize James was talking again.

  
“Look! He’s not even listening! He’s completely out of it!”

  
“No I am! Listening, that is.” Remus argued, “James the truth is, I'm just feeling a little under the weather because...I have to go home to see my mum today. And I haven’t told anyone.”

  
James stopped arguing with Madam Pomfrey and looked over at Remus.

  
“Your mum? Oh…she’s...she’s ill right? Some sort of...muggle disease?”

  
“Yes.” Remus said quietly

.  
“Ah Remus I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize...I just I didn’t mean to....”

  
“It’s ok. Really it’s fine. Let’s just go?”

  
“Yeah of course.” James put his hand on Remus’s shoulder.

  
“How about some exploding snap, eh?”

  
Remus nodded gratefully.

_ _ _ _ 

By dinner Remus felt so tired that he felt like he would collapse any minute. And somehow everyone seemed to have noticed too. Even Sirius felt so awkward that he was now talking to Remus again.

  
“Are you sure you should really be going to visit your mum today?” He asked Remus scooping some mashed potato onto his plate.

  
“Huh? Oh, yeah I have to go.” Remus rubbed his eyes with his hand, and felt the muscles in his finger spasm for a few seconds before settling down again. Somehow the bright lights in the great hall made feel even drowsier and weaker than before.

  
“-to go?” James was saying.

  
“Sorry what?” Remus asked, blinking a few times.

  
“I said, why do you have to go?”

  
“I just...Jeez guys my mum is sick ok? I need to visit her!” Remus cried exasperatingly. The three boys stared at him in surprise.

  
“I’m sorry to hear that Remus. But I do think that maybe you should postpone your visit.”

  
Remus jumped in his seat. “Lily? What the hell? Since when are you here?!” Next to him Lily Evans was tapping her fingernails on the table staring at him with her huge green eyes.

  
“What do you mean? I was here the whole time.”

  
James and Sirius exchanged a look , “Mate-”

  
“You guys are driving me crazy! My mum is ILL and I want to see her! Can you all stay out of it maybe!”

  
Everyone stayed silent after that. Remus felt an odd sense of accomplishment after that. As if he was proud that he could silence them just by raising his voice. It was almost a perfect dramatic exit when he decided to leave, except that he tripped on his way out and almost ran into a hufflepuff third year.

  
“Lupin you ok?” James called after him.

  
“Never better!” Remus called back, somewhat forcefully.

  
When he arrived at the hospital wing Madam Pomfrey was surprised to see him.

  
“Mr. Lupin! You’re a little bit early. Are you feeling alright?”

  
Remus sat down heavily on the nearest empty bed. “Hm? Yeah sure yeah i’m fine. Just a little tired. But that’s normal...on...I mean...when…” He sighed, blinking a few times. It was hard to concentrate.

  
“Have you eaten anything Mr Lupin?”

  
“Remus. Call me Remus please. Mr Lupin makes me feel really old...like i’m my dad or something...No I haven’t eaten. It’s hard to eat on...I always feel really sick...before... so i’d rather skip dinner.”

  
“Alright Remus. Well how about you rest for a few minutes and I'll come collect you when it’s time to go.”

  
Remus sighed again and leaned backwards into the bed not bothering to take off his shoes.  
What felt like only seconds later Madam Pomfrey was shaking him awake from a light doze.

The Whomping Willow, as it was called, danced menacingly in the wind, and as the two of them got closer to it, it thrashed more and more as if it could sense their presence. Madam Pomfrey held out a hand to stop Remus then bent down and picked up a long stick that was laying on the ground by her feet. Leaning forwards she pushed the stick out so that the tip of it prodded a small knot at the base of the tree. Immediately the willow stopped moving; freezing like a paused video tape. In awe, Remus followed Madam Pomfrey across the grass to the willow where she crawled through a small hidden hole, through a narrow tunnel. A few minutes later Remus found himself in an abandoned, wooden, sort of house. All the windows and doors were boarded shut except for the door which they had come through, which Remus noticed had three different locks on it.

  
“So this is where…?” Remus tried to keep a light tone in his voice.

  
“Yes.” Madam Pomfrey said, smiling stiffly. “Tomorrow, first thing in the morning I will come here to pick you up so there is no need to worry at all.”

  
“Yeah it’s good. I’ll be fine.” Remus said, walking around the room exploring every corner, hoping that somehow the wolf inside of him was watching, and getting comfortable with the place.

  
“You should probably go now…” Remus said quietly.

  
“Yes, of course. Well...good luck.”

  
“Thanks.”

Remus avoided eye contact and started inching towards one corner of the biggest room that had a small bed in the corner. He sat down on it, and the bed creaked underneath his weight. The muscles in his hands spasmed uncomfortable again. And he rubbed them together uneasily. After a while his legs and arms started twitching too, and then his face and all he could do was move around uneasily feeling the calm before the storm. This was the worst part. For a long time he thought the worst part was the middle of the night. When the wolf was completely in control. But now he realized that wasn’t true. The worst part was feeling how you were slowly losing yourself. How suddenly he couldn’t control his legs anymore. And then his arms and then his face and how slowly his vision seemed to go colorless and the only thoughts that were penetrating his mind were that of pain and danger. How he knew he was about to go through terrible agony and couldn’t do anything about it. Panting Remus lowered himself on the ground. There was a burning in his veins, his blood was now fire and suddenly he wasn’t Remus Lupin anymore. Remus had no idea how long his transformations took. Each varied. Some were very quick and some were very very slow. This one seemed fine. It wasn’t very quick but it wasn’t terribly slow, and when Remus woke up the next morning his throat raw from screaming and his bones aching from all the unnatural changes his body had gone through all he could do was lay on the ground, breathing heavily, and smile at the thought that he had done it. He had survived another full moon.

As promised Madam Pomfrey came to check on him first thing in the morning. He could hear her footsteps and the beating of her heart as she quietly entered the room he was laying in. Instead of sitting on the bed Remus was curled up in a ball in the corner of the room, his eyes closed but his mind wide awake.  
“Remus dear, are you awake?” Madam Pomfrey asked. Remus nodded his head and sat up holding the side of his stomach which he just realized was bleeding from a new gash.

“Remus!” James Potter burst through the door of the common room that evening. “How are you, mate? How’s your mum?”  
Remus looked up from his astronomy homework and gave James a weak smile.

  
“Yeah, she’s good. Fine.”

  
James grinned and sat down next to Remus ruffling his hair. He seemed genuinely happy to see Remus. A moment later both Peter and Sirius walked into the room too, smiling at Remus.

  
“Hey Remy!” Peter said sitting down next to James. Sirius sat down on Remus’s other side, and Remus was suddenly aware that Sirius was looking him straight in the eyes again with no embarrassment.

  
“So how are you Remy?” Sirius asked. “You still look a bit pale if you ask me.”

  
“Good thing i’m not asking you then.” Remus set aside his astronomy homework and then suddenly stopped when he realized what he had said. All three boys looked at him with their eyes wide. Peter burst out laughing and pointed at Sirius not being able to form words. Remus blushed deeply.

  
“Oh no wait I didn’t mean-” He stammered apologetically.

  
James laughed too, “No worries Remy, Sirius needs a bit of a sarcastic comment every once in a while. It’ll keep him grounded, ain't that right Black?”

  
“Oi, shut it Potter!” Sirius cried picking up his wand. James laughed and ran his hand through his hair, “Why? What are you gonna do about it?”

  
Sirius threw aside his wand and tackled James to the ground laughing hysterically.

  
“What in the name of god are you two doing?” The door slammed shut behind Lily Evans, as she, Dorcas and Marlene walked into the common room staring at the four boys. Remus shrugged helplessly but he couldn’t help smiling.

  
“Oh Remus you’re back!” Lily beamed at Remus sitting down on the couch next to him where Sirius had been sitting just moments before. “I do hope your mum will get better. I assume the visit was fun was it?”

  
“Oh…” Remus said feeling his mood dampen a bit. “Yeah it was...fun.” The word tasted somewhat bitter in his mouth after the full moon.

  
“Hey Lily,” Marlene interrupted from where she was standing with Dorcas, “we’re gonna go ahead and wait for you upstairs alright?”

  
Lily turned around and smiled at them though she looked slightly tense, “Yeah sure.”

  
Remus raised his eyebrows at her then took her hand and led her away from the commotion that was the rest of the common room and into a quieter corner near the fireplace.

  
“Are you...ok?” He asked quietly. Lily’s green eyes seemed to darken.

  
“Yeah of course.”

  
Remus stared at her.

  
“I just...I don’t know. Marlene and Dorcas are great they really are but...I don’t think I can imagine myself ever being very close friends with them.”

  
“Hey that's ok.” Remus smiled, “I’ll always be your friend.”

  
Lily smiled back at him and brushed some of her red hair out of her face.

  
“Thanks Remus.” Then she smirked at him, “Or should I say Remy.”

  
Remus laughed, “Ugh please don’t.”

  
At the other end of the common room , James, Sirius and Peter were now sitting on the couch their legs crossed.  
“Oi Lupin, you got yourself a girlfriend?” James smirked when Lily and Remus joined them on the couch.

  
“Oh give it a rest Potter,” Lily answered and turned around to go upstairs to the girls dormitories. Peter bit his lip.

  
“I don’t think Lily Evans likes you at all, mate.” He said nervously.

  
James shrugged, “Whatever. I don’t like her either.”

  
“Sure thing, James.”

  
“Shut it Black.”


	9. The idea (year 1)

Remus tried to like Severus Snape. He really did. Though it was hard with the strange rivalry that the Slytherin boy seemed to have with both James and Sirius who Remus admired so much. The three boys would glare at each other, and yell random insults at each other, and the worst part of it was that Remus kind of understood why. He couldn’t remember exactly how this rivalry began or why it did in the first place but he did know that all three boys could definitely be a pain. James, although he was caring and funny could often be arrogant and loud. Sirius whose personality was just as big as James’s could sometimes get bad mood swings and anger outbursts. Severus who, according to Lily was a kind and trusting friend (though Remus had never actually witnessed this in person) was often cold and harsh towards pretty much anyone other than a few slytherins and Lily. 

On this specific occasion, a few weeks after term had started, Remus and Lily had been studying for Transfiguration in the library, while Severus sat at their table and glowered at his essay not knowing what to write but also not wanting to ask for help, when James, Sirius and Peter walked into the library obviously trying to look casual. James was humming to himself, Sirius was whistling merrily and Peter was sort of bobbing along muttering things to himself like, “oh boy can’t wait to study...and read and not do anything that's against the rules at all.” After that particular sentence Sirius had stepped on Peter's foot and raised his eyebrow at him, furiously. “What the hell was that, Pete?”

“Ow- _Sorry_! Jeez.” 

Remus looked up at them curiously and watched as the three boys walked over to a shelf and started combing through it. Every once and a while one of the boys would perk up excitedly and show the other two something only for there to be a quick murmur and head shaking before moving on to more books. After a few minutes Lily and Severus had observed the strange behaviour. 

“ _What are they doing?_ ” Lily hissed. 

Severus scrunched his eyebrows together and shook his head slowly. “They’re up to something,” he spat, venomously. 

“What? No.” Remus said, although he knew it was true. 

Severus turned his black eyes in Remus’s direction and Remus immediately wished he hadn’t said anything. 

“You’re just defending them because they’re your dorm mates.”

“No of course not!” 

Severus smiled though it didn’t reach his eyes. “Oh? So you’re telling me you’re _friends_ with these morons. Even better.” 

“What? No! No, I’m not.” Remus stammered. The past few weeks Remus spent pretty much all of his time with Lily and Severus. And alh Lily wasn’t paying too much attention to them, her eyes still focused on the three boys. 

“Remus,” Lily said finally, “go talk to them.”

“What? I don’t want to.” Remus asked.

“Go on. Ask them what they’re doing. They’re obviously not studying.”

“I don’t know...It’s not really our business.”

Lily gave him a look. 

“Besides they probably wouldn’t tell me anyway.” Remus continued. 

“Sure they would. They like you.”

“Of course they don’t! Why would they?”

“Well _I_ like you.” Lily shrugged. “Severus likes you.” 

Severus sniggered, “Yeah Lupin. _I_ like you. _I think you’re great._ ” 

Remus could feel his face go red at Severus’s sarcasm.

“ _Fine._ I’ll go talk to them.” 

\- - - -

“Sirius you have got to stop looking like you’re going to wet yourself, mate. Everyone in this library is gonna know you’re up to something if you continue to jump around like that.” James rolled his eyes at his excited dorm mate. Sirius Black was like a ball of energy and coming from James that said a lot. Sirius also had a way of surprising him. Even though the two boys barely met a month ago, Sirius had drawn James in from the very first day on the train. The other boy could get excited about the smallest things, which never ceased to amaze James. The other day he had seen a particularly white owl and hadn’t stopped talking about it all through dinner. When he talked about his brother, his face would light up with pure love. He was loud and confident, sure, but he was also very observant. He was the first one to notice when Peter needed help or James was bored.

James had always prided himself with being able to tell a good character in mere minutes. The second Sirius had set foot in their small compartment, James had known he was special. Right now though, Sirius was going to get them in trouble before they had even started the _planning_ on what they were calling, “The Prank”. Admittedly it wasn’t a very clever name, but it did the job. Besides, why spend time on the _name_ when you could be spending that very time planning the greatest prank in all the history of Hogwarts? That was the philosophy the two boys shared. 

“Shut up James! I’m just excited.” He snapped his book shut and looked past James where Peter was crouching on the ground scanning through the bottom shelf. “Oi, Pete is there something useful in that book of yours?”

James shook his head as it was obvious Sirius had no intentions of hiding his excitement in any way. 

“Uhhhhh, to be honest I’m not really sure what I’m looking for...there's somethings growing your fingernails but I don't think that would be very- ”

“Come _on_ Pete anything that can help -” 

“Help with what?” Remus Lupin’s voice cut through Sirius’s. James turned around and saw the small boy standing at the end of the bookshelf, wearing an oversized sweater over his school uniform, staring at them with his light brown eyes wide in curiosity. James and Sirius exchanged a look. Sirius gave a slight nod and a shrug.

“Alright, Lupin,” James said, “We’ll tell you. But you have to promise not to tell anyone else. This is top secret.” 

Remus frowned then turned his head to look behind him where Lily and Snape were sitting watching the four of them very closely. Though the moment they realized they were seen they looked down at their books and pretended to read. Remus turned and looked at the three other boys again. Then he gave a big sigh. 

“Oh, ok. Yeah uh sure, I don’t really....I don't really want to tell them anyway. So....so what are you lot up to?” Now that he was around the other three boys Remus's voice started going all stuttery and nervous again and he focused his eyes on the book in Sirius's hand, wishing that just this once he wouldn't be anxious. 

“Well,” James said rubbing his hands together, and completely ignoring Remus's stammering, “as you are probably aware, Halloween is pretty soon. So, the three of us were planning something for the special occasion.”

“...Something? Like...what?” Remus asked apprehensively. 

“Like a _prank_.” 

“A...prank?” Remus asked, not looking very impressed.

“Well, yeah but like a _cool_ prank you know? Something big.” 

“Ok....well do you have any ideas yet?” Remus asked, seeming to warm up to the idea.

Once again Sirius and James exchanged a look. Sirius raised his eyebrows at James, _what should we tell him?_

“Well," James cleared his throat dramatically, "We have uh...we have...we have nothing.” 

“Oh.” There was a pause. James nodded, embarrassed and Peters face looked slightly red.

“Well can I help you think of something?” Remus said eventually.

“Ooh yes!” Peter cried. James hesitated. He obviously new Remus from their dorm as he saw him everyday. He even liked the boy, thinking he was intelligent and sometimes when he slipped up and let his guard down he could even be quite funny. But he never really seemed to fit in with the other three, choosing to rather spend time with Lily and Snape instead. Sirius nudged James's arm and nodded slightly. 

“Alright, mate." James nodded grinning. "It’s not like we couldn’t use the help.” 

“Yes!” Sirius pumped his fist in the air. “This is gonna be great!” 

Remus grinned, and James thought he could see something sparkle in the small boys eyes. And sure enough when James locked eyes with Remus for just split second it was undeniably there. A glint of mischief, right there in the amber of eyes of Remus Lupin. 

James raised his eyebrows, surprised that he hadn't noticed it before. 

"I think I have an idea..." 


	10. BONUS: Professor McGonagall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For this chapter, we've decided to try something new and write out of Professor McGonagall's perspective (since she was definitely the marauders mum) and we thought that maybe we would include a sort of "bonus" every few chapters where we write out of someone's perspective that isn't one of the main five characters (Remus, Sirius, James, Peter, Lily). Let us know how you like it and if we should include more of these "bonuses".

As Halloween was approaching the young boys in the first year dormitory were unbearable to be around.

James Potter and Sirius Black were excited and distracted every lesson, making them even more cocky and immature than ever. Remus Lupin seemed more jittery and even more nervous than usual seeming to observe everything in his surroundings, while Peter Pettigrew, kept murmuring things under his breath, which McGonagall decided was most probably _not_ a good sign.

The four boys were always whispering amongst themselves and would stop talking as soon as another person entered the room, which made not only the teachers nervous but also the other students. At first when McGonagall had encountered the four boys in her lesson she new immediately that Potter and Black would be trouble. But she had never expected the Lupin to be so suspicious too. 

Minerva McGonagall had barely ever seen the young boys so riled up. But then again, these boys were special in many different ways.

James Potter and Sirius Black both came from Pureblood Families, both on opposite sides of the political spectrum. It had been a surprise for everyone when the eldest Black had been sorted into Gryffindor rather than Slytherin. McGonagall tried to ignore it but deep down she secretly knew that she had a sweet spot for these four bumbling boys that had stumbled into Gryffindor's house. Although they all, especially the two black haired boys, exasperated her, she knew that it wasn’t easy to be different, and she was quite proud of the Potter boy to accept Sirius, who was so different to him yet so alike. And Peter who James had been friends with before Hogwarts, yet who was not nearly as clever or witty as the other two boys and most of all Remus who was such a small and nervous boy who seemed almost invisible to all other students. She knew, of course, about Remus’ condition. She wasn’t blind. He was an odd, awkward boy that looked as if he wasn't at all used to having friends. At least that was she thought when she saw him sitting at the big, loud, Gryffindor table for the first time, eating his dinner without talking to anyone. But now, as she shook her head at the four boys that were, not so discreetly, whispering amongst themselves in the middle of her class, she realized she was wrong. Remus Lupin did fit in at Hogwarts. He was still the quietest and shyest of the four, but something told her it wouldn't always be like that. She tried to hide her smile as she watched the four boys back up their bags, the last ones out of the classroom. Sirius Black jumping around in front of the others excitedly, James Potter sorting through Peter's class notes mumbling, and pushing the scrolls into the smaller boys book bag. And Remus Lupin, the corners of his mouth pulled up slightly, tripping over his too long robes as he stumbled after the others, still avoiding their eye contact when he talked, but not stammering as much as he used too. Professor McGonagall had always loved the first few weeks and even months of school when she could see friendships that would last a lifetime, blossom.

If only she knew what a pain these four boys would be in the next seven years... 


	11. The Prank (year 1)

Remus Lupin may have been small and shy and nervous and may not talk very much, but the three boys soon learned that he was an incredibly creative and possibly evil mastermind. He had come up with what seemed like hundreds of prank ideas and he seemed to know exactly what needed to be done in order for each and every one of them to work. Once October had finally rolled around all four boys were giddy with excitement and Remus had them practicing spells in a corner in the library everyday after lessons. Sirius admires Remus in a way he has never really admired someone before. Sure Sirius was smart, and James was too. But neither one of them were nearly as hard working or passionate as Remus. One day after Remus had come back to school from another visit to see his mum, the four boys were sitting in the library quietly practicing their Levitation spells when Lily Evans, the annoying redhead that Sirius had come to strongly dislike, walked in. The only good thing about this incident was that she was alone and that the slimy git Snape was nowhere to be seen. 

“Hey Remus.” Lily worked her way through the shelves of books and sat down next to Remus, uninvited. 

“Oh, hey.” Remus seemed startled but moved over his books to give her more space.

“So,” Lily looked around at the three other boys with distaste, “are you lot going to tell me what you’re up to?” 

“And why would we do that?” Sirius asked, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms.

Lily crossed her arms too. 

“Don’t worry,” Remus assured her, “We’re not up to anything.”

Sirius was surprised at how easily the lie escaped Remus’s lips. He would’ve thought that the boy was one of those kids that never liked to lie. 

“Yeah,” Peter agreed, “Remus is just helping us with homework!” He held up his parchment excitedly where he had taken a few messy notes. 

Lily raised her eyebrows skeptically. 

“As if I would need help with homework.” James huffed under his breath. They all looked at him.

“Seriously?” Remus asked. 

“I _know_ you guys are up to something. James Potter and Sirius Black _never_ study.”

“Well we certainly don’t _have_ to.” Sirius grinned high fiving James. Remus and Lily exchanged a look and Peter sighed loudly. 

"Hey have you lot seen Alchemy Ancient Art and Science anywhere near here?" A tall second year Gryffindor asked them. He scratched his head, "It used to be on that shelf over there but now its gone." A second boy, Remus also recognized as second-year came towards them and joined him. Both of them had orangey-brown hair that gleamed red in the light of the library, and they had this air about them, similar to Sirius's and James's like they were trying really hard not to look suspicious. 

"Yeah it's right here," Said Sirius handing them a book that was laying on a pile on their desk, "we don't need it anymore."

The tall one that had spoken reached forward and grabbed it. "Thanks, mate." He had to almost bend down just to reach it from Sirius's grip, as he was almost as tall as the fourth years.

"What do you two want with _that_ book?" Lily said haughtily, "It only has sketchy things in it...It really should be in the restricted section." 

The taller one didn't answer but just shrugged and walked off like it was none of their business but the shorter one lingered for a moment and gave them a cheeky grin before turning and walking after his brother. 

Remus felt something odd in his stomach.

As the boy walked after his brother something small and dark blue fell out of his pocket. Remus hesitated for a moment then jumped forward and grabbed it, stumbling after the boy, feeling the sudden urge to talk to him. 

"Wait-" 

The shorter twin turned around, and looked at him with bright mischievous eyes as if he knew something that Remus didn't. 

"You dropped this." Remus said handing him back what he had dropped, which happened to be a small, smooth, dice, with little gold stars printed on its glossy blue surface instead of black points on white like usual. 

"Thanks." The boy started to turn around again, to leave. Remus stepped forward. The boy had long eyelashes and elegant eyebrows. 

"I'm Remus....Uh, Lupin. " Remus said, desperately. "In case you were wondering." The boy turned back towards him. His cheeks were round and pink and he smiled again, as if he knew something Remus didn't.

"I'm Gideon Prewett." The boy started to smile softly. He had soft brown hair, that curled around his ears in delicate round curls, and sat about an inch above his shoulders. 

"Nice to meet you," Remus said stupidly. He found it hard to concentrate when looking into Gideon's clear blue eyes. 

Gideon smiled again. He had dimples. 

"See you around Remus Lupin." 

And then he left. 

\- - - - 

As Halloween approached life around the four boys seemed to grow more colorful, yet also darker and colder than it had been before. The days seemed to grow shorter and lessons seemed to be giddier with excitement as Halloween approached. Though no one was as giddy or excited as James, Sirius, Peter, and Remus. 

“I won’t be able to do it.” Peter said as the four of them made their way to the last class of the day, Transfigurations. 

“Sure you will, Pete.” James said easily. 

“I won't! I’m telling you!”

“Come on Pete, of course you can.” Sirius replied, absently. 

“Why does no one believe me?” Peter whined frustratingly. “First McGonagall expects me to be able to turn a toothpick into a paperclip and now Remus expects me to be able to explode Pumpkins!” 

“Shhh! Quiet Pete!” Sirius yelped, looking around. 

“We’ll all be there helping you.” Remus explained calmly. 

“Yeah sure, unless you vanish to visit your mum again!” Peter complained. Remus stopped short in his tracks and stared at the ground blushing furiously. James and Sirius glared at Peter. 

“Why would I-?” For a split second of pure fear Remus thought he had forgotten about the full moon, before realising that Peter obviously didn’t mean the full moon and just thought that Remus chose dates to visit his mum randomly. 

“Oi Pete, how about we let people visit their ill parents without complaining, eh?”

James asked, nudging Peter with his elbow.

Peter frowned, "I didn't mean-"

“Come on we’ll be late for Transfigurations.” Remus interrupted, walking past the other three boys not wanting them to see his reaction to what Peter had said. 

And as it turned out they were in fact late. 

The door burst open and Sirius and James waltzed in with a blushing Remus and a panting Peter awkwardly hiding behind them. Remus, who could practically feel the steam wafting off of his face stood rooted at the spot as he watched Peter quietly make his way to his seat in the back of the room dropping his things on the ground loudly and making a show of taking his wand out of his pocket really slowly and setting it on his desk precisely so as to not make a sound. Everyone in the classroom, including the Professor herself were all watching them in silent disbelief. James grinned at all the attention and did a small bow while Sirius struck some sort of a dance pose.

“How gracious of you four to finally make an appearance.” Professor McGonagall said, strolling up to them. Remus bent his head down with shame wishing he could move but feeling far too anxious. 

“Yes well we figured you would miss us if we didn’t show up.” Sirius agreed, aristocratically. 

“Perhaps you would be more useful if I transfigured you or Mr Potter here into a pocket watch. That way one of you might be on time.” 

“Oh come on Minnie we got lost that’s all.” James said. 

McGonagall just raised her eyebrows and gave them a pointed look, deciding to ignore their new nickname for her. 

“Then Perhaps a map. I trust you don’t need one to find your seats?”

Sirius grinned. “I don’t know Professor but I sure hope we can make it.” 

Remus heard a small sound to his left, looked over and saw Marlene holding a hand over her mouth, obviously trying to stifle a laugh. 

Remus turned back to face his professor. 

“Mr Lupin? Is a map needed?” 

A map....

“Mr Lupin?” 

A _map!_

Remus felt his eyes widen and he shook his head quickly. His stomach knotted up and he rushed to his seat hoping that the other students couldn’t notice the sweat running down his neck. A map though. A map to show him the way to his seat. A map to show him the way to a classroom. Or maybe to any part of the school. A map could certainly come in handy sometimes....

“Hey Professor!” James called, “You know what we think?”

Professor McGonagall turned around.

“We think you should write that down...You know for future references.” Sirius continued matter of factly. 

“You see it was quite good.” James explained, “I really liked the part about needing a map to find our seats, you know? Very creative.”

“And intimidating!” Sirius added. 

“Ah yes! Yes!” James nodded wisely pointing at Sirius as if he had just said something very profound. 

But Remus wasn’t really paying attention. His mind was still hung up on the map idea. He wondered why none of the first years even had maps of the school in the first place. Remus turned around in his chair. 

“Black! Oi, Black!” Remus whispered. 

Sirius looked up, “What?”

“You know that things about the map-?”

“Mr Lupin?” Professor McGonagall's voice cut through what Remus was about to say. 

“Sorry! Sorry…” Remus turned around in his chair to face the front. 

“Now could I please start my lesson?” She asked bitterly, crossing her arms. 

“Yes! Yes! Sorry…”

Sirius snickered in the background. 

  
  
\- - - - 

The day of the Prank, every single one of the four boys in the first year dorm, were unexplainably quiet. They could explain it, but no one thought to ask them, since they wouldn't get a satisfying answer anyways. They’d probably get an answer like “Awe Evans, I didn’t know you were paying such close attention to me. Wanna meet me in a broom closet after class?” or “Merlin Meadows, you’d think you have better things to do than to examine my behavior all day. Reckon you could pay attention to professor Binns, and write my history essay for me?” 

But both Lily and Dorcas knew something was up, when the four young boys walked into the great hall for breakfast on Halloween morning on time. No, not on time. _Early._ Dorcas, who did indeed have a history essay to write, and was quite occupied by Marlene talking her ear off, couldn’t care less why her friends showed up early. She noticed, of course -everyone always noticed those four boys- but she didn’t care. Lily however, who had already written the history essay last night and was detached from the conversation, noticed, and could not stop thinking about the reason for their early arrival. They didn't do anything necessarily _odd_ during breakfast, just the usual; Sirius declaring his undying love for McGonagall and Remus rolling his eyes without suppressing his laughter in the slightest, and Peter and James singing a musical wizard duet loudly over the hum of the great hall. _But still._ Something was up. Something was going to happen today, and it was killing Lily that she couldn’t figure out what... 

\- - - -

It was Remus's idea to come to breakfast early. He wanted to check out the territory before “The Prank”. Two days before when he had woken up early to finish some homework James had caught him and forced him to go on one of his mornings walks with him and now James viewed the two of them as so-called "morning mates," ever since Remus's sleep schedule had been messed up anyway. It had started on a Wednesday morning with James opening his drapes, messy black hair sticking in all directions, and his pajama shirt somehow put on inside out and backward.

  
“Remy!” He had whispered excitedly. “Rise and shine boy!”

“Hey James...what are you doing up so early?”

  
James had just shrugged and put on his glasses. “Early worm gets the bird.”

  
They blinked at each other.

“Isn’t it-” Remus started.

  
“Oh well. Why are you up so early, Remus?” James was now pulling long blue socks, with little yellow balls on them, over his feet.

  
“Oh I just...I was going to study." James scoffed loudly.

"-What are those yellow, winged balls on your socks?” Remus eagerly changed the subject.

  
“Oh these bad boys?” James wiggled his toes. “They’re snitches!” His cheeks were flushed in excitement.

  
“Ah, yes. Of course.” Remus said, trying to sound like he knew what he was talking about. James saw right through his cover but instead of teasing him he just grinned and started explaining, “Well there’s this wizard sport you see? Quidditch. It's the best wizarding sport there is, mind you. You fly around on brooms and you try to hit balls into hoops in the air. It’s really cool. One of the balls is a snitch. It’s this really fast, golden, flying thing and one of the guys on each team has to try and catch the snitch. Whoever catches it first wins 150 points to their team!”

  
“Oh...cool,” Remus said, “then why aren’t you trying out for the team? You seem to really like it.”

  
“I do! But first years can’t try out.” James ripped off his pajama shirt with no shame and started buttoning up his school uniform. Remus blushed and looked down at the ground.

  
“Eh, what do you say Lupin? Join me for my morning walk?”

  
Remus yawned, “Me? I don’t know, I’m not really great company.”

  
"Course you are!"

"No really! I' would just make it more boring-"

“Sure thing lad, I’ll wait for you in the common room.”

  
“Wait but-”

  
James exited the room grinning, and flashing Remus a thumbs up. 

Somehow because of the fact that Remus had woken up early once or twice, James assumed that that meant that Remus enjoyed mornings just as much as he did. Not that anyone really enjoyed mornings as much as James did. Not that anyone really enjoyed life as much as James did. In the four days that Remus had known James, he’d gained an impressive amount of respect towards the other boy. Remus had straight away noticed how confident James was but he had never noticed just how happy the boy was. Every morning he would wake up as early as possible as if he couldn’t wait for the day to start. Then he would check if Remus was awake, and if he wasn’t he would jump on the young werewolf grinning evilly. Every day when the two of them would walk around the grounds, in the morning mist, breathing in the fresh air and feeling the slight tickle of the warm sun above awaken, James would hum to himself, or rather hum to Remus. He would skip instead of walk, he would laugh loudly at Remus’s bad jokes and he would always smile and look up at the sky as if he couldn’t believe what a beautiful day it was. And Remus just couldn’t help liking James Potter. No matter how many times he told him he was boring or wasn’t fun to hang around with, James always stuck with him and laughed and told him, “But you’re my morning mate.”

The hard part this morning had been to drag Peter and Sirius along too. But now sitting at the table and listening to Sirius’s stupid confessions and James and Peter’s horrible singing Remus tried hard not to let anyone notice him observing the great hall in any unusual way. Remus wasn’t stupid though. He knew he had to be extra careful because sitting just a few seats away from his was Lily and she definitely knew something was up. Although Lily liked Remus the most out of all the boys in Gryffindor and maybe even all the girl’s in Gryffindor too, she also happened to _hate_ everything to do with James and Sirius. After breakfast Lily rushed after Remus tugging on his shirt. 

“Don’t do it Remus.” 

Remus turned around trying to look innocent. 

“What?” 

“Come on,” Lily said impatiently. “I know something is up. And I don’t want you to get in trouble.” 

“I won’t!” Remus said truthfully. Or at least he hoped it was truthful. 

“Remus,” Lily pleaded, “what if you lose house points?” 

“Lily,” Remus put his hands on her shoulder and smiled. 

“I _won’t_.” 

_ _ _ _ 

The Halloween feast was spectacular. Music was playing, people were laughing and the food was displayed in a fancy decoration that made it look almost too pretty to eat. _Almost_. Remus thankfully, also spotted the most vital ingredient to their prank: the pumpkins. Of course Remus had already sent Sirius and Peter ahead of time to check if everything was in position, but it was still a relief to actually see them there in person. 

“This is it lads,” James said excitedly, wrapping one arm around Peter and one arm around Sirius. “This is the day we begin our legacy…”

“What legacy?” Remus snorted, “Dropping pumpkins on people?”

“Silence, imbecile!” Sirius threw his hands up. “We will be known as...the…”

“-Troublemacers!” Peter yelled excitedly. “Only it will be spelled with a C instead of a K ‘cus that’s cooler! Trust me.” 

“That’s not cool, that’s stupid,” Sirius said. Remus could help but snicker a little and Sirius looked at him, smiling. 

“No it’s cool!” 

“We should have a better name. _That’s a dumb name_.” James shook his head thoughtfully.

“The…” Remus started but he couldn’t think of anything.

“The...four… _amigos_.” Sirius started.

They all blinked at him. 

"The...four...amis?" Sirius asked. 

"What are you saying?" Peter asked disappointedly. 

Sirius argued, "It's French!" 

"Bonjour!" Peter said teasingly.

Sirius looked outraged, "First of all that accent alone was a menace-"

“You know what screw the name!” James suddenly interrupted them waving his hands. “Who cares about names anyway!”

“What’s wrong with _The Four Amigos_?” Sirius asked, looking hurt. "Or les quatre amis?" 

“Nothing...except that it SUCKS!” Peter said. 

“YOU suck!” Sirius yelled. 

“As long as the prank is good it doesn’t matter what we’ll be called.” Remus reasoned. 

The boys nodded in agreement. "But what will they remember us as then?" Peter asked after a moment.

"No one will want to remember us anyway." Remus laughed nervously.

"Well I don't know about you but I'll be remembered as a disappointment..." Sirius said uncharacteristically gravely.

"Well, we can hardly go around calling ourselves disappointments now can we?" James grinned. "The professors already do that for us!"

Peter laughed and after a while, Remus and Sirius laughed too, if only because of how ridiculous Peter sounded.

"I think it's time," James said, looking around. They nodded and then the four of them slowly wrapped their hands around the wands in their pockets. 

“...On my mark,” Remus whispered, “Get set, _now_!” 

Peter fumbled with his hand and ended up being a few seconds behind but it didn’t seem to matter because at that moment after Remus had yelled “now” the other three boys had already levitated multiple pumpkins off the ground, watching them merrily bob and sway up into the sky whispering so faintly that only the four troublemakers new what they were saying. Everyone in the hall started quieting down until the pumpkins were the only ones saying anything at all. A few of the teachers slowly stood up holding their hands to their lips, except for Dumbledore who looked not only calm but was actually smiling and clapping his hands slightly. Slowly, while the pumpkins were still getting louder and louder they started moving towards the far end of the hall where the Slytherins started murmuring amongst themselves pointing at the pumpkins and trying to inch away as if without being seen. 

“Remus!” Lily’s voice cut through Remus’ trance and a few of the pumpkins wavered a bit before continuing on. 

“Lily! What?” 

“I know this is you guys. Stop it!” 

“We’re not doing anything!” 

“Oh, you aren’t? Then show me your wand hand!” 

Remus hesitated. 

“Uh ....no. No. I don’t want to.” 

“Remus. You are just _proving_ my point.” Lily argued. She leaned back and crossed her arms. “I’m disappointed.” 

Sirius suddenly turned around at that, “oh no! Lily Evans is disappointed! What are we gonna do?!” Then he, James, and Peter burst out laughing. 

“Whatever,” Lily said. Remus turned around guiltily and tried to concentrate on his pumpkins. By now the chanting was loud enough for everyone to hear. 

“Gryffindor! Gryffindor!” 

The chants were now so loud a couple of the students were sitting with their hands clapped over their ears. Then, the pumpkins started opening up and that’s when the Slytherins really started to panic moving as far away from the table as they could. And with one final earshattering chant the pumpkins released the big surprise. Though it wasn’t bombs, or animals, or some sort of powder or gas, or anything dangerous at all. It was confetti. Small glittery red, and gold pieces of paper fluttered down from the pumpkins and gracefully dowsed the Slytherin table in Gryffindor colors. Everyone stayed silent for a moment before all the Gryffindors and Ravenclaws started laughing. Even some of the Hufflepuffs laughed slightly out of relief that no one was hurt. Dumbledore’s eyes twinkled but instead of saying anything he picked up his fork and resumed eating as if nothing had happened at all. Professor McGonagall on the other hand was scanning the great hall with her eyes trying to find someone guilty with their wands out. But the four (Amigos? They didn’t have a name yet…) had already turned around in their seats, their wands stuck up far in the folds of their pockets. The only guilty thing about them, the huge grins that we’re now as wide as half-moons. 

  
  
  



	12. Christmas Holidays (year 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING:  
> -mentions of blood at the end of the chapter during Remus's full moon

Sirius used to love Christmas. 

When he was younger, him and Regulus always went to Uncle Alphards for Christmas, but as they got older, the warmth and comfort of hot chocolate were replaced by fancy family gatherings, in scratchy dress robes and french relatives. He didn’t dare imagine how awful this year would be. His mother clearly hated him even more than she did before, but he couldn’t wait to see Reggie again. James, the pratt, wouldn’t shut up about his family dinners and big presents waiting for him in the muggle town -Sirius was about to punch him in the gut- when he caught Remus’ eye. The small boy looked worried. Sirius felt a small tug in his gut, at the thought that the young nervous boy he'd come to appreciate recently was also worried to go home.

“You alright Remus?” he asked quietly, so only he and Remus could hear. Remus didn’t reply; he just kept staring into nothingness with a worried look on his face. Sirius poked him.

“Oi, Rem, what’s wrong?” He whispered, more determined this time. He could almost see how Remus snapped out of his trance as he scooched closer. 

“Huh? I....oh...um yes Sirius, I’m fine. Just...nervous to go home.” 

Sirius stared at Remus in surprise. The only times he ever talked about his home was when he talked about visiting his mother or that time when he told Sirius he was used to being stared at. Remus seemed to Sirius, as a somewhat mysterious guy and he realized that Remus must not have really realized what he said. Sirius desperately wanted to ask why Remus was worried to go home, but he didn't want to pry or push. Instead he just pried his eyes away from the other boy and said, “Oh, me too mate, me too."

They sat in silence for a moment and Sirius wished he could know what Remus was thinking. Sirius shifted uncomfortably and before he could say anything wrong to Remus he shouted, “Oi James shut the fuck up ok? No one wants to hear about your mother's stupid quidditch cake!” 

Remus winced at the f-word, and promptly blushed a few shades, of red which actually gave him a healthier more lively look. 

"Oi, watch your mouth!" James replied, which made Peter laugh. Regardless though, after that, he did stop talking about the upcoming holidays and instead resorted to beating Peter in wizard chess instead. 

Sirius leaned back and rested his head on the cushion of the sofa, tilting his neck slightly so that he could still see Remus, whose eyes were now focused on the window, looking outside where they had a perfect vew of the moon and stars. 

"Beautiful, ey?" Sirius said quietly. The corner of Remus's mouth twitched but before he could say anything someone came over and sat down on the couch next to Remus.

"Remus?" 

Sirius lifted his head and immediately let loose a long sigh. "Evans." 

Lily looked at him distastefully, peering down at him like he was the gum stuck on the bottom of her shoe. 

"What are you lot still doing in the common room?" She asked, "Don't you have detention or something?" 

"Nope!" Peter called cheerfully, from where he was sitting on the floor. He pushed forward a player on the board. Lily scrunched her eyebrows together. 

"And why not?" 

"Cuz you would miss us too much, Evans," James answered without looking up. Lily blushed, angrily. 

"I can't believe the teachers let you get away, with such a disgusting, _dangerous_ , prank!" 

Sirius rolled his eyes, "So?" 

"Remus, aren't you going to say something?" Lily pressed, rounding on the small boy. 

"Huh?" Remus's head snapped away from the window. "Oh, hey Lily." 

"Remus!" Lily whined. 

"Come on leave him out of this, he's tired," James said, finally looking over to them. Sirius took a closer look at Remus. He did look tired; his skin was even paler than usual, his eyes were accompanied by dark shadows and he seemed unfocused. Even more unfocused than Sirius had apparently realized. 

"What?" Remus asked, blinking at them, and uncrossing his legs. 

"Nothing, Rem." James assured him. 

"I can't believe you didn't say anything to the professors Remus." Lily said shaking her head. 

"What, you want him to turn himself in?" Sirius laughed.

Lily turned towards him. "Well, I never said that did I?" 

"Ohhhh," James burst out laughing. "You want _him_ to turn _us_ in!" 

Peter looked hurt, and Sirius shook his head, "Come on, Evans. You just can't handle that maybe Remus wasn't as much of a goody two-shoes you thought he was." 

Lily stared at him, then at James, then Peter and lastly turned and looked at Remus who had resorted to staring out of the window again, where hundreds of small stars blinkd in and out of the sky. 

"What is _wrong_ with you today?" Lily hissed, then got up, and stomped out of the common room and up the stairs to her dormitory. 

Sirius, glanced and Remus, and out of the corner of his eye saw Peter and James do the same thing. 

"Hey, you ok?" Sirius tried again. "Do you want to go upstairs?"

Remus didn't answer. He just turned and looked at them, his eyes yellower then Sirius had remembered them to be. 

_ _ _ _

The boy's dormitory was a mess. It was always a mess, but the day before the Hogwarts Express would leave for winter holidays, there was barely a space that wasn’t covered in socks or robes or ties. Remus, of course, was the only one that had already packed and was basically ready to go, and was scurrying around the room complaining to the others begging them to, “please pick up your socks, Peter!” or exclaim “James why do you own so many different colors of underwear?!” or “Sirius by Merlin's beard, why is your tie on MY bed?” 

Sirius on the other hand was trying to stuff all of his ties into the side of his trunk, and failing miserably. He kept finding new things he had to leave or take or clothes that belonged to James, or sugar quills that belonged to Peter. Currently, he was trying to convince the boys to sneak into the girls dorm to give Evans a haircut, but this idea was quickly discouraged, when James said the stairs to the girls dorms turned into a slide, when a boy even tried to set foot on them. Sirius decided not to press why James knew that. 

“Fuck off, Remus! Or if you're not gonna leave at least help me get these shirts into my fucking trunk!” 

"OI!" James yelled, throwing a pillow at Sirius. 

Peter stared at him with wide eyes, teasing, "You sound like a drunken sailor, swearing like that!” 

"Hey! No telling Remus to fuck off!" James pointed at Sirius.

Sirius paled, "Yeah, I know. I'm sorry."

But instead of being offended Remus just muttered, “Jesus, Sirius can we maybe lay down with all those...bad words.” 

" _Bad_ words?" James mocked laughing. 

“What?” Sirius addressing Remus, who was sitting on his bed, knees drawn up to his chin, arms rapped around his skinny legs. 

“I mean you just swear a lot,” Remus answered face going red. 

“No, I mean before that?” 

“What are you talking about?” 

“What the fuck is a _Jesus_?” 

That earned him another look from Remus before Remus and Peter shared a look and burst out laughing. 

“Wasn’t he a wizard?” James asked. 

“What?” Remus looked surprised. “No!” 

“Wait a minute...what if he _was?_ ” Peter exclaimed his eyes wide. "My mom is going to-"

“Let’s not...think about that…” 

“Whatever.” James said, shaking his head, and running to the center of the room sitting down and staring at them all, “let’s get down to business. When are you lads visiting me? I just found this new room in our house, that I think my dad charmed just so that I wouldn't find it so there must be something cool-” 

“I don’t think I’ll be able to visit at all.” Sirius interrupted solemnly before James could go on. 

Remus looked like he was about to be sick, his already pale skin seeming to go green. “Yeah me neither.”

“What?” James said drawing out the 'a', looking deeply disappointed.

“I can come.” Peter perked up. 

“So what?” James muttered. “It'll be boring without the other two. Besides you live like two doors down anyway.”

“It’s alright.” Remus tried to assure them, “I’m boring anyway.” 

The three other boys all groaned in synchronization. Remus blushed, and rested his chin on his knees bashfully. 

"Stop with that," Sirius whispered shaking his head. Peter shook his head too. 

“You’re _not,_ Remus. Stop always saying that! Why can’t you come, anway?” 

Remus looked down at the ground, his hands seeming to slightly tremble. 

“I just...I want to be around my mum.” 

“Didn’t you visit her a few days ago? After Lily got mad at you for not telling on us?” 

Remus didn’t meet their eyes. “Yeah.” 

“And now again?” 

“....yeah.” 

"Oh." Peter said.

“Is she….” James looked uncomfortable. “Is she doing worse?” 

“We just....we don't....don’t know...any minute she could….Uhm....” Remus's voice cracked nervously. 

There was an awkward silence in which the four boys all looked at the floor. His hands shaking slightly Remus picked up a pair of socks, rolled them up and neatly placed them into Sirius's trunk.

“So Black….” James said turning towards Sirius. “Why can’t you come?” 

“My mum,” Sirius replies miserably.

Peter gasped, “is she sick too?!” 

Remus’ head snapped up and he turned around to look more closely at Sirius. He and Sirius held eye contact for a moment. 

“No...unfortunately not." Sirius said at last, "She’s just evil.” 

James looked down solemnly. None of the boys really knew much about Sirius’s family except for James who had heard him complain the most. Remus only knew the few things that Sirius had told him that one night in bed and Peter only knew the things he could gather from Sirius’ talks with his cousins (which wasn’t a lot). 

James clapped his hands together loudly. "How about we finish our stupid packing?" 

_ _ _ _ 

Remus lay in bed, and listened to the sounds of wind rushing through the open air into the four boys dorm. He could slowly hear Peter's breathing deepen as he fell asleep, and he could hear a rustling from James's bed where he knew that the other boy was looking through some quidditch magazine like he always did before going to bed. For a few seconds Remus lay in the cold and breathed in the night air kicking off his blanket to let goosebumps crawl all over his arms and legs. He wouldn't be able to sleep tonight. The wolf was still close to the surface, so close to the full moon and Remus felt restless and agitated. Crawling out of his bed, he considered going to the library and reading a little to calm down, but that made him feel like such a nerd that he decided to rule out the possibility. If he really wanted his fellow Gryffindors to like him, he would have to stop acting so strangely and uninterestingly. He wondered why the even still kept him around. Remus walked past the fire of the common room, listening to the calm crackling sounds. If only he could do something for his friends. Were they even his friends? Did they keep him around because they pitied him?

"Oi, Remus you haven't seen a frog anywhere have you?" Remus jumped and turned to see Frank Longbottom emerge from where had been crouching on the floor being a wooden chair, looking for something. 

"A...frog?" Remus asked stupidly. 

"Yeah." Frank answered, "I uh...I can't find mine. Alice...um...Alice gave me one for my birthday a few days ago when you were still at your mums, and uhhh...I seem to have lost it."

"Oh," Remus said.

"I actually wanted a toad. You see my mum said real wizards always have toads and when I told Alice she got me one. Or well she thought she did. I mean it was actually a frog you see?"

"Ok." 

"Don't tell her though!" Frank suddenly cried, "That I lost it! I don't want her to think that I didn't take good care of it or anything. I am. Taking good care of it, I mean. I like frogs." He took a deep breath like Remus sometimes did when he started rambling."Anyway. Haven't...uh...haven't seen one?" 

Remus shook his head slowly, "No...I'm sorry." 

"Ok, well...see ya." 

Remus nodded and smiled a little before turning around and exiting the room. Alice had gotten Frank, her friend, a frog. Is that what friends do? Did they give each other frogs? Remus racked his brain for an answer. He wasn't sure where was going to get a frog, but....maybe a chocolate frog? He knew Sirius wasn't feeling great, and after all, wasn't it sort of a tradition now? The chocolate frog thing? Remus hesitated. Where could one get a chocolate frog at night in a magical castle? Well, somewhere where they have food so, Remus supposed, the kitchens. He didn't know exactly how to get in but he had heard Peter and Sirius discuss a giant painting of a pear once or twice. And he had somewhat of an idea where to go...

A few minutes later, Remus finally made it to the hallway. The stone floor felt cold against his feet, as he was only wearing woolen socks and no shoes, and the candles cast long wary shadows that followed him menacingly. When he reached the painting though, he wasn't exactly sure what to do. He turned around in a full circle and scanned his surroundings to make sure no teachers were coming, but when he turned back to the painting he found himself face to face with another Gryffindor. Remus jumped back immediately. 

"Merlin!" he gasped. 

The boy he had almost run into looked at him, his eyebrows knit, and Remus immediately recognized it to be Gideon Prewett. Remus could see that his hair was longer now than it was before, and in the light of the candle, he was holding it looked even more orange too. Remus liked it, but he felt that it may not have been an appropriate moment to point that out. 

"What are you doing here?" Remus asked, somewhat accusingly, although he was just surprised. 

Gideon smiled slightly and glanced at the pear painting. His lips were very full and slightly pink. Remus looked away from his face. 

"Were you in the kitchens?' Remus asked, impressed. 

Gideon bowed, smiling mischievously. He showed Remus his hands which Remus now realized were stacked with foods. Candy, crisps, and fruits. 

"You don't...talk very much do you?" Remus questioned, after a moment of them staring at each other. 

Gideon tilted his head slightly then stepped backward. He looked like he was enjoying himself. He always looked like that somehow. 

"Sure I do. But sometimes talking isn't necessary is it?" 

Remus smiled slightly. 

"See you around, Remus Lupin." 

And then Gideon left once again.

_ _ _ _

Ten minutes after Sirius had entered his own bed there was a small rustle of movement, a few footsteps and then James Potter was in Sirius Blacks bed telling him to “scoot his fat butt over” and fussing over Sirius’ blanket making sure to tuck in the boy's feet, and drawing it up all the way to his chin. Then James sat down next to his friend and leaned against the bedrest not looking his friend in the eyes. For a few more minutes they both sat there in silence, before James turned his head towards Sirius, staring at him. 

“Hey,” He said. 

Sirius didn’t answer. James sat up straight and cast a quick muffliato charm. 

“Have you talked to Andy?”

Sirius shook his head, the tiniest fraction. James sighed a little. 

“You should.”

“I don’t want to.” Sirius said quietly, as if he didn’t want to be overheard, even though he knew he couldn’t be because of the muffliato charm. 

“Yeah you do. You haven’t talked to her in a long time....you miss her. Just like you miss Regulus.”

Sirius didn’t say anything. 

“Look I know...I know you haven’t talked to them because it brings back painful memories. And I know there are many things you're not telling me...And I know you don’t want to have to face your family again. But at least you still have _them_ , right? At least you’ll still be able to spend time with them when the rest of your family is going knuts.”

Sirius shook his head slightly and he could feel his eyes start to prickle with tears. Ashamed he turned his head away, feeling his face go warm. 

“Mate…” James said quietly, his voice breaking a little.

“I’m scared.” Sirius suddenly whispered, as if he had to get it out. His hands were shaking. 

“I know,” James said. Sirius didn’t realize it, but his best friend's hands were shaking too. Not out of fear though. Out of something a lot stronger. Because James Potter _never_ hated anyone. Not even Severus Snape. Not even Bellatrix Black. But now, for the first time in his life white, hot anger boiled through his veins at the very thought of his friend returning home to Wallpurga and Orion Black. 

  
_ _ _ _ 

Remus entered the dorm as quietly as he could. He looked over at Sirius's bed and right when he was about to whisper something he noticed, a second figure sitting next to Sirius. 

"Oh-" His breath hitched. He felt a small tingle in his stomach. An unpleasant tingle. So, he thought to himself, I've been replaced. Or maybe he never really was an option in the first place. Maybe there was nothing to replace. 

Remus stood there for a moment, chocolate frog in hand. And then very quietly he sat down on his bed, opened his drawer, and placed the chocolate In it. He closed the drawer, the blinds, and finally his eyes. 

It had been a stupid idea anyway. 

_ _ _ _ 

Sirius was in a bad mood from the second they left the train. His entire aura changed; it was all dark stares and mean remarks. Alone on the way outside he snapped at Peter twice, rolled his eyes at James once, (which he never did), and completely ignored Remus. 

When he got his trunk off the train and followed the others to where James’ parents were standing, a sick feeling settled in the pit of his stomach. He was going back to his parents' house. He was going back. He was actually going back. Shit. Shit. Shit. He could feel his heart racing, in his chest, and he was scared that maybe it would rip out of his body. At least that way he wouldn't have to face his family. 

“...And this is Sirius Black.” James was saying. Sirius perked up and nodded slightly.

“Hullo.” 

James’ mum smiled at him kindly but he could detect pity in her eyes. James told her about his family. Not that he had to. She probably already knew plenty. “Do you know when your parents will be here?” She asked her voice getting a bit quieter at the mention of ‘parents’. Sirius shook his head. 

“Maybe we could all go out and have some dinner and I could drop you off at your house afterward?” 

“Mum...” James said quietly. Sirius shook his head again. 

“Oi Black I’m gonna write you so many letters you won’t even be able to count them all, eh?” Peter said, having already forgotten and forgiven Sirius for snapping at him. 

“Can’t,” Sirius muttered rubbing his hand on his forehead that was now layered in sweat. Suddenly James's -who was looking behind Sirius- eyes widened and he cleared his throat quietly. Sirius turned around and watched Andromeda walk towards him. She looked uncomfortable, with her hands in her pockets. 

“Andy.”

“Sirius,” she said quietly. "You've been avoiding me."

Sirius didn't say anything.

The corner of her mouth twisted a tiny bit.

She nodded her head back in the direction she came from. “Come on.” She didn’t have to say anything more than that. Sirius took a deep breath. “Bye.” But before he could leave James grabbed his arm and pulled him back giving him a fierce hug. “You can do it, Sirius.” 

Sirius’ whole body shook as he willed himself not to cry. “The holidays will be over before you know it.” James continued. Sirius nodded and with one quick burst of bravery followed his cousin out of the crowd. The first person he saw was his mother who stood out like a sore thumb with her posh, vampire-style clothing and the constant facial expression of disgust. Next to her, tall and stern stood Sirius’ father who looked uncomfortable to be surrounded by lower-class wizards. 

“Auntie Walpurga!” A horrible but familiar voice shrieked. Bellatrix Black flung her arms around Sirius’ mother leaving two sloppy wet kisses on either cheek. 

“Bella! Narcissa! Andy!” Walpurga plastered a huge fake smile on her face and gave the three girls an awkward hug. Sirius took another deep breath thanking fate that his mother's attention wasn’t on him. That’s when Sirius spotted him. He was standing right there behind Sirius’ father, peaking out timidly from behind the big man's bulky figure. “Regulus...” The name escaped Sirius’ lips before he could stop himself. 

Regulus stepped forward, his eyes big and blue and filled with disappointment. 

“No letters.” He said quietly. Sirius felt like crying again. 

“I’m sorry.” He croaked. 

“Why didn’t you write?” Regulus asked looking down at the ground. 

“I...” 

“Did you find someone better?” Regulus’ voice cracked slightly. “Did you forget about me?”

Sirius’s hands started sweating. 

“No. No, Reggie of course not.” Sirius was shaking his head. 

“We’re leaving.” Andy nudged Sirius. Sirius looked up in surprise. They had _ignored_ him. His parents had completely ignored him. Relief flooded into Sirius’ heart. Andy shook her head and redirected his attention to all the wizards and witches surrounding them. And Sirius knew exactly what she meant; not even his parents were stupid enough to do anything in a crowded train station. Once they got home his parents wouldn’t be ignoring him much longer. James was wrong; these holidays would be very very long. And Sirius wasn’t sure if he would be able to survive them. 

_ _ _ _ 

It was strange being back at home after so many months away from his parents and his bedroom and his neighborhood but Remus was more worried about the prospect of spending a full moon at home rather than anything else. At Hogwarts full moons were so much easier and simpler. Sure they obviously still hurt, a lot even, but there was less stress involved as he always knew Madam Pomfrey would be there with a helping hand and a helping potion. At home all he knew was that he would spend the next few hours in a basement and whether or not he would come out alive, or survive by the time he came out, remained a mystery one month after the other. But he loved being back in the small cottage. He loved waking up to the smell of french toast and the sound of his mother singing to herself in the kitchen. He loved having all of his books back. The fairytales and the adventures, that never got old, were something Remus hadn’t even realized he was missing. He loved to go outside in the shade of his old tree, and just read for hours and hours on end. 

But as the full moon drew closer, it became harder for Remus to do all these things he loved, and instead he just sat in his bedroom, worrying. 

The best that came from going home over the holidays was definitely his parents. On the day that he and his friends had arrived in kings cross station both of his parents had driven all the way over to pick him up and engulf him in gigantic hugs, his dad ruffling his hair and his mum kissing his cheeks. 

“So who are those boys?” His mum had asked nodding at the three other boys who were standing with James’ parents (a plump Indian woman and a tall white man with huge glasses) who were fussing over the three boys as if they were all their children instead of only James. 

“Those are….” Remus had hesitated but not for long, “my friends.” His father had beamed down at him and his mother had given him a wink, smirking at him as if by getting friends he had somehow proven her right. 

“I want to meet them!” She had declared starting to make her way over to the other three boys. And all Remus and his father could do was follow her. 

After that encounter had occurred his parents were the happiest Remus had seen them in a long time. Everyday they asked how his friends were doing, even if he had no chance of knowing, and on the 24th of December when three owls with parcels all visited him at the same time his parents nearly lost it out of excitement. 

The first present he opened was from Peter. It was a box of homemade biscuits from Peter's mother paired with two different flavored chocolate bars and a card that read, _Happy Christmas Lupen!_ (Remus decides to ignore the fact that his name was spelled incorrectly.) 

The next Parcel he opened was from James whose owl fluttered around excitedly jumping up and down and flapping his wings at Remus’ face in such an overwhelming welcome that reminded him a lot of James. The gift that James had sent was a small box with different flavors of tea bags all lined neatly organized in rows and columns. Excitedly Remus started picking out a few of the bags to read the flavors, which included pretty normal ones such as black tea, fruit tea and peppermint tea and some pretty weird ones such as butter brew tea, sunflower root tea, and a particular one that caught Remus’ eye called Midnight Moon. 

_Merry Christmas ma’ boy! Hope you enjoy the gift...you seemed like the type of boring person to get excited about tea. Anyway have a good holiday and we’ll see each other soon._

_You're favorite person ever, James._

Lastly, Remus opened the gift from Sirius which was the smallest. One chocolate frog with a small note that said, _Thought this might cheer you up._ And a cursive black S. Remus couldn’t help but let a small smile form on his face as he delicately dropped the chocolate frog into his pocket. Maybe he had been wrong. 

_ _ _ _ 

The full moon was on the 31 which was not a nice way to start the new year.

The wolf obviously wasn’t happy about being back in the basement at Remus's house because it threw a huge fit. His parents had locked the door of the basement exactly at 7:00 pm since that was when the sun had officially fallen, and had, like always promised Remus a wonderful breakfast the next day (even though he never felt fit to eat after a full) and gift like a new book, or quill (even though that just made Remus feel quilty since his parents spent too much money on him).

Remus slowly peeled off his clothes and sat in the corner of the room, trying to keep warm. There was a small wornout and somewhat scratchy blanket in the cellar that Remus gingerly wrapped around himself but it barely provided any sort of warmth of comfort.

While he waited Remus did some stretch exercises. He always felt absolutely ridiculous doing them but after his father had suggested it one time a few years ago Remus decided to try it out, and actually realise that it did indeed help. While it definitely wasn't life-altering it did make the muscle cramps and spasming go down, and skin felt less stretched and soar after the full moon (though that could've just been a placebo effect).

On this particular day the transformation was slow and excruciating as if for once the wolf didn’t actually want to come out, and took about two hours, give or take. Remus tried to keep the noise down, but he knew his parents could hear him crying and yelling from downstairs. Trying to suppress his screams and suppress his guilt Remus curled into a small ball and dug teeth into his lips until he tasted blood, waiting for the pain to subside telling himself that it would be over soon.

It would be over soon.

When Remus woke up the next day he knew he was right. The wolf really really wasn't happy being back. Remus woke up with more gashes that night than he had had in months. Overcome by pain, and not being able to move Remus lay in his own blood waiting for himself to pass out, yet not even that seemed to be going his way. The young werewolf turned his head ever so slightly and glanced at the pile of clothes in the corner of his room where out of one of his pockets a corner of the small package holding the chocolate frog was peaking out. 

It didn't cheer him up. But it did help. 

It would all be over soon...

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! :))


	13. Serums and Seethings (year 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long wait hope you enjoy :)

On the day back to school, from the holidays Lily couldn’t find Sev. 

She had seemingly rushed from one end of the train to the next before finally giving up and thinking to herself that she would sit with Dorcas and Marlene instead. The only issue was that Dorcas and Marlene weren’t sitting alone. 

“Hey Lily,” Peter said well mannered and sweet as always, (though lily still didn’t trust him.) 

“Hey.” 

Sirius groaned, “don’t you have anywhere else to sit Evans?” 

Lily tried to act as though this didn’t faze her but it didn’t feel very pleasant either. 

“No.” She said truthfully. She sat down next to Marlene and Dorcas who were sitting on the left side of the compartment and she ended up facing Peter who was on the other side near the door. How the four boys all managed to cram on one compartment bench was a mystery to her. Near the window Remus was asleep with his head resting on Sirius’ shoulder who despite his mean comment earlier looked more deflated and tired than usual and leaned his head against Remus’. 

“You alright Black?” Lily asked quietly. 

Sirius didn’t meet her eyes, “fine.” 

James looked uncomfortable but didn’t say anything. 

“How were your holidays Lily?” Marlene asked. Lily thought back to her troubles with Petunia. 

“Good.” She lied. “Yours?” 

“Also good. I got to visit this girl.” She elbowed Dorcas who smiled, “my parents were having a fancy dinner and they said I could invite some friends.” She explained. 

“Well only one friend, right?” James cut in. 

“Well, no... I mean I could’ve probably invited more. Not all of you though; maybe one or two more.”

Lily looked down. So the only two other girls in her year in Gryffindor didn’t want her around. That was good to know.

Lily wished Remus was awake and would talk to her and ask her about her holiday and her sister and her Christmas but he looked so pale and sickly that she decided to let him sleep instead. After awkward conversation for the first few hours and less awkward conversation that didn’t include her at all for the last few hours, the seven of them finally arrived at Hogwarts. James turned and woke up Sirius who then lightly patted Remus’ head waking him up too. 

“Are you ok, Remus?” Lily asked on their way out. Remus yawned, nodding his head, “just tired.”

Lily didn’t miss the way he stumbled though. Or the corner of a scar peeking out from underneath his sleeve...

_ _ _ _  
  


After the holidays time seemed to speed up. Valentine's day came and went with Sirius sending himself a valentines card (and poem), Peter _embarrassingly_ receiving a box of chocolates from his older sister who waved at them from the other end of the great hall, Remus finding a small chocolate heart addressed to him at breakfast, and James moodily picking at his eggs, for reasons he was not sharing with anyone. It was chaotic, to say the least, even with no one noticing Lily’s extreme blush as she watched Remus awkwardly fumble around with his chocolate gift at breakfast.

“It’s a friendship gift. You know...for Valentine's day.” She explained. 

“Oh,” Remus said, looking overwhelmed. “...thanks.” 

Sirius laughed, fanning himself with his card, watching them.

“At least I didn’t send _myself_ something, Black.” Lily defended. 

Sirius just grinned wickedly.

Classes went on as usual with March and April flying by in a warm and sunny almost dream-like daze, and finally, summer approaching with May and June. The classrooms became stickier with sweat, the air thicker, and the nights shorter with more time in the mornings and evenings for the four boys to spend outside in the grass staring up at the sky.

“I’m obviously going to be a professional quidditch player,” James bragged one fresh morning while laying on his back, twirling a piece of grass in between his fingers. Remus flipped a page in his book and chuckled to himself. 

“Oh shut up.” Sirius countered laughing. His hair had grown longer since the beginning of the year and he could now tie it in a tiny ponytail in the back of his neck, which still looked kind of stupid since it was at an awkward length (too long to keep it open on a hot day, but too short to put it in a bun) and none of the other boys ever passed a chance to remind him of it. “You’ve never even played quidditch yet.”

“Well, I know how to ride a broom! And I'm great at it, thank you very much.” James popped a stolen strawberry into his mouth. Before coming outside Peter had snuck into the great hall and stolen three baskets worth of food for the four of them to enjoy outside.

“Remus, what was the potion with the spider legs and those yellow mushroom thingies?” Peter asked nervously, shuffling through his notes while sitting on his knees. Unlike the others, he didn't really seem to be enjoying the summer day very much. 

“Trumpets Draught.” Remus, Sirius, and James all answered at the same time.

Peter turned pale and groaned loudly. James sighed, got up from his laying position, and ripped the notes from Peter’s hands.

“What are you doing _studying_ on such a fine day?”

“Give him his notes back, Potter.” Remus set down his book and ripped the pages from James’s hands and placed them in front of Peter. 

“I’m going to fail!” Peter wailed. 

“No, you’re not,” Remus said, leaning forward and grabbing a handful of blueberries from a bowl by Peter's feet. 

“Who cares if you do?” Sirius shrugged and started squirting pancake syrup into his mouth. Remus winced and grabbed the sirup from Sirius's hands. 

"Black..." He whispered grabbing a napkin and trying to scrub the outside of the bottle which was now sticky with syrup. 

“ _I_ care!” Peter cried.

James turned to Remus and picked up his book flipping through it. “What do _you_ want to do when you grow up, Lupin?"

Remus’s eyes darkened and he looked away from the others. He tried not to think about his future when he could help it but he knew the undeniable facts. When he grows up he would have to register himself to The Minestry of Magic at some point or another, and after that no one would ever hire them. No one in their right mind. 

“You know what? Maybe Pete is right. We should be studying.” He started rummaging through his bag, for a quill. 

“Hey, wait a minute!” Sirius lunged forward and ripped Remus's bag away from him. 

“Remu, come on! You study more than anyone!” 

“Doesn’t mean it’s enough!” Remus shot back.

“But-” James frowned. 

“Look, Dumbeldore gave me the opportunity to come here-” 

“What do you mean?” Sirius interrupted. “He gives everyone the _opportunity_.” 

There was a moment of silence and Remus sat completely still wishing he could turn back the time. 

“I’m just glad to be here that’s all.” 

James looked thoughtful. “Well, me too. You don't go to school to study, Lupin! You go to school to have fun!”

"I...don't think-" 

"We need more pranks!" James interrupted. 

“More pranks?” Sirius asked. 

“More pranks!” James confirmed. 

Remus sighed loudly and leaned back against the tree, "Didn't you just explode several cauldrons in Potions yesterday?"

"Well yes, but-"

"And replace all of the Professors' wands with gummy wands last week?"

"Yes but-"

“We don’t have time for pranks…" Peter mumbled in agreement to Remus. 

“Oi, sure we do!” James said.

“Look, I’ll help you with your homework,” Remus assured Peter. 

Peter sighed and leaned back against the trunk of the tree they were sitting beneath. 

“Do you have any prank ideas, Lupin?” James asked excitedly. 

“ _Me_?” 

“Yeah, _you_! You’re a great prankster!”

“I don’t know if that’s something to be proud of…” Remus muttered to himself but he was smiling. 

Sirius laughed, and Remus felt a surge of pride.

"I have an idea, but...."

"Yes!" James jumped up. 

"I mean....we have to study..."

"Fine! We'll study- what was that idea though?" 

"Well, I've been thinking..."

Once the sun grew brighter, and they could hear the commotion inside of the school get louder the four of them started to pack up their food and make their way towards the castle hurrying down the cool dungeons for their potions lesson. 

“I think we’re doing that Acid stuff today,” James said excitedly. 

“It’s not _acid_. It’s the Red Screaming Serum.” Remus corrected him. 

Peter rolled his eyes, “Why is it called the _Red_ Screaming Serum? That just makes it sound lamer.”

“Well because there is the red one, but also the green one and the blue one and in rare cases even the yellow-”

Peter had already interrupted him with a loud snoring sound. James laughed and Sirius gave Peter a big high five. Remus rolled his eyes and walked past them over to his desk, “That’s right go ahead and make fun of me…I see how it is.” 

The others just laughed though and Remus smiled to himself a little. 

“Remus!” Lily flew to her seat next to Remus. “Sev just told me we're starting the Red Screaming Serum today! Isn’t that exciting?” 

Remus laughed, “yeah."

“I’ve been waiting so long for this lesson!”

“Me too.”

“Do you think it’ll be difficult?” 

“No, probably not...” 

_ _ _ 

It was difficult. 

The next thirty minutes were spent hurrying around the room gathering supplies and trying to make out the vague instructions on the board and the even vaguer instructions on the pages of their books. All around the room different pairs of people were arguing with each other and spilling things on the ground and making things smoke and explode. The only people that seemed calm and collected were James, Lily, and Severus. James who was partnered up with Sirius kept confidentially explaining and deciphering the instructions to his friend ( “look now you have to crush those bean things into powder and sprinkle them in, no not like that--no, I said NO. Not--Sirius STOP.”), Lily who was fired up on the adrenaline rush she got from competing and Severus who stood still as a statue at his desk leaning over every few minutes to ask Lily if she’s sure she knows what she’s doing (she was) and if she wanted him to do something for her (she didn’t). This constant flow of chaotic energy was only interrupted when there was a loud sizzling sound, a crash, and a yelp from the back of the room followed by a Slytherin girl running out of the room crying, holding her burned hand delicately and red-faced Peter stammering apologies at no one in particular.

Sirius shook his head grimly and James whispered quietly, “mate your potion is _yellow_. It’s supposed to be red…” 

Peter looked shaken. “Yeah, I know..” 

“Everything all right back here?” Professor Slughorn came bumbling over, “Everyone stay calm, eh? ...I better follow Miss Rogers to make sure she’s not badly injured...nasty stuff that serum...nasty..”

A collective murmur coming from the students followed the professor as he left the room. Everyone stood watching each other and trying to get a look at the burned spot on the ground where the potion had fallen. 

"Acid stuff," James said quietly and Sirius nodded. 

“Oi, Cody.” A short stocky Slytherin stepped forward and looked Peter up and down coldly, addressing a tall freckled boy behind him, “you were right. The stupid one _did_ only take half an hour to mess it up.” He picked a coin out of his pocket and tossed it into the air backward, where the freckled Slytherin caught it, smirking evilly. “A record. Even for _him_.” He drawled. Everyone stood quietly and watched as Peter's face grew redder and redder.

In the blink of an eye, Sirius stepped forward, grabbed the Slytherins shirt, and held his wand underneath the Slytherins chin.

“How about you shut your fat face, Ramos.” 

The Slytherin, Remus now recognized as Tom Ramos, grinned. “And who are you?”

Sirius grit his teeth, “The last face you’ll ever see?” 

James’s eyes widened as if he had just woken from a trance and he reached his arm forward gently but firmly pulling Sirius back. “Whoa, whoa, let’s all just calm down…” 

Sirius's eyes glinted dangerously, as he stood protectively in front of Peter. 

“Potter, am I right?” Ramos was still grinning. 

James hesitated for a moment before giving a small smile. It wasn’t his usual grin though, instead, it was tight and unreadable. 

“The one and only.” 

“You know sometimes,” Ramos stepped forward once again. “Sometimes I just ask myself, I wonder why _Potter_ , of all people, would choose to spend his time with such complete dimwits. The Black disappointment, the fat one, and the mudblood...” 

James smiled again, more charmingly. “Well, it gladdens me to know that I occupy your mind.” 

“I wouldn't be so-”

The door burst open once again. “There we are! I’m sure you will all be pleased to hear that Miss Rogers is doing absolutely fine.” Professor Slughorn, completely oblivious to the fight that was going on, marched to the front of the room rubbing his hands together and smiling. 

“So!" He turned around and stared at the class, eyebrows lifted. "Who wants to show me their attempt at a Red Screaming Serum?” The class stayed silent, all eyes on James, Sirius and the Slytherin boy. Nobody dared utter a word.

Lily Evans raised her hand. 

  
  



	14. The one with Lily Evans (year 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, the wall idea was inspired by a headcanon from infinitequirk on tumbler! And at the end of the chapter some of the dialogue between the marauders is inspired by dialogue seen in the movie "Tolkein". Just wanted to give them a quick shoutout! :))

“Evans, you're gonna have to stop telling on us for every single little thing.” Sirius moaned as the five of them made their way back to Gryffindor tower. Lily had waited for them outside of McGonagall’s office as James, Sirius, Peter, and Remus (“they’re your friends you should’ve stopped them, Remus!” ) got chewed out by McGonagall. Although she only took off ten points from James and Sirius each and five from Peter the mood was reaching an absolute low point. 

“ _Little_ thing?” Lily shrieked. “You looked like you were about to KILL that Slytherin boy just because of something he said to Peter!”

“It was _mean_. And Pete doesn’t stand up for himself.” 

“Sorry,” Peter said quietly. 

“ _Stop_ it, Peter! Only _I'm_ allowed to insult you.” Sirius put his arm around the small boy. “Remember that the next time someone does something! They better leave you alone unless they want a fist in their face.” He showed off his own fist. 

“Ok,” Peter said smiling, obviously enjoying the attention and the safety he got when Sirius was around. 

“Hey, at least our potion was good right, Lils? Didn’t Slughorn say it close to perfect?”

Lily turned on Remus. 

“Don’t you _dare_ , Remus Lupin! You just watched three of your best friends almost _attack_ a _classmate_ and you did _nothing_ to stop it!” 

Remus’s face blushed. “I couldn’t have done anything.” 

“Oi, Evans how about you leave Lupin out of it ok? He was sitting all the way in the front with you. If anything _I_ should’ve stopped it. And I tried! So we’re all good right?” James drew a hand through his hair, messing it up. Lily huffed and stalked ahead of them trying to get to the girls dormitory as quickly as possible. James shook his head and glanced to the side at Sirius. 

“You alright mate?” 

Sirius nodded but didn’t say anything. Now that Lily was gone and he didn’t need to defend himself against anyone, he had retracted himself from Peter and stood with his hands at his side and his dark eyes focused on the ground. 

“Fanks btw,” Peter mumbled quietly. 

Sirius smiled slightly. “Anything for you mate.” 

They stayed silent until they reached their dormitories, where the four of them changed into their pajamas without talking. Remus, as always, hiding away in the bathroom to change into his. After a few minutes of all of them laying in bed in a heavy silence, there was a slight ruffling sound, the slap of feet against stone floors and the creak of someone entering someone else’s bed. 

Sirius knew the others could hear him, as he stumbled through the dark to James’s side of the room, but he didn’t have the energy to worry about that. James drew his curtains open quickly, cast a muffliato charm and leaned against the headboard of his bed. Sirius leaned back too. They sat in silence waiting for Sirius to say something. 

“I’m sorry.” Sirius said quietly, his voice cracking. 

“Don’t be.” James said. 

“I just...I couldn’t- I can’t control...”

“I know.” 

“My temper just-“

“Shhh...” James looked his best friend in the eye. “It’s ok. You were just trying to help Pete. He needs to learn how to stand up for himself.” 

“He’s such a useless twit.” Sirius laughed fondly, rubbing his face with his hands.

James laughed too. “Yeah he is. And you need to learn how to control your anger.” 

Sirius looked down. “I know.”

"It's fine Sirius." James laughed again, “You know what? I need to learn how to be less of a _fucking prick_.”

They laughed again but only for a moment before growing quiet. Sirius looked over to his left where Remus's bed would be if the drapes around the bed weren't covering his vision. 

“What about Lupin?” Sirius asked. "What do you think he needs to learn?"

"Why?" James replied. 

"I don't..." Sirius thought for a moment. "I don't know I just..." 

James shrugged, “Sometimes I feel like I don’t really know him...but other than that...”

Sirius felt something odd in his stomach. He had the same feeling about Remus. The feeling of not knowing. 

_ _ _ _

After that incident, everyone seemed to watch the four boys more closely. Professor McGonagall even went as far as to separate the boys from each other in the classroom, which just gave Sirius, who was now sitting next to Lily, even more reasons to lose his temper. 

“And then she always stares at me like this-!” He made an aggressive eye movement holding his lids up with the tip of his fingers, “and says something like, ‘Oh Black are you still concentrating? Oh Black, are you sure you’re doing that right?’ and 'Oh Black, I'm just trying to help!' This and that every single time I try to do something!” 

“Isn’t that...kind?” Remus asked, trying to hold back his laughter. 

“ _No_! It’s condescending! She acts like I’m a little kid!” 

“You ARE a little kid,” James smirked. 

“Yeah well, she isn’t any older.” Sirius grumped. “Besides she acts like I’m stupid. I get the best grades in the class other than _maybe_ her and you two. And _I_ don’t even try.” 

Remus and Peter rolled their eyes. 

It was a lazy Sunday afternoon in June, with the windows to the common room all opened, letting the hot summer sun stream into the room tickling the occupants faces and bare arms. In the corner of the room Marlene was braiding Dorcas’s hair while they hummed along to some muggle music. Lily, who sat beside them, wasn’t humming though. In fact she looked completely detached. She was watching the four boys in complete silence staring at them as though they were a bomb about to explode. Peter glanced over at her apprehensively.

“She creeps me out.” 

Sirius nodded gravely. “You think she would lay off if we leave?” 

“We can’t leave! She’s watching us.” James argued eyes now also on Lily. 

“I think she may have lost it.” Peter reasoned. 

“Oh stop it,” Remus turned his back on Lily, and opened up his book, propping it against Sirius, “she just doesn’t want us to get in trouble.” 

“Mate, it’s scary.” 

“It’s _not_! If it bothers you lot so much why don’t we just go to the library?”

“Maybe we should,” Peter said, biting his lip.

“What if she follows us?” James said darkly. 

“She’ll definitely follow us.” Sirius nodded. 

“Honestly there’s something wrong with you lot. You're _paranoid_. Besides she can’t tell on us. We haven't’ even done anything yet.” 

“Yet,” James repeated.

Remus stared at him apprehensively. “Whatever you’re thinking quit it.” 

“I don’t think I will.” James crossed his arms. 

“No. _James_ , _NO_.” Remus crossed his arms too. "You just said it yourself she's watching."

"Well, i'd like to see _her_ try and stop us!"

“I think I’m thinking what you’re thinking.” Sirius turned towards James slowly. 

“No…” Remus moaned quietly, closing his book. “No...guys…Come on...” 

“Oh wait! I know!” Peter got excited. 

“No! Stop. Stop right now. Please, guys no.” 

James grinned at Remus. 

“Don’t do this to me, come on.” Remus continued rubbing his hands in his face tiredly.

“We have approximately one hour and..” Sirius grabbed Peter’s arm and stared at his watch, “fifty...three minutes before detention starts.” 

Peter started bouncing up and down in his seat. 

“Stop!” Remus knew what was coming. “Peter _stop_! Not you too.”

“Lupin. The time has come.” James got up from the floor and stared down at Remus. Sirius and Peter got up too, oddly synchronized. 

“But….” Remus stared up at them pitifully. “.. _homework…_ my charms essay...” 

James reached out his hand wordlessly, waiting for Remus to take it.

“No.” Remus crossed his arms tightly. The three boys stared down at him. 

“ _No_! I will _not_ cave. You can stand there for as long as you like, but I will NOT help you with a prank.” 

James’s hand did not waver. 

Remus thinned his lips into a firm line, shaking his head and trying to summon whatever piece of Professor McGonagall he might have inside of himself. “Not gonna work.” 

The three boys didn’t say anything. 

“Guys I _won't_ cave! Not this time!” 

It only took two minutes for Remus to cave.

“I don’t like this.” He whispered as they snuck out of the common room. He crossed his arms, grumpily. Peter clapped his back.

“I don’t like this.” He muttered as the four of them walked past the library and towards the dungeon. Sirius whistled merrily. Remus frowned at him.

“I don’t like this.” He complained as he stood guard in front of the potions classroom while James unlocked the special potions cabinet, whispering alohomora. 

“Guys, I don’t like-”

“- _What_ don’t you like, Mr. Lupin?” Professor McGonagall strode into the hallway. Peter who was standing right next to Remus jumped straight up into the air like a cat and, probably subconsciously, repositioned himself slightly behind Remus. Remus’s eyes widened, and he wiped his hands on his trousers. 

“Professor!” Behind him he could hear a cluttering and a string of curse words as James leapt up, bumping into a shelf and tripping onto Sirius. They spilled into the hallway, and jumped up. 

“Professor!” They repeated though they sounded a lot happier about it than Remus had sounded. 

“Boys. Would you be so kind as to explain what you’re doing an hour and thirty-five minutes before your detention starts, rummaging through Professor Slughorn's potion cupboard?” 

Remus opened and closed his mouth a few times but nothing came out. 

“love potion,” Sirius said immediately. “We were looking for a love potion.” 

Peter nodded gravely. 

“I just...I don’t think I can stand to live one more day knowing Severus Snape doesn’t love me back-” James started to explain. Remus let out an audible sound and he turned his face away from the others trying to hide his shocked laughter. Sirius on the other hand didn’t seem fazed. 

Professor McGonagall stared at them, her eyes wide in outrage. “ _Mr. Potter !_ ” 

“ _Professor_!” James returned with the same air.

Remus was sure she was going to yell at them but instead she just took a deep breath. “Well it seems to me, that since the four of you have nothing better to do, you may as well start your detention now. Isn’t that right?” 

There was a short pause. 

"What about my love potion?" James said, Remus promptly elbowed him. 

"Isn't that right?" Their teacher repeated. 

“Yes?” Remus said. 

“Yes.” McGonagall agreed. 

Another pause.

“No?” James tried. 

“ _Yes_.” McGonagall persisted. She turned towards Sirius and Peter raising her eyebrows. 

“...n-” Sirius started, McGonagall’s eyes glinted dangerously. “...n _yes_.” They all looked at Peter. 

“What?” Peter asked. Sirius elbowed him. 

“Detention, now.” He summarized in a whisper. 

Peter sighed and the five of them started walking, the professor seemingly tired of their shenanigans.

“WHY though?” Peter moaned. 

“Cause,” Sirius explained to the short blond, “Punishment. For our crimes against humanity.” 

“Well this sucks.” 

Remus sighed in agreement. 

_ _ _ _ 

  
  


“I can’t believe our love potion thing didn’t work!” James yelled exasperatingly as three and a half hours later the four boys clambered down the hallway towards their common room. “I mean, is it really so hard to believe I’m in love with Snivellus?”

Sirius’s laughed. 

“We need to come up with better excuses,” Remus said, massaging his shoulder. He and James had been assigned to clean all the bedpans in the infirmary while Sirius and Peter had been assigned to dust off the trophies in the trophy room, and Remus’s bones still ached from the laborious task. 

“Well at least it was funny though,” Sirius said. James agreed. 

“I wonder who ratted us out?” Remus said thoughtfully. 

"I know exactly who it was." 

“Evans!” The common room door burst open as James and Sirius burst in followed by Peter, who was panting trying to keep up with them, and Remus who looked pale and uncomfortable. Lily, who was sitting by the fireplace alone, with a book propped on her lap, looked up startled. 

“You ratted us out!” Sirius cried. “Now _why_ would you do such a thing?”

“We just spent four hours in detention!” Peter exclaimed. 

“Three,” Remus muttered. Lily’s eyes were wide but she wasn’t about to step down. 

“You know, maybe you should thank me!” She snapped her book shut. “You can’t expect to live your whole life like this running around the castle, causing trouble like the four evil little marauders that you are!” 

“Sure we can!” Sirius yelled. “Why not?” 

Lily looked taken aback by this comment. “I-”

“What’s _marauders_?” Peter interrupted. 

“It’s like a rulebreaker,” Remus explained. “Or like a troublemaker, you know?” 

“Oh,” Peter said. Suddenly there was a loud slam, as James dropped his book bag to the ground and pulled out a feathery quill to write something down on a scrap piece of parchment, propping the paper on his knee. 

“ _What are you doing?_ ” Remus asked genuinely, confused. James didn’t answer for a few seconds than gathered up his supplies stuffed them back in his bag and stared at the others.

“Boys, _up_.” He nodded in the direction of their dorm room. “Evans,” He paused and shook his head looking like he was trying to think of something to say, “Stop ratting us out!” 

Then he turned around and stalked out of the room, Sirius striding after him. 

“Does he really expect us to follow him?” Remus whispered. Peter shrugged. "Since when are we referred to as boys?" 

“Lupin! Pettigrew! I said _boys, up!_ You’re part of the _boys_!” James called without looking back, from where he was walking up the staircase. 

“What if we don’t want to be part of the boys!” Remus yelled back. 

“You don’t have a choice!” Sirius replied, “Now _come_!”

Remus sighed and started walking after them, pulling Peter along. But before they could make it to the stairs, Lily called out his name. He turned around. 

“Are you...are you angry at me?” She asked eyes averted to the ground. Remus wanted to say yes. He had just spent three hours in detention for crying out loud. But he couldn’t say that to those green eyes. He couldn’t say no either though. He was annoyed at her constant meddling in his and the other boys, ideas. Remus hesitated then decided for an even ground. He looked away from her and shrugged. Then he followed Peter out of the common room and up the stairs leaving Lily alone in the dark, the light of the fireplace illuminating her fiery hair, and the shadows of the dark room bringing out the blue color in the knuckles of her hand as she clenched her Potions book like a lifeline, realizing, not for the first time, that she was once again alone. 

_ _ _ _

“Tada!” James yelled triumphantly, holding up his hands and stepping back from the wall, grinning. There in their dorm room in the middle of their largest blank wall which was opposite of all their beds and next to the bathroom door, James had stuck the scrap piece of paper on the wall with pins. He grinned at the other boys satisfied. The three of them just stared back at him blinking expectantly. 

"Don't you get it?" James yelled. “This is us!” After another few seconds of silence. He pointed at the empty wall, with the piece of paper stuck to it.

It looked slightly pathetic.

“We _are_ marauders!" He continued. "We are THE Marauders!”

Remus and Peter just continued to stare at him but Sirius was starting to grin mischievously. “We’re like..." He searched for a word, getting up and approaching the wall, "like a club!” 

“Yeah!” James yelled, “Or like a brotherhood!”

Remus felt a small smile start on his face; he couldn’t help it. He got up and stepped towards the wall too, feeling a warm breeze from the open window of their dorm room bump into him, blowing his hair away from his face. The crisp air, reminded him of something. Something deep inside his stomach. Something unstoppable. His insides tingling and his fingertips buzzing with a warm glow he turned around facing his friends. A sudden spontaneous adrenaline, coursed through his veins, filling him with the need to do something. Anything. Just for a few seconds. 

“So what do we do now?” He asked the others. 

“Change the world!” Peter who had gotten up too, yelled pumping his fist in the air. Sirius and James jumped raised their fists too. 

"That's right Pete!" James applauded. 

Remus laughed, “Oh good something simple.”

Sirius lightly pushed Remus's head, snorting, and James put an arm around him. “Come on Lupin live a little."

Remus rolled his eyes, but his insides were dancing. Because James may not have realised it but he _was_ living. Properly living for the first time in many many years. Maybe even since he was five years old. He looked around at his friends. Really looked. And he could feel a passionate pit open up in his stomach. 

"Guys," James said seriously. "This is who we are now. We are the marauders."

Sirius nodded, "This isn't something that will pass. This will last forever." 

Remus could feel the intensity of the moment press onto his skin. He knew he would remember this moment until the day he died. 

"This is bigger than just me or just you." James continued, "This is about all of us. Together." The others nodded.

Sirius added, “We will always stand with each other. No matter what happens.”

“No matter what happens.” The others echoed. Remus's heart raced. The whole room seemed to be buzzing with a sort of energy. 

Remus put his hand in the middle, “Together we’ll be unbeatable,” he said. The others cheered and added their hands on top of his. 

“Together we’ll live forever!” Peter said excitedly. James ruffled his hair. 

“ _We are the marauders_!” 


	15. Last days (year 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius stared at the photograph but didn’t say anything.  
> “Do you...” Remus asked slowly.  
> “Yeah.” Sirius said. He turned away, his voice unreadable. “I like it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fluff! fluff! and more fluff! but sprinkle in some family drama and some droplets of angst

The Marauders first year at Hogwarts was coming to an end and the professors were not showing mercy on any of their students.

  
“Have any of you lot memorized the date of when self stirring cauldrons were invented?” Peter asked biting his lips as the four of them made their way downstairs to the great hall where the end of year one exams would be taking place.

  
“Um yeah, 1733 I think.” Remus answered.

  
“Honestly Pete, no one cares about year one exams anyway. They don’t matter at all.” James kicked a pebble with his toe.

  
“Besides,” Sirius said, kicking back the same pebble as they continued walking, “it won’t be difficult. Even for you.”

  
“Ouch. Thanks.” Peter mumbled.

  
The great hall was full of first years, the air buzzing with nervous energy, as the four of them found some seats that were close to each other. The usual four house tables had been replaced with hundreds of small one seat desks and chairs. Remus opened his bag and started unpacking his materials setting his Quill and ink on on the desk in front of him, pulling out multiple sheets of paper and neatly arranging everything in orderly positions. The other three watched him in silence.

  
“What are you doing?” James asked.

  
Remus looked up realizing they were all observing him.  
He blushed, “An organized desk space means an organized mind.”

  
James and Sirius exchanged a look and immediately started laughing.

  
Remus rolled his eyes, “whatever guys.”

  
Peter turned to his bag. “Is that true?” Frantically he piled materials on his desk trying to organize and arrange them the same way Remus had.  
“It doesn’t matter Pete. Ignore Lupin, he's a little mental.” James dumped his parchment onto his desk.

  
“Hey!” Remus tossed a ball of scrap paper at him. James laughed.

  
“Mate,” Sirius tapped James’s arm. “Look who it is.”

  
Snape, black hair hanging like a sheet around his pale face had just entered the hall, following Mulciber and Avery like a lost puppy. The marauders watched as a small redhead ran up to Snape talking to him for a moment before giving him a hug and running off again trying to catch up to Marlene and Dorcas who had skidded right past the slytherins.

  
“Oi Snape!” James bellowed. “What did you have to do to get Evans to give you a hug?”

  
Snape turned and faced them, his face red, but he didn’t say anything.  
Sirius grinned slapping his arm. “Whatever it is,” He yelled, “I hope for your sake that its enough for her to let you copy her exam answers!”

  
Peter watched intensely, eyes wide and a small smile perched on his lips. Remus watched too, but he felt small knot in his stomach.

  
“Guys…” He said quietly. No one answered. Maybe they didn’t hear. Or maybe they just ignored him.

  
“Stop that!” Lily came stomping towards them. “Just leave him alone will you!”

  
“Now why would we do that?” Sirius asked, in a bored manner, turning back around.

  
“He’s never done anything to you!”

  
“Look at him! He’s evil!” James pointed. “Have you met those friends of his?”

  
Lily didn’t say anything. Before she could Dorcas and Marlene strode over to them arm in arm.

  
“Heya.” Marlene nodded at the four marauders. Dorcas smiled at them. “Excited for the exams?”

  
James leaned back in his chair running his hand through his hair and setting his feet on his desk. “Can’t wait.” He said dryly. Marlene and Dorcas laughed.

  
“Remus,” Dorcas said turning to him, “You won’t need all those quills; they’re giving us special ones.”

  
“Oh,” Remus frowned and started packing his away.

  
“Yeah,” Marlene's eyes glinted, “anti cheating apparently.”

  
“Oh no.” James deadpanned.

  
Remus zipped up his bag and stared at his desk sadly.

  
“What is it now, Rem?” Sirius asked.

  
Remus muttered, “Well, that was my lucky quill.”

  
Sirius burst out laughing, and then thrust a hand in front of his mouth trying to suppress the sound. Remus knit his eyebrows together and crossed his arms.  
“I’ve never heard anyone sound that sad about not being able to use their quill before!” Sirius spluttered. James laughed too, and Peter joined in just so that he could feel included.  
Lily looked back in Snapes direction then sat down next to Remus.

“It’s ok. You’ll still do great.”

  
“Oh,” Remus blushed looking away, “thanks.”

  
“Ooooooooooh!” James and Sirius sang in chorus.

  
“Oh shut up.” Remus rolled his eyes again. “I’m not even allowed to have friends anymore.”

  
“Of course not.” Peter agreed.

  
At the front of the great hall Dumbledore slowly stood up.

  
Marlene linked her arms around Dorcas’s. “Alright guys we better find some seats. Good luck.”

  
Lily jumped up, turned and looked at Remus, and then spun around again watching the two girls leave. “Me too, I guess.”

  
Marlene and Dorcas walked off and Lily ran after them, somewhat desperately, though the other two girls didn’t seem to notice.

_ _ _ _

Four hours later the marauders burst through the door of the great hall.

  
“That was it lads!” James yelled, pumping his fist in the air. “We are free forever!”

  
“Until next year.” Remus reminded him in an undertone.

  
“We are free until next year!” James corrected himself pulling of his cloak and tossing it in the air. It landed somewhere behind them and they heard a small crash as someone tripped over it.

“Mr Potter!”

  
“Sorry McGonagall!” James grinned and jogged back picking up his cloak.

  
“I failed that exam.” Peter muttered.

“Forget about it.” Sirius clapped his bag. “It doesn’t matter--I told you!”

  
“I mean-” Remus started.

  
“Shut up!” James and Sirius cried in chorus.

  
“Good to know I’m appreciated.” Remus sighed sarcastically.

  
“Yeah, yeah.” Sirius replied.

  
“It’s so hot!” James complained, peeling off his cloak once again. “Oi Black, I’ll race you outside.”

  
“If you dare.” Sirius shrugged rolling up his sleeves.

  
“Me too!” Peter jumped up.

  
“Lupin?” James asked.

  
“Yeah sure. Eat my dust.”

  
Sirius bellowed with laughter.

  
“Three two one!”

  
“Oi!”

  
“I wasn't’ ready!”

  
Tripping over their robes and wiping the sweat off of their foreheads the four boys sprinted towards the door, snaking through the crowds of people and heading straight towards the lake. The sun stung their heads like a wave of heat as soon as they set foot outside but nevertheless the four marauders continued to run. At the edge of the water they could see Marlene and Dorcas wading in the shallow end with their shoes and socks taken off.  
If you would have asked the boys who won the race they never would’ve been able to tell you because as soon as they arrived at the water they sprinted in, still wearing their clothes. James immediately pushed his hands through the water trying to spray the others.

  
“Not my hair!” Sirius inched away. “Oi! Not my hair!”

  
James laughed and pushed Sirius into the water who grabbed Peter and pulled him down with him. Back at the school Remus could see Lily walking with Severus her dark red hair glinting dangerously in the sunlight, as the two of them slowly making their way in the general direction of the lake where all the students had collectively gathered, trying to cool down one last time, to celebrate the end of classes.

  
“I'm freezing.” James finally sighed, clutching his now skin tight robes closer to him.

  
“Me too. Let’s get out of here.” Sirius agreed.

  
Back outside of the water, they noticed that the sun was slowly beginning to set. Many of the students started making their way back inside the castle getting ready to start packing for the holidays or to get some dinner at the great hall, which by now would be back at it’s usual order. The marauders didn’t feel like going inside though. They lay down in the grass and breathed in the scent of magic that was floating around them. Remus sat down next to Dorcas and watched as her nimble fingers worked on setting down something beside her. Something electronic.

  
“Wait is that a camera?” Remus asked excitedly.

  
Dorcas looked up as though she had almost not noticed him.  
“Yeah!” She replied equally excited. “My mum found out a way for me to use it on school grounds without it going haywire.”

  
Remus scooted closer having to squint now that the sun was growing more and more tired.  
“Do you want to see some of the pictures I took?” She asked shyly.

  
“Yes!” Remus said, excited since his family could never afford a camera. “...Please.”

  
She laughed and flourished a pile of small cards that Remus now realised were photographs.

  
“My mum bewitched it.” She explained, “Its an Instant camera now. Every time I take a picture it prints it out of the front here…” She pointed to a small slit at the bottom of the camera, “Can you believe that?”  
Remus grinned.

  
“I didn’t want it to move though.” She continued. “I like the way it feels so...muggle-ish. Even though its filled with magic.”

  
Remus laughed at that. “Can I?” He asked pointing at the photographs.

  
“Sure.” She said and handed the stack to him.

  
He took the cards carefully, and started flipping through them. They were about ten and they had all been taken from this particular day. Marlene smiling. Lily and Snape posing (Lily smiling, Snape grimacing awkwardly) Marlene looking at the lake, Marlene building a sand castle.

  
Dorcas blushed, “I didn’t have very many people to photograph.”

  
Remus paused at a particular photo. Instead of Marlene or Lily or anyone on land Dorcas had this time pointed the camera at the lake, where the four boys were swimming. She had captured a moment in which James had jumped up in the air from underneath the waves pulling some water with him making little drops of water fly in the air like stars. Sirius was spraying water at the others in the picture adding more stars, and Peter was in the middle of tripping, his arms outreached. In the very middle of the card Remus stood laughing. His shoulders hunched in and his eyes closed.

  
“Oh!” Dorcas blushed again. “Sorry! I didn’t mean to spy on you guys or anything! I just thought it might be a cool picture-”

  
“Can I keep it?” Remus blurted.

  
Dorcas paused, surprised. “I mean..it's not that good...I’m not very good at photography yet…”

  
“No, it’s brilliant.” Remus said. Dorca stared at him for a moment then smiled.

“Sure. Yes. Sure, go ahead.”

  
“Thanks.”

  
Remus looked back down at his friends and the small stars that were formed out of the little drops of water, and then he tilted his head to look up at the sky where even more hundreds of stars started twinkling in and out of existence. And in that moment Remus could almost feel his two worlds colliding.

_ _ _ _

On the last day of the school year Remus woke up early. But not early enough. Through the thin wall separating the bathroom and the bedroom, Remus could hear James whistling to himself while he showered. Remus smiled, sadly. He couldn’t believe that his first year at Hogwarts was ending so soon. Looking around him the dorm seemed oddly empty. All though occasionally some of their clothes were still spread out, Remus’s part of the room was completely empty and bare of anything except of his bed, and his trunk, and the photograph Dorcas had taken sitting on the bedside table. He turned and looked at the empty wall, (except for the Marauders sign) hesitated, and then picked up the photograph and some spellotape advancing towards the wall. Remus took a deep breath, and right underneath the sign that said Marauders he stuck the photograph.

  
“What are you doing?”

  
Remus jumped back from the wall as if it was on fire. “Nothing! I wasn’t-It was stupid nevermind-”

  
James stood, at the entrance of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist.

  
“Is that from yesterday?” James advanced towards the wall, smiling. “That’s so cool!”

  
Remus blushed. “Yeah I thought so too.”

  
“Wait, why isn’t it moving?”

  
“It’s a muggle photograph...kind of.”

  
“Wow!” James leaned in closer his face an inch away from the wall.

  
“Oi Black!” He yelled. “I want to show this to Sirius.”

  
Remus smiled.

  
James continued. “BLACK! Oi, Black! Black. Black. Sirius. SIRIUS!”

  
The boy didn’t move.

  
“Merlin's beard.” James looked at Remus, held his finger to his lips and with one quick leap jumped on to Sirius’s bed.

  
“Wake up!”

  
“Gahhhh!” Sirius yelled. “What the fuck, Potter!”

  
“AH!” Peter yelled, sitting straight up in his bed. “Are we being attacked?”

  
“No.” Sirius yelled, “Shut up Peter!”

“OI!” James cried, “Leave him Black!”

  
“Shut it Potter!”

  
“Calm down Sirius!”

  
“NO. DON’T WAKE ME UP-”

  
“SIRIUS.” Remus yelled. Immediately Sirius shut up, and the three boys looked over at Remus, who switched to a calmer tone. “Come here and see what I hung up.”

  
“Ok..” Sirius sighed and crawled out of bed.

  
“Hey! Why does he listen to you and not me?” James complained, getting out of Sirius’s bed and helping Peter up. Peter looked at the wall.

  
“Hey that’s a cool picture! We should put more!”

  
Sirius stared at the photograph but didn’t say anything.

  
“Do you...” Remus asked slowly.

  
“Yeah.” Sirius said. He turned away, his voice unreadable. “I like it.”

_ _ _ _ 

Andromeda Black hurried down the hallway, her footsteps causing an echo to bounce along the empty walls of the school. It was 8:30 am and most students were still back in their dorm rooms except for a few that were hanging out in the cafeteria. Other than that, the Hogwarts hallways were empty. 

“Such vile language for such a sophisticated young lady, Andy.” Sirius strolled down the hall trying to look nonchalant. He didn’t slow down though. He didn't want to talk to his cousin at the moment. He didn’t really want to talk to her at all. Whenever he thought about it a sick twisting feeling opened up in his gut, making him feel sick. Sirius tried to speed up unnoticed but he heard his cousin's footsteps hasten too and before he knew it he was seized by his robes and pushed into the nearest classroom. 

“Hey-” He threw up his hands. 

“ _By Merlin’s Beard what is wrong with you._ I called your name like ten times.” 

There was something unfamiliar in Andromeda’s voice. Was it hurt? No, that wouldn't make sense, what did _she_ have to be hurt about? 

Sirius didn’t want to look her in the eye. He couldn’t handle her searching gaze at the moment. It reminded him too much of his parents, and the rest of his family. 

Sirius raised his chin, but there was a hint of hesitation before he replied, “Have you ever considered that _maybe_ I didn’t want to talk to you, cousin dearest?” 

Andy stepped back and huffed. “Well _why not_ ? I _miss_ you and you have been avoiding me for the entire year and frankly I’m not having any more. '' 

Sirius opened his mouth but he didn’t know what to say. Had it really been the whole year already since he had last talked to her? 

“I mean...I thought maybe you just needed some time. And that was fine. I would've been fine with that. But I thought...I thought you would talk to me at some point!” 

And raised her voice, “I thought we were close!” 

Sirius didn’t know what to say so he just shook his head. 

“I thought we were _friends_ too, Sirius.”

“Well, you thought wrong.” Sirius answered coldly. 

“I haven't done anything wrong!” Andy was practically screaming at this point. 

“I don’t want anything to do with you!” Sirius yelled back. “You're one of _them_ now Andy. Don’t you see?” He lowered his voice, then looked into her eyes for the first time. “You don’t get me. You never got me and never will. You’re all the same. You always have been. I just thought...I thought you weren't but now I realize I was wrong.” 

“I haven’t done anything wrong.” Andromeda repeated quietly. She was whispering now. 

“You don’t have to.” Sirius answered. 

The older cousin let out a noise that could barely be heard but carried so much pain with it that Sirius flinched. After a few seconds of deafening silence Andy straightened up and said, “You’re no different from us Sirius. You have always acted so pretentious but you’re the same. You’re a Black through and through and sooner or later you’ll realize it. And no one’s gonna be here anymore.” 

Sirius could feel his hands start shaking. 

“You’re my baby cousin Sirius and I’m proud of you. I’m proud that you are living your own truth but you _are_ still a Black. Remember that.” 

No. No she couldn’t mean that. Sirius couldn't take it anymore and he snapped. “I AM NOTHING LIKE YOU. I WOULD NEVER TREAT ANOTHER HUMAN BEING THE WAY MY FAMILY TREATS ME. YOU HAVE NO _IDEA_ WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH ANDY. AND YOU NEVER WILL.” He was crying now. “you never will…’ 

The look on Andy’s face softened, but she still looked angry. “How could I understand when all you do is shut me out, Sirius?” 

Sirius staggered back, “I-”

“TELL ME. What should I do?”

But Sirius didn’t want her pity. He didn’t want her help. He didn’t need her. He had done well enough on his own so far hadn’t he? How could she say these things and expect him to want her? 

Andromeda tried to put an arm around him, but Sirius flinched away from her hand and sobbed. “I don't need you Andy. I don't need any of you. I despise you. All of you. You lot never wanted me and I HATE YOU FOR IT.” And with this he ran out of the classroom. 

_ _ _ _ 

  
Sirius had never been less excited for; the summer. Summer used to be his favorite season. During summer, Regulus and him would visit Uncle Alphard and spend their summer reading, running around and swimming in the nearby lake. Somehow Sirius did not think that this summer would be anything like that. He had received an owl a day before saying that his parents would not pick him up and that he was expected to go home with his cousins. Grimmauld Place 12 was an hour away from Kings Cross. An hour in a car with his darling cousins. What could be better than that? Not only that, but Sirius was dreading seeing his brother again. He had written a couple of letters to Regulus but he found it harder and harder to form words and most of the letters he wrote he ended up keeping in his leather notebook underneath the pillow on his bed.

His last breakfast at Hogwarts had been a nightmare. After overhearing one of Narcissa's ugly friends comment something about Remus's stutter, he had casually hit the third year with a stinging jinx and grinned while receiving a disapproving look from his cousin. She should really have come up with something more creative. Her disapproving looks might still work on Regulus, but Sirius hadn’t been intimidated by anyone in his family other than his parents since he was five years old. No one compared to his parents.

When he got to the Gryffindor table that morning though he did receive another disapproving look not only from Evans like he expected but also from Remus.

  
“ _What?_ The Git deserved it."

Remus raised his eyebrows.

"Oi, don't look at me like that, Remu.”

  
Remus sighed. “Sirius it’s our last day before summer, try not to get detention because of some random Slytherin girl.”

  
“Remus-!”

  
“ _What_ Sirius? _What_ could he have done that could _possibly_ be worth detention on the _last_ day of school?”

  
Sirius thought long and hard about what to say and finally settled on.

  
“Fine. You're right Remu, I shouldn’t have done it.”

"And...?" Remus looked at him. He knew the drill. 

"And, I'm sorry." 

"That's right."

Everyone at the table looked at him in surprise. “Whoa did _the_ Sirius Black just admit to doing something wrong?” James said in mock surprise, putting a hand over his heart. Sirius grabbed a bred roll and tossed it across the table at James. “Oh shut it.” He elbowed him in the side and laughed at when James doubled over, having not expected the blow to his ribs, after the bread. Even Remus laughed at James’ expression. Sirius already felt better about his last day, than he had when he had woken up.

_ _ _ _ 

The train was a nightmare. Remus sat by his usual window seat staring outside longingly as if all he wanted to do was jump out of the train and run away. Peter was sitting silently in his seat, and James was watching his three friends intensely, trying to figure out what was going on with each of them. Sirius could feel his leg bouncing up and down but he didn’t have the willpower to stop it. He began to fidget with his hair twirling it against his fingers. It was pretty long now reaching the tips of his shoulders. He bit his lip at the thought of his mother seeing his hair like this. He tried not to think about, or else he might be sick. 

“You alright there mate?” James, who was sitting closest whispered.

There was no answer. A frown started to form on James’s face. “Sirius, mate talk to me.” 

It seemed like something snapped in Sirius by the mention of his name. 

“I um y-yeah I’m fine. I j-just need some fresh air.” Sirius stumbled out of the compartment trying not to act suspicious but knowing that he definitely was. James had already stood up to follow him when Peter put a hand out to stop him. 

“Wait! Can I- let me handle it this time? Ok?” His voice was a little squeakier than usually but he seemed more confident than James had ever seen so he sat back down and watched as Peter followed Sirius outside. 

Sirius didn’t know where he was going, all he knew was that he had to get away from James. He didn’t want James to see him like this again. This..vulnerable. He didn’t like the way James’s hand shot to his hair in a worrying manner, and how he he would get this stern face whenever Sirius talked about his family. He didn’t talk about them alot but it always felt like too much. Sirius realized after a moment, that he would obviously not be able to find fresh air on a train so he sat down in an empty compartment and cracked open the window resting his palms on his legs. He had barely been sitting for two minutes when he heard the compartment door open. 

“Go away James.-” He said before the other person even had a chance to say anything. 

“ ‘s’not James sorry to disappoint, mate.” To Sirius’s surprise it was Peter who was standing in front of him. “I um…” He sat down opposite Sirius awkwardly. “I just wanted to tell you that I’m not too fond of going home either...But if you’d rather be alone that’s fine too. Obviously.” Peter got up and turned around to leave but Sirius grabbed his wrist and gestured for him to stay. 

Peter sat down again this time next to Sirius and the two of them sat like that for a few minutes letting the cold air of the window blow their hair, and breathing in the fresh smells of the countryside. 

“I’m guessing my crappy home life can’t hold a candle to how messed up it is at your house, but like my dad died a few years ago and since then it’s been...bad. My mum, she, um...I mean I don’t really want to tell anyone but...Ever since my dad's death she’s been uh...depressed. Pretty...depressed.” Sirius didn’t reply, so Peter continued. “I mean, she doesn’t...she can’t really do very many things, by herself..and sometimes...I mean you know me, I'm not the smartest,” He let out a small sad laugh, “But sometimes I feel like my sister and I are the ones taking care of her. And she gets these really good moods, and she tells us she’s going to get better but um...yeah....” 

More silence.

Peter cleared his throat, “Ahem well anyways I thought it might help you to know that you’re not as alone as you think you are. I mean, not to invalidate anything obviously, but um...Yeah I’ll leave you alone then.” He got up again. 

“Wait Pete.” Sirius' voice was quiet, so quiet, in fact that Peter barely heard him. “Thank you...for checking up on me...and for telling me. It...really means a lot.”

Peter smiled. Sirius smiled back. 

“Look mate, I know this is the part where we hug or whatever but I’m not hugging you.” Peter said playfully. 

This made Sirius laugh. “Don’t worry Pete I wouldn’t want you to.”

Sirius ruffled Peter’s hair and they got up to join the others again. Summer wouldn’t last forever. 

  
  


A few hours, and a few games of exploding snap later, the four marauders were back to sitting in silence. James pushed up his glasses anxious for the silence to end, “Oi, do you guys want to hear a horror story?”

The train was starting to slow down, and the boys could recognize some of the scenery starting to get closer to Kings Cross station. They would be there in about ten or fifteen minutes. 

“Not really.” Remus said, leaning his head on the cold class of the window. 

“Only if it’s good.” Sirius sat up straighter. 

“It’s _real_.” James’s eyes glinted. “That’s better than good.” 

“Not always…” Peter muttered. 

“Oi!” James yelled. 

“Just tell us then!” Sirius shouted. 

“So,” James started, “do you guys know that house...the one at hogsmede. It’s really close to hogwarts and it looks sort of like a haunted house...”

“That’s not how you’re supposed to tell horror stories…” Peter murmured. 

“Yeah, what about it?” Sirius asked, ignoring Peter. 

“Well, Marlene's brother, Theo, said - he’s already year four so they get to visit hogsmeade- that at night you can hear howling from the house.” 

Remus sat up, and stopped leaning his head on the glass. 

“The house in hogsmeade?” He asked, his face going pale. 

“Yeah.” James said. “Apparently it’s really scary. Everybody thinks it's haunted.”

“Haunted?” Peter asked nervously. 

“ _Haunted_?” Remus exclaimed, his face now turning green.

“Yeah!” James said. “Theo even once heard howling from it. Marlene reckons someone’s being tortured in there.” 

“Does she?” Sirius grinned, “well Marelne is a little bit of a drama queen is she not?” 

“I don’t know...it _could_ be possible…-” James argued. 

“-Are you alright mate?” Sirius interrupted suddenly. 

Remus looked like he might throw up. 

“I don’t-! I mean-! No ones being tortured in there-!” Remus said choppily. 

“Sure mate, yeah.” James assured him. 

“No! But....Theo should stay away...it might be dangerous.”

“Well that’s the whole thrill of it, innit?” James said excitedly. “You never know where the danger might be hiding!” 

“Please!” Remus shouted. “Please can we stop talking about this…”

“..Sure..” James said quietly. 

“Why does this bother you so much? It’s obviously not really haunted.” Sirius said. 

“I just don't want anyone to get hurt!” 

“I mean sure but why-?” 

“Let’s just stop talking about this.” Peter said. 

“I just-” Sirius started. 

“Drop it!” James hissed. 

“But-” 

“Oi! Black!” 

Remus’s hands were shaking. 

“We should go.” He said. The train was starting to slow down, and the chatter of the other students on board got louder as they opened their compartment doors. 

“Yeah,” James said, opening up the compartment door. 

“Wait Remus,” Sirius jumped forward before Remus could leave, “I’m sorry.” 

Remus shook his head, “It’s fine.”

“No! Really...I just...Sometimes...almost always...I talk without thinking and I just….I’m sorry.” 

Remus hesitated then smiled. 

“I know.” 

Sirius slowly started grinning, but Remus turned around to leave. “Oi! What do you know? That I talk without thinking or that I’m sorry?”

Remus smiled and shrugged. “Both?” 

Sirius grinned, “Alright Lupin. You see right through me.” 

“Always did, always will.” 

Remus turned around, and started to leave again. 

“Wait!”

Remus waited. 

“You told me you were nervous about going home. Why?”

Remus looked away. 

“Remus.” Sirius took a deep breath before he could lose his courage. “The summer doesn’t last forever.” 

Remus laughed. “That’s _my_ line, Black.” And with that he turned around and left once and for all. 

And although Sirius felt sick at the prospect of having to go home, he felt a smile form on his lips.


	16. Summer 1972

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING:   
> -mentions of blood (around middle of the chapter)  
> -slight indication of pedophilia (the start and end of the section have a * to signal the part so just skip past when you see it)  
> -display of child abuse (starting at ** and ending at the end of the chapter)
> 
> if ur currently not comfortable with reading any of these things don't worry about it all!!! i will provide a quick summary of the section u may have skipped at the end of the chapter so u don't miss anything and if u don't want to read those either DONT worry about it the chapter will still make sense :)) don't force yourself to read anything u don't want to!   
> alright luv u guys <3

_ _

Dear Sirius,

how's your summer going? I hope your mum isn’t giving you too much of a bad time, I know how she can be sometimes. I was just talking to my dad and he said that I should bring some of that Sleekeazy’s Hair Potion to school when we go back since my hair is, “all over the place”. The only reason I agreed was because I thought we could experiment around with it! Who knows what my parents put in that stuff to keep everyone's hair so silky? What if we find something really cool for a prank! Anyway, write back soon.

James

_ _

Bonjour, Remus!

I’m in france! How’s your summer going? I’m really bored, you would think france is more fun than this but it’s basically just baguettes and the eiffel tower. Enid also dragged me to this really boring wizard museum about the french revolution. Ugh, as if I wasn’t already bored enough without needing another history of magic lesson. I really miss you guys.

Peter

_ _

Dear James,

Wait, wait, wait YOU’RE PARENTS ARE THE SLEEZY HAIR PEOPLE? HOW DID I NOT REALIZE THIS!

Sirius

_ _

Remus,

JAMES’S PARENTS ARE THE SLEEKEAZY’S HAIR POTION PEOPLE! WHERE WAS I WHEN THIS WAS ESTABLISHED?

Sirius

_ _

Dear Sirius,

I would’ve expected you to make the connection between two rich, pureblood, Fleamont Potters. There really aren’t that many of them.

Remus

_ _

Remus,

Touche ;)

Sirius  
_ _

Dear Sirius,

GUESS WHAT!? I found an invisibility cloak in my dads study! Imagine all the pranks we can pull off with this?? AHhhhh this is gonna be so great! I can practically smell freedom and mischief!

James

_ _

Sirius,

Imagine what we can do with an invisibility cloak? No more detention!

Peter

_ _

Dear James,

will your parents let you take it to school? That would be amazing! Invisibility cloaks are so rare, these days!

Remus

_ _

Oi, Sirius! Wanna come to my house for a few weeks before term starts?  
James

_ _

Siriussssss

_ _

Sirius...are you alright? Please answer me

_ _

James,  
Sorry for not answering sooner. My parents had this fancy dinner party thing and I kinda got in trouble. I don’t think they’re happy at all...I’ll write as soon as I can.  
Sirius

_ _

Sirius,  
Don’t get into more trouble! Write back as soon as you can!  
James

_ _

Have you heard from Sirius lately?  
Peter

_ _

Sirius,  
Is everything alright?  
Remus

_ _

Sirius, we’re worried about you  
James

_ _

James,  
Don’t worry about me, mate everything is fine, tell Remus and Pete. I should be able to come. My parents don’t want me in the house anyway so I should be all good. Is two weeks from now ok for you?

Sirius

_ _ _ _

Everything smelled like blood.

That was the first thing Remus thought when he woke up. It wasn’t a great way to start the summer, but it certainly wasn’t anything new. Remus groaned quietly, feeling his throat close up, like something was trying to claw its way out of it. He coughed a dry pathetic cough and felt specs of blood fly out of his mouth and land on his cracked lips. Remus tried to open his eyes finding that his eyelids stuck together as if his lashes were glued onto each other. The whole left side of his body throbbed miserably and when he tried to move his arm he felt nothing there but a hollow numbness. For a moment he thought the wolf may have ripped his arm off of him but if his arm was gone would it really hurt that much? Breathing in the bitter scent of blood Remus tried to go back to sleep. Pain was only worse for the conscious.

Soon though Remus was woken up once again, this time lying in his bed feeling a warm breeze float in through his open window. He groaned quietly at the soft pounding in his left arm and tried to move his hand, failing.  
“Shhh, Cariad.”

  
Someone gripped his arm more firmly. Remus opened his eyes, this time successfully, and saw his mother sitting by his bed, bandaging up his arm.  
“Don’t look, Remus.” She whispered stroking his hair, as he watched the once white bandages soak up with blood in a matter of seconds. But Remus didn’t look away. He wanted to see what the wolf had done to him. He wanted to see what he had done to him.

  
“Will it scar?” Remus asked.

  
Hope avoided his question, her cinnamon eyes darting to the floor, and handed him a glass of water. “Shhh, Cariad.”

  
Remus gulped down the water miserably, letting the coolness of it sting the inside of his throat.

_ _ _ _ 

Sirius heard the dinner bell ring through the house, and echo all the way upstairs seeming to slither up the corridors to his room. He could practically see the rust colored bell in his mind, as the harsh sound registered in his ears. The Bell his mother only used when the entire family was there. Yes. All of them, every single one of his rotten family members. The only good news was that Uncle Alphard was there too, along with his cousin, Andy. To his family, Andy may have been a little questionable but she was a Slytherin which meant that at least she was better than Sirius. Sirius really regretted yelling at her right now. He hadn’t been completely happy about it at any point in time but right now it seemed even worse than it had before. Regardless, once Sirius had made his way downstairs he found her as soon as he could and stood next to her, if not behind her the tiniest degree.

  
“Sirius,” Andy said, not looking at him.

  
“Andromeda,” Sirius said quietly. She was wearing a long silk green dress, with her dark hair tied into a bun and little strands falling out in waves. Resting on her collarbone Sirius saw a small emerald green snake, hanging from a chain around her neck.

  
“A gift from your mum,” Andy explained when she saw him looking.

  
“Charming.” Sirius muttered.

  
“Fuck off, I like snakes.” Andy hissed, in a way that she never would have if it weren't for their fight.

  
“Of course you do!” Sirius hissed back before he could stop himself. Andy stared at him coldly then turned away.

  
“Why are you here? Apparently, you don’t need my help anymore.”

  
Sirius bit his lip and looked away too.

  
“Go on,” Andy continued bitterly, “Don’t hide behind me. Go out and venture off, why don’t you?”

  
“Lay off,” Sirius murmured, stepping back to dodge a house-elf as it skirted past him.

  
Andy leaned down, and picked up a glass of champagne, from where another house-elf was hurrying around with a silver platter of drinks. “No, _you_ lay off, Sirius. What you did was seriously fucked up. All I ever did was be there for you, and you fucked me over.”

  
“Well, I didn’t ask for that! I didn’t ask for any of this.”

  
“Neither did I!”

  
They looked at each other for a moment, and Sirius felt a flood of guilt wash through him. If only he could take back his words. His actions. Everything. He just wanted it to go back to how it used to be. He wanted it so badly that he physically felt the pain of it in his gut.

  
“You need to stop pushing me away Sirius,” Andromeda said softly.

  
“I know.” Sirius answered. He did. He knew, but that didn’t make it any easier.

  
“Andromeda,” A tall man stepped up to them and took Andy’s hand softly kissing it. “How tall you’ve grown.” He had a pencil mustache and his eyes were a dark cold grey like what Black’s often were.

  
“It’s good to see you, Uncle Lycoris.” Andy replied swiftly, though Sirius could see her shoulders tense up the tiniest fraction.

  
“Sirius,” Lycoris turned towards Sirius and observed him for a moment. Sirius knew that he knew he was in Gryffindor. Everyone at the party knew. And no one was happy about it. Sirius barely even knew how he was related to this man, (some uncle of his father's maybe?) but he knew that this wouldn’t be the only person to hesitate at the sight of him.

  
“It’s great to see you again, Lycoris,” Sirius said. And before he could lose his nerve, “Very fancy mustache you’ve got going.”

  
Lycoris continued to stare at him unblinkingly before saying, “Yes, thank you, Sirius.”

  
After he left, Andy turned towards Sirius and slapped his arm, “What the fuck? What the fuck was that, Sirius? You can’t do that. Not anymore! Not now that you’re in Gryffindor do you understand?”

  
“Oh come on...It’s not like they can like me any less than they already do.”

  
Andy’s eyes widened, “It’s not about them _liking_ you!”

  
“Well, what is it about then!”

  
“You know what it’s about.”

  
They stared at each other in silence and then sat down on some chairs in the back living room far away enough from most guests that no one would talk to them, but not far away enough for their mothers to accuse them of hiding. They stayed there for a few minutes until Regulus walked up to them and sat down next to them, pulling at his collar where someone, probably Walpurga, had tied an emerald green tie around his neck.

  
“Hey, guys.”

  
“Hi,” They said back, solemnly.

  
“Nice tie.” Sirius muttered bitterly. Only last year he had been wearing an identical one, but now that he was in Gryffindor he had no use of it anymore. He used to hate wearing it (he tried everything to get it off until Waplurga decided to stick it one with magic one year) but now he almost missed it. At least back then he hadn’t stuck out amongst his family like a sore thumb. At least back then he could pretend to fit in.

  
“Sirius.” Andy hissed. “It’s not his fault.”

  
Regulus looked away.

  
“I never said it was.” Sirius bit back.

  
“Stop right now, Sirius! I don’t know what has gotten into you, but you need to snap out of it!”

  
Sirius leaned back in his chair and looked down the corridor where he could see one of his aunts or great aunts or cousins or whoever she was, light a cigarette. He couldn’t explain it but he felt a boiling rage inside of him like just the tiniest thing could push him over the edge and cause him to freak out at everyone. He knew none of this was Regulus’s fault, or Andy’s fault or anyone’s fault, other than his rotten parents and his own but he couldn’t make himself calm down. He couldn’t stop scowling at everyone that passed, and he couldn’t stop himself from being angry at Andy and his little brother. How come they found it so much easier to fit in? How come they could pretend for so long, to be someone they weren’t? And why was Sirius the odd one out? Why him? Why couldn’t he just be like everyone else in the family? Why couldn’t he just be a Slytherin? Sirius tugged at his white tie subconsciously. The white sheep of the Black family, how very ironic. Just then a loud voice boomed, “Hello, Blacks!”

  
Sirius, Andy, and Regulus all sat up straighter. “Uncle Alphard!”

  
A tall man with a curly moustache walked into the living room and straight towards the three children sitting on the couch in the back.

  
“Sirius!” Uncle Alphard opened his arms and embraced Sirius in a tight hug, “Handsome as ever!”

  
Sirius felt some of the tension leave his shoulders as he stepped back to allow his uncle to hug the other two.

  
“Andromeda! How beautiful you’re getting! How old are you now?”

  
Andy laughed, “Fifteen, Alphard you should know this by now!”

  
“Wow! I remember when you were just a child! And you Reggie! You’re finally growing too now aren’t you.”

  
Regulus blushed, “Finally?”

  
They laughed at his outraged expression, “I’m eleven now, Uncle! I’m not little anymore!”

  
Sirius immediately felt safer. Where the rest of his family was all dark, and hard, and cold, Alphard was fun, and warm and cunning. He reminded Sirius of the reason why he used to want to be in Slytherin. He reminded Sirius of the reason why Andy was in Slytherin. Andy and Alphard both being cunning, and ambitious and intelligent.

  
“Now, why don’t we go sit down at the table and get those house elves to pour us something nice?” Alphard said, loudly. He wasn’t necessarily loud on purpose but he naturally had a booming voice, that contrasted with his sister, Walpurga’s quietly dangerous whisper.

  
“But there are people there,” Regulus moaned, “and here it’s nice and empty.”

  
*Andy nodded uncomfortably, “I don’t like the way Uncle Arcturus has been looking at me…” She rubbed her hands along her bare arms and Sirius felt a cold chill in the pit of his stomach. He looked over to the connected room which happened to be the bigger and main living room where most of the guests were standing and talking. An old fat man, with startling black eyes was sitting in one of the many dark green armchairs, drinking a glass of blood red wine his eyes darting over to them every few seconds. Or not them, Andy. Sirius suddenly became ultra-aware of his cousin’s sleeveless dress, bare shoulders and collarbone. He looked over at Uncle Alphard who’s entire demeanor had changed in a heartbeat. He stood up straighter and stared right at Arcturus, his eyes cold and menacing and his fists dangling by his sides.

  
Finally he said, “I’ll be right here with the three of you the whole time. Let’s go get a drink, at the table. It will be a long night.”

  
Regulus and Andy started following after their uncle but before they could leave Sirius grabbed his cousin's arm to stop her.

  
“Here,” He said quietly, ripping off his robes and handing them to her. “They’re itchy anyway.”

  
Her eyes widened, “You have to wear your dress robes, Sirius.”

  
“I’m still wearing a suit, and it looks basically like my dressrobes. No one will notice anything.”

  
They looked at each other for a moment before Andy grabbed the robes and slung them around her shoulders. “Thanks.”

  
“No problem.”

* “Ewwww,” Regulus coughed and spluttered. He was lucky their parents were in the other room. “What was that?”

  
“Balkan Vodka.” Alphard replied, pouring himself another glass.

  
“Ugh. Never trying that again.” Regulus gulped down some water.

  
“Well, you’re only eleven Reggie,” Sirius said, taking a timid sip from the Vodka.

  
Andy shook her head, “I don’t understand you lot. Why would you even want to get drunk at a moment like this?”

  
“What better moment is there?” Sirius replied.

  
Alphard sighed deeply, “These things only get worse as you get older kiddos. You gotta learn how to numb it all early on.”

  
“That’s mad.” Andy shook her head again.

  
“Well,” Sirius picked up different coloured bottles and pushed his glass closer to him, “In five years while you’re prancing around the room with your ugly sisters Reggie and I will be sitting in the corner getting drunk and waiting for it all to be over.”

  
He poured some Sunset Rum into his glass, and then followed it with Strawberry champagne, cherry juice, and some slices of orange.

  
“That’s gonna taste like shit.” Andy eyed his drink.

  
“Do you want some?” He asked, unbothered.

  
“No.”

  
Sirius took a long swig of his drink and coughed, his face turning pink.  
Alphard laughed, “take it easy.”

  
“And don’t call my sisters ugly, Sirius! You have no right to hate them.” Andy said as an afterthought. 

  
“Then where are they right now?” Sirius wiped his mouth, “why aren’t you with them?”

  
Andy looked around, “Well, Bella is with Rodolphus Lestrange and Cissy wanted to see if she could find Malfoy."

  
“Ugh…” Sirius groaned, “Lestrange is here? AND Malfoy? I only just cursed him for making fun of Remus!”

  
Andy glared at him.

  
“Do you think I can get away with jinxing Bella during dinner today?”

  
“No.” Andy, Regulus and Alphard all said at the same time, each with different emotions. Andy stern, Regulus scared and Alphard, thoughtful.

  
The dinner bell rang again, this time signifying the actual start of the meal. Sirius groaned loudly.

  
“Please,” Andy pleaded, “Please behave.”

  
Sirius rolled his eyes, but then he saw Regulus’s pale face and big eyes, “Listen to her, Sirius.”

  
Sirius sighed then got up from his chair, moved to his designated seat close to the end of table, and stood behind his chair, his hands resting on the backrest. Andy and Regulus got up too, and Regulus came and stood next to Sirius while Andy moved to the seat opposite of Sirius.

  
“Mummy, please!”

  
“Bellatrix Black, you will sit at your assigned seat, I don’t care if it’s just Rodolphus.”

  
“ _But_ _Mum_!”

  
Bellatrix came and stood next to Andy behind the chair opposite of Regulus.

  
“Disappointed you can’t sit with dream boy?” Sirius drawled.

  
“Disappointed you didn’t die at birth?” Bellatrix hissed back.

  
“Right about now? Yeah, kind of.”

  
Bellatrix pulled a face.

  
“Thank you all, for coming to this year's annual dinner again!” Orion Black’s voice suddenly boomed through the room. Everyone was standing behind their chairs and Sirius felt the presence of his mother standing beside him, their shoulders so close that they could almost touch. Sirius swallowed nervously, and instead focused on his father standing at the end of the table his glass raised.

  
“Before we start I would like to congratulate my son Regulus Black,” He paused for some applause, “on starting his first year at Hogwarts in just a few weeks time.”

  
There was some more lighthearted applause. Sirius remembered when his father had said the same thing about him just a year ago, before he had turned into the biggest disappointment of the house. His grip on the chair tightened.

  
“Now, enjoy your meal and may we bring honor upon the Ancient and Most Noble House of Black and everyone acquainted with it!”

  
Sirius snorted softly. Sure. On both sides of him Regulus and Walpurga raised their glasses. Begrudgingly Sirius did the same. Then with one loud scrape sound, everyone pulled out the chairs and sat down. It was like a choreographed dance, and secretly it freaked Sirius out a little bit.  
Slowly, all around him conversation started as the guests piled food onto their golden plates and filled their goblets (not the same glasses they just used to toast to Regulus that would be preposterous) with wine.

  
“Sirius,” Walpurga hissed, “where on earth did your dress robes go?”

  
Sirius looked down as if he had only just noticed that he wasn’t wearing them.

  
“Oh darn, I don’t know.”

  
Out of the corner of his eye he could see Andy shift nervously.

  
“Don’t play games with me Sirius.” Walpurga continued dangerously. “You look like a muggle!”

  
“No!” Sirius gasped slamming his goblet down on the table. “What will I do?”

  
Nex to Narcissa, aunt Druella looked over.

  
“I can’t go around looking like a...a...a muggle!” Sirius cried sarcastically.

  
“Stop this nonsense, Sirius! You’re acting like a fool, and I will not have you embarrass us again.” Walpurga said through gritted teeth.

  
“Well if I’m not embarrassing you what good am I?” Sirius asked, taking a sip from his goblet. Next to him Regulus dropped his fork and it clattered onto his plate. He paled and picked it up quickly ducking his head. Sirius turned to look at his brother, who was avoiding eye contact as he started to push around the food on his plate again. Sirius took a deep breath. For him. For Regulus.

  
“I’m sorry mother. Should I go and get another pair of dress robes?”

  
Walpurga observed him quietly. “No. I want you staying right here.”

For the first half hour or so everything went fine. Sirius sat quietly and pushed food around his plate thinking about other things. He thought about what he would do if James were here. Or Peter or Remus or Marlene or Dorcas or even Lily Evans that annoying redheaded girl. But even though he was being left alone for the most part Sirius knew something was going to happen. He could feel it in the air.

  
“Boy, where has your green tie gone? What is this white one you're wearing?” An old man from a few seats away asked. Sirius looked up, and realized it was him he was speaking to.

  
“I uh...I don’t have one.” Sirius said nervously. He didn’t recognize the old man and apparently, the old man didn’t recognize him either.

  
“Herbert, drink some more wine.” Walpurga suggested to the old man leaning forward. Absently he took another sip of his drink.

  
“Don’t talk unless spoken to, Sirius!” His mother growled.

  
“He did speak to me!” Sirius said. “Why would I speak to him, I don’t even know who he is!”

  
“Don’t show such disrespect to your granduncle!”

  
“ _Granduncle_?”

  
“Walpurga dear, why doesn’t your son wear one of those...uh...one of those whatchamacallit uh…” Herbert started speaking again, and Sirius realized he was even older than he looked, “those Slythering ties like everyone else?”

  
“Well,” Walpurga answered stiffly, and Sirius noticed some of the other guests starting to look over, “That's because Sirius isn’t a Slytherin, Herbert.”

  
“Is there something wrong with the boy?” Herbert narrowed his eyes.

  
“You could say so,” Narcissa said.

  
“Hey!” Sirius cried.

  
“You know I could tell there was something wrong about him the very moment I lay my eyes on him…” Herbert continued, waving around his hands. Sirius felt his face heat up. “There’s something about...uh...something about…”

  
By now almost everyone at the table was looking over at their conversation, listening in.

  
“Those eyes, Walpurga. They’re not like yours or like your husbands. They’re….uh...they’re -what's the word-...they’re wild. Yes dear, wild.” He took a sip from his goblet. “That boy is not like the rest of us. I can tell, you see.”

  
Sirius could feel his hands start trembling. Bellatrix watched with glee in her eyes.

  
“Yeah I think he has a point actually,” She grinned. “What with him being in Gryffindor and all…”

  
There was a mumbling at that, as everyone sat at the table glared at Sirius, and started whispering.

  
“Remember when that other boy cheered?” Narcissa added quietly. She seemed to only be talking to Bellatrix, but it didn’t matter because everyone at the table could hear it. “And he said, ‘yes Sirius!’ as if they were both proud of the fact?”

  
“I didn’t-” Sirius protested.

  
“Quiet!” His mother snapped.

  
“But I wasn’t-”

  
“Enough!”

  
“I can tell, you see, I can’t tell.” Herbert was still mumbling. “There’s something wrong with that boy.”

  
Sirius thought he may be steaming by now. “It’s not my fault I’m in Gryffindor!” He shouted.

  
**“I said enough!” His mother yelled. “Apologize to your granduncle!”

  
“That’s not even a real word!”

  
“YES IT IS!”

  
“I’M NOT APOLOGIZING!”

  
“IMPERIO!” Walpurga raised her wand and suddenly the whole table was silent, everyone watching. Some in awe, some in disgust, some in fear, but most in glee. Sirius felt the all too familiar feeling of calm drape over his body, but by now he knew what it really signified. He felt as though he was underwater. Everything moved slowly, and lucidly, and although it felt calm, it was also eerie and dangerous, as if he was on the verge of drowning. He wasn’t getting enough air, not enough light, not enough control over his own body. After a moment that felt like a lifetime Sirius heard his command. Just do it and get it over with, a voice in his head said.

Sirius hesitated but only for a moment before choking out the words, “I’m sorry, Herbert.”

  
All that could be heard was the crackling of the fire in the fireplace and the soft, pat pat, of the house-elves' small feet walking around the room swapping dirty dishes for new clean ones. Slowly, everything resumed to normal and everyone started talking and eating again, and after a while, the house elves returned with dessert. Sirius stayed seated in the numb, silent and blurry state and when his mother finally retracted the Imperius curse a few hours later he felt so drained and exhausted all he could do was sit in his seat at the table focusing on his breathing, and tapping his fingernails against his skin to remind himself that he could move again and that he wasn’t underwater. He could feel tears build up in his eyes but he didn’t let them leave. Instead he just sat still. He could feel Andy and Reggie watching him too, their eyes burning him, with the humiliation of what had just happened. And late in the evening when all the guests finally got up to leave, no one forced Sirius to say goodbye, which might have been the only good thing to come from the whole day. The only two people Sirius did say goodbye to, were Alphard and Andy, and even that was barely a goodbye.

  
Alphard had just given him a quick hug and said, “Sirius, you need to be careful.”

  
And Sirius, still feeling numb and dizzy had just nodded, even though he knew he wasn’t good at being careful and that he probably never would be.

When it had been time for his cousins to leave Andy had just handed him back his dress robes and given him a quick hug, even quicker than Alphards, before following her sisters out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!
> 
> for the people that may have skipped the sections with the trigger warnings but still want to know what happened here are the quick summaries! (you don't have to read these but ill write them anyway)
> 
> \--> the mentions of blood were only there because Remus had just experienced a bad full moon and now has a few more scars to add to his selection :(  
> \--> andy was wearing a slightly revealing dress and didn't feel comfortable with the way one of their relatives was looking at her (dw nothing happened)  
> \--> sirius got in trouble with his mother because one of their relatives was insulting him and he didn't want to apologize so his mother cursed him with the imperious curse forcing him to apologize (grrr we don't support walpurga in this household)


	17. Brothers (year 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: homophobic/transphobic talk towards the end of the chapter

“I sent a letter to Madam Pomfrey,” Mr. Lupin said, picking up Remus’s trunk and locking the car door, “So she’ll be prepared with a new ointment as soon as you get there.” 

“Ok,” Remus said following his father towards the KingsCross station, pawing at his arm, unconsciously. 

“Remus.” His mum gently pulled his arm away, where he could feel a little blood well up underneath the sleeve of his muggle sweatshirt. Although it was almost thirty degrees celsius on the first of September (an unusual temperature for this time of year), Remus had chosen to wear a zip-up hoodie over his t-shirt, to cover up the newly acquired scar that covered his arm, in a long, ugly gash.

“Don’t do that..” She muttered softly, rubbing his arms. 

He pulled away, “Sorry, mum.” 

“That new ointment will help.” His father reassured him, though it sounded like he was trying to reassure himself. 

“Yeah, ok,” Remus said, uncomfortably pulling down the sleeves of his sweater even furthur, and speeding up, longing to get on the train as quickly as possible. 

“Remus! Wait.” His father caught up to him, while his mum stayed behind them to double-check the train schedule. 

“You can’t keep wearing that hoodie all year-”

“Yes, I can.” Remus snapped. Lyall stepped back, and Remus looked down at the ground guiltily. 

“Sorry, dad I didn’t mean to shout…-”

“-Remus...Be _careful_. You have more to hide now than ever.”

Remus looked up and saw some other kids his age, run around King's Cross station, yelling excitedly. 

“I know.” 

Lyall nodded and they exchanged a meaningful glance. 

Hope reached them and slid her hand into her husband's. “Is everything alright?” 

“Yeah.” Remus and his father said at the same time.

Lyall ruffled his hair and gave him a weak smile, which Remus returned. 

“We better hurry up, and get to the platform,” Hope said, pulling along her husband. 

“Yes, yes,” Lyall bustled along, pushing up his classes with his thumb and index finger. Remus hurried after them, and soon they were back at platform 9 3/4 where everything started. Remus stood on the tip of his toes looking over the crowds' heads, trying to grasp a glimpse of any of his friends. 

“Oh isn’t that Peter, dear?” Hope who had appeared through the wall, behind Remus, said pointing somewhere to his right, where a short, plump, boy, with a mop of mousy blond hair, stood talking to two blonde women. Remus nodded excitedly. 

“Pete!” He called out. Peter turned, saw Remus and jumped up and down, excitedly beckoning Remus forward. 

“Come on.” Hope said, grabbing her husband once again, as the three of them pushed through the crowd. 

“Lupin!” Peter cried excitedly, jumping up and giving him a hug. 

Remus stumbled back, and laughed. He then turned towards the woman standing next to Peter. “Uh, good to see you, Ms. Pettigrew.” He said nervously. 

“And you, Remus dear.” She smiled brightly at him. She had Peter’s same round face, dimples, and tufty short blonde hair which she had styled in big curls that sat stiffly above her broad shoulders. 

“Oh, uh this is my mum, Hope.” Remus added quickly, “And uhh, my dad,-father. Lyall.” He awkwardly waved toward his parents. 

“Pleased to meet you,” Hope beamed, shaking Ms.Pettigrews hand. 

“Uh, good...good morning,” Lyall said nervously, pushing up his glasses once again, forgetting to shake Ms. Pettigrew's hand and only reaching out his arm once it was too late, to shake hands anymore without it being awkward. Remus blushed; it was obvious where he got his social anxiety from. Peter obviously thinking the same thing grinned at Remus evilly. 

“Oh shut up..” Remus muttered. Peter pulled Remus aside to let their parents talk, or in Lyall's case try to talk. “Look, this is my sister Enid.” 

“Hi, Remus,” The tall, elegant girl, with long blonde hair stepped forward. 

“Er, hey. Hello.” Said Remus.

“It’s her last year at Hogwarts this year,” Peter explained. 

“Oh, uh wow. Yeah. ” Remus muttered, not sure of what else to say, to that. 

Enid laughed and Peter shook his head at her, “Come on, let’s go find the others.” 

“See you around Remus.” Enid smiled at him. 

“Oh uh, you too.” Remus bowed his head a bit, then feeling stupid stood upright again but she just laughed again, the sound of her voice similar to Peter’s when he laughed at something. 

“Mum, we’re leaving,” Peter said impatiently. 

Remus hugged his mum and dad. “Should I help you find a compartment like last year?” His father whispered. 

Remus blushed and smiled. “I think I’ll be ok, dad.” 

His father laughed softly and pushed him away. “See you soon, pal.”

“See you, mum. I’ll write.”

Hope put her hands on her hips, “Oh you better.”

“Alright, bye!” Remus and Peter yelled one last time, (Peter peeling himself away from his now sobbing mother) and ran into the crowd, looking for their friends.

“Now, where-?”

“Oi, Pete! LUPIN!” Someone tackled them from behind. “My dearest of friends!” 

“Ah!” Remus straightened and turned around. “James!” 

“Remus!”

“James!”

“Peter!”

James Potter appeared behind them, one arm slung around Peter and the other around Remus. His black hair was messy as always, and his glasses askew, though he did not adjust them. Like Remus, James had gotten taller over the summer, but he was a lot taller than Remus, and even looked a little older now, his black hair somehow even messier than the year before and tiny freckles appearing underneath his light brown skin. 

James grinned his usual shit-eating grin. 

“Come on, Lads, better find a compartment before they’re all gone! Sirius can find us on the train!” He had to yell in order to be heard over the hum of the crowd but Remus suspected even if he didn’t he would’ve yelled anyway. James grabbed their hands and pulled them onto the train. He was right of course, there weren't very many empty compartments left, but they were lucky to find one, close to the end of the train. Remus stepped in and gingerly placed his trunk on the ground, underneath his seat. James on the other hand threw in his trunk and jumped in behind it, tackling Remus to the ground once again. 

“Lupin, me boy! I haven’t seen you in so long!” 

Remus laughed feeling smothered. “I am aware of that, yes.”

James straightened up and lounged on the bench of the compartment. 

“How are you? What have you been up to?”

“I don’t know...” Remus said nervously. He obviously couldn’t say what he was really up to, as he suspected being shredded to bits every full moon wasn’t an answer that would quite satisfy James. “I wrote to you everything I did!”

“ _Not enough letters_ I’m telling you!” James shook his head. "We've got to find another form of communication! Bloody owls won't do it for much longer."

“Besides,” Peter added, “Most of the letters you wrote were just about books you read!” 

“Yeah, mate,” James shook his head solemnly, “We don’t care, ok? I’m sorry.”

“Hey!”

“It’s true!” Peter nodded. 

  
Remus shrugged, then exclaimed, “Wait! Watch this!” He buried his hand in his pocket and brandished his wand. “I found out a new spell! And since i’m on the train now I can finally use it!” 

James pulled a hand through his hair. “Now you’re talking! What is it?”

Peter jumped up and down. “Can we use it for pranks?” 

“Er…” Remus knit his eyebrows together. “Maybe?” 

Excitedly, James and Peter watched as Remus opened his trunk and pulled out a mug, and a small brown box, holding his wand in his mouth to free up his other hand in order to gingerly open the box. 

“What’s in there!” James asked, looking like he might explode out of excitement. Remus held up his index finger indicating for him to wait. He peered into the box, before rummaging around, picking something out of it, dropping it in the mug and then holding the tip of his wand to the mug muttering an incantation. Steam wafted into the air. Remus grinned, proudly turning the mug towards them to reveal...tea. 

“Tada!” He yelled. 

Peter and James looked at him, then at each other and then back at him. 

“Seriously?” James said. 

“Wha?” Remus asked, looking dumbstruck.

“That was boring.” Peter supplied. 

“What?” Remus said drawing out the letter ‘t’, and looking around at them frantically. “No, no, you don’t understand.” Remus frantically put his wand between his teeth again, putting away his supplies, and waving around the mug. 

“I think we understand Lupin…-” James laughed rolling his eyes. 

“Wuuk,” Remus dropped the wand into his lap. “Look,” he repeated. “I made myself _tea_ ! And it's going to stay _warm_ in this mug! And now I can have _warm tea_ for the next eight hours! And-” He lifted up the box again turning it so they could see, “I have so many different flavors left too!” 

“Hey,” James cried, “wait, that’s the gift I gave you for christmas right?” 

Remus nodded enthusiastically. 

James laughed leaning back, “I can’t believe you're so bloody excited about that. If I knew you were such a nerd I would’ve gotten you more. My mother knows a-” 

The compartment door slid open, “Is that seat taken?” A voice drawled. 

“Sirius!” James jumped up from his seat and tackled the black haired boy at the door even harder than he had tackled Remus before. 

“Oi!” Sirius laughed and pushed James off. “You’re going to scare off Reggie!” 

Behind him a small miniature version of Sirius stood, and waved at them all, awkwardly. 

“Everyone, this is my brother. Brother this is everyone.” Sirius introduced waving his hands towards them carelessly. He laughed at his brother's confused glance and stepped into the compartment, pulling Regulus behind him. Both Sirius and Regulus’s dark hair had been cropped short during the summer, but Regulus’s was still a tad lighter, sparkling a burnt brown color in the light of the compartment. His grey eyes were also darker than Sirius’s and unlike Sirius’s which almost leant towards a cold blue color, his were more of a warm tone leaning almost towards brown. Other than these small differences, and a light alteration in their faces the two boys looked almost identical. Although Sirius, with his sharp jawline and cheekbones and his airy confidence, was obviously the handsomer brother. 

“Look, Sirius tea!” Remus held up his mug.

“How exciting.” Sirius deadpanned.

James started getting up, “I’m James.” He reached over and shook Regulus’s hand. 

“Potter?” Regulus asked, though he looked like he knew the answer. 

James hesitated and looked over at Sirius before answering, “yeah.” 

Regulus nodded and gave him a small smile, though he radiated nervous energy. 

“That one's Peter, and that -” Sirius interrupted shoving Regulus into a seat.

“Oh, uh, yeah Remus. Lupin.” Remus got up too, introducing himself. Regulus hesitated for a moment before shaking his hand and Remus didn’t miss the way that the younger boy’s hand flew to his robes, as if to brush off traces of Remus’s touch, before settling in his pocket. Remus sat back down quickly trying to ignore the pang in his chest. Sirius was too busy talking to James and Peter and hadn’t noticed. “Boring as I expected.” Sirius was saying plopping down next to James. 

“Really?” James said disbelievingly. “Nothing...happened?” 

Sirius’s eyes skidded over to his brothers for a second. Regulus looked at him nervously, and Sirius shook his head the tiniest fragment. 

“No,” He said turning back to James casually, “nothing.” 

Remus and Peter exchanged a look. 

“James has a great prank idea,” Peter exclaimed, “We’ll start the year off with a bang! Regulus you can help us if you like-- we can always use more Marauders!” Regulus smiled, “Yeah, maybe. I just hope-” He looked at Sirius. “I mean I don’t want to get...in trouble with m- anyone...I just want…-”

“It’s ok.” Remus said quickly, “You don’t have too.” 

The five of them suddenly heard a muffled voice from outside. Sirius’s head snapped in the direction of the door. 

“Aw no…” He moaned quietly. Regulus sat up straighter in his seat. 

“Wha-?” James started but just then the door slid open once again and a black haired witch stood in front of them. Bellatrix glared at them loathsomely. 

“ _Sirius Orion Black you disgrace_.” She hissed. 

“Why hello Bella dear,” 

“Don’t give me that attitude you little shit. Performing a nice show for your friends are you? You weren't _this_ confident when Auntie Walpurga-”

Sirius got up from his seat. “ _What_ do you want Bellatrix?”

The girl’s eyes glinted dangerously. 

“How dare you kidnap Regulus like this? Do you seriously think he _wants_ to sit with _you_ and these _mudbloods_?” 

“Oi-” James got up, but Remus silently pulled him down again. 

“Bella I-” Regulus started looking like he might throw up. Remus hoped with all his heart that he wouldn’t. Bellatrix turned towards the younger boy and stepped inside the compartment, bearing down on him. 

“ _What_ , Regulus? Are you suggesting you _want_ to be a _blood traitor_?” 

“No!” Regulus cried stepping back. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Sirius shouted. 

“No, I- I just-”

Sirius and Bellatrix both stared at him and then at each other. 

Bellatrix grinned evilly. “Well, that clears it doesn’t it?”

Sirius fumed. “Leave,” He whispered. 

There was a long intense pause that felt like hours but probably only lasted for seconds. 

“Well, see you soon Regulus. I don’t doubt you’ll join me at dinner tonight.” Bellatrix smiled at him, and stepped forward one last time, grabbing his hand and pushing something into it. Regulus flinched and stepped away but she held his hand firmly. For an uncomfortable moment they stood there while Bellatrix maintained eye contact with Sirius and Regulus held his breath looking as pale as ever. “See you _very_ soon.” 

Peter shifted in his seat, bumping further away from the door. You could hear a pin drop. 

“ _Leave,_ ” Sirius repeated menacingly. 

His cousin just smiled and left the compartment, leaving the door slightly open. Regulus opened his hand allowing everyone to see the small object that had been pressed into his hand. It was a small glass snake the color of an emerald. Regulus looked up at Sirius and hesitantly dropped it into his pocket his hands shaking. Peter silently inched forward and shut the door with a last push. As soon as the door clicked, Sirius plopped down onto his seat with a loud, “Fuck!” 

Regulus blinked and sat down on the corner of the bench timidly. 

“What a _bitch_ !” Sirius fumed. “For her to just _come in here_ -! And-! _Did you see_ -?” 

Regulus stayed silent. 

The train whistled and started slowly pulling out of the station. 

Finally, Sirius turned to his brother. 

“Promise me, Reggie! Promise me you won’t be like _that_!” 

Regulus now started turning pink in the face. “Like wh-?” 

“They’re all the same! Those slimy-”

“ _Who’s_ all the same?”

Sirius stared at him in disbelief, “ _Slytherins!”_

Regulus frowned, “ _Slytherins?_ Sirius, what if I’M in slytherin?” 

“You won’t be!”

“Sirius, _what if_?” 

“You _won-_ ” 

“SIRIUS.” 

Sirius and Regulus looked at each other for a long moment. 

“Do you _want_ to be?” Sirius asked eventually, trying very hard to make his voice sound monotone, although they could all hear the quiver in it. Regulus shook his head and looked away. 

“You don’t get it…” He laughed weakly, “You still don’t get it...out of all the people…After what happened at dinner!-”

“ _Don’t_.”

They stared at each other.

Sirius opened his mouth, closed it again, and eventually settled for looking down at his feet. 

Remus sighed quietly and took a long sip from his mug, the tea in which was still pleasantly warm. At least one thing was going right. If only he knew a spell to fix family drama. Although Sirius and Regulus seemed to need a lot more than just a spell…

_ _ _ _ 

As soon as the five of them had gotten out of the train, Regulus had hurried off to join the other first years without saying a word to Sirius who silently glowered all the way to school. Once they got into the great hall though his angry demeanor started to slip away and got replaced with a nervous energy that no one had ever seen in him before. The three other Marauders sat in silence watching him, waiting for him to finally go off, explode, like a bomb. 

“Oi, Black, you alright?” Marlene McKinnon who had come to sit down next to them said. She had grown taller, and looked as elegant as ever, with her blocky black heels and black painted nails. James shook his head in the slightest degree, trying to warn her, but she didn’t seem to notice. 

Marlene frowned, playfully, “Uh...earth to Black?” 

“Stop.” James said, a little bit too forcefully. “He doesn’t want to talk.” 

Marlene looked taken aback. “Damn ok then, no ‘nice to see you, Marlene’ no ‘how was your summer, Marlene?’” She grumbled. 

James just shook his head again. 

“What is taking so long?” Sirius hissed bouncing up and down in his seat. 

“Calm down.” Peter said nervously. Sirius ignored him. 

“It didn’t take this long when _we_ got sorted.” 

“Of course it did.” Remus assured him, “They’ll come out in a moment.” 

By now some students from the other houses were turning and squirming in their chairs to get a better look at Sirius. A nervous Sirius Black was a rare and unusual sight, and the other students, especially the Slytherins were milking the view as much as they possibly could staring over at them as if they wanted to keep this sight in their minds forever. James realized it must be because it finally made Sirius look more human. The other students could finally see that Sirius Black wasn’t unbeatable, unattainable. That he had sadness, and fragility to him too. James knew that if Sirius realized what was happening he would hate it. Apparently, James wasn’t the only one that thought this. Remus, who had been pretty quiet up until now, leaned forward and stared directly into Sirius’s face, which he didn’t do very often. James had noticed that about Remus, how no matter how much he liked a person or how comfortable he felt around them he seemed to have a problem with eye contact, always choosing to look down at the ground instead of into people’s eyes.

Sirius fidgeted with his hands, and turned his head side to side, and up and down, and back and to the front. 

“Sirius,” Remus whispered, looking at him with big wide eyes. James watched with fascination, as Sirius stopped fidgeting and focused his attention on Remus. Remus gave him the tiniest fraction of a smile, his eyes glinting reassuringly, in a golden, orangy color. “It’s going to be ok. You love him.” 

Sirius shook his head abruptly and leaned back in his seat. James could see sweat starting to gather on his forehead. 

“Sirius listen to me,” Remus said, this time more firmly. “You know you love him.” 

“I don’t.” Sirius spat through gritted teeth. 

“Yes you do,” Remus said knowingly. Sirius looked like he wanted to say something but he just looked at Remus grimly. 

“You don’t have to watch-” James started but Sirius shook his head and James couldn’t say he was surprised. “We could go upstairs-”

“No,” Sirius said firmly. 

Peter, Remus, and James all exchanged a look. 

“Ok,” James said finally.

It didn’t take long before Regulus was sorted into Slytherin. 

“Fuck.” James whispered, staring at the younger brother making his way to the Slytherin table. It hadn’t surprised him in the slightest, but he knew it would destroy Sirius’s mood for at least the next few days. And when Sirius was in a bad mood everyone was in a bad mood. From a few seats away Lily was biting her nails nervously. 

“That’s Sirius’s brother isn’t it?” He heard her say to Dorcas Meadows. 

Dorcas nodded, “Who knows what he’ll do now that his younger brother is in Slytherin. They’ll practically be enemies.” 

James thought that was a bit harsh. The Black brothers would certainly never be _enemies,_ they would just not be in the same house, and as much as James despised Slytherins himself he knew that Sirius would have to come to terms with it eventually. Sirius on the other hand probably wasn’t thinking the same thing. As soon as ‘Slytherin’ had been called out he had jumped up in his seat before reluctantly sitting down again, his eyes glazed over and his face white as death. 

“Oh dear,” James heard Lily mutter again. “He doesn’t look too well.”

Over by the Slytherin table, Regulus glanced at them uncomfortably, Narcissa, and Bellatrix on one side of him and Snivellus on the other. 

“Come on.” Remus who had suddenly appeared at their side, whispered, pulling Sirius up, while the rest of the hall roared with sound, what had first been the echo of clapping was now morphing into talk, as everyone started whispering about the Black Brothers. James had always been well known, his parents were some of the wealthiest Wizards because of their company after all and his family was known to be important purebloods, but he was never _famous_. The Balck family on the other hand...that was different. Especially the situation involving Regulus and Sirius. Dumbledore got up and raised his hands for the rest of the sorting to continue and a shush echoed through the great hall, causing everyone to quiet down. 

“Come _on_ .” Remus tugged at Sirius once again and the four of them left the great hall, the doors behind them echoing loudly as they shut with the whole school watching them. James walked with as much confidence as he could muster, hoping that everyone got the message. There would be _no_ talk of this, _ever_. Not in front of Sirius. 

_ _ _ _

“Come on, Sirius, _please_ .” Peter complained, “I’m _hungry_.” 

“I already told you, if you're so hungry you can go without me. I’m not coming.” Sirius sat on his bed ruffling through his trunk trying to look for a pair of matching socks. It was the second of September and their first day of classes was about to start in only half an hour.

“But James won’t let me leave if you don’t come!” Peter persisted. 

“That’s right!” James yelled from the bathroom. 

Remus sighed and rolled around in his bed realizing he wouldn’t be getting any more sleep, “Why don’t you just go to the kitchen and get us some food like last year? That way Sirius won’t have to face his family _and_ you still get food. Win-win.”

“That,” James peaked his head out from the bathroom, “is an excellent idea, Rem.” 

“Thanks. Now let me sleep.” 

“Alright well, who’s gonna go?” Peter asked crossing his arms. 

“Aha!” Sirius jumped up and pulled on some purple socks grumpily, “Finally.”

“ _You_ , obviously,” Remus mumbled into his pillow. 

“No!” Peter jumped up from his bed. “I don’t want to go, I _always_ have to!”

“Well you’re the one that wants to eat,” Sirius said. "It's not our fault your such a fatass."

“Pete’s right,” James said, finally emerging from the bathroom for good, “He _is_ always the one to go. It’s only fair if we take turns. Remus, you know what that means.” 

Remus sat up in his bed, “ _What_? Why me? _I_ don’t want to!”

“Come on, just this once.” James said, “That way you won’t have to go next time.” 

“Why don’t _you_ go, Mr. I-Just-Spent-The-Past-Hour-In-The-Bathroom-Getting-Ready-Because-I’m-A-Douche?” 

“Oi!”

“You’re not getting out of this one, Rem.”

“I hate all of you.” Remus crawled out of his bed and tried not to think about the sweat running down his back from the hoodie he had worn during the night, as he walked past James glaring at him and slammed the bathroom door shut. Quickly he pulled on his school uniform before pulling yet another sweater over his white shirt pulling his Gryffindor tie over it. He looked kind of ridiculous. 

He exited the bathroom and casually flipped off Sirius who despite his bad mood had taken it upon himself to laugh at the sight of Remus's outfit. 

"Looking hot, Rem." James joked, though he sounded slightly concerned. 

"Yeah, whatever," Remus said as he turned to leave the dorm room. 

“Hey, get me one of those Jam tarts if they have them!” Peter called after him.

Remus didn’t turn around, “I know what you like, Peter, I’ve seen you eat Jam tarts for breakfast every day last year.”

He closed the door behind him just in time to block out the chorus of, “thank you, Remu!”

He rolled his eyes fondly, it was something not many people could do but he had had a lot of practice. 

At the kitchens, Remus pulled the usual bag that they used for smuggling food, out of his pocket and started tossing in some Jam tarts for Peter carelessly. He walked around the Kitchen freely, already being familiar with all the house elves who greeted him excitedly offering him bagels, and cheese platters, bowls of baked beans, and stacks of pancakes that he kindly had to refuse. Instead, he dropped some pieces of toast in the bag and stuffed small packs of different flavored Jams into his pockets, grabbing a handful of plastic knives too. He even thought of packing an apple for James who always preached a healthy lifestyle (“I need to get strong for Quidditch Lupin!”) and he felt pretty smug once he finally made his way to the back of the kitchens again, ready to exit the way he came. Before he left though he saw another figure doing the exact same thing he was doing, but filling up a basket instead of a bag like him. At first Remus thought it was just another house-elf, but it obviously wasn’t- It was a familiar looking third year.

The figure turned around. 

“Gideon Prewett,” Remus said, before he could stop himself or even think about what he was doing. Gideon smiled softly. His brown hair had gotten longer and now the curls that used to bounce right below his ears rested comfortably on his shoulders. 

“Remus.” He said, eyes glimmering. Something about him seemed different. More confident. Remus realized that his lips were a slightly different color than they had been last time, a little more red, and the eyelashes surrounding his eyes were darker and seemed longer than before, although it was unlikely that they would’ve grown. It seemed like he was wearing makeup, Remus realized with a shock. It was the same type of stuff his mother wore. _Mascara and some lipstick is all a girl needs, Remus._ Remus remembered his mother once saying. But Gideon wasn’t a girl. Suddenly Remus felt even more ridiculous in his stupid sweater-robe combination-although it was better than the alternative. 

“So, why are you stealing food instead of going to the great hall?” Gideon asked quietly, blushing slightly, and setting down his own food basket. 

"You talk now?" Remus said.

"I always talked." Gideon laughed, "Sometimes I just...talk less than other times. So?"

“Oh, right. Uh...Sirius doesn’t really want to...you know...See his brother after the sorting. And he’s scared his cousins will say something.” 

Gideon nodded knowingly, “Oh Blacks... _yeah_. Is he ok?”

“I...I think so.” Remus said hesitantly. “Why are _you_ stealing food?” 

Gideon grinned and a small spark glinted behind his eyes, “My brother and I were thinking of this prank but we didn’t want anyone to overhear us discussing it. Maybe you could help me- _us_ develop it actually. I know you and your friends pull pranks a lot too-”

“Gideon!” The portrait door burst open and Fabian rushed in, “I just had the most amazing ide- Oh.” 

Fabian looked at them for a moment, then his eyes focused on Gideon's face, scanning his eyes and lips, and he instantly went red. He rushed forward and shoved Gideon behind him. “ _What are you doing?_ ” He cried loudly. “You can’t go around, like- Looking like- You know! We can't have anyone seeing you like this! You know what would happen!" 

“It’s just Remus,” Gideon argued weakly. Fabian's eyes widened, as he turned and looked at Remus before turning back again gripping his brother’s arms.

“Well, it’s not always going to be _just_ _Remus_ , Gideon! What if someone sees! You can’t look like _this.”_

“I just wanted to see what it felt like…” Gideon murmured avoiding eye contact. 

“Um...i-it’s ok. I...I don’t...uh _mind_.” Remus stammered quietly feeling like he should help out. 

“Stay out of this!” Fabian yelled.

“Hey!” Gideon snapped. 

“YOU’RE NOT A _GIRL_ GIDEON!” Fabian finally roared.

The two of them stared at each other for a long time as if they were having a silent conversation. Finally, Gideon ripped himself away from Fabian. 

“I _know_.” He said quietly. He picked up the food basket which trembled slightly in his hands. As he turned his face away Remus could make out tears glistening in his eyes wanting to break the surface but not being able to. Fabian stared at him, his eyes wide. He held his hands up to his face which was a pale grey color. “I shouldn’t have…” He breathed quietly. 

Gideon’s eyes flickered to Remus and then he turned away.

Fabian reached towards his brother, “Hey...I’m sorry. I shouldn't have said...”

“It’s fine,” Gideon said. Remus felt like he should do something or say something. Anything to help out. Gideon looked at him then shook his head slightly as if he knew what the other boy was thinking. “See you around Remus Lupin.” 

“Wait, where are you going?” Fabian stepped after Gideon. 

“ _Where do you think?_ ”

“....It’s just,” Fabian shrunk back uncomfortably, “I’m sorry but we have to….we should….before class….we have to get off that makeup...before…I mean if anyone sees...”

Gideon pushed open the back of the portrait hole. “I know.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“I know.” 

Gideon started to leave. Fabian was about to follow before he stepped closer to Remus. “Don’t-” His voice cracked slightly, as he tried to sound threatening, “Don’t you _dare_ tell anyone you saw my _brother_ like this.” 

Remus just nodded choppily and watched the Prewett teens leave. He stood there awkwardly for a few moments trying to process what had just happened. He wondered why Gideon had been wearing makeup. Why would anyone want to do that? It seemed like a lot of extra work for girls, and if it was such an inconvenience for a girl why would a guy even _want_ to try that? _I just wanted to see what it felt like..._ Remus remembered how much more confident Gideon had looked. Had he felt different too? Remus swallowed hard. Whether boys should wear makeup or not, Remus didn't really care. Personally he thought Gideon had looked quite good. Quite good indeed.

After a few more moments, Remus picked up his bag of bounty and left too, closing the portrait hole behind him.

Breakfast was almost over and he didn't want to think about it anymore. 

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MERRY CHRISTMAS GUYS! Ah ok so i really liked this chapter! i hope you enjoyed it too :)) if there's ever anything you would like to see in the story then let me know it the comments!


	18. Red (year 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone sorry for the long wait but I've been dealing with a little bit of a writers block...i did manage to write a few extra chapters though so now I'll probably be able to update a little more regularly. to be honest sometimes I just cant get myself to post because im scared the chapters arent good enough and i only want to release my best work...*sigh* anyway i hope you like it and if you do make sure to leave kudos and comments! luv u guys
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING:   
> there is some swearing/cussing/cursing (lol) in this chapter so just beware of that :)

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Marlene passed a bread basket across the table to Dorcas. “Why aren’t you eating anything?”

It took Lily a moment to realize that Marlene was addressing _her_. “Oh. Nothing. I’m not hungry.”

“You’ve been quiet ever since we got back,” Dorcas said observantly. “Was your summer not good?”

Lily stiffened and sat up straighter. “My summer was _fine_.” 

Marlene laughed her loud confident laugh, “Well there we have it, ladies and gentleman, she's had a bad summer.” 

Lily glared at them and started pouring herself some pumpkin juice if not out of spite. 

Dorcas bit her lip, “Well to be honest Lily my summer wasn’t that great either. I was actually quite lonely. My parents were out working the whole time and I don’t have any siblings so I just sat at home alone all day.” 

Marlene ripped a bread roll in two and tossed one half to Lily who caught it startled. “Actually,” Marlene bit into her bread and talked through a full mouth, “you weren't completely alone. You met Bob didn’t you?”

“Who’s Bob?” Lily asked.

Marlene giggled loudly and Dorcas ignored her sighing, “Well...there aren’t any other kids around my neighbourhood so I spent a lot of time with my older neighbours. Bob is-”

“He's a retired broadway singer!” Marlene cried happily. 

Lily almost smiled despite her bad mood, “ _really_?”

Dorcas grinned, “Yeah. And wicked good at chess too! He beat me practically every day.”

“See?” Marlene bit off another large chunk of bread, “your summer couldn’t have been much worse, than that.” 

Dorcas grinned and started combing back her long blonde hair with her hands. It had grown to the point where it now practically reached her waist. 

“Wish I could do that,” Marlene said longingly, swallowing hard. “If I tried to run my hands through my hair they would get lost.” 

Dorcas and Lily laughed. 

“I’ll run my hands through your hair,” Sirius, who had just joined the table along with the other marauders, winked and sat down next to Marlene. 

“Get lost, Black.” She said fondly, “as if I’d ever let you touch me.” 

“Alright, alright.” Sirius threw his hands up.

“Stop being disgusting, Sirius,” Remus said sitting down next to him. 

“Sorry, Rem!”

Lily rolled her eyes, now that Sirius and James had joined the breakfast table she remembered her awful mood. 

“Have any of you seen Severus?” She finally asked, “He wasn’t at the Slytherin table when I first came in.”

James pretended to gag. She glared at him coldly. 

“Sorry sorry,” he said, “it’s a natural instinct. As soon as I hear his name it just happens as a sort of defence mechanism.” The others laughed. 

“Shut up, Potter.”

“He’s probably at the Slytherin table.” Dorcas offered, weakly. “Or their dorm.” 

Lily got up haughtily, “Well then I’ll see you later.”

“Oi, Red!” Lily turned and realised Marlene had just called her that. 

“ _Excuse me?_ ”

Marlene ignored her tone and just shook her head, “Don’t go over there just yet, alright? Whatever he says won’t make you feel any better.”

Lily’s mouth dropped open. “You don’t know that! _You don’t know anything_.” Marlene raised her eyebrows and took a sip from her hot chocolate. “Sure thing, Lils.”

Lily turned on her heel ready to storm out before she stopped in her tracks. “ _And don’t call me Red._ ”

“Whatever you say.”

“Ugh!” Lily ran over to the Slytherin table and saw Severus sitting with Lucius Malfoy, and Narcissa Black. 

“Severus!” Lily called. He looked up startled, and rushed over to her reaching out his arms to block her from coming any closer. 

“Lily, what are you doing over here?”

“You’re ignoring me.”

“look, I don’t really have time right now, ok? We’ll talk later.” Severus said his face white. 

“What do you mean you don't have time right now? What are you doing other than eating?”

“I just-!”

“I don’t understand Sev! You knew I had a bad summer and that I need you right now-”

“I- I just-!”

“First Petunia and now you!”

“Petunia? _Again_? Come on Lily we’ve been over this she isn't important!”

“ _Excuse me?_ You’re _right_ we have been over this Sev. And we shouldn't have to go over it again.”

Lily hesitated for a moment then left the great hall once and for all. 

Severus called after her weakly a few times before giving up. Lily tried not to care. 

“Oi!” Suddenly Marlene and Dorcas appeared next to her laying their arms on her shoulders. 

“Look, I don’t really feel like talking right now,” Lily said, feeling tears well up in her eyes.

“Sure you do, girl,” Marlene said leading them up to the charms classroom. 

“What are you doing?” Lily sniffed, “Charms doesn’t start for another twenty minutes.”

“Exactly!” Dorcas said flinging open the door to the classroom, flipping on the light switch and sitting down on an empty chair. Marlene turned and jumped backwards onto a desk. 

“That means we have the whole empty classroom for ourselves! Flitwick doesn’t show up for another fifteen or so minutes anyway, and no one bothers coming to class early other than you.” 

Lily blushed. “How...how did you know this would happen?” She said fighting against her tears, “You said that Sev wouldn’t make me feel better. How did you know?”

Dorcas and Marlene exchanged a look. “It’s obvious, Love,” Marlene said twirling Lily’s hair in her hands. “You always look worse after talking to him. You’re always defending him saying he’s a great friend and then he goes and upsets you.” 

Dorcas nodded knowingly, “You should talk to us, instead.”

Marlene grinned, “We can’t have first-year repeat itself again don’t you agree?” 

Lily shrugged, “I was fine first year.”

Marlene laughed boldly, “Sure you were!” 

“I was!”

“Yeah? Then who were your friends?”

“Severus and...Remus. And you two!”

“Uh-uh,” Marlene smirked. “Ma’am I don’t know what you think a friendship is but we were merely acquaintances last year. You need to get off your high horse.”

There was so much to unpack in that one sentence that Lily didn’t know how to answer. “My _high horse?_ Acquaintances? ….You weren't my friends?” She tried to keep the hurt out of her voice. 

“You’re always running to one of the boys when you have some sort of problem. What makes you think you can just be friends with boys all your life? Look at Dorcas, for instance. You think she and Bob are gonna be as close as she and me?”

Lily shrugged again. “Bob sounds nice.” 

“Yeah,” Marlene said, “You know who else is nice? Remus.”

“Yeah, he _is!”_ Lily agreed, “I don’t see what the problem is.”

“Remus is a stale piece of bread, Lily.”

“Remus is NOT a stale piece of bread! Remus is kind and witty, and funny, and intelligent, and sarcastic, and mature, and sweet, and-”

“Wow, wow, wow!” Marlene held up her hands, “WOW, Red.”

“What?” 

Marlene turned her face slowly and looked over at Dorcas. They exchanged a long meaningful look. 

“ _What?”_ Lily repeated. 

“Are you seeing what I’m seeing, Meadows?”

Dorcas swung herself off of the table she was sitting on and repositioned herself closer to Lily. 

“Sure am, McKinnon.”

Lily gave them a stern look, “What.”

“You, my dear, fancy Remus fucking Lupin.” Marlene grinned. All of a sudden she jumped and twirled in circles laughing hysterically. “Remus bloody Lupin! I can’t believe it!” 

“Hey! No, I don’t!” Lily cried, feeling her face grow warm. 

Dorcas nodded, “Nothing to be ashamed of Lily, nothing at all.” 

“Then why is Marlene laughing like a lunatic?” Lily asked nervously. Marlene, who was still laughing, gasped for breath loudly. 

“She does that sometimes,” Dorcas explained. “So,” She leaned back, “Why Remus?”

“What?” Lily looked down, startled. She had never talked to anyone about her feelings like this before. 

“Why Remus? Why not James, or Sirius?” 

“Why on earth would I like either James _or_ Sirius!” Lily exclaimed, “They’re so full of themselves!”

“Good point,” Dorcas said, grimly. 

“Who _cares_ ?” Marlene skipped over to them. “At least they're _handsome_!”

“Oh, come on.” Lily rolled her eyes. “Who do _you_ fancy then?” 

“No one,” Marlene said, shrugging, “But if I _had_ to choose, I would say Black.”

“Well, no one’s forcing you,” Lily said. 

Marlene threw her head back and laughed. 

“What about you?” Lily said, turning to Dorcas. Suddenly she was really interested in knowing what the other girls thought about the boys in their year. 

Dorcas hesitated then twitched her shoulders, “Oh...I don’t….I don’t know.” She gave a nervous laugh. 

Lily raised her eyebrows smiling lightly, “That...was not very convincing.” 

“You can try all you like,” Marlene sighed, repositioning herself so that she was lying on her stomach on top of the desk. She swung her legs back and forth, “But Meadows won’t tell you anything.” 

Dorcas just looked away blushing. 

“Oh come on! It’s not like I’ll make fun of you! You guys just laughed at me for….you know.” Lily said. She still didn’t want to admit to fancying Remus out loud. It made it feel more real. 

Dorcas took a deep breath, “There aren’t really...any boys that have caught my attention yet, ok?”

“Alright, alright,” Marlene said, flipping around yet again so that now she was laying on her back staring at them upside down. Lily realised how restless Marlene was. She was constantly switching positions and moving around, like a ball of energy. 

“Hey, do you think I can do a handstand if I slip down like….this?...and then...just kind of flip….” Marlene reached out her hands and started lowering herself backward towards the floor, “look! I just need to…reach the ground,” she lowered herself even more, “and then….push my feet up….”

“Uh-” Lily watched her in concern. 

“McKinnon, how many times do I have to tell you!” Dorcas stepped forward, grabbed Marlene's hands and pushed her back up on the desk. Marlene turned and looked at Dorcas laughing wildly. 

Dorcas rolled her eyes, “Why do you put yourself in weird and dangerous situations?” She asked exasperatedly. 

Marlene rolled back to her stomach position and leaned her head on her hands, “Maybe I just like having you save me.” 

“Bitch.”

“Whore-”

“...twat.”

“-Wanker.”

“....uh…” Dorcas hesitated, “Um…”

“Already ran out?” Marlene sat up, “I need to teach you more!” 

Dorcas blushed and looked away, “Please don’t. My mother’s already worried. She says maybe I ought to stop hanging out with you so much.”

“Well, that plan failed.” Marlene sat up, “What did you do to provoke such a suggestion?”

Dorcas looked away as if she were suddenly embarrassed. “We missed our bus to the station and I said, ‘damn.’”

“ _No!_ ” Marlene jumped up, and put her hand on her chest, “Can you believe it, Red?” She jumped over to Lily and threw herself behind her as if she was hiding from Dorcas. “How could you say that, you _monster_?” 

“Alright, alright I get it...I’m a priss.” Dorcas said. Lily laughed, feeling slightly overwhelmed by the situation but also amused. 

“Ah, ladies.” Professor Flitwick shuffled in, smiling at them as if he wasn’t surprised to see them there. Lily realised Dorcas and Marlene must have done this many times before. 

“‘Ello, Profesor!” Marlene and Dorcas exclaimed at the same time. 

“How are you doing today, Sir?” Marlene asked, jumping up from behind Lily’s back. 

“Oh, good, very good, Miss McKinnon,” Flitwick muttered sitting down at his desk. 

“Splendid!” Marlene yelled. She then turned to Lily and Dorcas giggling and whispered, “Come, on!” She pulled them over to the middle row of desks and sat down. Dorcas pulled out a chair on Marlene's right and Lily sat down on her left. 

“Guys,” She whispered as she heard students fill the halls outside. “This isn’t my spot…” 

Marlene suddenly threw her hand up in the air and stood up straight. “ _Professor, Flitwick!_ _Could Lily sit with us over here?_ She wants to switch her seating arrangement _._ ”

Professor Flitwick looked up and gave a confused shrug, “I see no problem if she wants to switch.”

“Thank you, Professor!” Marlene exclaimed once again. She sat down and pointed at the seat to her left, “Voila, mademoiselle. If you please.” 

“Oh, wow.” Lily sat down next to Marlene feeling a grin form on her face. “Thanks.”

“She does it all the time,” Dorcas said, unpacking her books and quill. “She’s a real sneaky bitch. Always sucking up to the teachers.” 

Marlene didn’t say anything just smiled smugly. 

“You see, Lily. You’re a teacher's pet too. You just never learned to gain anything from it.” Dorcas continued matter of factly. 

“I….didn't realise I should gain anything from it.”

“Oh, Red.” Marlene sighed. “You think those four boys are so great, don’t you? You think _Remus_ is . Professor Flitwick would have _never_ let _any_ of them switch spots. _Ever_ . So while they’re out there doing their thing, _we’ll_ be in here doing _our_ thing, and they may be loud and flashy but in the end, we’ll get everything we want and all they’ll get is detention. ” 

Lily stared at them in awe. 

“Nice speech, McKinnon,” Dorcas said, unimpressed. 

“Kiss my ass, Meadows.” Marlene closed her eyes and leaned back in her seat blowing a kiss in Dorcas’s direction. 

“You two are…” Lily searched her mind for a word, “Insane.”

Dorcas winked at her. 

_ _ _ _ 

That evening Sirius sat in the silence and tried not to worry. Maybe Remus had forgotten. Or maybe he just didn’t care. A few hours before during lunch, Sirius had asked Remus to meet him here, and Remus had agreed, but maybe he had changed his mind. Maybe he had gone with James and Peter to sign up for the Quidditch tryouts. Sirius sighed, yeah right. Remus hated flying. 

His heart gave a jolt as the door to the owlery finally opened. “You’re late,” Sirius muttered. He had been waiting for only about ten minutes but in the silence alone with only his thoughts, it felt a lot longer. 

“No, I’m not.” Remus said truthfully, closing the door and sitting down next to Sirius, “You’re early.”

Sirius shrugged, “Either way I had to wait. And I don’t like waiting.” 

Remus laughed, and although Sirius hadn’t been joking he felt himself loosening up and laughing too. He straightened his legs and propped his notebook up on his thighs, twirling his quill in between his fingertips. Remus pulled his legs up to his chin and wrapped his arms around himself. Now that it was late at night, the once warm air had turned chilly, and Sirius wished he had thought of bringing a sweater like Remus had. Sirius stared at Remus’s sweater for a moment allowing himself to appreciate it. Remus seemed to have an endless amount. Today he was wearing a burnt red one. It was thin for the summer, and it had a lot of holes on it, with even a few patches covering the elbows. Sirius recognized this one as Remus seemed to wear it a lot. 

“I wasn’t sure if you were going to come,” Sirius said looking away, “Now that we’re in second year.” 

“Of course.” Remus said, “unless you don’t want me to.”

“No, I do!” Sirius said quickly. He didn’t like to admit it, but ever since that night when he and Remus had talked after he had written his first letter to Regulus (that he never actually ended up sending), he had been looking for an excuse to ask Remus to meet up with him alone so that they could write something together. When he had suggested this at lunch Remus hadn't asked a single question, just nodded in a sort of wise understanding way. 

“Do you know what you’re going to write?” Remus asked. Sirius shook his head. 

“I used to write letters to my brother. But that feels stupid now,” He admitted, “Now that Reggie is here at Hogwarts too.” 

“You could pretend,” Remus said tilting his head. 

Sirius shook his head again. “I can’t.”

Remus continued to look at him. Today his eyes were a light brown. Sirius couldn’t decide if he liked that better, or if he preferred it when Remus’s eyes turned bright yellow almost like animals. Not that it mattered what he liked. 

“Do you want to stay here?” Remus asked, “Or do you want to go back?” 

Sirius set down his scroll of parchment and pulled his legs up to his chin, mirroring Remus’s position. 

“Stay.” 

Remus sighed. It wasn’t like the sighs Sirius usually heard. Usually, when someone sighed in his presence it was his mother, and he knew he was about to be in trouble. Or it was a teacher like Professor McGonagall right before she told him off or gave him detention. When Remus sighed though it was calm and peaceful. It sounded like he was sighing pleasantly. Sirius sighed too. 

Remus hesitantly leaned his shoulder against Sirius’s. He rested his head back so that it was propped against the wall they were sitting in front of and he looked up at the sky through one of the windows where the owls entered and exited. 

“The moon is bright tonight,” Remus whispered finally. 

Sirius looked up, “Is it full?” 

Remus smiled and tipped his chin down again, “No.” 

“You’re strange, Lupin. Do you know that?”

Remus laughed, “Yeah.”

“You have a thing about stars, don’t you? And the moon?”

“I suppose,” Remus said. He repositioned himself. “When I was younger, I got ill a lot. Still, do I guess. But sometimes, sometimes it got real bad, and I would lay in bed for days, and...and my mum would open the windows to my room so I could look outside and see the stars. It always calmed me down, the moon especially. Because then I knew it was over.” 

“What was over?” Sirius asked. 

Remus tensed, “Nothing. Well...I knew I would feel better soon, I guess. That the worst of it was over.” 

Sirius sighed. “My mum would never...well my mum’s a bitch.”

Remus looked at him, “Yeah. I know.” 

They laughed for a moment before setting down their quills. For a few minutes, they just sat in silence listening to each other breathe. 

"Tell me about your mum." Sirius asked suddenly, "I want to know." 

Remus shifted uncomfortably. "I don't know..."

"Please." 

Remus swallowed noisily, "She...she's the kindest person I know. She's always happy even considering our...situation. She's always there for me and my father and she's always telling jokes and saying some sarcastic remarks or making bad puns. She's...amazing."

Sirius smiled, "She sounds great." 

Remus smiled gratefully and they sat in silence for a moment. "You know you've never told me about your mother before," Sirius said, "Or any of your family for that matter."

"I haven't?"

"Nope. You should though. I like hearing it."

Remus didn't answer for a long time. 

“We should go.” He said finally, “I’m getting tired.”

Sirius pulled himself up by grabbing onto Remus, “Yeah, you’re probably right.” He said, trying not to sound too disappointed. 

Remus avoided his eye contact and the two of them made their way out of the owlery and downstairs towards the dormitory. The light from the moon cast long dreary shadows behind them, that crawled up the walls and blended into the night. Sirius turned and glanced behind them watching the stairs to the owlery slowly disappear from sight. 

"We should do this again." He said.

Remus didn't answer- he was already at the portrait hole, whispering the password into the dark. 

  
  
  


  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	19. Not expected (year 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> james acts like an idiot, lily is confused about remus, remus is confused about many things, sirius is dramatic , and peter just wants a break,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey yall i just wanted to say im sorry that the format keeps changing everytime i post lol. i always type the chapters on docs first but for some reason sometimes when i copy paste my writing onto here it automatically formats it for me (that's what it did this time) and sometimes i have to do it manually which is why sometimes it may look a bit different   
> ALSO   
> I'm sorry that this chapter is kind of short and a little bit boring but its just kind of a filler chapter for the things that are about to happen so look forward to that :))

Remus wrung his hands nervously. 

He didn’t like being in a Professor's classroom when the Professor wasn’t there.

Especially when that Professor was McGonagall. 

Especially when Remus was not alone but there with two of her most troublesome students: Sirius and Peter. 

“Guys just let me do the talking ok?” Remus whispered fr the third time.

“We know, we know,” Sirius said, offhandedly.

"No, I mean-"  
  
Just then they could hear the echo of footsteps and Professor McGonagall stopped in front of her classroom, holding a few scrolls of paper. She looked at the three of them in surprise then narrowed her eyes in suspicion, “What are you three doing here? You don’t have detention.” 

Remus blushed, “Oh yeah I know...Um...I was just doing my Transfiguration homework and I-I remembered I never really um m-mastered turning the beetle into a b-button during class and I didn’t have any beetles to practice with so I was wondering if I could practice in here.” He could feel his face grow warm. Stupid stutter.

McGonagall looked at him for a moment then at Sirius and Peter, raising her eyebrows expectantly. 

“Oh...right. Sirius is here because I told him not to come and he wanted to spite me, and Peter is here because we don’t know where James is and he didn’t want to be alone in the common room.” 

Remus looked down at the ground but gave her an apologetic smile. McGonagall sighed then, entered her classroom. She waved her hand at the cupboard in the corner which opened with a slight rattle, “Fine. I wouldn’t want to hinder my students from practising their spells. But you’re responsible for the two of them.” 

“Thank you, Professor,” Remus said gratefully and hurried over to the cupboard snatching up a tiny glass container that was filled with five or so beetles. Sirius and Peter followed him and copied his movement. 

“Did you hear that?” Remus whispered hurriedly, “I’m responsible for you two!” 

“Don’t stress Remu, we won’t do anything.” 

“I don’t believe that for one minute!” Remus responded shakily, opening his container and spilling the beetles on the table. He quickly stunned them, so that they wouldn’t crawl away from him. 

“Do I really have to practice now?” Peter moaned. 

“Yes.” Remus exasperatedly whispered, “that’s why I told you to stay in the common room- Sirius don’t touch that!” He slapped Sirius’s hand with his wand. “But no, you really couldn’t be alone for twenty minutes! Sirius, I told you not to touch that!" He took a deep breath. _Count to five_. 

"Are you alright?" Sirius asked, "You seem...anxious."

"I'm fine." Remus looked up and around the classroom as if James would just appear out of nowhere. "Where is Potter anyway?” Sirius and Peter shrugged. Remus took another deep breath and tried his spell on one of the fattest beetles but once again, just like it had in class, instead of turning into a button it just lost it’s legs and sat pitifully. Remus sighed and flicked his wand to reverse the spell. 

  
He then turned to Peter, “Couldn’t you have spent some time with Lily?”

  
“She doesn’t like me.” Peter said shyly. 

  
“What about Marlene?” Remus persisted, once again slapping Sirius’s hand away from the beetles. 

  
“She scares me.”

  
“I scare you too, and you still hangout with me.” Sirius supplied. 

  
Peter rolled his eyes, “You don’t scare me.”

  
“Are you saying that a _girl_ is scarier than _me_?”

  
Remus groaned ignoring their side conversation, “Well, what about Dorcas then? She’s not scary, and she likes you.” 

  
“Well you’re not scary and you like me too,” Peter said. 

  
“Not for much longer,” Remus grumbled. 

  
“Did you hear that?” Sirius asked, suddenly grabbing Remus’s arm.

  
“Sirius, please, I just want to-”

  
“No, really.” Sirius sat up straighter in his seat. Professor McGonagall looked up from her desk at the front of the classroom. 

  
Suddenly a hand appeared out of nowhere and snatched up a beetle that was sitting right in front of Remus. Remus jumped back and almost fell into Sirius. Professor McGonagall jumped up in her seat. 

  
“Boooooooo, boooooooo, I’m a ghosssstttttt…..” A voice whispered. 

  
Remus recognized that voice, he looked back at Sirius and they exchanged a look. 

  
“Mr. Potter?” Professor McGonagall said, exasperatedly. 

  
“Rawr!” Suddenly James’s head appeared right next to Peter, who jumped up and fell into the chair next to him.

  
“Look, i’m a floating headdddd….”

  
James wasn’t exactly wrong. His head seemed to be floating right in there in the middle of the classroom, and the rest of his body was nowhere else to be seen. Remus wondered what kind of spell had managed that before Professor McGonagall commanded, “James Potter take off that invisibility cloak right this moment.”

  
There was a second of hesitation before James’s head muttered, “Aw man…”   
  
And the air around him flickered for a moment before revealing the rest of his body.   
The four of him stared for a moment. 

  
Sirius said, “What the fuck, James? Without _me_?”

  
Professor McGonagall stared at him for a moment, in complete awe and disappointment, “What were you thinking?” She finally asked, and Remus almost wanted to laugh at how tired she sounded.   
James shrugged unapologetically, “I thought it would be funny.” 

  
Professor McGonagall rubbed her hands on her face and asked, “Did you three know about this?”

  
“No.” Sirius said accusingly, though it sounded like he was talking to James and not their teacher. 

  
Remus and Peter just shook their heads. 

  
“Potter detention….and you three?” She looked at them for a moment, “I don’t even know….just go.” 

  
Remus groaned, trying and failing to keep his cool. “Can I at least take a beetle with me?” 

  
“One beetle Mr. Lupin.” 

  
“Thanks.” He muttered.

  
James tucked his cloak under his arm but before they could go McGonagall stopped him, “Potter, give me the cloak. I’m confiscating it for….a while.” 

  
“What?” James defensively shoved it behind his back, putting a hand on his chest. 

  
“Potter I won’t say it again.” 

  
“But…” He sighed deeply and handed her the cloak, “I thought we were friends, Minnie I really did.” 

  
“Don’t make me give you another detention, Mr. Potter.” 

  
“Fine I won’t, but only because you asked so nicely-”

" _Out_." 

  
Once they were out of the classroom Sirius wrestled James to the ground.

Remus and Peter jumped back. 

  
“I thought WE were friends, you wanker!” Sirius yelled. 

  
“Ow! I just- wanted- to- OW- prank you!” 

  
“We’re not supposed to prank each other! We’re supposed to prank _other_ people _together_!” Sirius bellowed. 

  
Remus flung himself on top of James too trying to pull Sirius away but just adding to the chaos, “BECAUSE OF YOU I STILL CAN’T TURN A BEETLE INTO A BUTTON!” 

  
“GAH, REMUS!”

  
“I would highly appreciate it if you boys found another place to wrestle,” McGonagall called from her room. 

  
“Sorry, Minnie!” James and Sirius called at the same time. 

  
“Come on,” James pushed himself up and helped Remus up. “You can yell at me on our way to the common room.”

  
Sirius started to get up too, and James kicked his shins making him fall down again. 

  
“Oi!”

  
“HA!” James yelled and started sprinting down the hall towards the Gryffindor common room. Sirius sprinted after him, their footsteps loudly banging on the concrete floor. 

  
“I’m getting you, you bespectacled bitch!”

  
“Hey, Remus?” Peter said quietly. Remus turned to look at the smaller boy. “I don’t know if this is a good time but...your beetle got squashed.”

  
Remus looked to where Peter was pointing at a red spot on the floor. 

  
“Merlin’s beard,” Remus muttered under his breath. “what did I do to deserve this?” 

_ _ _ _ 

Over the next few days, Lily tried to take the other girls’ advice as much as she could, if you could even call it advice. She didn’t want to admit it but being friends with her roommates had really changed her life for the better. Although she had always liked them and thought of them as acquaintances she had never seen the possibility of growing closer to them. At first, she thought it was their fault, but now Lily finally realised how she had always tried to block them out even if it might have been somewhat subconsciously. Lily still often spoke to Remus, and when she did she felt a flutter in the pit of her stomach and warmth spread all throughout her body. She also continued to avidly avoid his three friends which seemed to somehow have grown even more immature over the summer. Lily also still talked to Severus, which Marlene and Dorcas deeply disagreed with. 

“It’s his aura,” Marlene explained simply one Saturday afternoon while the three of them were sitting in the common room. 

“No,” Dorcas shook her head thoughtfully, “It’s not just his aura...that wouldn’t make sense. It’s….it’s the way he holds himself. Like um….like….like he can’t be trusted.”

“Well, that’s the same as his aura then,” Marlene said. 

“No.” Dorcas continued to shake her head, “that’s different.” 

Lily bit her lip. She felt like she was betraying him by discussing him like this. A year ago she would’ve never done this. But on the other hand, a year ago she didn’t have any other friends she could have done it with anyway. 

“Lily you need to tell him,” Marlene said seriously. Then, “Come here Meadows I wanna braid your hair.” 

Marlene, who was sat on the battered couch in the corner of the common room, swung her legs up and crossed them to provide space for Dorcas who sat by her legs, letting Marlene gather all her hair. 

“Don’t pull so hard!” Dorcas twitched. “All my hair is going to fall out one day and it will be your fault.”

“You can have some of mine.” Marlene volunteered, showing off her huge afro of shiny black hair. “I have enough for the whole of Gryffindor.” 

“Both of you have wonderful hair.” Lily sighed leaning back against the couch. 

“Anyway,” Marlene said ignoring her, “If you don’t tell him how you feel it will just be bad for both of you.”

“What am I supposed to tell him?” Lily asked exasperatedly, “That I feel like he’s ignoring me? That I feel like I don’t know what kind of person he’s turning into? That I feel like I can’t trust him anymore? That-”

“Yes!” Marlene cried. “That’s exactly what you should tell him!”

“Ugh!” Lily groaned, putting her face in her hands. 

“Oh look,” Dorcas, who had been somewhat quiet spoke up, “Your favourite person, Lily.” 

“What?” Lily looked up and saw that James, the person Dorcas was most definitely referring to, Peter, Sirius and Remus had just entered the common room. James in the lead with Sirius jumping around him in circles, Peter trailing after them and Remus walking behind them all somehow looking impressed, exasperated, surprised, confused, and disappointed all at the same time. 

“I’m  _ sorry _ that I wanted to  _ surprise _ my  _ mates _ ,” James said slamming the portrait hole behind him. 

“How-could-you-keep-this-from-me?” Sirius yelled in a voice at least two octaves higher than his usual speaking voice. “I thought we were friends!”

“Quit being dramatic, Black.”

“I can’t believe it,” Remus said, shaking his head. “I can’t believe you James.”

“You said you couldn’t get it!” Peter cried, “You said so yourself!

“Well, I lied didn’t I Pete?” James dropped down in a seat near the fireplace. 

“Well, how did you manage?” Remus persisted, “Didn’t your father notice?” 

James shrugged, “Ah, details, details, Remy.”

“I don’t know if I’ll ever recover from this.” Sirius muttered. 

“Well we still got those dungbombs coming in from the Prewett twins.” James offered, “Or we  _ should _ . They better have them.” 

“So in third year you can just go to Hogsmede and buy dungbombs?” Peter said, looking astounded. “The power…”

“Yeah, well don’t get too excited mate. I know counting is hard for you but we’re only in second year so no Hogsmeade for us. For now we’re going to have to rely on our elders to get us our supply.”

“We’re supposed to meet them tonight at nine o'clock right here in the common room. Remu, you and me?” Sirius asked, sitting down next to James. Remus suddenly got a faraway look on his face. 

“I….I don’t know...I don’t think the Prewett twins really like me.” 

The three others all groaned in unison. 

“Lupin, you think that about everyone.” James reminded him. 

“Yeah, but...this time it’s true.”

“Alright, alright, you don’t have to come.” Sirius said, “Peter you're up then.”

“Why not James?” Remus asked. 

“Well, I have my detention, tonight,” James said.

“Oh right.” Remus rolled his eyes, “How could I forget?”

“So, why do you think the Prewett twins don’t like you?” Peter asked leaning forward in his seat. “Aren’t they cool? They’re like us but  _ old _ .”

“They’re a year older dimwit.” Sirius said. 

“They just…” Remus suddenly looked pale. “You know what...I should...I have something I need to do.”

And with that, he jumped up from his seat, looked around for a moment and then frantically hurried over to where Lily was sitting, or rather spying on him. She turned toward Marlene and Dorcas who had also been eavesdropping the whole time and frantically mouthed, “ _ He’s coming over here! _ ” 

They just widened their eyes and shrugged at her equally as frantically. 

“Hey, Lily.” Remus greeted them seemingly unaware of their position. 

“Hey.” Lily said, back, noticing how in the corner of her eye Marlene had stopped braiding Dorcas’s hair, as they were both watching Lily and Remus now. 

“I um...I...can I talk to you in...uh in private...actually?” Remus stammered nervously avoiding her eye contact. Lily realised how anxious he looked suddenly. Just a few seconds ago he had been talking normally with the other boys but now he was back to Beginning-Of-First-Year Remus who was so jittery and nervous he could barely hold a conversation.

“Sure,” Lily said looking at Marlene and Dorcas who each gave her a thumbs up, and then leading Remus away from them to a smaller secluded area of the common room. “What is it?” She asked breathily feeling the familiar feeling of butterflies swirling around in her gut. If Remus was this nervous to talk to her...then maybe it meant that he was about to confess his feelings for her. Or even try to ask her out. Lily wondered what they would do. Second years couldn’t go to Hogsmede yet, and there wasn’t much couples could do at Hogwarts. Maybe they could just study together? They did that alot already anyway-

“I uh...I well….so there’s um...this thing...I wanted to talk to you about. Or no...no there's something I wanted to...ask….um…” Remus mumbled. “This...this is uh awkward.” He laughed a little. She laughed too, if not only to try and make him feel more confident. 

“This will be kind of a weird….question….” He continued. 

_ Just say it!  _ She thought desperately. 

“Ok...um….I was wondering...why...uh….why do girls wear makeup?” 

“....What?” 

“What? Oh! No! I! Sorry! Sorry no...I don’t….I didn’t….sorry that was a really dumb question….wow i’m dumb...ok it’s fine...i’ll go…”

“No wait,” Lily grabbed his arm. “I was just...surprised.” Lily felt her face grow warm as she tried to mask her disappointment. That was an...odd question. “Well….um...I suppose girls wear makeup to look pretty.” 

“But…” Remus knit his eyebrows together, “girls are already pretty without makeup.”

Lily blushed even more, “Well I guess they do it to  _ feel  _ pretty then.”

Remus continued to look confused, “Then….” He swallowed, “then why don’t boys wear makeup too?”

Lily held his gaze for a second before letting his eyes wander back to the ground. 

“Do you  _ want _ to wear makeup?” She asked carefully. 

“No!” Remus looked up, “No. Not... _ me _ , anyway.”

“Does someone else?” Lily asked. 

“No, well yes, well maybe. I don’t know. I was just wondering.”

“I guess….I mean boys  _ could _ wear makeup...but I guess it’s always looked at as a girly thing.”

“So that’s why…” Remus muttered to himself, “And that’s why he said the girl thing...but why was he so sad about it….” 

"You know Remus it's not a big deal-"

Remus looked up and apparently noticed that she was still there, apparently not having heard what she'd just said. “Have you…” He took a deep breath, “Have you ever known anyone who….who wanted to be someone they weren’t?”

“Yeah of course-”

“No, no I mean….I mean someone who wanted to be...the gender that they weren’t.” 

Lily hesisted again. Where was he going with this? “I mean….when I was younger I really wanted to be a boy. I never really got along with any of the girls my age and I always played with the boys and Sev and....I guess I thought it would be easier if I was one of them.”

Remus nodded thoughtfully, “I don’t think….ok. Thanks.”

He started to walk away before turning around again. “I’m sorry if that was weird….or awkward or….yeah. I’m sorry.” Then he blushed and hurried off again. Lily walked over to Marlene and Dorcas. 

“What happened?” Marlene asked.

“That was….strange.” Lily decided. 

Marlene and Dorcas both turned and looked at the marauders sitting together. Remus was now sitting with the others again, his eyebrows still knitted in deep concentration. 

Marlene raised her eyebrows. "I'm guessing he _didn't_ confess his undying love to you, then?"

"No." Lily said, "Not really."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! :)
> 
> Yall this doesn't have anything to do with the fic but my friends recently got me into animes and I'm *obsessed*. I'm watching bnha and now I'm starting attack on titan and I LOVE anyway hope you enjoyed the chapter hehe


	20. Brotherly Love (year 2)

At dinner that evening James casually turned towards Remus and asked, “What did you and Lily talk about?”

  
Remus looked up from his pork pie. “Oh, nothing. Just...the charms homework.”

  
“There was charms homework?” Peter asked, looking at them like a deer caught in the headlights. “I didn’t do any charms homework.”

  
“Well then that’s no different from usual anyway.” Sirius teased.

  
“You talked about the charms homework for so long?” James insisted.

  
“Aww, James,” Sirius grinned, “Are you jealous of our little Remu?”

  
“No!” James cried out, turning his attention down to his food, “Of course not!”

  
“You are!” Sirius laughed, “Merlin’s beard you really are.”

  
“No, no I'm not. Stop!” James looked around the great hall, his hand in his hair, but no one was paying them any attention.

  
“Remus, will you help me with the homework?” Peter asked quietly.

  
“Yeah, of course Pete don’t worry about it.”

  
“Who cares about homework?” Sirius yelled exasperatedly slamming his fist on the table. “It’s Saturday! We’ve been here almost a week and we still haven’t pranked the Slytherins.”

  
“He’s right.” James said nodding. “Very right.”

  
“Oi!” The other three all yelled at the same time. A few students turned to look at them.

  
“You don’t get to say anything, Potter.” Sirius said, “Even if you’re agreeing with me.”

  
“You lost that privilege,” Remus explained. “It’s basically your fault we haven’t done anything yet.”

  
“You said the- !” Peter lowered his voice, “You said the invisibility cloak was still at home! You said so yourself.”

  
“I know! We’ve been over this.” James moaned, “I just wanted to scare you guys! It was funny!”

  
“It wasn’t funny! Couldn’t you have waited until McGonagall was out of the room? Or until _we_ were out of the room?”

  
“But I waited for so long!” James whined.

  
“Look, this is why you always get caught and I never get caught.” Said Remus simply.

  
“Anyhow,” James said quietly and he suddenly looked almost bashful, “If you ever happen to talk to Lily about.. _.charms homework_ again, maybe….you could put in a good word for me.”

  
“OOOH!” Peter, Sirius, and Remus chorused.

  
“You like Lily Evans!” Sirius grinned, “Fabulous!”

  
“But Lily….is so mean.” Peter said.

  
“No, she isn't!” James cried, “when has she ever been mean? She’s possibly the kindest witch our age!”

  
“Alright, alright, no need to go so far,” Sirius said holding his hands up palms facing forward. “Besides, have you met every witch our age?”

  
James ignored that statement, “Well, remember in first year when she helped this Ravenclaw find his way to the charms classroom? Or when she helped a Hufflepuff, fourth year with her muggle studies homework? Or- ”

  
The three of them stared at him.

  
“No.” Sirius deadpanned simply, “We do not remember that. Because we’re normal fucking human beings.”

  
“And frankly,” Remus added, “It’s kind of creepy how you remember all these things about her.”

  
“No it’s not!” James insisted.

  
“Yeah it is…” Peter raised his eyebrows. “It’s very creepy.”

  
“You know what? I hate all of you.” James started to get up stuffing some bread into his mouth and wiping his hands on his trousers, “I have to go to detention. Adios!”

  
“Bye, bye!” Sirius called after him merrily, “have fun, traitor!”

  
“Shut up!”

_ _ _ _ 

The following day Sirius woke up to a loud stomping sound.

Once he opened the drapes around his bed it took his brain a few seconds to comprehend what was happening before his eyes. James was standing in the middle of the room doing an assortment of different stretches, touching his toes, rolling his neck, jumping jacks, push ups, some weird arm movements that looked slightly painful and lastly some triumphant shoulder rolls.

  
“What on earth are you doing?” Sirius yawned.

  
“Stretching!” James answered, excitedly. “Gotta get ready for my Quidditch tryouts!”

  
Sirius fell backwards onto his bed. “That’s today?”

  
“Yup!” James wiped his forehead.

  
“Do you really think it’s a good idea to arrive, sweaty, smelly and tired?” Remus asked from the bed next to Sirius’s. He had also just woken up and was now rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand.

  
“I will ignore that comment because you’re tired,” James said and started to do some lunges.

  
“But we were going to practice the itching spell for the Slytherin Prank today!” Sirius said. “We don’t want to do that without you.”

  
“You’ll have to.” James said panting, “I’m sorry, lads.”

  
Remus sighed, “Just don’t get hurt. I don’t trust brooms.”

  
“I know you don't. But you’re forgetting one small thing,” James said smirking, “I’m the greatest flyer this school has ever seen.”

  
“You also have the greatest ego.” Peter, who had also just awoken, said. “Don’t let that drag you from the sky.”

  
“Alright, i’m off!” James got up and wiped his hands on his shirt. “Wish me luck.”

  
“Don’t die,” Remus said, dryly.

  
“Good luck!” Peter exclaimed and gave James a thumbs up.

Sirius wiped an invisible tear from his face, “My little boy is all grown up.”

  
James put a hand on his chest, “Let me just say that I can always count on you three to be there for me and suppor-”

  
“Go!” Remus interrupted, “You’re never going to get the part if you're late!”

  
“Probably right,” James considered, “Ta’ lads!”

  
And with that he hurried out of the dorm room, flashing them one last grin before tripping out of the doorway.

  
“What an idiot,” Remus said fondly.

Sirius jumped up from his bed and rugby tackled Peter making them both fly off of the bed, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PETE!”

  
With a shrill cry Peter landed on the floor with Sirius on top of him.

  
“Merlin's beard, you two.” Remus got up and reached out his hand to help Peter up, but the smaller boy just pulled Remus down with surprising force.

  
“Gah! Is this revenge for not saying happy birthday cuz I was about to!” Remus yelled.

Peter laughed and pushed the other two boys off, “Well I should go meet Enid. She’s really bloody excited--don’t know why, I’m practically as interesting as a log of wood, but...well....”

  
“Presents first!” Sirius exclaimed.

  
Peter turned red, “You didn’t have to get me anything..-”

  
“Oh don’t flatter yourself, Pettigrew it’s not like it was too expensive; Remus and I got it for you together. It was his idea too.”

  
Remus blushed, “Just give it to him, Black.”

  
Sirius rushed over to his trunk and pulled out a fairly small, rectangular, wrapped present. Peter ripped open the wrapping to reveal a polished black box. On the front in the centre it said in curly gold letters, 1888 Wizard Chess Box Set.

Peter grinned at them eyes going wide, “I...I don’t know what to say...thank you.”

"This is my favourite box set. How did you know this is my favorite box set?"

"You pointed at it in a magazine once, and said _this is my favourite box set_ ," Sirius said mocking his voice. 

  
“Now you can teach me properly, eh?” Remus smiled.

  
“Now you can beat him properly, more like.” Sirius grinned, winking at him.

  
Peter laughed, “I’ll be beating you too, Black.”

  
“Many have tried,” Sirius said mysteriously.

  
“Yeah, and they’ve all succeeded.”

  
“Oi!”

  
“Alright let’s see then.” Remus said eventually, “You vs him and we’ll see who is truly better.” #

\---

That morning was spent playing game after game until Peter had beat both Remus and Sirius multiple times. Finally, when they grew tired of playing, Peter left to meet his sister and Sirius and Remus went to the library together to practice a new shrinking solution that Remus had read in one of his most previous books, that he had brought to school from home.

  
“This doesn’t work,” Remus said tiredly after a few minutes. “All this does is make an object all prickly right then and there. What we want is a gradual, slow...prickle.”

  
Sirius laughed teasing, “Gradual slow prickle?”

  
“You know what I mean.” Remus mummbled.

  
Sirius sighed. He did. But it was a lot more difficult then it seemed, “Yeah...but how do we do that?”

  
“I don’t know….that’s what’s difficult. Maybe if we….hold on.” Remus jumped up from his chair and ran off to a different section of the library returning a few minutes later with a large emerald green book in his hand.

  
“If I remember correctly…” He muttered to himself flipping through the pages. “Then….” Suddenly he looked up at Sirius. “Can I try something?” He asked timidly.

Sirius shrugged, “On me? Sure.”

  
Remus hesitated, then flicked his wand. “Cedo, uhhh Lupin!”

  
They looked at each other.

  
“Say Lupin.” Remus prompted.

  
Sirius shrugged and then said, “Lu-OW!”

  
Remus’s eyes widened, “Are you ok?”

  
Sirius stared at him in confusement, “Yeah….Lu-ouch! What? Why can’t I say Lupi-ow?”

  
“Whenever you try to say the word ‘Lupin’ the spell inflicts a quick shock of pain. Nothing too horrible but enough to make you stop. You can also use multiple words,” Remus explained, “Like uh… ‘Remus’ and ‘Lupin.’ But you can’t categorize. Like...all students' names at Hogwarts. Because that would confuse the spell.”

  
“Ok…” Sirius said. “So if we can change the spell to not inflict pain but instead...prickle...”

  
Remus nodded, “Then it would work.”

  
“Can you focus it on only one particular thing?”

  
Remus nodded again, his eyes seemingly glowing with excitement. Sirius couldn’t help but grin. He had once heard Andy say something about the eyes being a gate to a person’s soul and he remembered thinking that that was the dumbest thing he’d ever heard. But now, when he looked at Remus’s eyes as they glowed bright like stars in the night sky, sometimes a caramel brown and some days a bright orange he thought that maybe there was some truth to that myth.

  
“Here,” Remus said, encouragingly, “Look through that and see what ingredients are needed for the potion. I’ll see what we need for the spell.”

  
For the next few hours, Sirius and Remus flipped through more books, trying different spells on each other and stealing a few supplies from Professor Slughorn's cupboard which deemed itself a task that seemed to just keep getting easier the more they did it. By the end of the day, while everyone was making their way towards dinner, Sirius and Remus sneaked down to the dungeons, to the Slytherin common room.

  
“Too bad we don’t have the cloak right now.” Remus muttered, “How are we supposed to get in?”

  
“I don’t know but I’ll murder James,” Sirius growled.

  
Remus sighed, “Alright...I might have an idea. Just give me your tie.” Sirius took off his tie and handed to it Remus. Remus took off his own as well and hid them both behind a gargoyle statue. Then he took off his robe and turned it inside out, trying to hide the red in the fabric.

  
“Ohhhh…” Sirius said, copying Remus’s movement.

  
Remus sighed again loudly, “I think we just have to wait until someone comes.”

  
“Do you hear that?” Sirius asked. Remus was about to say no when Sirius clamped his hand on his mouth and pushed them both behind the same gargoyle that hid their Gryffindor ties. A small, blonde, first year, girl entered their vision.

  
“Copperhoppers.” She said, and the portrait hole swung open. Quickly before it could close again Remus and Sirius stumbled after her, trying not to look out of place.

  
“You go left I go right,” Sirius whispered to Remus as the blond girl disappeared up to the girls' dormitories. Remus nodded, and they began.

_ _ _ _ 

The next morning all of Slytherin house arrived late to breakfast.

  
“What did you two do?” James asked, astonished.

  
“Shhh…” Remus muttered, looking down at his toast, “Don’t let anyone hear.”

  
“I can’t wait to see their faces.” Sirius smirked, “It’ll be hilarious!”

  
Lily, who was sitting a few seats away leaned towards them, “Do you four have something to do with this?”

  
“No.” Peter said, innocently.

  
“To do with what?” Sirius asked pleasantly.

  
Lily huffed, outraged, “You know exactly what, Black-!”

  
“Come on Lily,” Marlene rolled her eyes, “Let them be.”

  
“It’s not like anyone is missing the Slytherins.” Dorcas continued, pouring herself and Marlene some coffee. “It’s monday morning. No one cares.”

  
“I care!” Lily cried.

  
“Come on, we’ve talked about this,” said Marlene. Just then a few Slytherins stumbled in, tugging on their robes uncomfortably. By now there were about twenty or so sitting at the Slytherin table, all appearing in packs of three or four every few minutes.

  
“What words did you use?” James whispered eagerly. “How are their clothes already so uncomfortable this early in the morning?”

  
“Well let’s see,” Remus spread some butter on his bread, “Mudblood, Slytherin, uh...filthy, muggle,” He smirked before saying the last one, “Marauder...”

  
“And a whole bunch more that we won’t be able to remember right now.” Sirius concluded happily.

  
“Amazing,” Peter laughed as more Slytherins stumbled in looking embarrassed and uncomfortable.

  
“What did you do?” Lily snapped once again as if she was trying to catch them off guard.

  
“Nothing!” James insisted.

  
From the other three houses people were starting to stare, not only at the Slytherins, but also at the spot in the middle of the Gryffindor table where Sirius, James, Remus and Peter were sitting.

  
“Everyone knows it was you four!” Lily said shrilly.

  
“Red, I swear….” Marlene said, leaning her head against Dorcas’s.

  
“Brilliant.” Said, Fabian Prewett who had just arrived with his twin Gideon. “Absolutely Brilliant.” He pointed his finger at the marauders, “You bewitched their clothes to do something every time they used a slur.” He said in awe. “What does it do? I can’t tell!”

  
Sirius’s eyes widened, “Oi!”

  
“Say it even louder will you!” James said looking around at Lily, but luckily she was now talking to Marlene again. “It just….it makes their clothes all prickly and itchy. It’s horrible.” He explained happily.

  
Fabian shrugged and poured himself some pumpkin juice, “I can’t believe you would prank a whole house! I mean we do these things too...but never that big! Just a dungbomb or two every once in a while, ya know? Just enough to disappoint our parents.”

  
“You hear that, Rem?” Sirius nudged Remus’s who was now looking down at his plate, his cheeks a light pink, “Our pranks are making us famous.”

  
Remus just nodded slightly, avoiding his eye contact.

  
Sirius stopped and whispered, “Remu, you alright?”

  
“Yeah…” Remus whispered back, hesitantly.

  
Sirius looked at the Prewett twins then at him, “Is this because you think they don’t like you?”

  
“No. No, it’s fine.” Remus shook his head, but he still wasn’t looking up from his plate.

  
“Remus I know you avoid eye contact when you're nervous.”

  
“No, I don’t,” Remus said quickly.

  
“Yeah, you do.”

  
Remus grunted then shrugged looking out at the Slytherin table. Sirius hesitated for a split second before tackling Remus from the side, wrapping his arm around his neck and ruffling Remus’s hair.

  
“Oi!” Remus cried, holding his hands up. Sirius laughed maniacally, continuing to mess up Remus’s hair until the smaller boy finally looked up from the ground and into Sirius’s eyes.

  
“There ya go,” Sirius said smugly, letting go of Remus’s hair. “That’s better.”

  
“Wanker.” Remus grunted, pushing Sirius away and shaking his head.

_ _ _ _ 

Throughout the day many of the Slytherins stumbled through the halls in itchy cloaks, trousers, shirts, and skirts that were just getting pricklier. None of the teachers seemed to understand what was going on, but a few of the students had guesses on the type of spell and had stopped talking completely in hope that this would save them. Some students, of course, like Andromeda Black seemed completely fine as they never spoke any slurs anyway. Others like Tom Ramos were red all over their bodies and wouldn’t stop scratching at their skin every few minutes.

  
“I could get used to this.” Sirius grinned, as Jack Goyle scratched at his arm so much that it started bleeding.

  
“I’m almost starting to feel guilty…” Remus countered anxiously.

  
“Oh stop.” James said, starting to pack up his things. “It’s funny.”

  
“It’s not like anyone is getting real hurt.” Peter agreed. The four of them left the classroom as the last students and started heading up to their common room.

  
“Oi! Sirius!”

  
The Marauders turned around and saw Regulus Black running towards them at full speed. He stopped in front of Sirius, panting with his hands on his knees. “Hey.”

  
“Hey.” Sirius said back and they stared at each other for a moment.

  
“C’mon.” James said, pulling Remus and Peter away. “I need to start my homework.”

  
“How...uh how have you been?” Regulus asked once the others had gone.

  
“Good. Pretty...good.” Sirius said nodding, “Uh, you?”

  
“Yeah, good….Yeah.”

  
“Good.”

  
“Are you...are you the reason Mulciber hasn’t shut up about his itchy robes today?” Regulus asked slyly.

  
“Yeah.” Sirius answered, “So what?”

  
“Nothing.” Regulus said quickly, “I think it’s funny.”

  
Sirius perked up, “You do?”

  
“Yeah,” Regulus smiled.

  
“Well, you could help with another prank sometime.” Sirius said, “It’s even funnier when you’re the one that made it happen.”

  
“That would be cool.” Regulus said grinning. The two brothers looked at each other for a moment drinking in all the little details. Sirius noticed Regulus looked older. Or maybe it was just a trick of the light. It was hard to believe that this was the same boy he had grown up with. Somehow Regulus looked completely different in Slytherin robes in the midst of the Hogwarts halls, then he did at home, in his grey pyjamas sitting crisscrossed on Sirius's bed.

Sirius’s eyes shifted to the ground and he sobered up, “I’m sorry about...I’m sorry that I was…”

  
“That you were avoiding me?” Regulus asked weakly.

  
“....Yeah.”

  
“I’m sorry too.”

  
“You are?” Sirius looked up.

  
“Yeah.” Regulus laughed, “I don’t know if I have anything to be sorry for. I mean...It’s not my fault after all, but….I think I know how you feel.”

  
“I’m sorry I’m a jerk.”

  
“I’m sorry I’m in Slytherin.”

  
“I’m sorry your friends suck.”

  
“I’m sorry our mum sucks.”

  
They smiled weakly at each other. “Ok,” Said Regulus, “I think those were enough apologies for now…”

  
Sirius smiled sheepishly.

  
“See you, later, I guess?”

  
“Yeah.” Sirius said, “See you later.”

  
Sirius watched as his younger brother staggered off, running back in the direction he came from and down towards his common room in the dungeons. Sirius let a small smile play on his lips.

Maybe he still had a brother after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi y'all hope you like this chapter :)


	21. Siriusly Suspicious (year 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey yeah so i decided to go with a pun for the chapter title lmaooo anyway i was wondering whether yall are happy with the length of the chapters, because i never really know how much to post. should i start making the chapters longer or is the length good right now? (i probably won't make them shorter)  
> anyway hope you enjoy and thanks sm for reading!

Sirius was in a great mood, and if Sirius was happy everyone was.

After breakfast he and James pranced around outside jumping in circles, yelling incoherent things, waving their wands around dangerously and overall acting like complete morons, while Remus and Peter watched laughing and cheering. Then during lunch he and Peter started singing A Horse With No Name, a muggle song they had once heard Dorcas sing in the common room, in horrible American accents both of them trying to outdo the other and both of them sounding terrible. In the afternoon when the other three had cooled down and started running low on energy Sirius was still bouncing around the common room, yelling random prank ideas that Remus frantically scribbled down. 

“What’s up with you today?” Remus said hurriedly dipping his quill into his ink, and scratching down Sirius's most reason word vomit which consisted of flooding the great hall, and another one which was sticking all the furniture in the teachers lounge to the ceiling. 

“Huh?” Sirius asked, “It’s just a good time to be alive, isn’t it?”

James laughed, “Maybe it is once you’ve finished your transfiguration homework. If that’s the case then I wouldn’t know.”

“Oh shut up!” Sirius said, jumping up on a couch, still wearing his shoes, which made Remus groan. “This is great, isn’t it? The four of us? Just hanging out?”

Peter raised his eyebrows quizzically, “You’re unsettling me.”

Sirius frowned, “Unsettling? That’s a big word Pete, I'm proud of you.” 

Peter rolled his eyes and muttered, “There he is.”

“Sirius, this is what we do every day.” Remus said, trying to stifle his laughter. “Literally nothing has changed.”

“Don’t you lot feel the positive energy?” Sirius asked energetically. 

“Nope.”

“No.”

“Hm, hold on, let me check my Energy Thermometer,” Remus said sarcastically, pretending to pull something out of his pocket and holding it up in the air around him, “Nope, the energy is pretty average today.”

James and Peter sniggered holding their hands over their mouths. 

Sirius rolled his eyes, “Alright Lupin.”

“Oh wait, hold on!” Remus held up a finger letting a small teasing smile play on his lips, “I did get a signal for  _ Lunatic _ energy! It seems to be coming from…” He slowly turned toward Sirius, making his eyes widen dramatically, “From….you.”

James and Peter burst out laughing, pointing at Sirius who knit his eyebrows, unamused. 

“Ok, ok piss off.” 

Remus laughed too, smugly, and Sirius stuck out his tongue at him. 

“It’s cuz you made up with Regulus isn’t it?” Peter asked casually, flipping a page in his History of Magic textbook after they had calmed down. All three boys stopped and stared at him but he just continued looking through his book not realizing the weight of what he had said. Sirius swallowed, uncomfortably. “I…” 

James laughed, “Well no matter what the reason I’m glad you’re happy Sirius.” He smiled teasingly, putting a hand on his heart, “Your happiness is everything to me.” 

“Ew, Potter you poof,” Sirius said, laughing but he felt oddly unsettled by Peter's observation. Was it true? Was he only in a good mood because he’d finally made up with Regulus? Did it _matter_ if that was the reason? 

“Alright lads, imma sign out, it’s time for me to go,” Remus said checking his muggle watch and gathering all his papers together. 

“Huh?” Sirius said, “Where are you going on a Sunday afternoon, other than to prank Slytherins?”

Remus stared at him pointedly, “I’m going  _ home _ . To my mum.”

“Come on Sirius, he told us yesterday.” James reminded him, helping Remus pack together his things. 

“Oh…” Sirius said, racking his brain to remember. He did…

“Bye Remy!” Peter called after Remus kicking his legs back and forth, from where he was sitting. 

“Bye guys.” 

James stretched. “Ah...so. How about another game of exploding snap, before dinner?” 

Sirius nodded, suddenly feeling uncharacteristically deflated. “Why is Remus leaving so late?”

James shrugged, “I dunno. It’s not that late, it's only six PM.”

“Yes but...why would he go now? I mean...why not early in the morning? It’s not like his mum will care he’s there if they’re both sleeping.”

“I dunno, Sirius. Here help me set up the cards.”

“But...that doesn’t make sense, why would-”

“Oh come on Sirius, who cares? Maybe his mum just likes eating Supper with him, eh?”

“...Alright.” Sirius muttered. 

“Now, let me beat you at this and then you can go back to overthinking.”

“...As if  _ you _ could ever beat me…” 

_ _ _ _ 

“What’s wrong, Sirius?” Peter asked, eyebrows raised. The two of them were sitting on their usual seats near the fire in the common room and were among some of the only Gryffindors in the Common room at that moment. Other than them, Lily was sitting alone in the corner of the room, a big book propped up on her lap, and a few older students were studying close to the stairs of the girls' dormitory. Peter looked up from his Transfiguration homework and sighed deeply. “Look, you haven’t insulted me at least once this whole day and frankly I’m feeling kind of ignored.” 

Sirius jiggled his leg up and down restlessly and growled, “Shut up, Pettigrew you could do without the attention for once.” 

“Says you!” Peter said. “Oi,” he turned serious, “What's wrong?” 

Sirius shrugged, hesitantly, “Something feels off.”

“Off? How?”

“I don’t know…I just didn’t realise that Remus would  _ still _ be visiting his mother this year….It caught me off guard that’s all.”

“Well,” Scoffed Peter, “He’s probably not very happy about it either.” He grew quiet, “It’s not nice having an ill mother.” 

Sirius glanced at his friend. Peter didn’t often talk about his home life, to be fair none of them did other than James, but Sirius knew about his mother and her depression. Sirius supposed that could count as a type of illness too. 

“Sorry, mate.” He said, “But, I just....” He paused, “Wait, have you ever met Remus’s mother?” 

“Nah…” Peter shook his head, then he stopped abruptly, “Hold on! Yeah, I have!”

“You have?” 

“Just this summer! Yes! She and Mr Lupin both brought Remus to the station.”

“Well, did you get a good look at her?” Sirius snapped his potions book shut. “What does she have? Did she  _ look _ ill?”

Peter seemed overwhelmed by all of the questions, “I don’t know...she...she seemed... _ fine _ .”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean what I say, you pest!” Peter cried. He lowered his voice again looking around the common room, “She seemed  _ fine _ . If anything she seemed more fine than Remus’ father. You should have seen him! He’s like a human personification of Remus’ anxiety. You can really tell where he gets it from-”

Sirius cut him off, waving his hands around, “Nevermind that! Describe her to me!” 

“Remus’ mum?” Peter asked. 

“No Remus’s great aunt Jemilla.  _ Yes of course his mum! _ ”

“Alright, alright. Well...she had uh...brown hair, and brown eyes...and...red lipstick…”

“Pete.”

“I don’t know mate! She seemed really nice and cheerful! She shook my mum's hand and they talked about, I don’t know girl stuff, and she was smiling the whole time, and...uh….she told Remus to write letters-”

“Why would she tell him to write letters if she saw him every month?” Sirius cut in. 

“I don’t know! Maybe she has separation anxiety!” Peter said shrilly. 

“I told you this isn’t making sense,” Sirius said even more shrilly.

“ _ What are you two on about? _ ” Lily Evans cried from the other end of the common room, her voice even shriller than the other twos. “Honestly…”

She stomped over and sat down next to them on the couch. 

“Ugh, Evans….” Sirius groaned, “Please….please for the love of my sanity... _ please _ just go.” 

“Quit your dramatics, Sirius.” Lily snapped, “You two are talking about Remus aren’t you?” 

“No!” Peter said. 

Sirius sighed, sensing there was no way of denying it, “Yeah. So what?” 

“So….I wanna be part of the conversation.”

“Well too bad you weren't invited.” Sirius said, “Go hang out with Marlene and Dorcas.” 

“I can't. Marlene’s at quidditch practice and Dorcas is supporting her. ”

“ _ Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... _ ” Sirius groaned, dragging out the sound for almost twenty seconds until he was completely out of breath. “....Fine.” 

“James is at Quidditch practice, too,” Peter explained to Lily, “and Remus is…at his mum's. Apparently.”

“Apparently.” Lily smirked. “So, you two finally realised it then,” she said, idly. 

“What, are you on about,  _ Evans _ ?” 

“Well, it took you long enough.” Lily continued, “I knew he wasn’t really visiting his mother from the first time he came back.” 

“Well if you’re so smart, what  _ is _ he doing?” Sirius asked, haughtily. 

Lily blushed, “I don’t know...But I want to figure it out. And I want  _ you _ to help me.” 

“ _ Us _ ?”

“Well, you obviously care about him! And…” She blushed even more, “And I do too.”

Sirius sighed, “You’re not telling me you have some sort of girly crush on him are you, Evans?”

Lily’s eyes widened, “ _ Of course not! _ ” 

Peter who had been somewhat quiet until now, looked at them uneasily, “I don’t know guys….I feel like we should stay out of it…” 

“Come on, Pete. We’re just curious. It’s not like he’s going off murdering someone every once in a while.”

Sirius turned to Lily who nodded, determined. 

“First things first,” Lily said, “I think, Remus’ mum isn’t the one that’s ill.” 

Sirius cocked an eyebrow, “Yeah? Who then? Peter’s met both of his parents and said they both seem fine-”

Lily shook her head, “Not his father. I think...I think Remus is the one that’s ill.” 

_ _ _ _

  
  


“Remus?” James asked exiting the steamy bathroom, towel drying his hair, “Nah. Why would he keep that secret from us?”

Sirius shrugged, throwing James who had just returned from Quidditch practice and taken a shower, a dry pair of socks, “But I think Evans is right. I mean….why else would he always look so pale and sickly when he comes back?” 

James nodded thoughtfully sitting down on Sirius’s bed beside him. “He does look ill half the time…”

Peter still looked uncomfortable, “If he’s the one that’s ill he should also be the one to tell us.” 

“I don’t understand,” James said, ignoring him, “why Remus wouldn’t tell us if he was ill.”

Suddenly a thought struck Sirius, “You don’t think…” He swallowed, “You don’t think, he’s  _ terminally _ ill do you?” 

The three boys all looked at each other. Peter’s face was deathly white and James’ nose had started twitching. Sirius felt as though he couldn’t breathe properly. 

“Of course not.” James said shakily. He got up and put his towel back in the bathroom, taking his time to fold it and hang it up to dry. “Of course not....” 

“But that would be the perfect explanation,” Sirius murmured, “I mean...that’s why he wouldn’t tell us right? He wouldn’t want us to worry. And-and-and he wouldn’t...…and maybe...maybe he has this medicine that he has to take at a specific time every few days or weeks or every month...and-” 

“OI!” James yelled. 

Sirius snapped his mouth shut. 

“Stop.” James said. “Just...stop.” He rubbed his face with his hand and plopped down next to Sirius again. “Look at him, mate.” He whispered, nudging his head, towards Peter, “Don’t forget his parents.” 

Peter was sitting on his bed with his eyes wide open and arms wrapped around his legs. Sirius silently cursed himself. Not only was Peter’s mum, mentally ill but his father had died of muggle ‘cancer’ a few years ago when he was still a child. James got up. “You alright, Pete?” 

Peter didn’t say anything. Didn’t even look at them. James sighed and sat down next to Peter. “Remus is fine, mate. Don’t worry about him. He’s not ill…Evans is a knutter we knew this already.” 

Sirius walked over too, and sat down on Peter’s other side, resting his hand on his friend’s back and silently cursing himself. 

“It’s ok.” James continued to murmur, “We’ll stop….we won’t continue talking about Remus behind his back, ok?”

James looked at Sirius pointedly, who nodded and swallowed hard, “Yeah, Pete.” He said, “We’ll stop. Remus is fine, don’t worry…”

_ _ _ _ 

Remus was  _ not _ fine in the slightest although he didn’t want to admit it Madam Pomfrey. The gash on his arm that he had gotten during the summer was freshly open once again and stung with such ferocity it felt as good as new. Remus opened his eyes and groaned quietly trying to move his arm which felt like a club resting against his chest. 

“It’ll be alright, dear. Drink this, you’ve lost a lot of blood.” In his peripheral vision, Remus saw Madam Pomfrey hand him a cup filled with cold, metallic, grey fluid. Remus complied quietly using his uninjured arm to lift the cup. Remus lifted his head and saw that he was the only student in the whole wing. He sighed. Out of all the hundreds of students at this school he was the  _ only _ one injured. Remus pushed the thought down. 

“I’m...fine.” He whispered raspily. 

“Of course, of course. How could I forget? You never complain, do you?” 

Remus leaned back and closed his eyes, letting the cool night air from outside stream in through the open windows. 

He took a deep breath and asked timidly, “Will it scar?” 

Every breath seemed to hurt even when he sat completely still. The old witch stopped folding a stack of towels and looked him in the eye. “Yes.” 

He looked back at her, trying not to show any sort of emotion. He knew the answer. And he appreciated her being so honest and straightforward with him but he still hated the fact that he would always have an ugly gash right there on his arm to remind him of what he was. And it wouldn’t stop. He would always get more until his whole body was littered with them. Until there wouldn’t be a single centimeter of skin that wasn’t purple, or red, or blue, or ripped open. He would never be able to go swimming or even change in the same room as his friends. His father was right, he wouldn’t be able to wear sweaters forever. One day...one day he would feel hot and he would roll up his sleeves and everyone would know-

“Remus dear...don’t worry about it. Try to get some sleep.” Madam Pomfrey wrung her hands. 

Remus sipped his medicinal drink and shuddered and the cold jolt it sent through him, like the feeling he got from drinking cold water after chewing mint. He looked up at the ceiling, and for just a moment he almost thought he could hear James, Sirius and Peter laughing in the distance. His vision blurred and he licked his chapped lips, cursing the uncomfortably stuffy feeling he had in his mouth. 

Remus closed his eyes. 

  
  


_ _ _ _

  
  
  


Lily was still in her same spot in the common room when Marlene and Dorcas entered a few hours later. 

“Oi, were you reading this whole time?” Marlene asked, sitting down next to Lily. 

“Yeah,” Lily said, closing her book absentmindedly, “So?”

“Dedication.” Dorcas nodded, “I approve.” 

“Haven’t you finished all your homework already?” Said Marlene. 

“This isn’t homework. This is….I’m trying to figure something out.” 

“Ooh, spy work!” Marlene snatched the book away from Lily who protested weakly, and started flipping through. 

Dorcas leaned over Marlene’s shoulder and read the title out loud, “ _ The Standard Wizards Handbook of Illness _ . Why would you read that?”

“Are you ill?” Marlene asked, eyebrows knitted. “What’s this chapter?  _ The application of time critical antidotes and medicines _ ? Lily what?”

“It’s nothing!” Lily grabbed the book back, and stuffed it into her bag. “How was training?” 

Marlene's eyes widened with excitement but before she could say anything Dorcas beat her to it. 

“You should have seen her! She was so quick and agile and-”

Marlene laughed, “Come on Meadows it was only my first training-”

“ _ Exactly _ !  _ It was only your first training and you were already so good! _ ” 

“Well next time I might come along.” Lily smiled, “Seems like I missed out on a lot.”

“You didn’t. Trust me.”

Dorcas shrugged, “ _ I  _ thought it was great. But honestly, Lily you probably would’ve hated it.”

“Why would you say that?” 

Marlene and Dorcas exchanged a look. 

“Well first of all James was there and he was showing off even more than Marlene was-”

“And second you  _ hate _ sports-”

“No, I don’t!”

“Yeah you do.” Marlene and Dorcas said at the same time.

Lily sighed, “The only thing I hate about sports is when Potter participates in them.” Marlene laughed, “You’re going to kill him one day aren’t you?” 

“Perhaps.”

“Well at least be smart about it and don’t discuss it in the middle of the common room.” Dorcas grumbled. 

Marlene laughed once again, “ _ That’s _ what you're concerned about?”

_ _ _ _ 

The weeks came and went and every once in a while Remus would disappear for a few days and come back again looking more sickly and tired than ever. Sirius had now grown a rather annoying habit of plaguing Lily every other day asking her if she had found something yet, and he found himself growing restless and agitated every time Remus visited his mother. 

One day after Remus had been gone for an entire school week, which was noticeably longer than usual, (Sirius had been recording data and he realised that every visit lasted about an average of three days) he finally got released from the hospital wing. Although Madam Pomfrey would’ve kept him even longer if it had been completely up to her. At supper that evening Remus let his eyes drift closed for a couple seconds before blearily opening them again, trying to pretend he was just blinking very slowly. 

“Long visit, huh?” Sirius asked, glancing at Remus suspiciously.

“Huh? Yeah.” Remus timidly picked up a fork and started pushing food around his plate. 

“Longer than usual…” Sirius continued to say, raising his eyebrows suggestively. 

“Hm? ...Yeah.” 

“Well!” Said James, cheerily, “It’s good to have you back! And guess what?”

He paused for Remus to say something, but when he just continued to stare ahead blankly James continued, if slightly discombobulated, “I got the position of Chaser on the Quidditch team!”

There was an awkward silence. Peter nudged Remus slightly. Remus startled and stared at the three other boys, blankly. “Oh.” He said. 

The three others exchanged a look and then focused their attention on him again. 

“Sorry what did you say?” Remus asked, quietly, his face tinging pink.

“I got...um...I got the position of Chaser on the Quidditch team.” 

“Oh. Nice. Very nice.” Remus said nodding, “That’s...a good...position. Very good.” 

“Are you ok?” Sirius asked plainly. 

“Is your mum alright?” Peter interrupted. 

James just looked at him, expectedly. 

“Yes.” Remus said, “Yes, I am ok. And my mother too. I’m tired. ”  _ Yeah, and I’m missing about a litre of my blood _ , he thought miserably but he obviously didn’t say that. When he had woken up from that specific full moon he had awoken with three new scars one of which had hit an artery in his side, and almost killed him. Obviously he didn’t say that part either. He had been unconscious for most of his stay at the hospital wing and he still felt disoriented and weak. He almost longed for his bed at the hospital wing- at least there he wouldn’t have to answer Sirius’s pestering questions. 

“You look...pale.” James said, “Are you sure you don’t want to maybe go to the infirmary?”

“I….Uh...what?” Remus blinked hard forcing his mind to concentrate, “Oh. No. No, I don’t want to.”

“Is…” Sirius paused trying to sound nonchalant, “Is what your mum has infectious?”

“Um….” Remus paused staring at his broccoli so hard, it looked like he was trying to burn through it with his eyes. “... _ No _ .” He said slowly, forcing himself to concentrate, “It is  _ not _ .”

“Are you sure?”

“...Yes.”

“It just...took you a while to answer.” Sirius said, shrugging. 

Remus paused, his eyebrows knitted. He looked up. “....No it didn’t.” 

“Yeah, it did.” Said Sirius, “And that reply took you awhile too.”

“....What? No….no it didn’t.”

“Oi, leave Remus alone,” James said. 

“Yeah, come on he’s obviously tired,” Peter said. Remus closed his eyes. The lights in the great hall seemed unnecessarily fluorescent and bright, and he felt hyper aware of all the people sitting at the tables around him. 

“Do you want to go upstairs?” James asked. 

Remus brought a hand up to his temple and felt a thin layer of sweat gather on top of his skin. 

“I….yeah. I’m tired.”

“Yeah, we’ve gathered that much, mate.” James laughed uneasily and got up. “Come along.” Remus blinked at him, before getting up slowly. 

The four of them reached the common room in silence. As soon as they had reached Gryffindor tower, Remus slumped up the stairs and fell onto his bed face first, not even bothering to undress or take off his shoes. 

“You alright, mate?” James called after him. Remus grunted. 

“Should we take off his shoes?” Peter asked. 

There was a pause and three boys stared at Remus, who was breathing heavily. 

“Nah,” James said at last, “Right? He’ll be fine. He’ll get up in a moment.”

Again they turned and looked at him expectantly. Remus seemed to be snoring now. 

“Sure he will, Potter.” Sirius said sarcastically, clapping James on his back. 

“Oi, what was that back there anyway?” James asked rounding on Sirius. “Why were you pestering him like that?”

Sirius licked his lips, “Look, I know it wasn’t exactly fair-”

“Fair-” James scoffed. 

“- _ But _ ,” Sirius said, raising his hands, “I think he’s still ill! Obviously whatever he has, is getting worse! Look, Lily said-”

“Oh so she’s Lily now?” James said cooly.

“What?”

“A week ago she was Evans and now she's  _ Lily _ .”

“Merlin’s balls don’t be  _ jealous _ Potter. We’re just trying to figure out what Remus has-”

“Well stop.”

“-And I think I know-”

“You don’t. Stop.”

“-Let me speak!”

“No!”

“-Obviously the medicine he takes every few weeks isn’t working-”

“Sirius stop!”

“-But James-!”

“ _ Sirius _ !”

“Fine.” Sirius crossed his arms, and he and James glared at each other. 

“Good.”

From the other side of the room, they could hear Peter tugging at Remus’s shoes, and putting them down beside his bed. Remus murmured softly in his sleep. 

“I don’t fancy Evans,” Sirius said after a moment shuffling his feet. 

James turned away, “Ok.”

“ _ You _ fancy her.” 

James said, “No.”

“Don’t be angry with me.”

“I’m not,” James said though, Sirius wasn’t too sure.

“Well...I could tell her you have a six-pack.” Sirius suggested. 

James shook his head sullenly, “I don’t.” 

“Well, I can still  _ tell _ her you do,” Sirius said. “It’s not like she would check.” 

James paused seeming to ponder the idea. “Fine. But make sure it sounds natural.”

“Alright,” Sirius said smiling. 

“I mean,” James pushed up his glasses, “I wouldn’t want it to sound like I asked you to say that or anything.”

“Yeah ok.”

“I don’t want her to think I’m an idiot.” 

“Sure.”

“ _ Does _ she think I’m an idiot?”

“Potter.”

James sighed and turned away to look at Remus, “You still need to stop with the Remus thing. His mother is ill, Sirius. It’s sad but it’s true.” 

Sirius pressed his lips into a firm line and looked over to Remus’s bed where had rolled over onto his other side and was now hugging one of his pillows. Sirius shrugged his shoulders slightly, “Hm.”


	22. How to Spot a Werewolf (year 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sprinkles in some seeds of lily and sirius friendship* yes they're platonic soulmates sorry i don't make the rules

The next couple of days were spent catching Remus up on all the classwork he had missed and letting him copy down James and Sirius’s notes. Peter allowed him to copy his notes too, and he would’ve except that they were only half a page and his handwriting was just barely legible. On the other hand, both Sirius’s and James’s notes weren’t very thorough either as both of them were used to getting by in class without having to pay much attention, but they tried harder when Remus was gone which honestly made the small boy feel kind of special even if he would never admit it.

Remus also started looking healthier again, his skin returning to a normal glow and not the grey colour it had been when he first arrived back at Hogwarts, but now that everything was back to normal James was getting restless. 

“Alright, I’ve had enough of this.” He said one Friday afternoon and ran his hands through his hair, messing up his black curls even more than before. “Look, I mean,” He put a firm hand on Sirius’s shoulder, “This is getting out of control.”

“Do you know what he’s on about?” Remus asked without looking up from Peter’s Defense Against the Dark Arts essay that he was proofreading while trying to simultaneously write his own. 

“Nope,” Sirius answered, peeling James’s hand off of him. “Are you feeling alright mate?”

“Never better.” James smirked, “I’ve found us a new mission lads.”

“Oh yeah?” Peter asked, taking back his essay from Remus, “And what's that? Have you found a spell that messes up your hair _for_ you, so that you don’t have to do it yourself anymore?” Sirius laughed and gave Peter a high five. 

“Good one, mate.”

James ignored them. “We’re getting back my Invisibility Cloak.” 

“Huh?” Finally, Remus, Peter and Sirius all looked up at him at the same time.

They blinked at him wearily. 

“And how are we going to do that?” Remus said, trying to sound indignant, but his voice cracked with obvious curiosity. 

“We’re the marauders!” James cried, “We’ll think of something!”

“You mean you haven’t come up with anything yet and now you’re hoping I will.” Remus supplied. 

“Remus! How could even _think_ that?”

Remus sighed, “Well, luckily for you I've already thought about it.”

Sirius perked up, “You have?”

“I have.” Remus said rolling his eyes, “One of us had to.” He took out a notebook and set down his quill, flipping through the pages. “I’m surprised you survived this long without it, Potter. Must be a record for your family.” 

“Just tell us already!” Peter said, jumping up and down. Remus sighed but he couldn’t help feeling excited. He really was surprised by James. The bespectacled boy had gone for almost _three_ _months_ without his Invisibility cloak and personally, Remus hadn’t even thought he could last for three days, which is why he had been planning this particular heist since the very week in which their beloved cloak had been taken from them. “You’re lucky I wrote this down…” Remus said absentmindedly, scanning the various notes with his eyes. 

“You wrote it down?” Sirius spluttered. 

“Yes. Got a problem with that Black?”

“No, no. Very...smart. You sure are a smart...smarty.”

“Oh stuff it.” Remus rolled his eyes again. “Alright, here we go. Peter,” Peter sat up straighter at the mention of his name, “You’re going to go to Professor Slughorn's potions cupboard and you’re going to steal the Velenatrocus Petals. They’re not exactly rare so it won’t actually matter where you hide them but _we’re going to have to return them later_. Just remember they have a _very strong_ smell so Slughorn will notice them missing right away. Once this happens he’ll immediately contact Filch who’ll hurry downstairs to the dungeons. While that’s happening Sirius and I will sneak into Filch's office and take the cloak. James,”

“Yes sir!”

“You’re going to make sure that Filch doesn’t go upstairs until we’re gone. We’ll send a signal so you know we’re out.” 

“You’re brilliant Lupin,” Sirius said grinning. Remus blushed slightly, not really knowing how to respond to the compliment. 

“What do the...the….uh Velo-tric-ius Petals, the...you know the dinosaur sounding petals-”

Remus laughed, “Velenatracous, yes.”

“Yes those,” Peter said, “What do those look like?”

“Here,” Remus roughly drew out a sketch, “They’re almond-shaped see?” 

Peter nodded.

“And they have this distinct bright purple colour. _Don’t get the red ones_ , Pete, those are _Villiarium_ Petals. They’re _rare_ and they can burn your skin if you touch them ok?”

“Ok…” Peter said nervously. 

“It won’t be difficult Pete, you’ll see the difference.”

“Well, this is Peter we’re talking about,” Sirius said, “You never know with him.”

“Oh piss off,” Peter muttered. 

James grabbed Remus’s wrist checking his watch. “Four thirty. We better get going then, eh?”

“What, _now_?” Peter asked. 

“Of course.” James said, “ _I’m_ not going to wait much longer.”

“Let’s do it!” Sirius yelled, jumping up and grabbing Remus’s shoulders. Remus laughed, stumbling slightly. “Calm yourself, Black…” 

Sirius grinned. 

It was easy getting into Filch's office but much harder actually getting out again. Remus had cast a quick Alohomora to open the lock and now he and Sirius were ruffling through drawers, cabinets, and closets as quietly as they could, looking for James’s cloak. It amazed Remus how Sirius Black, the loudest and possibly most obnoxious boy in all of Gryffindor could be so quiet when he actually wanted to be. Remus remembered how Sirius would often hum to himself loudly and sing in the shower and how he just had a naturally loud voice, often saying that he _couldn’t_ actually behave any quieter. _Yeah right,_ Remus thought now, watching as Sirius unlocked a tall wooden closet. Sirius just never _bothered_ with being quiet unless there was something in it for him. 

“Remus!” Sirius suddenly said in a stage whisper, calling Remus’s attention to him. Remus turned. In his hands, Sirius was holding a shimmery piece of fabric, that rippled in the candlelight. The cloak. Remus put his hands up in a thumbs up sign, and he quickly relocked all of the drawers they had opened. 

“I hope James is keeping Filch occupied,” Remus muttered, shutting the office door behind them. 

“Well if he isn’t we’re screwed.” Sirius supplied, “I already have two detentions this week! I don’t know if my schedule will allow for any more bookings.”

Remus couldn’t help but laugh at that, but his laughter quickly subsided when he saw Sirius’s eyes widen at something behind him.

“Meow?” 

Remus clamped a hand over his mouth, staring at Sirius. They looked at each other dread dawning on each of their faces. 

“Meow.” The small voice went again. Slowly, Remus turned around already knowing what he would see once he looked. 

“Mrs Morris.” Sirius whispered, “Um...Whoopsie?”

“God that’s creepy,” Remus whispered back, as Mrs Morris, Filch’s cat, gave another rather passive-aggressive meow, her yellow lamp like eyes unblinking. 

“We need to leave before-”

“Mrs Morris?” A gruff voice said, footsteps echoing along the hall. 

Sirius grabbed Remus’s shoulders, “Back, back, back.” He chanted as they awkwardly shuffled away from the cat. Remus tripped but Sirius caught his arm and the two of them started running down the hall as quietly as they could which turned out not to be very quiet at all. 

“Ah, it’s alright, Mr. Filch she probably just saw a shadow or something. Could you er...continue to tell me a bit about...what kind of breed your cat is?” James’s voice said as a second pair of footsteps followed the first. 

“Get lost before I give you another detention Potter.”

“But er…” James continued to ramble. 

“Bless his soul.” Sirius murmured fondly.

“We’ll thank him later!” Remus pulled Sirius along harder, and the two of them ran down the stairs almost running into Peter. 

“Oh he-!” Peter said brightly, but before he could finish his sentence Sirius pulled his arm along and the three of them continued on a sprint down the hall. 

“Quick, Pete,” Remus panted, “What did you do with the Petals?” 

“Wha-?”

“The Petals Pete!” Remus persisted. 

“Why are we running?”

“PETER!” Sirius bellowed. 

“I flushed them down the toilet on the third floor!”

“You what?” Sirius asked. 

Remus growled uncharacteristically, “ _Why would you do that?_ ” 

“You said to hide them!” Peter said frantically. 

“NOT BY FLUSHING THEM DOWN A TOILET!”

“You said they weren’t important!”

“I DIDN’T MEAN THAT YOU SHOULD DESTROY THEM, PETTIGREW!” 

“In here!” Sirius swiftly pulled, Peter and Remus into an empty classroom slamming the door behind them. 

“Oh my god, I’m sorry!” Peter screeched as soon as the door closed, “What have I done?” 

Remus just put his face in his hands and started pacing around the room not saying anything. 

“I’m so sorry! What are we gonna do! Do we need the dinosaur Petals?” Peter continued to cry. 

Remus was still panting slightly but Sirius guessed that it wasn’t actually because of the run. 

“...They’re....not... _Dinosaur_ petals, Peter…” Remus said quietly, his voice shaking slightly, “...they’re _expensive…_ . _ingredients…_ .that we just... _stole_ ...and _won’t_ be able TO RETURN!”

“Woah, woah..” Sirius said awkwardly. Remus had taken a step towards Peter and was now full on shouting, his eyes in small slits, the irises having turned yellow. This was the first time Sirius had ever witnessed Remus losing his cool on Peter, and he wasn’t used to the role of peacekeeper. “Hey, It's alright, Remus,” He said desperately, “….we’ll just....It’s alright.” 

Remus suddenly snapped out of it and stepped back, widening his eyes as if he just realised what he’d been doing. “I’m sorry.” He muttered quietly. Sirius looked down and noticed that he had instinctively stepped in front of Peter and put his hands up, palms facing outward. He looked back at Peter who looked shocked and pale. For a moment it had almost seemed like Remus was going to hit Peter.

Just for a moment.

But that couldn’t be. Remus was never the type to get into unnecessary fights, especially not with one of the other marauders. 

“I’m sorry. I...I’m sorry.” Remus continued to mutter repeatedly. His eyes were fixed on the floor and he wrapped his arms around his skinny torso, his whole body seeming to tremble slightly. 

“Hey, Rem…” Sirius said softly, stepping forward. Remus stepped back again. Sirius stopped. “It’s fine,” Sirius whispered. Remus was still shaking slightly. Sirius tentatively stepped forward and put his hands on Remus’s shoulder pulling him towards him and wrapping him in a soft hug. 

“I’m sorry,” Remus said again, and Sirius could feel his small body tremble slightly in his arms. 

“We all lose our temper sometimes,” Said Sirius. But he could feel his heart beating faster. Sure, they all lost their tempers sometimes, especially Sirius who lost his temper twice as much as anyone else, but this had been different.

Remus had been almost...scary.

Sirius pushed that thought down, but a small part of his mind couldn’t help but think how lucky they were that Remus didn’t lose his temper more often. 

When Remus pulled away from Sirius, the taller boy couldn’t help but notice how Remus’s eyes had turned back to their usual warm amber colour. Sirius licked his lips nervously. Maybe he had just imagined Remus’s eyes going yellow. Maybe, it had been a trick of the light, or he had just pictured it in the heat of the moment. But even while he thought this he knew. They had definitely looked different. Remus had looked different. 

“Are you alright?” Sirius asked, after a moment. Remus nodded still not meeting his eyes. 

“Sorry, Pete.” He said. 

Peter shrugged, “Oh….don’t...don’t worry about it.”

“OI!” The door burst open and all three of them jumped back. James jumped in and slammed the door shut behind him, his eyes gleaming the way they always did when the marauders were working on a prank. His black, ever messy hair flew in front of his eyes and the tip of his nose was turning a soft pink. “You lot, that was insane! Filch gave me three detentions and was going to give me a fourth but then he saw that stupid cat of his, and started following it and forgot about me and-” James took a deep breath, having obviously just run, “-I knew that it was probably following you guys so I had to run to the other direction and drop a vase and then circle around him just so that I could-” He took another deep breath, hands on his hips, “Who died?” 

“No one,” Sirius said defensivly. 

“Good, because I just got three detentions from that and I already had one for jinxing Goyle when he said my hair looked stupid yesterday.” 

No one said anything. 

“What's wrong?” James asked, looking around at them. “What happened?”

“Iflushedthepetalsdownthetoilet,” Peter murmured suddenly. 

“You what?” 

“I flushed the petals down the toilet.” He repeated, more clearly this time. 

James looked at the three of them for another few seconds before bursting into laughter. “The dinosaur petals? So?”

Remus grit his teeth, “They’re not dinosaur petals.”

James stopped laughing and rubbed the back of his neck, “Oh. Sorry...Rem.”

There was an awkward pause. Sirius could see Remus from the corner of his eye, and he looked….not good. He was starting to grow paler and paler and he stood in a rigid posture. 

“Are you ok, mate?” James asked tentatively. 

“Yeah.” Remus said shortly. 

“Maybe...maybe we should go to the hospital wing, eh?”

“No.” Remus said, and Sirius could see that he was sweating slightly. “I’m just feeling...anxious. That’s all.” 

James, Sirius and Peter all exchanged a look. 

“Look, if it’s about the petals, that doesn’t matter Rem, no one will care if they’re gone-”

“Yes they will!” Remus shouted. 

“Hey…” Sirius said again, very softly. “I have an idea. I know for a fact that they sell those petals at Madam Puddifoots because she put them in tea once, _it was gross_. We’ll just ask the Prewett twins to get us some, we’ll stick them back in Slughorn's cupboard and boom we’ll be fine.” 

“I don’t...I can’t…” 

“I’ll pay, Rem.” Sirius said, somehow knowing exactly what Remus was going to say. “Don’t worry about it.” 

Remus hesitated but then nodded gratefully. 

“Ok?” Sirius asked. 

“Ok,” Remus said though he was still staring fixedly at the ground. 

“Alright...good.” Sirius looked up and saw both James and Peter staring at him. He shrugged frantically. They shrugged back. 

“Mate…” James started again, “You’re looking a bit peaky. How about we just pop into the infirmary _really_ quick? Just for a check-up?” 

Remus shook his head wildly. 

“Rem…” Sirius said feeling brave, “I know you don’t like to hear this but...James is right, you’re looking a bit ill. We just care about you, ok? We just want to make sure you’re alright.” 

Remus didn’t say anything but he didn’t shake his head either. Sirius looked up at James and Peter again, and once again they shrugged. 

“Alright come on…” Sirius lightly prodded Remus's back. 

Slowly the four of them shuffled out of the room, James and Peter in the front and Sirius and Remus trailing behind them. 

Once they got to the Hospital wing the smells of potions and herbs and disinfectants washed over them and Madam Pomfrey came bustling towards them. She took one long look at Remus and decided what he needed immediately was rest, potion and seclusion. She snatched him away from Sirius and hid him in the far end of the room, muttering to herself. 

“I told him not to overwork himself.” She said, “I supposed I have _you_ three to blame for that. Marauding all over the place, pulling the innocent boy into your mischief.” 

“ _Well_ …” James said. Peter’s eyes widened and frankly, Sirius just felt insulted, but before he said something smart he thought for a moment, which was admittedly something Sirius didn’t often do before speaking. 

“Wait a minute….” He said, “ _When_ did you tell him that?”

“When I last saw him about two days ago.” Madam Pomfrey answered absentmindedly as if it was obvious.

“Two days ago,” Sirius said, stepping forward, “When he was visiting his mum?” 

Pomfrey stopped short and looked at him, first in surprise then in suspicion. 

“Mr. Black.”

“Why was he here? Does he just hang around after visiting his ill mum?” Sirius asked suspiciously, “Or was he maybe not even visiting her at all? Why-” 

“I suggest the three of you leave _and don’t worry about things that aren’t your business_.” Madam Pomfrey answered cooly, in a way none of them had ever seen her speak. 

“But-” Sirius started, this time more desperately. 

“Come on, you prat.” James pulled him from behind and the three remaining marauders quickly left the wing, “I don’t want a fourth detention.” 

“Oh shut up-” Sirius started but before he knew it the three of them were in the hallway walking towards the Gryffindor common room. 

“Why are you like that?” James asked irritably, “Can’t you just leave it alone?”

“No.” 

“Well, you should.” 

“ _Well, I won’t._ ” 

“One day,” James said as they started climbing up some stairs and passed a particularly chatty painting, “One day, you’ll find out the truth. And on that day you’ll regret ever wanting to know in the first place.” Peter nodded importantly - _as if he even knows what James is talking about_ \- Sirius thought bitterly. 

“So you agree.” Sirius said, “You think Remus isn’t visiting his mother every time he leaves.”

“No!” James said, pointing his finger at him accusingly. “ _No_. Well yes. But no! I mean, yes of course but not like,” He groaned, “Ok yes, the story isn’t adding up but that’s all i’m saying!” 

“Alright,” Sirius said.

“Stop it!” 

“I’m not doing anything.” 

“Leave Remus alone.” 

“Sure.”

“I don’t want to keep telling you this.” 

“Then don’t.” 

“Shut up.” 

_ _ _ _ 

It was only later when the Marauders were in bed that Sirius let himself think about Remus again.

Annoyingly he had been thinking about the other boy a lot more than he wanted to, and the act from before wasn’t really helping his case. Remus was one of his best friends. One of the closest friends he’d ever had. Yet, right then and there in front of his eyes, he had transformed into someone else. Sirius sighed, and shifted in his bed uncomfortably. He wondered if Evans had found anything yet. Anything that included getting aggressive. Or losing your temper. Or….something. Sirius shifted yet again. _Maybe he should tell her. How would she know that it was one of Remus’s symptoms if no one told her, right?_ Was _it one of Remus’s symptoms? Was Remus just an aggressive person? Did his eyes just randomly turn yellow sometimes? Maybe he just lost his temper one time and Sirius was blowing it out of proportion._ Peter snored loudly. Sirius squeezed his eyes shut. _Remus wasn’t the type to lose his temper about something like that. Sure he got stressed out and anxious a lot but he didn’t take it out on anyone_ especially _not Peter since he had a soft spot for the smaller boy._ Especially _not after he had made a simple mistake. Just an hour or so before, Remus had told Peter the petals weren’t important yet, he completely freaked out after he found out they were gone. It wasn’t about the Petals._ Sirius sat up in his bed, his bare feet looking blue in the faint light of the moon, which was clearly visible from his bed. Usually when he lay in bed and he turned to look out the window he had a clear view of Remus’s bunk right there between him and the window. Sirius got up, carefully making sure the floorboards wouldn’t creak underneath his steps. _This is stupid_ , he thought to himself, but it didn’t stop him from silently creeping out of the boys' dormitory and down the stairs. A few moments later he took a deep breath and knocked. 

“Lily?” 

_ _ 

Lily never thought she would be awoken at midnight, by Sirius Black knocking on the door of the girls dormitory, yet here she stood in her pink nightgown, and bunny slippers on, with Marlene standing at her side holding a pocket knife (“it might be a murderer that just sounds like Sirius!”). 

“Don’t we have a defence mechanism that turns the stairs into a slide for this _exact_ reason?” Lily asked, quietly.

“ _Usually_ , but I turned it off,” Marlene whispered back. 

“You turned it off? What do you mean you turned it off? You can’t turn it off.”

“Well, apparently you can because I did.”

“Why would you turn it off in the first place?” Lily hissed. 

“Gideon borrowed a hair tie and I told him to just bring it here when he’s done with it-”

“Er...Lily?” The voice called again. Lily groaned quietly and glanced over at Marlene who was still holding her knife firmly. 

“Go on,” Marlene said. “If he tries anything funny, I’ll stab him.” 

“Great.” Said Lily, too tired to really think about that statement. She stepped towards the door. “You do realise you have a wand though right?”

“Oh...fuck.” 

“You know you swear a lot for a thirteen-year-old.” Lily sighed and opened the door just a crack. 

“Hey….” Sirius said awkwardly. The raven-haired boy was wearing an oversized black t-shirt and really fancy looking sweatpants. His hair, which had once again started to grow longer was pulled into a bun, and he had shadows under his eyes, yet somehow he still managed to look absolutely beautiful. Lily was instantly jealous. 

“Black.” Lily said, “Do you know what time it is?”

Marlene shuffled forwards and pushed Lily out of the way, pulling the door wider open. “You know you’re fucking lucky that I disabled the slide, I’m not mentally stable enough to deal with you, but given the _time_ that’s understandable. Although usually at this time I’m _sleeping_ and not talking to the heir of the Most Noble and Ancient House of Black. Do you have anything to say for yourself?”

Sirius stared at them for a moment and Lily thought he was going to apologize but instead of doing that he just said simply, “Ancient and Most Noble House of Black.”

“What?”

“Well, you said Most Noble and Ancient but it’s actually Ancient and Most Noble.” Sirius shrugged arrogantly, “I thought maybe you would want to know.”

“Sirius Black you fucking dweeb tell us what you want,” Marlene said narrowing her eyes at him.

“To talk. To _Evans_.” 

“Yeah, I got that after you asked for her thirteen times you fucknugget.”

“Fuck off.”

“YOU fuck off!”

“Both of you stop,” Lily said. “What do you want to talk about Sirius?”

Sirius hesitated. “...Remus.”

Marlene gave a dramatic sigh that was honestly worthy of Sirius, “Why is everyone obsessed with this boy?” she said turning around and plopping onto her bed, “I’ve reached my max amount of boredom for today.”

“Remus isn’t boring,” Sirius said defensively. 

“Come on,” Lily closed the door behind her and left the girls dormitory heading down stairs to the common room. “Let’s leave Marlene. She gets grumpy when she’s tired. And somewhat dangerous.” 

They sat down near the fire which was still crackling despite the time.

Lily yawned, shivering slightly, “So, what exactly did you want to talk about?”

Sirius shrugged and crossed his arms leaning into himself, “I wanted to see if you found out anything, about Remus.” 

Lily looked away, guilt crawling up in the pit of her stomach, “No.” 

Sirius nodded, and turned away, a pregnant pause filling the air. Lily sensed that he wanted to say something. 

“What is it?” She said. 

“What is what?” 

“What do you want to say?”

Sirius glared at her, “Nothing.”

Lily wasn’t fazed. She had seen Sirius glare at her many many times before and after almost two years of it she couldn’t care less. 

There was another pause until Sirius said scratchily, “Something happened today.” 

“What happened?”

“I...I don’t know.”

Lily said nothing, waiting patiently for him to elaborate. 

“Remus lost his temper, and that's fine, but-” Sirius took a deep breath, “I mean I probably just imagined it but...I thought I saw...I thought….”

“What?”

“What colour are Remus’s eyes?” Sirius asked suddenly. Lily startled. _What a ridiculous question._

“Brown of course.”

“Well, _what_ kind of brown, Evans.” Sirius rolled his eyes. 

Lily’s face heated, “Well…” she thought back, trying to conjure Remus in her mind, “Dark...like chocolate.” _Wait that wasn’t right,_ “No...no more like caramel. Or like honey. Honestly, his eyes aren’t really that brown are they? I guess I would say, amber or…” Lily stopped, “I don’t...I don’t really know. They seem to-”

“-to change,” Sirius said. 

Lily nodded. 

“....He was angry today, and his eyes just went...bright yellow. He looked...he looked almost like an animal.”

Lily could feel her own eyes grow wide. “Don’t say that Black.” 

“He lost control for a moment.” Sirius continued, “He doesn’t like losing control.” 

“No.” It was true. “Where is he now?”

“Hospital wing.”

“Hospital wing? Why? Is he alright?”

“Don’t get your knickers in a twist, Evans he’s fine. Madam Pomfrey basically kicked us out though. Said she told him not to overwork himself and that it was our fault he did.”

“She told him that? When?”

“Apparently he’d visited her before.” Sirius shrugged, “Maybe after he visited his mum I guess.”

“You don’t actually believe that.”

“Course not.”

Again they sat in silence for a moment. “I’m sorry for waking you, Evans.” Sirius said. 

Lily smiled slightly. She was pretty sure it was the first time ever that Sirius had genuinely apologized to her for something. 

“No problem Black.” 

A few minutes later Sirius left, and Lily was left alone in the dormitory. She lay down on her back her thoughts swirling out of control. Something about her conversation with Sirius didn’t sit right with her. Sure, she had never really believed Remus’s story but now she was just certain that something was going on. And she didn’t want it to continue going on without her. 

Lily was pretty sure she was breaking about ten school rules, and no one was even there to see it. As she wandered through the empty school grounds she couldn’t help but feel almost powerful. The wind whipped her hair and the grass tickled the bare skin on her ankles that wasn’t covered by her slippers. Once she found a nice spot, Lily once again went back to her position on the ground crossing her legs and reaching to both sides with her arms feeling the grass tickle her arms and back. She looked up at the sky and breathed in the cool breeze letting the light of the moon glow up her surroundings. It was almost full, the moon, so that when you looked at it from some positions you could trick yourself into thinking it was, except that there was a small bit missing from one of the sides. _Must’ve been a few days ago,_ Lily thought to herself. She twirled a piece of grass in her hands, and remembered how she used to lay in the grass like this with Sev. A part of her wished he was here with her right now, but right when that thought entered her mind she could feel something else pushing it away. _I wish Remus was here with me._ Her breath hitched. _I wish_ someone _was here with me, but instead of_ Severus _I wish it was Remus. I wish Remus was here with me._ She felt a small smile playing on her lips, not being able to help the fluttery feeling that was setting in her stomach. It would be quite romantic laying here looking up at the full moon with someone. Although the last full moon Remus had been visiting his mum. _I guess,_ Lily thought somewhat dryly, _it wouldn’t be very romantic getting eaten by werewolves._

Lily sat up straight.

_Did werewolves exist in the wizarding world?_

_Yes. Yes of course they did._ They hadn’t learnt about them yet since Lily was only in second year but she knew it was part of the Defense Against the Dark Arts Curriculum in third year. Lily stood up, suddenly feeling hyper aware of her surroundings, and then started running towards the school, not heading for the dorm room but instead the library. 

Breaking one more rule tonight wouldn’t hurt anyone. 

  
_ _ _ _ 

_The Witch, Wizard, or in some rare cases even the Muggle that suffers from Lycanthropy will face physical and mental transformations every month of the night of the full moon. On days adjacent to that of the full moon, the subject may act unusually aggressive, possessive, or distracted. Some physical changes may also occur around the time of the full moon, such as an increase in body hair, growth in fingernails, and or change in eye colour._

That’s what the book on Magical Beasts had clearly stated, just the night before. Remus had been unusually aggressive, Sirius had said. He was also often distracted when he came back from visiting his mum. But was he possessive? Lily thought hard, not that she could seem to remember. Although you didn’t have to have _all_ the symptoms for something to be true, did you? Not that she thought Remus was a-

“Miss Evans, are you listening?” Professor Flitwick interrupted Lily's thoughts. She sat up abruptly noticing everyone’s eyes on her. Immediately Lily could feel her face heat up as she tried to remember what was going on. Charms lesson. Right. 

“...Yes,” She answered. 

“Oh, well, in that case, I suppose you wouldn’t mind telling me the function of a Skurge Charm.”

Lily could feel her hands trembling slightly. This had never happened before. She was always paying attention, _always_. Frustratingly, and desperately Lily racked her brain for an answer. 

_Skurge charm, Skurge charm, Skurge charm._

“But Professor,” An aristocratic voice said loudly, “That’s such an easy question-”

Lily could feel her face heat up even more as she watched Sirius, who had been the one to speak up, turn in his chair so that he was facing her. Just like everyone else in the class he was watching her intensely, and confusedly, but unlike anyone else he was pretending as if it were completely normal behaviour for her. 

“-I mean Lily _obviously_ knows that the Skurge charm frightens ghosts, and cleans ectoplasm.” 

She didn’t know that. 

Lily’s eyes widened and she turned to Professor Flitwick, nodding quickly.

“In fact, she had _just_ used it on Peeves a few days ago.” Sirius continued to drawl.

She had not. 

“Yes. I had.” 

For a second she and Sirius maintained eye contact, and she tried to convey her thankfulness through a blink of an eye but before she could contemplate whether he understood Sirius turned back around in his chair and the class continued as if nothing had happened. Flustered, Lily turned her attention to the front of the classroom, trying to listen to the lesson but her mind was elsewhere.

_“Some physical changes may also occur around the time of the full moon, such as increase in body hair, growth in fingernails, and changing color of the eye.”_

_Eyes changing color were a symptom._ Nervously Lily brought a finger to her mouth and started biting on her nail. _Remus had brown eyes. Except that he didn’t. Because sometimes Remus had yellow eyes. Or orange eyes._ Because Remus was a-

“Lily, class ended.” 

Lily’s head snapped up and she realised that the classroom was completely empty except for the marauders (minus Remus who was still in the hospital wing) and Marlene and Dorcas. 

“There you are,” Marlene said, teasingly though Lily could detect a hint of worry in her voice. “Are you ok?”

“Tired.” Lily said stiffly. She started packing up her quill and parchment which were both unused. “I’m going to go to the astronomy tower early today. I want to ask- I want to _talk_ to Professor Sinistra.”

Marlene and Dorcas exchanged a look, “Um ok.” 

“Don’t wait up for me.”

“...Alright.”

“Are you sure you’re ok?” Dorcas asked. 

“Yes.”

Lily picked up her bag and started hurrying out of the room, bumping into Sirius who was helping Peter dump his belongings in his bag. 

“Sorry,” She muttered and was about to head off when she stopped and said somewhat painfully, “Thanks, by the way, Black. I didn’t know the charm. Obviously.”

Sirius shrugged, “No problem. It was my fault you’re tired today anyway.” 

Lily nodded, although it wasn’t really. Sure he had woken her initially but after that, she had stayed awake for hours when he hadn’t. Lily started to stumble backwards again and bumped into a desk. Wow, sleep deprivation really didn’t suit her. 

“You alright, Evans?” James asked, and although Lily wasn’t looking at him she could hear a smirk in his voice. Patronizing jerk. 

“Don’t talk to me, Potter.”

_ _ _ _ 

Lily really didn’t have to talk to her astronomy teacher as she already knew the answer she was going to get, but a part of her was still hoping it wasn’t true. Clinging to the fact, that maybe, just maybe she had gotten it all wrong. 

“The full moon?” Professor Sinistra, said after Lily had asked her about it. “Well, I’m glad that you’re experiencing more curiosity towards this topic, Miss Evans! Let’s see... the full moon was on the twentieth this month.” 

Lily’s breath hitched. “Oh. Ok. Great.”

The twentieth. She counted back the days in her mind and sure enough, Remus had been gone on the twentieth. Maybe she was wrong. Maybe she had counted incorrectly. But Lily knew she wasn’t wrong. Because Remus was a-

“Is that all I can do for you today, Miss Evans?” 

“Yes. Yes, thank you.” Lily got up hurriedly and ran out of the tower, not stopping until she reached the Gryffindor Common Room.

She knew.

She knew where Remus went every month.

She finally knew. 

Because Remus Lupin was a werewolf. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ooooh she knowsssss...what is she gonna do? 
> 
> also i decided to go with a little bit of a longer chapter so let me know if you prefer this over the other length or not 
> 
> hope u enjoy and thanks for reading :))


	23. A Hunger for More (year 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow ok this chapter ended up a lot longer than i thought it would be lol but i think it fit everything pretty well. 
> 
> also a reggie chapter!! i love him so what can i say (also im sorry for hurting him)
> 
> i had SO much fun with the formatting of this chapter, which im sure you'll probably be able to tell ; ) 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: -slight mention of eating disorder at the end

The next few days Lily didn’t seem to know what to do with herself. Even when Remus came back and acted completely normal, laughing and talking with everyone else, she couldn’t help but glare at his fingernails or stare into his eyes. She even tried to get a good look at his arms, to see whether he was growing extra hair, which was slightly creepy of her she must admit, but it was difficult to tell anyway seeing as he was always wearing long sleeves. Maybe that's why he was wearing long sleeves. But then again Lily remembered seeing a scar once... She had assumed it to be from some sort of accident but it must've been because of his...condition. Lily swallowed uneasily. 

“Hey, are you angry at me?” Remus asked her one time, at supper while she had been staring at him quite intensely for the past few minutes. His eyes were warm, light, brown today.

“Hm? No. Of course not.” Lily said, quickly looking away and filling her mouth with pasta.

“Oh. Ok. It’s just you’ve kind of been staring at me so I… thought...I don’t know...sorry.”

Remus’s face started going that adorable light pink it always went when he got flustered and Lily felt butterflies float around in her stomach. 

“No! No, it’s ok. Sorry, I’m just...tired.” _Also, your eyes get browner the further away we are from a full moon and orange/yellower the closer we are, s_ he thought to herself. 

“You have pretty eyes.” Lily finally burst out. 

“Huh?!” Remus asked, taken aback, looking completely overwhelmed. He quickly raised a goblet to his lips, and Lily could see that his face was getting even redder by the second. 

_Oh my god, I shouldn’t have said that._ “Nevermind!" 

Opposite her Peter started giggling, nudging Sirius with his elbow. 

Lily averted her eyes and pushed some more pasta into her mouth, hurriedly. 

After she finished her food Lily got up to leave but before she could someone grabbed her arm. 

“You know.” Intense grey eyes stared into her own. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Black.”

“Oh come on. You know what Remus has. Why didn’t you tell me? What is it?”

“Nothing. I mean- I don’t know.”

Sirius knit his eyebrows together, obviously not believing her.

“ _I don’t know Black_.”

“Fine. If you won't tell me at least tell me this-”

“Sirius-”

“-Is Remus ok?”

Lily stopped short, trying to detect humour in the boy's voice, or eyes but all she could see was an earnest sort of curiosity. 

“He seems ok, today but-”

“You’re worried about him,” Lily whispered, almost not being able to believe it. 

“Of course I am, he's my friend.”

“I know it’s just…” With all the times that the marauders had teased each other and laughed at each other and pulled pranks with each other, Lily had never really realised that they also had a serious relationship with each other. That they actually cared outside of being silly and stupid, “...Yes, he’s ok.” 

Sirius nodded. “Ok. Good.”

Sirius turned to leave but before he did, he turned around one last time, and Lily could see that the hands in his pockets were curled into fists, “Why won’t you tell me? Not Remus, not you. Neither of you will tell me. Why?”

Lily almost felt guilty but before she could lie she said the first truth that came to her mind, “I don’t trust you.” 

Sirius gave a soft, bitter, laugh before his face fell like a kicked puppy and muttered, “Then I guess, Remus doesn’t trust me either.” 

Lily glanced at the ground not knowing what to say, almost not _wanting_ to console him. But when Sirius started to leave once again she watched as his sad figure exited the great hall. 

_ _ _ _

“Oi, Black.” The portrait door opened and Fabian and Gideon Prewett walked in, sporting a glass jar filled with bright purple petals. “We got those dinosaur petals you asked us about.” 

“Ah cheers.” Next to Remus, Sirius jumped up from the couch and reached into his pocket, pulling out a few gold coins tossing them over to Fabian who caught them in one hand. Remus turned to look at what was happening and immediately felt his face heat up at the sight of the Prewett twins, their last interaction still not forgotten. He spun his head back around and started to fumble with his sweater zipper, pretending that he was doing something. Suddenly on his right, he could feel the cushions on the couch sink down as someone sat next to him. The hairs on the back of his neck seemed to stand up, as his cheeks burned. Why was it so difficult to talk to this person?

“Remus Lupin.” 

Remus tried not to let his eyes widen too much, at the sound of the other boy's buttery voice. _Crap, crap, crap, crap_. 

“Gideon Prewett.” 

He could detect a hint of a smile, in Gideon's voice when he said, “What do you lot need those dinosaur petals for, anyway?”

“Nothing. I mean, no reason.” Remus said nervously, avoiding Gideon's eye contact. 

Gideon didn’t say anything for a while and Remus listened to the soothing sound of Sirius talking to Fabian. Just focus on Sirius, he thought to himself miserably. It's fine. He's here.

It's not like he was scared of Gideon. He wasn't _scared_. But the feeling he felt around Gideon, with his heart racing, and his hands trembling reminded him a lot of fear, and so he thought of coping with it the same way he would cope with fear. 

“I wanted to apologize,” Gideon said finally. “For what you saw.”

“Saw? Oh! You mean, when- Oh. Ok.”

Remus took a deep breath. Sirius laughed somewhere behind him. _Sirius laughing. It's fine. Calm yourself_ , _Lupin_. 

“It must have been….uncomfortable. For you.” Gideon continued. And suddenly he was the one stammering, “I’m sorry if it was....um you know kind of...well weird. Or...you know gross or something.”

“Huh?” Remus managed to choke out. Finally, he turned to look at Gideon, just to see that Gideon's eyes were focused on the fireplace. 

“Well you know, I wasn’t really acting like...myself. I wasn’t really acting like um...like I _should_ you know? Like a man. I’m already fourteen so I should...well it’s time for me to grow up you know?”

Remus didn’t know what to say. Somehow the words coming out of Gideon's mouth didn't seem like Gideons. “Oh. Yeah. Sure.”

“I don’t usually wear _makeup_.” Gideon continued almost desperately. “And I don’t _like_ it. It was just a one-time thing.”

“Yeah. Of course. Sure.” 

“Look, Remu!” Suddenly the couch bounced as Sirius jumped down next to Remus swinging his arm around the smaller boy. He pushed the Jar filled with the purple petals into Remus’s hand, “Viola, monsieur. Velenatrocus petals just for you.” 

Remus could almost feel relief melt off of him. “Thanks, Sirius. You didn’t have to- I actually completely forgot about the..." He hesitated, " _dinosaur_ petals.” 

“Velenatrocus Petals, Rem. Not dinosaur.” Sirius said and Remus looked away his cheeks trembling from the effort of trying not to smile. Sirius had remembered. _Of course, he had you almost ripped Peter's head off when he called them dinosaur petals,_ Remus chided himself. 

Gideon’s eyes flicked between Sirius and Remus for a moment before he looked away again and got up, from the couch, following his brother up the stairs to their dorm. 

He looked back, “See you around Remus.”

“What were you guys talking about?” Sirius asked watching the Prewett twins leave and shifting closer to Remus, stretching out his arm on the top of the couch. 

“Um. P-petals.” 

“Petals?” 

“Yes.” 

“Really? Just the petals? Cause you seem kinda nervous. Your face is that adorable pink colour- ow!”

“I’m always nervous, Sirius, leave me alone!” Remus cried, hitting his friend. 

“Jeez, ok.” Sirius held up his hands. “...Wanna go annoy James at Quidditch practice?”

Remus let out a breath, “I thought you’d never ask.”

_ _ _ _

While Remus and Sirius were waiting for James to finish changing out of his Quidditch gear in the changing room, Sirius turned to Remus, biting his lip. 

“Do you trust me?”

“Huh?” Remus looked away from the Quidditch pitch, and at Sirius whose, growing black hair was whipped behind his ears from the wind. “Yeah. Of course.”

Sirius knit his eyebrows together but didn’t say anything. Remus could tell that Sirius had just asked him something he'd been wanting to ask for a while.

“What's wrong Sirius? Of course, I trust you.”

“You’re just…secretive,” Sirius murmured looking away as if it was an embarrassing thing to say. "You know, James and Pete agree." 

Remus sighed. It was true- he couldn’t deny it. Remus had never thought of himself as some sort of a mystery but he knew that he wasn’t letting on much from the outside. 

"You know-" Sirius started, again, his voice growing louder, "James actually once said that sometimes he thinks you're too secretive-"

Remus scoffed.

"-and that sometimes you don't show who you _really_ are."

"Well, that's bollocks."

“Sometimes-” Sirius stopped himself but then continued after a second of hesitation. “Sometimes, we share these moments and I think...I think you understand me like no one else does, and I think that I know everything about you. But then...but then I look into your eyes and I realise that I know nothing about you. Nothing.” 

Remus blinked, suddenly feeling stung. “ _Nothing_?” 

"Remus-"

" _Nothing_ Sirius? _Nothing_? Come on."

“What colour are your eyes, then Remus?”

“What?”

Sirius almost wanted to laugh at the feeling of deja vu. He really needed to stop asking people about Remus’s eyes. 

“What colour are your eyes, Remus?”

Remus spluttered for a moment, “Brown? I don’t know! Right now, you mean?”

“That’s the issue. ' _Right now.'_ Most people’s eye colours don’t just _change_ randomly. I know there's a reason for it. And I know _you_ know it. But you won’t tell me. You don’t ...trust...me.”

“I do trust you, Sirius! But I can’t….”

“I….” Sirius’s eyes searched the ground in front of him as if he was looking for an answer engraved into the grass. 

“You’re my friend, Sirius.” Remus said, “trust me, ok? Just this once....you’re...you’re my friend.”

Sirius perked up. “Really?”

“Yes.” Remus laughed, “What do you think we’ve been doing these past two years if not develop a friendship? Why do you even think we spend time together?”

“I don’t know…” Sirius said going slightly pink, which was _not_ a very often occurrence, “I just didn’t think…”

“OI GUYS, DID YOU SEE THAT?” James yelled running towards them and jumping onto Remus for a hug. “I NEARLY DID A FLIP! IT WAS GREAT!”

Remus laughed pushing James off of him, his brown eyes twinkling slightly. Sirius observed the way that the corner of Remus’s eyes crinkled when he smiled, and for what was perhaps the first time in his life Sirius was annoyed at James for showing up. 

He quickly shook off the feeling. 

_ _ _ _

His first few months at Hogwarts had passed by quickly and rather distastefully uneventfully, the youngest Black brother thought to himself. Regulus Black spent his days going to classes, doing homework, sleeping and most importantly avoiding the members of his house. He knew that his older brother disapproved of him being a Slytherin, and sometimes he couldn't blame him. But it wasn't like it was _his_ fault. Generations of Blacks had been in the house of Salazar Slytherin. There was _no_ surprise when he was sorted just like the rest of the family.

Except maybe there had been.

Regulus would never forget the look on his brother's face when he was sorted. 

Even when often he wanted to forget. 

Wanted to forget the endless squeezing he felt in the pit of his stomach. The discomfort, the nausea, the... **pain**. 

Even Though he and Sirius had made up, the young Slytherin knew that things could never be the same between them. He would never crawl into Sirius's bed at midnight. He would never write poems with his brother in the dim candlelight. They would never sit by the fireplace and toss their wishes for the future into the flames. They would never drink stolen strawberry champagne, on the roof of their house looking down at the roofs of muggle apartments, with their white picket fences. Strawberry champagne...Regulus scoffed. Sirius had probably not even realised it when he'd mixed the same strawberry champagne they used to steal from their parents, into his stupid drink during Christmas. 

Regulus shivered as the memory of the family Christmas dinner flooded his memory. The blank expression that took over his usually so full of life brother haunted him in his dreams. He knew that what his mother had done was wrong.

But then again, somehow, maybe Sirius had deserved it.

It had always been a riddle to him where his brother's constant need for rebellion came from. If Sirius would just keep his head down and do what was expected of him, maybe he wouldn’t have to suffer so much. Maybe Regulus wouldn't have to suffer so much. 

It’s not like it would kill him to agree with their mother once. Even if he was just pretending. 

Regulus was pretending all the time. If he could do it so could his brother. 

Sirius just didn't care enough. 

He should. 

Should he?

Should Regulus? 

Regulus rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and looked around the dorm. The walls were a deep oak and dipped the room in a sort of mysterious glamour. Regulus’ bed was closest to the bathroom and a little but further away from the beds of his three roommates. Opposed to the Gryffindor dorms, the Slytherins beds were all covered in dark green sheets and surrounded by dark, forest green curtains. Regulus slowly drew back these curtains as he got out of bed and made his way to the bathroom.

He was the first one awake.

This wasn’t uncommon, since Regulus had always had trouble sleeping. When he was younger would always have Sirius to comfort him...but he can’t do that anymore. He had to fight the nightmares by himself now. He entered the bathroom and shook his head at the state of it. It was just as messy as you would expect it to be from four eleven year old boys living together. There were clothes everywhere, and no one bothered to organize their belongings in the slightest. Regulus hated sharing a bathroom, but since he was up so early no one really bothered him in the morning. He took a quick shower and stepped in front of the mirror.

The boy that looked back at him seemed _different_ but...familiar. The same high cheekbones and small lips. The same dark, wavy hair that fell into his eyes sometimes. The same piercing grey eyes he and his brother shared. Sometimes it scared him how much alike he and Sirius looked. 

Did people see Sirius when they looked at him? 

Did his parents? 

Did it matter?

 _Sirius_ wouldn't think it mattered. 

Did it matter what Sirius thought? 

Regulus splashed some cold water onto his face. Fuck.

As he was making his way down to the great hall he looked around. It was always quiet around this time, especially in the dungeons, since Slytherins weren’t particularly fond of mornings. This was something Regulus had also found out recently; Slytherins had the worst case of morning moodiness that the boy had ever seen. Though his housemates weren’t generally the personification of sunshine their mood was the worst early in the morning. He knew better than to wake up his dormmates for an early morning trip to the library, after trying once and having to go to the infirmary for the tongue swell jinx he had been hit with. 

The Slytherin table in the great hall was practically abandoned save for a few 6th years that appeared to be doing some last minute homework before classes. Regulus sat down somewhere in the middle of the table and left enough room around him and the other students so that he wasn’t forced into conversation but also didn’t seem too impolite. The breakfast table had already been set magically. Regulus tapped his long fingernails onto the wood of the table. 

Eat.

He was supposed to be eating.

He looked around at another Slytherin probably around fourth year, who despite and studying was still managing to toss bacon into his mouth.

Regulus looked away, his stomach churning.

He tapped his nails, again.

His stomach pinched in that odd, horrible feeling again.

Hunger.

It was probably hunger.

So he began to eat.

He picked up something small: a toast with his favourite strawberry jam, as it always reminded him of the good summers at Uncle Alphard's. He nimbled softly on the corner, feeling as though he were betraying himself, as he let memories of picking through Alphards strawberry fields with Sirius sift through his mid. Even though he found the man quite strange, those were the best days him and Sirius probably ever had together. 

He had never enjoyed breakfast, or any meal really as long as he could remember. Sometimes when he was younger he would go days without eating just to see how long he could hold on for. He liked the feeling of hunger. The discomfort. 

That probably wasn't very healthy.

His parents had forced him to stop anyway. 

He didn't do that anymore.

Not at home. 

For The Nobel Most Ancient House of Black, every meal had to be a huge deal, and recently there had barely been a meal without a fight or someone storming off to bed without supper. The younger Black always tried to keep quiet and not upset his parents but Sirius never really deemed this necessary. He and their mother would always fight even though it rarely ended as drastically as Christmas. 

Rarely. 

Regulus’ thoughts were abruptly interrupted by obnoxious laughter, and he looked up suddenly, dropping his toast.

Regulus knew that laugh.

Everyone knew that laugh.

The Marauders had entered the Great Hall. 

His natural instinct told him to shrink away so he wasn’t seen. He hadn’t talked to his older brother since their encounter in the Hallway, and even though the two of them had made up, Regulus felt...strange. He didn’t know what he had expected to come from the conversation, really, but he had hoped that maybe things would start to go back to how they used to be. Maybe had hoped that Sirius would talk to him more, or include him in pranks, or inside jokes, or let him hang around his friends, or protect him from his cousins or- or _something_. But at the same time, Regulus hated himself for relying on his brother for these things. His hands started trembling, and he picked up his half eaten toast. 

**Finish it.**

Luckily he was saved by his cousins entering the hall, already whispering amongst themselves. Narcissa and Andy sat down next to him and Andy began to chat off his ear about something important, he was sure. But he couldn’t concentrate on a single thing she was saying. His eyes were glued on the Gryffindor table, unable to look away from his brother, as he laughed and his entire face lit up. His grey eyes looked so bright from where Regulus was sitting. The Lupin boy next to Sirius rolled his eyes and said something with a tiny smile on his face and Sirius leaned back snorting so loudly Regulus could hear it. Potter ran his hands through his hair and high five Remus and Sirius said something to the short, blonde one, and once again they were all laughing.

Regulus had never seen Sirius as happy as he seemed to be in Gryffindor. Regulus didn’t know why but at this realization there was a rage that flared up in his stomach.

How come his brother never seemed this content when _they_ were together?

Regulus couldn’t help but feel a little...replaced. 

He shook his head, forcing himself to look away. The gesture made his short locks fall into his eyes and as he was about to raise his hand to brush it behind his ear there was a loud bang from the Gryffindor table. Narcissa, who was sitting right next to him squeaked, holding her hands over her ears. There was a moment of silence but then the entire great hall erupted into laughter when they saw that the small Pettigrew boy had simply tried to heat up his tea, and seemed to have blown it up instead. Regulus shook his head in annoyance and stood up to leave. 

“Where are you going, Reggie?” Andy's voice was calm and kind, a welcome contrast to Narcissa who had grabbed his wrist with a force he did not know she possessed. 

“Oh um, Library?” He said weakly. 

"Finish your toast." Andy said at the same time that Narcissa snarled, “Sit down. You can’t let him let you affect him like that.”

Regulus sat back down. He knew they were right. It had become a habit to always leave the great hall when he saw his brother. He couldn’t keep doing that. 

When breakfast was over, Regulus decided to walk to class with Severus since they both had their first class in the dungeons. They were talking about a potion Regulus had been brewing in class when someone knocked Snape’s books out of his hands. The books splattered all over the hard floor. The younger boy turned and saw Sirius and that James Potter snicker amongst themselves.

This was enough to set Regulus over the edge.

_How dare his brother disrespect another member of his house like that? How dare he take joy in it?_

“Oi Sirius what the fuck is your problem?” Although Regulus was tired it came out much louder than he intended to. 

“Hm, my problem?" Sirius barely bat an eye, "Probably the trail of grease Snivellus leaves behind. I almost slipped, thought he deserved some payback.” He said all of this without missing a beat.

How could he be so calm and collected?

How was this the same brother Regulus had grown up with?

He was stunned, that his brother could be such a dick. 

“By Merlins Beard, Sirius would you stop being such a bloody wanker?" He turned away and muttered,"You know better than to disrespect Slytherin and me like that.” 

Sirius snorted. “Disrespect Slytherin? What makes you think I give a single fuck about Slytherin Reggie?” A smile tugged at his lips.

Regulus was **furious**. 

Regulus was hungry. 

Regulus was...tired

“Don’t call me that.” The rage in his stomach only grew, “You always act like you are so much better than me Sirius. But you and I both know that you are a Black just like me. A red and gold tie won’t change that.” He practically spat the words at his older brother. 

“I am nothing like the rest you.” Sirius's voice was calm.

Too calm. 

“Yeah? Keep telling yourself that. But when you realize that you have just as much Black blood in your veins as the rest of us you’ll be alone brother. You’re an embarrassment and I despise being related to you. Mother was right, you should be disowned. I _hope_ you get disowned.”

The last sentence hit Sirius hard.

Regulus could see it in his eyes. He was about to take another step forward when James also took a step and was now standing slightly in front of Sirius.

The gesture made Regulus sick to his stomach.

It was so...brotherly. He remembered all the times Sirius had pushed himself in front of his younger brother, so he would be the receiver of their mother's rage, rather than Regulus.

 _Whatever_ , he thought, _let Potter be his brother then_. 

It seemed as though Sirius was collecting himself. 

“I don’t need you, Reggie. I have a brother.” And with that both he and James turned around and walked away. Even Though Regulus had been thinking the same thing only moments ago, it still hurt, coming from Sirius like that. He was about to fire a jinx at his brothers head when Remus stepped in front of him and gave him a dangerous look. The younger Black brother lowered his wand, turned around and walked away, trying not to show how hurt he was by Sirius’ words. 

"Didn't you and Regulus make up?" He faintly heard Remus ask from a distance.

He didn't hear the answer.

 _I don't need you Reggie. I have a brother._ The words kept repeating in his head. Over and over again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope u enjoyed it! thanks for reading and thanks to everyone whos leaving comments because those really make my day :DD  
> (i tried to write angst but idk how it turned out lol i hope u like it)
> 
> reggie is a mentally ill baby :( 
> 
> yes i wrote this instead of sleeping


	24. Revenge on the Weak (year 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Self harm

Sirius heard himself say it over and over again. 

_I don’t need you, Reggie. I have a brother._ His voice sounded different in the memory. Cold. Calculating. He sounded like a true Slytherin. Like a true Black. 

It was true though wasn’t it? He didn’t need Regulus. He didn’t need anyone in that wretched family. He had James, who always stood up for him, and understood him and joked around with him. He had James as a brother. He didn’t need another one. 

_Then why the fuck did he feel so sick in his stomach?_

“Are you alright, Sirius?” Remus asked looking up from his notes, his huge eyes, warming Sirius like a mug of hot chocolate. 

Sirius nodded. He needed to stop worrying people for no reason. It wasn’t like Remus didn’t already have enough on his mind. Sirius bounced his leg up and down restlessly, trying to focus on Slughorn. 

_Reggie was there for you when no one else was._

Sirius continued to bounce his legs. 

_Reggie, your sweet brother Reggie. The_ one _thing he could always count on when he was at home._

_What had he become?_

_What had Sirius become?_

_Had they changed?_

_Both of them? Either of them?_

_Was that a good or a bad thing?_

Sirius dug his fingernails into his arm, focusing on the sting that followed. _Breathe_. 

Abruptly he jumped up, and his chair screeched back behind him. 

“Bathroom.” He choked out, before hurrying out of the room, and heading towards the closest bathroom he could find. He jumped inside a stall, locking the door behind him and fumbling with his pockets. For a second he thought he forgot his wand, and he was about to freak out when it slipped out of his pocket and clattered to the ground. He lunged toward it and started hurriedly undoing the buttons on his pants. Quickly he pressed the tip of his want towards his outer thigh. For a second he sat there listening to his heavy breathing, with his wand still pressed against his leg. He told himself he would stop. He told himself _every_ time he did it that he would stop.

A part of him wanted to laugh. Why should he? If his parents were here they would gladly do it for him.

But they weren’t here.

Sirius growled and pressed his wand further into his leg.

_You deserve it you fucker, now do it. I want to feel the pain. I want to feel the pa-_

“Diffindo.” Slowly, Sirius dragged the tip of his wand along his leg, hand trembling slightly, as dark red blood slipped through the even cuts. Sirius breathed raggedly, trying to get his fingers to stop trembling. His vision blurred and he dropped his wand, letting out a stifled sob. He shouldn’t be crying. He rubbed his eyes before the tears could escape and immediately slapped his cheek. _How fucking pathetic._ He almost wanted to laugh at the situation, but that would’ve been too tragic. Sirius zipped up his trousers feeling worse and worse every second, but a part of him couldn't help the relief that had coursed through his veins after he’d done it. For a few more seconds Sirius just sat there breathing.

 _Fuck_.

He buried his face in his hands.

 _Fuck_.

_I shouldn’t have done that._

“Sirius?”

 _Fuck_.

“Sirius are you in here?” Remus's voice asked, and the door to the bathroom echoed as it closed behind whoever had just entered. Sirius heard the footsteps as they eerily closed the distance between him and the person until he stopped right in front of the stall Sirius was sitting in. 

“Can I come in?” Remus whispered, and Sirius could almost picture his face in his mind. His big eyes, his soft lips, and his rosy cheeks. 

Sirius sat on the toilet lid focusing on his breathing. Then he outstretched his hand and unlocked the door pushing it open, slightly.

Remus crept in, giving Sirius a small smile. “Hey.” 

“Hey.” Sirius whispered, and his voice cracked slightly. He looked away, and spit harshly, “You know you didn’t have to follow me like a damn poof.” 

Remus gave a small laugh and slid down on the floor of the bathroom with his back against the wall of the stall. He patted the spot next to him wordlessly and as if in a trance, Sirius slid down next to him. Instead of teasing him, or joking around with him as Remus usually did when Sirius was in a bad mood Remus didn’t say anything. They sat for a moment staring at the blue plastic wall, opposite them. 

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Sirius said, “So you don’t even have to try to get it out of me.”

Remus smirked knowingly. “Alright Black.”

Sirius wanted to be angry but for some reason he couldn't help but laugh a little a bit, at that. 

After a moment, and still looking straight ahead, Remus held out his hand, palm up. Sirius felt his face flush and he looked away, but out of the corner of his eye he could still see Remus’s unwavering hand. Tentatively he put his on top of the other boys and they laced their hands. 

“Boys don’t hold hands,” Sirius said venomously but he didn’t move to take his hand away. 

“Oops.” Remus replied dryly, and Sirius couldn’t help but feel almost giddy when Remus’s hand stayed right where it was, not wavering a single bit. 

_ _ _ _   
  


James had just finished some light Quidditch practice with Marelne, a few days later, when he was about to take a shower in the dormitory. That wasn't going to be working though.

“Merlin's beard, what happened to you?” James gasped disbelivingly. In front of him, Sirius was sitting on his bed, with a huge red welt on his cheek, that looked like it was oozing some sort of white liquid. Beside him, Remus was holding a wet towel to his face (James secretly hoped it wasn’t his) and was flipping through a spellbook frantically. 

“Nothing,” Sirius said stiffly. 

“What do you mean nothing?” James cried. 

“I...I may have told Evans that you have a six pack.” 

“...I take it she didn’t really like that, did she?”

“No,” Sirius said gravely. 

“Sirius, I'm not finding anything,” Remus said sounding annoyed, “We have to go to the hospital wing, _now_.” 

“No. I’m not a weakling. I’m not a _wuss_. I don’t need anything.”

“Yeah? Well, a wet towel isn’t going to do much against a hex, you prat.” 

“I can’t believe Evans, hexed you…” James said, setting down his quidditch gear, “That’s so cool.” 

“Yes, it’s just great. Now let’s go.” Remus said, throwing down the towel and pulling Sirius away from the bed. 

“No, I don’t want to!”

“Tosser. Stop acting like a child!”

“Never!” 

“Don’t stand there like a dimwit and help me out, Potter.” Remus groaned. 

“Oh right.” James pushed up his glasses and hurried forward, pulling Sirius, who was now hanging onto his bedpost like his life depended on it, away. 

“Come on, Sirius.” 

“No, you can’t make me!”

“Merlin's tits, Sirius.” 

Eventually, the two of them managed to push Sirius out of the dorm room, and down the stairs where Lily, Peter, Marlene and Dorcas were all standing. Peter had apparently been telling off Lily, although none of the three girls really seemed to find him a credible source of telling off. As soon as Sirius saw Lily he stopped struggling and glared at her. She glared back and they looked at each other for a few seconds, squinting dangerously.

“ _Evans_.”

Lily quirked an eyebrow almost teasingly. “ _Black_.”

“This isn’t over between you and me.”

“Good.”

“You started a rivalry that can never be reversed.” 

“ _Good_.”

“Seriously?” Remus breathed. “Can you please _not_ encourage him? I’ve been trying to get this child to the infirmary for the past half hour. I’m running a bit low on patience over here.” 

"Sorry, not sorry, Rem." Lily grinned. 

“Alright, alright…whatever...” The three boys started moving away again before James stopped in his tracks looking behind his back.

“It was true by the way. I do have a six pack.”

“No, he doesn’t,” Remus said, tiredly. 

Collectively Sirius, James and Peter all groaned at the same time. “ _Remus_!”

“Come _on_.”

Lily laughed, shaking her head. “I wouldn't have believed you anyway…”

“Well that’s just insulting,” James murmured, pulling the others out of the room with him. 

“I have a feeling I see the four of you far too often.” Madam Pomfrey said as they dropped off Sirius at the Hospital Wing. 

“Just the healthy amount,” James said, pushing Sirius into her. Sirius was still pouting and had refused to speak to any of them, with his arms crossed. 

“What happened, then?”

“He got hexed.” 

“Which one of you was it?”

“Wish it was me,” Remus muttered. 

“Oi!” Sirius interrupted, speaking for the first time in several minutes. 

“OI yourself, you damn hypocrite. It’s all ‘oh we care about you go to the hospital wing it’ll be fine,’ until _you’re_ the one that has to go!”

“Oh shut up!

“If you throw a tantrum again, _I will throw you._ ” Remus growled. 

Sirius stuck out his tongue. 

“Well, it’s nice to see ou healthy Remus.” Madam Pomfrey said fondly. 

“Thank you, it’s nice seeing you too.” Remus smiled politely, then he turned to Sirius again, “Also, I’m not cleaning the towel, or the blood, or the ooz, like last time!” 

“Fine!” 

“Fine.”

“Alright,” James said cheerily, “Now that that’s cleared- let’s go.” He put one hand on Remus’s shoulder and one on Peter’s shoulder. “Buh bye Sirius. We’ll be back for you.”

“You better be.” Sirius growled. 

  
_ _ _ _  
  
  


The footsteps slammed the pavement below his feet, as the boy raced through the halls of the school, the sound echoing in his wake. Sirius had just been released from the hospital wing that day and he was gripping his cheek, which was still slightly swollen from Lily’s jinx. Panting slightly he rounded a corner almost tripping, as his feet tried to adjust to the quick change in direction. He stumbled over to the Gryffindor table and slammed his palms on the top, making the plates, and cups rattle. Remus glared at him, grabbing his teacup, trying to get the liquid from spilling out. 

“And what have you been doing?” He asked passively. 

Sirius plopped down on his seat laughing maniacally. “Just jinxed Snivellous. Whenever he tries to talk he makes animal sounds. It’s hilarious.”

"Don't you have a jinxed cheek you should be tending to?" Remus growled.

"We don't speak of that Remu." 

Peter leaned, forward eyebrows raised, excitedly. “Which animal sounds?” 

“Moo, Quack, Oink, all the classics.” Sirius grinned. 

“That,” Remus pointed at Sirius with his butter knife, “Is called bullying.” 

“Well, you never stop us.” Sirius shrugged. 

“I would hope you don’t need anyone to stop you.” Remus grumbled, “Wait. _Us_? Where’s Potter-?”

Just then they could hear the slap of feet on pavement once again as James sprinted into the Great hall. Immediately heads turned in his wake, just like they had in Sirius’s. He threw himself into a seat next to Sirius and laughed, exposing a large array of gleaming white teeth. “That was hilarious! I just pranked Snivellous,” James said in between gasps, “I spilled some oil in his hair, while he was busy oinking something at that ugly cousin of yours Narcissa. I'm pretty sure I got some down his robes!”

“You probably couldn’t even tell a difference between when the oil was there or not, could you?” Sirius snickered. 

“Nope.” James grinned. 

“Oh cause,” Peter said smiling slowly, “cause his hair is already so oily and greasy? Right?”

“Yes, Pete you dimwit,” Sirius said, rolling his eyes.

“Oi, piss off.” 

"You piss off!"

“Wait, _you_ were bullying him too?” Remus exclaimed, setting down his tea, “ _That’s_ called ganging up on someone.”

“And that,” Sirius said, mocking Remus’s tone, “Is called being a smartass.”

“Ugh, you guys this is so unethical and questionable. Sure Snape isn’t exactly-”

Sirius and James looked at each other. 

“Well it's not like _you_ ever stop us-” James started but Sirius gave him a look, kicking his shins under the table, and whispering, “ _I already said that._ ”

“Guys.” Remus argued resting his face in his hands, “ _How many times do I have to tell you?_ Only _one_ of you can pick on him at a time.” 

“Oh cool it, Remus.” 

“The spell will wear off soon, and it's not like he can’t wash his hair. _Although_ this is Snivellus we’re talking about. He might not know how to, considering what his hair usually looks like- oh shit.” 

Sirius looked somewhere past James’s shoulder, his eyes widening. James, Remus and Peter all looked over too and saw none other than Lily Evans angrily stomping towards them. 

“Rem!” Sirius spun towards him, “Do something. Please.”

“This is what you deserve. Oh and this time I'm not taking care of you after Lily jinxes your sorry butt.”

“I’ll get you chocolate! I’ll do your homework for a week! I’ll….I’ll-”

But before he could finish Lily was right there in front of them. “Sirius Black, _who do you think you are?_ ” 

Sirius turned towards her slowly, grimacing, “Uh….heir of House Black?”

Lily glared at him fuming. 

“You’re right not really. Wait let me try again….Um….Funniest and most handsome guy in Gryffindor?”

Lily continued to glare at him. 

“....please don’t kill me?”

“ _Undo the spell!_ ” Lily stepped closer to them. 

“What spell-ow! No need to hit me jeez!”

“Undo the spell, _now_ Black!”

“No! It’s funny!”

“Oh so bullying people is funny now, Black?”

“Yeah, Sirius,” James said laughing. “Come on.” 

Lily rounded on him, and James instantly paled. “Don’t even get me started on _you_ , you disgraceful-”

“Ouch.”

“-disgusting-

“Oof.”

“-annoying-”

“Hey!”

“ _-Bully_!”

“Well-”

“ _What did you think you were doing Potter?_ ” 

James shrugged, “ _Well-_ ”

“You do realise he’s human too right? He has feelings! And emotions! And thoughts! And you keep hurting him for no reason!”

“I mean I wouldn’t say no reason but-”

“How can you just continue hurting someone with absolutely no remorse or guilt or anything! How can anyone be such a horrible person!”

“Evans-”

“Don’t _Evans_ me right now, Potter!” Lily yelled. “I jinxed Black once and I'll happily do it again. I haven’t jinxed you _yet_ but don’t think I won’t!”

“See?” James said rather calmly, “I jinxed you’re best friend and you jinxed mine. Maybe this is our love language.”

“You disgust me, Potter.” 

“Shouldn’t you be helping Snivellous or something, Evans?” Sirius asked cooly. Lily glared at him before turning on her heel and stomping out of the Great Hall without another word. 

James and Sirius had been prepared for revenge. In fact, they had expected it. When they entered the Potions classroom in the dungeons that evening they both had their hands curled around their wands on the inside of their pockets and were watching Snape with a quiet intensity warning him that they knew what he had planned. Except that they didn’t know. Because Snape didn’t attack them; he knew they wouldn’t care about anything he did. So he attacked Remus instead. And neither of them had been prepared for that. 

It was warm in the dungeons, that day as they were experimenting with heating potions that could be used as a safer alternative to fire. Students were sweating and had started taking off their robes, piling them in two corners of the room, right for the Gryffindors and left for the Slytherins. At one point James was mixing their potion when a loud yell startled him. He along with all the other students looked up to see Snape holding Remus’s arm up towards the ceiling. Remus’s sleeves had been rolled up and revealed the boy's bare arms which were covered in scars. James could feel his eyes widen, as he dropped the metal spoon he had been stirring with onto the table. 

“Hey look everyone,” Snape drawled, “I’ve found Frankenstein!”

Remus tried to pull his arm back but the small boy was too skinny and weak and he ended up accidentally just pulling his sleeve even further up, which revealed the corner of another scar. Snape laughed and let go of Remus’s who stumbled back and pulled his sleeve down hurriedly. For a second James was afraid Remus would faint, as he swayed on his feet, but before anyone had even really processed what was happening Remus sprinted out of the room. 

“Mr. Snape!” Slughorn scolded, “I can not tolera-”

Sirius pushed through a crowd of students and whipped out his wand grabbing Snape by the collar, and stabbing the point of his wand underneath the other boy's chin.

James went cold and he could feel his whole body shudder with fear. Sirius was about to do something insane, and James wouldn’t be able to stop him. Everyone in the room knew it, everyone in the room could sense it. Sirius hadn’t said a word, not even to threaten Snape, he just stared at him his eyes wide, and dark and glinting dangerously, his teeth gritted in anger that gave James goosebumps. 

“M-Mr. Black, put down that wand!” Slughorn's voice shook slightly and it seemed that everyone in the room was holding their breath. 

“Sirius,” James breathed. Slowly but surely Sirius lowered his wand, and let go of Snape’s collar. 

“Mr. Black I’m going to have to ask you to-” But before Slughorn could finish his sentence Sirius turned around and left the classroom. Everyone watched him then turned to Slughorn who blinked. James turned and looked at Peter for the first time that lesson and he saw that Peter didn’t look scared, or shocked, or uncertain.

Peter looked in awe.

The small, blonde, boy was still watching the doorframe where Sirius had just disappeared to, and his eyes were wide, his lips slightly parted and curled upwardly. James couldn’t explain it but when he looked at Peter in that moment a small part of him recoiled, and told him, _run_. James turned away and tried to ignore the unsettling feeling of deja vu as though something out there was trying to warn him. 

“Sev.” Everyone’s attention snapped over to where Lily stepped closer to Severus. “Fuck you.”And with that, she reached her hand back and slammed her fist into Snape’s mouth. James gasped along with the rest of the class, but when he caught sight of Peter again, he felt a sort of unease that he had never felt before.

_Did he really know his friends?_

Remus, who he thought he knew like he knew the back of his hand, had unexplainable scars and disappearances. Sirius, who he thought of as a brother, could become unrecognizable because of his temper. And Peter, who he could always count on for a laugh, sometimes acted in ways that were completely out of character. 

Severus let out a loud yelp and brought a hand to his face where his lip was bleeding. Lily grabbed a cauldron and handed it to Slughorn, saying calmly, “I’m done with my Potion sir.” 

At least Evans really was as badass as she let on. 

  
_ _ _ _   
  


It was bound to happen. People were always going to find out about his scars eventually. But Remus had really hoped that they wouldn’t find out like this. He had hoped that maybe after a while he would be able to open up to his close friends about it. He thought maybe he could show the Marauders one or two and tell them he was in an accident. Maybe he could even tell Lily and explain to her how he was in a car crash of some sort. But he had never thought or dared to let himself think that all at once, all of the Gryffindor and Slytherin second years would know. 

“Remus,” A voice whispered from behind him. Remus didn’t have to turn around in order to know it was Sirius making his way over to him, his footsteps eerily quiet in the damp grass. 

He sat down next to Remus, “Hey.” 

Remus didn’t say anything. He wasn’t in the mood. Subconsciously he let his hand graze over his sweater sleeve, the one that had been pulled up by Severus. 

“I...saw what Snape did.” Sirius continued. 

“Everyone saw.” Remus muttered.

“That awful git. I might just kill him one day.” 

Again Remus didn’t say anything. He honestly didn’t doubt it. 

“You know, it wasn’t so bad-”

“ _What?_ ” Remus snarled. 

“No! No that’s not what I meant-”

“ _It wasn’t so bad?_ It’s not _so bad_ having your scars brandished in front of the whole world like a fucking art gallery? It’s not _so bad_ letting everyone, your worst enemies and your best friends see the fucking monstrosity that you are-?”

“You’re not a monstrosity-”

“Well it doesn’t matter cuz I guess it’s _not so bad-!_ ”

“I was just going to say that most people don’t really know who Frankenstein is anyway,” Sirius murmured. “It’s just a stupid muggle story.”

Remus laughed, but only because if he didn’t laugh he would cry and he didn’t want that. Sirius let out a breath. “I’m sorry everyone saw that.”

Remus looked at Sirius and saw an intensity in his dark grey eyes. Something was telling him that Sirius was about to say something that would change everything. 

“I know how you got those scars.” 

Remus stiffened immediately. His whole body tensed up and he felt once more how his hands shook in cold tremors. Remus felt like he might throw up, his vision blurred and he felt sweat start to build on his hands and forehead.

_No_

_No_

_No_

_No_

_No._

_Breath, Remus goddamn it breathe_.

Sirius who was oblivious to exactly how uncomfortable he was making Remus feel scooted a little closer. Not too close though which Remus was grateful for, as he was sure if Sirius got any closer he might hyperventilate. 

“I...” Sirius took a deep breath and said the last part all in one quick go as if to make sure he wouldn’t lose the courage. “...I know you hurt yourself. Because I do it too.”

Remus was too shocked to say anything. He just turned his head towards Sirius slowly. 

“Wha?” He managed to choke out after an uncomfortable silence. 

Sirius licked his lips and slowly started to roll up his sleeves revealing his bare forearms. Remus tried not to make a sound as he studied the small criss-crosses of scars along his friend’s arms. His breathing was starting to quicken again. _No. No. No._

Sirius rolled down his sleeves again. 

“I have some on my legs too. You don’t have to show me yours,” he said quietly, “I just wanted you to know you’re not alone.” 

Remus closed his mouth, which he had just realised was parted slightly. “Sirius…” He hated how rough his voice sounded. It reminded him of how sore it was after a full moon.

“And also..” Sirius looked away for the first time his perfectly pale skin, starting to blush on the tip of his cheekbones, “I wanted you to know there’s no reason for you to...you know. To...self harm. You’re the most perfect person I know.” 

Remus could hear a small sad smile in the last part of the sentence. Remus didn’t know what to say, or do. He wasn’t perfect. He wasn’t perfect. HE WAS NOT PERFECT. He was a werewolf, and he was skinny, and small, and he couldn’t stand up for himself and he was not confrontational, and he sometimes went hours without speaking a single word, and he was always sweaty, and cold, and shaky-

“You too,” he finally muttered quietly. 

Sirius smiled bitterly. “I’m...there’s something wrong with me.” 

Remus nodded jumping on that opportunity, “Me too.” 

But Sirius just shook his head. “No. You wouldn’t understand, Remus. You-”

“Sirius,” Remus felt a sudden intensity he couldn’t explain. He was scared but for once it wasn’t for himself. He was so scared. He could feel his heart racing in his chest and slamming against his ribcage. “...Don’t hurt yourself anymore. Promise me you won’t.” 

“I won’t if you don’t.” Sirius said, smiling a little, the corner of his eyebrows lifting up. Remus thought of his heart might stop. Sirius was acting as if it was a challenge. Or a _game_. 

“ _No_. I’m not kidding, Sirius.” 

“Me neither.” 

“Why would I stop...why would I stop doing it if I knew you were still doing it?”

Remus felt sick. “ _No._ That’s not- I don’t-... I can’t _promise_ that I won’t...” How was he supposed to explain that he would have new scars every month? That he would never stop getting new scars. How was he supposed to protect his friend, when he couldn’t even tell him why he needed protecting?

“Even if I can’t...stop. I need you to promise me that _you_ will.”

“You think it’s _easy_ for me?” Sirius asked, slightly annoyed now. “I thought you of all people would understand!”

“No!” Remus shook his head, “ I do! I just...I just don’t want you to keep getting hurt.” 

Sirius didn’t say anything and the two boys just looked at each other for a few more silent moments. 

“Remus.” Sirius whispered, but it sounded heavy like he wanted to say more.

“Sirius.” Remus whispered.

Sirius. 

Sirius Black. 

Sirius Black with a wand in his hand. Sirius black holding the tip of his wand against his forearm, shaking. Sirius Black biting his lip in pain as bright red blood wells from his skin staining the tip of his wand. 

Sirius Black. Sirius Black filling Remus’s eyes, his nose, his ears. 

“Remus, I’m ok.” Sirius whispered. Remus nodded stiffly. 

“Are _you_ ok?” 

Remus nodded again. Sirius looked uncomfortable for a moment but then he leaned forward quickly and tentatively put his arms around Remus. 

“Is _this_ ok?” He asked. 

“Yeah.” Remus said, sinking into the other boy's arms, and breathing in his calming scent. 

Remus didn’t really consider himself a very physically intimate person. He wasn’t a big hugger or anything like that. The only person he really hugged was Lily who was always soft and felt like hugging a cushion, and James, who hugged everyone as a result of his homelife which was so warm and loving that according to Peter who visited James often since they lived so close to each other, James’s family couldn’t go very long before they had to hug each other or high five, or fistbump, or kiss on the cheek.

But it felt different hugging Sirius. He wasn’t soft like Lily, or warm like James, or firm like Peter. 

He was...Sirius.

He was strong, and protecting, and warm, and comforting. 

And Sirius. Remus liked it. 

He pulled away, but stayed close to the other boy liking how he could see every single detail on his face. “Sirius…” He said quietly, and the boy in front of him bit his lip, which turned a cherry red. Their eyes lingered on each other for a moment before Remus finally spoke, “You know your cheek looks like shit.” 

Sirius laughed and they turned away from each other, whatever tension that had just been there moments ago, gone. 

“If you’d have listened to me and we’d gone to the hospital wing sooner, maybe your face wouldn’t look like a pig's backside.” Remus continued.

“I’m just trying to give you and the others the spotlight for a bit. Maybe now that I”m not strikingly handsome anymore girls will pay more attention to you, James and Pete.”

“Ha!” Remus laughed and when he felt a smile on his face it surprised him just how genuine it felt, when only moments ago he’d been on the verge of a panic attack. 

“I think I might get detention.” Sirius said awkwardly, getting up and brushing his trousers with his hands. 

“What did you do?” Remus said, copying his movement. 

“Nothing. But I was going to do something.”

“Did you hurt Snape?”

“No. But I was going to.”

Remus let loose a tiny, tired sounding laugh. “Thanks, Sirius.” 

Sirius turned towards the school, “Should we go back inside?” 

“...Yeah.” 

  
  


Lily watched as the two figures got up from their spot underneath the tree and started making their way back towards the school. After punching Severus and running out here she had thought of following Remus and consoling him and she was left with a weird, dry feeling in her mouth when she realised Sirius had beat her to it. She felt even weirder after realising that the two boys had been sitting exactly where she was sitting when she’d fantasised about laying in the grass looking up at the stars with Remus.

Although, she supposed it was less romantic when it was two boys sitting there, so really there was nothing to be jealous about. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always thanks for reading and i hope you enjoyed! :)


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